Author klegacy Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 Hi Klegacy, like I said get a lawyer involved. Otherwise she will waste another year making you wait for the separation agreement. Warm wishes. Well, she had said 2 weeks, so we'll see what happens. Not really sure why she would take so long. When she first left, she was absolutely insistent on getting a divorce processed immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 She wants to make sure her other man works out while keeping you as plan B backup. Very typical. Don't fall for it. 180, 180, 180!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 How's your detachment coming. You should be seeing her for who she really is by now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 She hasn't really given me any hint that she'd want to keep me as a Plan B. She apparently posts frequently on how perfect her relationship is. And the rare moments we talk via text are either about bills or our son. Generally with some range of animosity in the conversations. I'm doing as well as I can with 180 and detachment. I have my days where I can see clearly what kind of person she really is, and am grateful that I finally know. But I still have days where I wonder why this happened, how someone could be so selfish/hateful, what I could've done different, etc. Taking each day as I can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 She hasn't really given me any hint that she'd want to keep me as a Plan B. She apparently posts frequently on how perfect her relationship is. And the rare moments we talk via text are either about bills or our son. Generally with some range of animosity in the conversations. I'm doing as well as I can with 180 and detachment. I have my days where I can see clearly what kind of person she really is, and am grateful that I finally know. But I still have days where I wonder why this happened, how someone could be so selfish/hateful, what I could've done different, etc. Taking each day as I can. This isn't about you. This is all on her. Love is blind. No one deserves this. You need to block her on any social media. Looking at that crap just keeps you in limbo/pain longer. It's part of no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 This isn't about you. This is all on her. Love is blind. No one deserves this. You need to block her on any social media. Looking at that crap just keeps you in limbo/pain longer. It's part of no contact. Oh she's blocked, has been for quite some time. I'm just getting told this by my family and other people who still have her on theirs. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 She's not going to tell you you're plan B. She will just try and play/string you along. Don't think that all of a sudden she'll be who you thought you married. She is showing you who she really is. Believe her!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Facebook is lipstick on a pig normally. It's just what they want everyone to see. Fantasy world 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted November 29, 2016 Share Posted November 29, 2016 I would suggest ramping up your extracurricular activities. Especially the ones involving members of the fairer sex. Be seen around and about. Let those who were your mutual friends and who are probably siding with her see you having a good time. Also keep her hanging fire when she wants to contact you. Make it be difficult for her to get through to you. Let some acquaintance of both of you have to contact you to tell you she has something to talk to you about. She should know your lawyer's number and communicate through him/her. I should think that once she sees you having a good time( or at least ostensibly having a good time) she will start getting mad. Try and change your appearance from what it was when she was with you. Get a new wardrobe, maybe upgrade your car hit the gym and develop a set of new muscles in fact do any and everything to show you have moved on and are in a happy place. Most importantly do not give her any mind space. Hope some of this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
afoolto no end Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) Just read your story and I think you are doing great, she sounds truly lost and truly wrapped deep in her affair fog.... I know the OM living there is wrong but it is something you can use to move this along faster.... I am in Canada too, she is going so slow at this you will be able to file for divorce before she finally responds.. The thing with affairs is it's a fantasy and usually you don't get the full on person until they have to meet all the OM's needs and he hers.......I bet it is starting to fall apart a bit, I bet they are now just getting to know all the annoying things everyone has but don't see at first.........they say affairs usually fall apart within a couple of years, sooner if they live together. Especially if the OM doesn't have kids himself, he is going to have to share the time now and help take care of a kid that isn't his........bet he didn't sign up for this ......bet it's not all fun an games anymore.... I wonder how many times she tunes him up for trying to parent in his style. Should be fun watching it all blow up on her...... What did you decide about the new job? You know the best revenge is letting her hear about not seeing the new you and the new wonderful life you are living.....so get out there talk to your friends. date, show her you don't care what she does that your life gets better everyday . I would keep all conversations short and just keep using the line when she doesn't like something, that your sorry she feels that way .....then say you have to go you have plans.. If she mentions anything about changes to the separation agreement say you have decided to let the lawyers handle things from now on. She will be hearing from the lawyer from now on ...... Even if it's not true. they will eventually. it will stop her from bothering you, refuse the texts about any of it....... She how she likes it when you make her the non-important one in your life... As far as parenting ideas and ways, every kid has two parents that do things different it's pretty normal so there really is no need for all the discussion plus there will be two other step parents in the mix too so tell her she doesn't really have to worry about everyone...just herself..... That was her choice no one else's Just stay tough with her and you know what else, you aren't alone anymore in that town, you now have everyone here......this is a great family of support, get your strength here. we have all been through it....... Edited November 30, 2016 by afoolto no end 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 (edited) She hasn't really given me any hint that she'd want to keep me as a Plan B. She apparently posts frequently on how perfect her relationship is. And the rare moments we talk via text are either about bills or our son. Generally with some range of animosity in the conversations. I'm doing as well as I can with 180 and detachment. I have my days where I can see clearly what kind of person she really is, and am grateful that I finally know. But I still have days where I wonder why this happened, how someone could be so selfish/hateful, what I could've done different, etc. Taking each day as I can. I read thru this and trying to piece things together. Before all this, can you