Author klegacy Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 Progress??? You should start to see yourself detach if you're no contact. Any way you can prove and go the adultery route with the new info? I basically told her that if she's continuing down this road and has intention of living with the OM, that she needs to sign the separation agreement and grant me the divorce under terms of her adultery before she makes that move. She tried to say that she wasn't/hadn't cheated, but she did, and she knows she did. Apparently she hadn't even bothered to bring the agreement to her lawyer, even though she was given it months ago. Not sure why she's suddenly dragging her feet. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 I basically told her that if she's continuing down this road and has intention of living with the OM, that she needs to sign the separation agreement and grant me the divorce under terms of her adultery before she makes that move. She tried to say that she wasn't/hadn't cheated, but she did, and she knows she did. So what do you plan to do if she doesn't continue down that road and live with OM? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 You maybe able to file ic you have done decent proof Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 So what do you plan to do if she doesn't continue down that road and live with OM? I told her I would take her to court if that happened without signage. For adultery, for instability (involving our son in her relationship right away), for slandering me to justify her actions, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 What was her reaction. I bet she's not used to the new you is she? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 What was her reaction. I bet she's not used to the new you is she? After saying all I said, I told her not to contact me anymore unless it was involving our son. Her only response after all of it was "sure thing". And there hasn't been any conversation since, besides discussing son's health. On a side note, I ran into her mom the other day, first time seeing her since everything happened. She gave me a long hug and told me she still thinks I'm a great guy. So that's nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Probably doesn't know the truth. Perhaps you should inform her. Ask her to tell her daughter to do the right thing and sign off on the divorce papers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 Maybe it'll get the stbxw moving. You don't have a lot to lose here. Link to post Share on other sites
aurelius99 Posted November 14, 2016 Share Posted November 14, 2016 An ex-wife or ex-gf hooking up with a best friend is their ultimate way of saying FU. For some reason women do this more than men. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 14, 2016 Author Share Posted November 14, 2016 Probably doesn't know the truth. Perhaps you should inform her. Ask her to tell her daughter to do the right thing and sign off on the divorce papers. That would require me reaching out to her mom. Likely, it wouldn't matter what I say, as her daughter is her daughter, no matter what. I tried telling her mom once, when it all first happened, and never got a response. I'm giving it a week, if I don't hear anything by Friday, I'm pushing for the papers/divorce again. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Hi klegacy, can you not proceed with the divorce unilaterally? Why do you have to have her sign separation or divorce papers? Just file and have her served? Maybe I am missing something. I am not very familiar with divorce procedures especially in the US. I thought it was a straightforward procedure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 16, 2016 Author Share Posted November 16, 2016 Papers need to be signed because they state custody, child support, division of property, etc. And I'm Canadian, divorce proceedings are a bit different. You have to be legally separated for a year before they process divorce, unless there is concrete proof of, or someone admits to, abuse or adultery. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 16, 2016 Share Posted November 16, 2016 I'm normally not a fan of nuclear exposure but in your case maybe a well written letter of "Wife is in an affair with John Doe". You want out of the marriage so sign the paperwork I want to "set you free". Post it on Facebook. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 16, 2016 Author Share Posted November 16, 2016 I'm normally not a fan of nuclear exposure but in your case maybe a well written letter of "Wife is in an affair with John Doe". You want out of the marriage so sign the paperwork I want to "set you free". Post it on Facebook. She could use that as me slandering her, if court was to actually happen. Truth or not, it wouldn't matter if I started just posting nasty stuff all over the place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Hi Klegacy, would a lawyer be able to get it done for you? Since she has been consistently avoiding signing the papers I guess you have to employ legal means to get her to sign. Your lawyer could issue her a legal notice to sign which she may not be able yo ignore. Can you speak to your lawyer about this? Just thinking aloud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 21, 2016 Author Share Posted November 21, 2016 Hi Klegacy, would a lawyer be able to get it done for you? Since she has been consistently avoiding signing the papers I guess you have to employ legal means to get her to sign. Your lawyer could issue her a legal notice to sign which she may not be able yo ignore. Can you speak to your lawyer about this? Just thinking aloud. Probably, I'll be looking into this for sure, as there still hasn't been word back. