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Wife Left for Best Friend


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I highly recommend that you lay low on social media, there is nothing to be gained from there. While I understand your being upset with her, there is nothing to be gained in vengeful acts. If you want to get back at her, then go lead a life she can only dream of leading. Instead concentrate your efforts on you, your son, close friends and family. You should be so busy leading your life that you don't have time to think or give a rats a$$ what she is doing.

 

Yeah. I've stopped posting anything related to it on social media. And when people try to have drunken conversation with me about it, I ask them to just not talk to me about it.

 

Living life as well as I can with the 50/50 custody and new girlfriend. Still have brief moments of disbelief and anger but that's to be expected I suppose.

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You are way ahead of where you were when you first got here.

 

Time and a hard 180 will get you all the way.

 

Nice job

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  • 4 weeks later...
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Update:

 

I've tried to do 180 and not reply to texts or anything unless they're urgent issues involving our child. And now she's using it against me saying that I refuse to communicate to co-parent.

 

I try to enjoy my time with my child and my current girlfriend, and then I get hit with texts from the ex saying how my gf and I need to be more "considerate" of her and not be publically having a good time. Lost it at me when she heard about my gf posting a picture of us on Facebook saying "my boys<3".

 

My ex and her bf's house (yeah they've been living together for awhile) has been infested with bedbugs and fleas for months and she's trying to say they came from my house (they didn't). She doesn't understand why it's okay to say stuff like that, but then doesn't think it's okay for myself and the daycare to have concerns with it transferring to our places. And needs to constantly make "sure" we don't think her place is dirty.

 

She asked for a phone call to discuss the bug situation and I reluctantly agreed on the grounds that it is the only thing discussed. And as soon as she got me on the phone, she started belittling me, calling me names. Ripped me apart. I hung up.

 

She then via text messages tries to continue to make me feel worse. Blames me for our poor communication with each other. Says that she "always owns up to her stuff", which she doesn't. I've heard maybe 2 sorrys in the past year. She's still convinced that she's done no wrong. Says that it's not her fault that after leaving me because I was "emotionally abusive" she ended up dating a "mutual friend".

 

Never mind the fact that I went through a really rough year with family deaths and other horrid experiences and all the while, my "wife" was texting inappropriately with multiple guys, meeting guys for coffee, posting inappropriate pictures of herself on apps... and the "mutual friend" she only met through me, considering I've known the guy since I was a kid.

 

She's convinced that she's doing no wrong and doesn't treat me badly. Convinced her actions are justified and not cruel. And apparently bound and determined to continue to make my day-to-day life as miserable as she can make it.

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Update:

 

I've tried to do 180 and not reply to texts or anything unless they're urgent issues involving our child. And now she's using it against me saying that I refuse to communicate to co-parent.

 

I try to enjoy my time with my child and my current girlfriend, and then I get hit with texts from the ex saying how my gf and I need to be more "considerate" of her and not be publically having a good time. Lost it at me when she heard about my gf posting a picture of us on Facebook saying "my boys<3".

 

My ex and her bf's house (yeah they've been living together for awhile) has been infested with bedbugs and fleas for months and she's trying to say they came from my house (they didn't). She doesn't understand why it's okay to say stuff like that, but then doesn't think it's okay for myself and the daycare to have concerns with it transferring to our places. And needs to constantly make "sure" we don't think her place is dirty.

 

She asked for a phone call to discuss the bug situation and I reluctantly agreed on the grounds that it is the only thing discussed. And as soon as she got me on the phone, she started belittling me, calling me names. Ripped me apart. I hung up.

 

She then via text messages tries to continue to make me feel worse. Blames me for our poor communication with each other. Says that she "always owns up to her stuff", which she doesn't. I've heard maybe 2 sorrys in the past year. She's still convinced that she's done no wrong. Says that it's not her fault that after leaving me because I was "emotionally abusive" she ended up dating a "mutual friend".

 

Never mind the fact that I went through a really rough year with family deaths and other horrid experiences and all the while, my "wife" was texting inappropriately with multiple guys, meeting guys for coffee, posting inappropriate pictures of herself on apps... and the "mutual friend" she only met through me, considering I've known the guy since I was a kid.