explain what kind of person your wife is or was? Personality traits and how you meet. Was she in a relationship before? If you fought, what were the fights about? Anything, now that you look back and have an "ah hah" moment? Oh and advice I have that will quickly heal things up. STOP TALKING TO MUTUAL FRIENDS! STOP TALKING TO HER FAMILY SHOW NO DEPRESSION AROUND YOUR KID. Something that you have to understand.. I notice this more with women. She is the victim and you are the bad guy. I'm dead serious. She will literally think you created this whole situation and that its your fault and will manulpate those around her to see-so. This will generate lack of empathy and egocentrism in her. This is probably why you have no clue why this person is someone you never seen, because she disconnected. Any information that you are depressed, upset, talking to friends, not doing good, and talking about her FEEDS the victim and feeds her ego. It's a strange scenario, but the only way to combat this is to worry about you and your son.. Stop feeding the victim. She knows that the Facebook will justify her actions and knows %100 that people will flock to her and say good things. "It's not to rub in your face" but to gain approval and proves she lacks the empathy that I noted before, because if she had functioning matured emotional intelligence she wouldn't have been so quick to display an overly false imagine of tranquility on the Internet. I personally think that this is going to blow up in her face and you are plan B. Edited November 30, 2016 by Sweetfish 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 30, 2016 Author Share Posted November 30, 2016 She was a very passive-aggressive person who always avoided conflict of any kind, always seeked attention and approval of others. Talking with her about important things was always difficult because she would be quick to not understand, easily get upset, etc. Our "fights" were more just discussions/arguments, but if a voice was raised by any means, she would project her dad-issues on it and assume that it would escalate or become abusive. When she initially left, some of her reasons for needing space were that she thought she got married too quick, didn't think we had enough in common, thought we argued too much. Until obviously I found out the real reason. Before our relationship, she never lived outside of her parents' house, and they always did everything for her. Literally everything. I taught her how to do laundry ffs. When we started dating, she went from her parents' place, to an apartment for a month and then moved in with me. I definitely take responsibility/fault for being a parent-husband. I did everything for her. And I handled the finances (which for a long time was what she wanted me to do). But then it suddenly turned into her thinking I was "controlling" because I was doing everything she wanted me to do and taking on the adulting tasks and paying the bills. At the end of the marriage, she would even take issue with something as small as purchasing canned soup. I would simply state that it was more cost-effective to buy the smaller cans, because after you add water, they equal the amount of the big cans. But she would fight about needing to buy the 3 times as expensive big cans because there was "more" in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 30, 2016 Author Share Posted November 30, 2016 And now she is his problem. Yeah but as I said, I've known the guy since early high school days. He's about as passive/meak as they come. She'll be able to do whatever she wants, he'll never put up a fight or argue or anything. It's no wonder she thinks it's the perfect relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Yeah but as I said, I've known the guy since early high school days. He's about as passive/meak as they come. She'll be able to do whatever she wants, he'll never put up a fight or argue or anything. It's no wonder she thinks it's the perfect relationship. Ok.. so look up HPD Do those traits look familiar? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted November 30, 2016 Author Share Posted November 30, 2016 Ok.. so look up HPD Do those traits look familiar? Sure do. Very accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 Sure do. Very accurate. That's the behavior I picked up reading your thread... So most likely she may try to come back in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey born raised Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 HPD? Define please Link to post Share on other sites
wheream_i Posted November 30, 2016 Share Posted November 30, 2016 I bet she loved the ring you got for her, you popping the question, showing all her friends on FB, planning HER big day, enjoyed HER big day. Then woke up to reality that... she's married. I would put her through the ringer and wouldn't show her a single bit of mercy. That's just me though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted December 1, 2016 Author Share Posted December 1, 2016 I bet she loved the ring you got for her, you popping the question, showing all her friends on FB, planning HER big day, enjoyed HER big day. Then woke up to reality that... she's married. Pretty accurate. She was all about advertising every part of our relationship progressing. But once we settled into married life, you know the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted December 7, 2016 Author Share Posted December 7, 2016 It's been two weeks, still haven't received any revised separation agreement. This is getting ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 Any word from your attorney. I can't remember but have you cut her completely off financially? Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted December 7, 2016 Author Share Posted December 7, 2016 Any word from your attorney. I can't remember but have you cut her completely off financially? Recently, yes. I told her that I was advised against giving her any more money whatsoever until after an agreement was finalized and signed. I do still send my half of the car insurance once a month as it is still joint. She refuses to separate the car insurance policy because it would jack her insurance up like crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 So. She's not your problem anymore. She's crapping on you big time. Quit taking it. Cancel it and get your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author klegacy Posted December 7, 2016 Author Share Posted December 7, 2016 So. She's not your problem anymore. She's crapping on you big time. Quit taking it. Cancel it and get your own. She referenced that it would be financially crushing if it was split right now, which could affect what she is able to provide my son. I told her that I understand but only to a certain extent. That I'm willing to wait a month or two longer, but that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted December 7, 2016 Share Posted December 7, 2016 She referenced that it would be financially crushing if it was split right now, which could affect what she is able to provide my son. I told her that I understand but only to a certain extent. That I'm willing to wait a month or two longer, but that's it. What about your crushing heart? Do not allow her to leverage you... specially with your son. Empathy is not a one way street. Link to post Share on other sites
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