Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 You like most are still somewhat in denial of who she really is. Unfortunately that just keeps you in limbo longer hoping the woman you thought she was will come back. That woman never existed except in your mind. Not uncommon but for you to have a life/future you most accept reality. There is no other way for you to get where you need to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 There is a good lesson to learn for you in this. When people treat you bad you don't have to take it. If you do they usually take it as a sign to treat you worse. You are woth more than she'll ever be. Don't forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm going to. Part of me obviously still doesn't want to push. But the other part of me is slowly realizing more everyday that she was/is basically a sociopath. No empathy, no responsibility for actions, always has to have everyone like her and think her life is perfect, pushes blame onto others, etc. Why not? Don't you want to get on with your life? Doesn't it feel like you are living in hell right now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Why not? Don't you want to get on with your life? Doesn't it feel like you are living in hell right now? It does, always. But there is a part of me that is always going to love her no matter what she has done or will do. My burden to bear I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 I hope you'll consider getting professional help to understand that you should require others to be decent and kind to you. To find a boundary and stick to that. To understand to your core that you deserve better than her - or anyone treating less than awesome. I've met with more than my fair share of counselors, psychiatrists/psychologists, etc. They never really seemed to help, especially not with helping me feel like I should require decency. It's not like I'm bending over backwards or anything like that. And I'm not just sitting around wondering what I did wrong and pining away for her. But the simple fact is that she was/is my wife, the mother of my child, and for better or worse I'm always going to love her regardless of where our paths lead us. I am a man of my word/vows and that won't change. But that being said, I understand who she is/what she's done/what she's doing and am not letting her walk all over me, nor am I just going to forgive or forget. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 It's not like I'm bending over backwards or anything like that. And I'm not just sitting around wondering what I did wrong and pining away for her. But the simple fact is that she was/is my wife, the mother of my child, and for better or worse I'm always going to love her regardless of where our paths lead us. I am a man of my word/vows and that won't change. But that being said, I understand who she is/what she's done/what she's doing and am not letting her walk all over me, nor am I just going to forgive or forget. I understand. I will always love my ex husband also but am no longer in love with him as I am in love with my present husband. All that being said. What does that have to do with her signing the papers? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 I understand. I will always love my ex husband also but am no longer in love with him as I am in love with my present husband. All that being said. What does that have to do with her signing the papers? Just that I haven't pushed, and I should have/should be. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 3, 2016 Share Posted November 3, 2016 Hi legacy, so why have'nt you? Why are you languishing in the doldrums of past memories which you now know were based on a falsehood? Why are you not moving forward confidently and in full control of your situation? Everything is up to you now. The time for sentimentality is over. Out have discovered that your wife is a traitor to you and to your marriage. She is the proverbial Brute who had not hesitated to stab you in the back when by rights she should have been protecting you from others. What more do you want from her or expect her to deliver? She is a snake in the grass who you have to crush beneath your feet. She is no longer even a shadow of the woman you thought she was. You have to discard every memory of her if you wish to free yourself and move forward. By delaying doing so you are only punishing yourself. So gird up your loins and grit your teeth and do that which you have been hesitating to do. She does not deserve even an iota of your time and mind space. Be kind to yoyrself. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 I just found out in the most screwed up way that the OM is actually living with her and my son. And then she has the audacity to text me while I'm working about giving her a "dirty look" when I found out. I am beyond livid right now. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Sorry about that! Hopefully you can get her to sign the papers now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 My text back to her was basically that the way I found out this morning was pretty screwed up so she has no right texting me about courtesy. And I told her that I've waited long enough for a reply on the separation agreement. And that the other things like car loan/insurance also need to be taken care of immediately. I stood my ground today. Didn't apologize for anything. I'm done being a doormat. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Hi legacy, good for you. You have finally discovered for yourself what I said in my last post and what others have also been telling you. You need to deal with your wife mercilessly and treat her with scant respect. Start taking complete control back from her and let her realize that you have moved on fully and give two hoots about her and her affairs. Your only concern should be about your son. Start separating from her in every way. File for divorce if necessary. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 You have grounds for adultery now. Use it. Knock her off her pedestal 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Do not worry about what anyone else thinks. You've been played long enough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Klegacy, One thing you should have learned is many people will treat you like you let them. Your wife is a cake eater. She's entitled to do what she pleases and expects you to accept it with no consequences. You can never nice them back. It just makes you look weak and passive. If your so called friends think her actions are OK then they aren't much to you anyway. You don't need them. Cut them out. There are better out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 I stood my ground even more so. I stopped being Mr Nice Guy. I made it very clear that the agreement needs to be done and divorce moved up on the grounds of her adultery, and threatened court if I have to. I'm absolutely livid right now but I'm glad to have finally stood up for myself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Feels good doesn't it? Good for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Give her a date and stick to it. If you waiver or back down you lose. She'll try and sweet talk her way out of it I suspect. It'll just be more lies and an attempt to keep playing and stringing you along. Keep your evidence for proof. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 IMO keep a VAR on you at all times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 7, 2016 Author Share Posted November 7, 2016 We don't talk in person, nor on the phone (though she tried to call me several times today and I declined the call every time). She's in this illusion that what she's done/has been doing, doesn't have any grounds for consequence. And I suspect that she will try to counter attack with something worse. But at least I've said my peace. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 Hi Klegacy, good to know you are holding your ground. Are you lawyering up? It will be good for you to have legal protection and for you to route all communication through your lawyer so as to protect yourself legally in case your wife tries to pull something unpleasant on you. Your wife really takes the cake! I just don't get it as to how someone who has been so close to his or her SO. can turn into a devil of sorts and turn on them. The only analogy I can think of is cancer where the cells of one's own body turn against one and become a dreaded enemy to be carved out of one's body to protect one from further harm. Here's wishing you all the very best as you go forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 I have to agree with you there. She's always worried about the outward appearance of herself and her life. Takes her several hours to get ready for work. And she has a desperate need for everyone to think she's perfect and does no wrong. I haven't had much communication with lawyers lately because I've been waiting for the agreement, but if anything comes my way, I will be prepared. I also don't understand it either - She was my best friend, my wife, my partner in life. The drastic turn she made, I'll never get a real reason for, but it doesn't change how shocking it was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 8, 2016 Share Posted November 8, 2016 This is who she is now. Not seeing that or waiting for who you thought she was to show back up has put you in a distinc disadvantage. You must deal with the here and now. Many are baffled by the why? Most never get an answer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 8, 2016 Author Share Posted November 8, 2016 This is who she is now. Not seeing that or waiting for who you thought she was to show back up has put you in a distinc disadvantage. You must deal with the here and now. Many are baffled by the why? Most never get an answer. Yeah, I definitely understand that. It was difficult, pining for someone who didn't really exist. But now I know better. No More Mr Nice Guy! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Progress??? You should start to see yourself detach if you're no contact. Any way you can prove and go the adultery route with the new info? Link to post Share on other sites
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