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 Have a good holiday and enjoy yourself. You've learned a lot and this will get better especially now that you've gained strength. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted November 22, 2016 Share Posted November 22, 2016 She could use that as me slandering her, if court was to actually happen. Truth or not, it wouldn't matter if I started just posting nasty stuff all over the place. In the US, it is not slander if it is true. I don't know Canadian laws though. This is why you block people at the end of an affair or relationship in general. So they don't tag you in all kinds of horrible things and it goes out to 500 people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 22, 2016 Author Share Posted November 22, 2016 In the US, it is not slander if it is true. I don't know Canadian laws though. This is why you block people at the end of an affair or relationship in general. So they don't tag you in all kinds of horrible things and it goes out to 500 people. She's been blocked from everything for many months now, moreso because it just hurt me too much to see the stuff she was posting. But I've been warned about exposing things online. Been told either that it can be used against me if court happens, or simply that I'm "better than that". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 Hi klegacy, how are you doing? Have you started dating again? Guess you should be doing so as it will send a clear message to your ex that you have moved on. You don't have to be serious about any one right now. Just casual friendship( no sex) which will help you through those difficult days plus also show your wife that she foes not dominate your thoughts anymore. Hope this helps somewhat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 23, 2016 Author Share Posted November 23, 2016 (edited) Hi klegacy, how are you doing? Have you started dating again? Guess you should be doing so as it will send a clear message to your ex that you have moved on. You don't have to be serious about any one right now. Just casual friendship( no sex) which will help you through those difficult days plus also show your wife that she foes not dominate your thoughts anymore. Hope this helps somewhat. Hey, thanks for checking in - I have started dating, nothing serious. Occasionally hanging out (when I don't have my son). Ex finally said that they looked over my separation agreement and will have a revised version for me to look at in two weeks. I wonder what kind of impending storm is coming. Edited November 23, 2016 by klegacy Update 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted November 23, 2016 Share Posted November 23, 2016 As a female, and I might get flamed for it... Once I left my husband, he broke. He was a jerk, mentally abusive, and a bum. He became needy after I made him leave, crying on the phone, life isn't fair, I want to kill myself, and just a crying titbag. I don't think he even realized what he was doing, but once I decided it was time to get out I was OUT, I didn't need to tell him what was bothering me, because that would have meant another long talk to him. I lost all respect for him in those weeks after. The begging, the poor me, and wanting me to let him come back, everything above I mentioned.. I wouldn't of went back to him ever, especially after seeing him like that, I really saw what type of poor insecure sad person he really was. It did feed my ego treating him like dirt, but he deserved it, and I loved every minute of it. Now your situation... You need to get your act together. You need to act like she doesn't have a hold on you, you don't love her, and honestly you need to act like she's scum. She'll start respecting you and your wishes and take you seriously if you start acting like a man, instead of a beat down dog. You need to remember that she slept with your best friend, that basically the biggest slap in the face someone can give. If she gets mad about it, say "Did I sleep with your friend, negative"... Doesn't matter how you feel internally because eventually you will get to that point, and you'll be happy you didn't continue being the doormat for her. Stay the great Dad you are to your child, be respectful to her when you talk to the ex about your daughter... do not talk bad about the mother, because the child will be asked by the mother what you said. NC unless it's about the child, hang up on her if she starts talking about you two, your attitude, anything besides your child.. you got this! Good luck, just remember don't be a doormat... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 24, 2016 Share Posted November 24, 2016 Have a good holiday with your son. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 24, 2016 Author Share Posted November 24, 2016 Thank you for all that. And for the holiday wishes, though I'm Canadian so our Thanksgiving was in October. Got into a bit of a text-fight with the ex yesterday. Basically was me pushing to get what's left to separate, separated, get the agreement done, etc. She didn't take kindly to it at all. Then had the nerve to try and say she wasn't the enemy, that she's been trying to be civil and nice and blah blah blah. Ignored most of my statements about her taking forever to get stuff done when she expects me to do stuff right away. Hard to believe that even 7 months later, she still thinks she's done nothing wrong, has this perfect life, walks this moral high ground. Unreal. Someday she's going to wake up and realize what she's done. And it's already too late. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Hi Klegacy, like I said get a lawyer involved. Otherwise she will waste another year making you wait for the separation agreement. Warm wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
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