 

She's convinced that she's doing no wrong and doesn't treat me badly. Convinced her actions are justified and not cruel. And apparently bound and determined to continue to make my day-to-day life as miserable as she can make it.

 

Ugh. I feel your pain. What you describe sounds much like what my ex tries to do, only perhaps worse (and I didn't think such a thing was possible!).

 

All I can say is to stick to your NC plan. Sure, you *have* to maintain some level of contact, but that does not mean that you have to endure psychological abuse.

 

I was recently given some advice on the matter. Rather than ignoring texts and emails, I should instead reply without engaging. Your ex may well become more combative if she perceives that you are ignoring her as a method of manipulation or punishment.

 

Instead, respond to the matter at hand. Do not engage in any arguments, not even to defend against insults and accusations. Maintain a positive tone. So, regarding your Facebook posts, you might text "I am truly sorry that you are upset. It is not my intention to hurt your feelings." Or regarding the fleas and such, you might say, "I am sure that the fleas/bedbugs are causing you and the kids discomfort, and I would like to help if I can. I don't seem to have any similar issue at my place, but regardless - now that you have them, you need to get rid of them. Let me know if there is anything that I can do."

 

If you respond, but refuse to engage in argument and negativity, there is not much that she can REASONABLY complain about. At this stage, I have begun to think of the arguments that my ex tries to instigate as "the sound of one hand clapping".

 

Don't do "radio silence", but at the same time, don't sink to her level.

 

Good luck!

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Ext time she contacts tell her you aren't married to her anymore and you don't need her input.

 

That works when my exH gets mean and controlling.

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You can't fix her. Hard 180!!!!

 

People treat you as you let them.

 

The truth always comes out. You might want to contact child services on the vermin infestation. Children are susceptible to diseases that they can carry.

 

Be glad you are done with this. You have a better life in front of you now.

 

She's now seeing she's not a special snowflake. Poor muffin.

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You can't fix her. Hard 180!!!!

 

People treat you as you let them.

 

The truth always comes out. You might want to contact child services on the vermin infestation. Children are susceptible to diseases that they can carry.

 

Be glad you are done with this. You have a better life in front of you now.

 

She's now seeing she's not a special snowflake. Poor muffin.

 

I try to 180 and get accused of being neglectful, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to co-parent. There's no win situation in this.

 

If my son shows up at my place with more bites after being with her again, I think I will call Child Services. It's been almost 4 months of them not fixing the bedbug/flea issue.

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I try to 180 and get accused of being neglectful, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to co-parent. There's no win situation in this.

 

If my son shows up at my place with more bites after being with her again, I think I will call Child Services. It's been almost 4 months of them not fixing the bedbug/flea issue.

 

Don't wait. You know there is a problem there. If you wait it will just look like there was a motive behind it other than protecting your kid. The more you are doing the right thing the more people will see this.

 

Marc is 1000% right 180 is the only way. She can say what she wants but she is going to have to prove it in court. Judges wont tolerate BS in these cases. Just stick to the basic needs and other than that the moment she raises her voice you end the call.

 

I went way further on this. I redirect my home phone to voicemail. I only used my cell. I told her if she calls it I will only talk to her about emergency needs. No talks about the child or anything else will be discussed on my work phone. I then started to talk to her with certified letters. She did everything she could to get around it. When the kids brought home her letters they went from the child's hand to the trash can. The kids went back and told there mother I would not allow her to communicate through the kids. She came around in a month and started sending certified letters. I did that for six months. At that point I felt she finally got the hint that I was not her friend.

 

You have to take control and be the adult in these situations. No one is going to support her abusing you and calling you names.

 

C

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I try to 180 and get accused of being neglectful, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to co-parent. There's no win situation in this.

 

If my son shows up at my place with more bites after being with her again, I think I will call Child Services. It's been almost 4 months of them not fixing the bedbug/flea issue.

 

No, she's throwing a tantrum because she no longer has control.

Going back to being her doormat and punching bag will get you what?

 

You've already won and you don't even know it.

 

Never answer a call directly and only respond to texts or email about your child only. Hard 180. It's your only good option. Quit with your excuse as to why you can't own your own life.

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Update:

 

I've tried to do 180 and not reply to texts or anything unless they're urgent issues involving our child. And now she's using it against me saying that I refuse to communicate to co-parent.

 

She wants control back over you and your life. What do you care what she or anyone else thinks? She's a lying cheater for gods sake.

 

I try to enjoy my time with my child and my current girlfriend, and then I get hit with texts from the ex saying how my gf and I need to be more "considerate" of her and not be publically having a good time. Lost it at me when she heard about my gf posting a picture of us on Facebook saying "my boys<3".

 

Oh really!!! Was she considerate of you when she cheated and moved in with your friend?

 

My ex and her bf's house (yeah they've been living together for awhile) has been infested with bedbugs and fleas for months and she's trying to say they came from my house (they didn't). She doesn't understand why it's okay to say stuff like that, but then doesn't think it's okay for myself and the daycare to have concerns with it transferring to our places. And needs to constantly make "sure" we don't think her place is dirty.

 

You need to call child services. Look out for the child you're his father. You seem to be more affraid of your cheater wife than concern for you son.

 

She asked for a phone call to discuss the bug situation and I reluctantly agreed on the grounds that it is the only thing discussed. And as soon as she got me on the phone, she started belittling me, calling me names. Ripped me apart. I hung up.

 

She's played you for a long time and yet you fall for it again? Why?

 

She then via text messages tries to continue to make me feel worse. Blames me for our poor communication with each other. Says that she "always owns up to her stuff", which she doesn't. I've heard maybe 2 sorrys in the past year. She's still convinced that she's done no wrong. Says that it's not her fault that after leaving me because I was "emotionally abusive" she ended up dating a "mutual friend".

 

So what? Are you that affraid of her?

 

Never mind the fact that I went through a really rough year with family deaths and other horrid experiences and all the while, my "wife" was texting inappropriately with multiple guys, meeting guys for coffee, posting inappropriate pictures of herself on apps... and the "mutual friend" she only met through me, considering I've known the guy since I was a kid.

 

She does this because she can. Stand tall and stay no contact

 

She's convinced that she's doing no wrong and doesn't treat me badly. Convinced her actions are justified and not cruel. And apparently bound and determined to continue to make my day-to-day life as miserable as she can make it.

 

Only if you allow it.

 

 

What do you think your new gf is going to think of you long term if you kow tow to your stbxw ?

 

Better read "No More Mr Nice Guy" again.

 

Weakness is unnattractive. Better wake up!!!!!

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Really, the standard answer to her should be delivered without emotion "I didn't ask for your opinion"

 

Try it - it works to bump them back into knowing you don't need their input.

 

She needs to mind her own business.

 

But actually = the real first and only rule of engagement is:

 

DO NOT ENGAGE...

 

But when I have to - I use the other ones I've suggested - they do work when someone is trying to be a bully.

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What do you think your new gf is going to think of you long term if you kow tow to your stbxw ?

 

Better read "No More Mr Nice Guy" again.

 

Weakness is unnattractive. Better wake up!!!!!

 

 

Love your post man quick and to the point.:cool:

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This is the point where her current relationship will go down hill... the more you dont answer the more it will eat her up and damage the fake bond she has now.

 

Go in for maxium damage!

 

Haha. I'd like to believe that. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't care that much. She thinks she's got the perfect relationship now. No changing that.

 

Nope, everyone here has seen this before. Pretending outwardly but inside its eating her up. How could you replace her so easily???? She will be seeking validation from you. Be prepared. You know who she really is you fall back into that trap you'll go through this again. History often repeats.

 

Hard 180 there are better out there. In your future close friendship with time alone and deep conversations are an enemy to marriage. This senario plays out over and over like a broken record.

 

Read "Not Just a Friends" and "His Needs, Her Needs" for your future relationships.

 

Better stay strong

 

For her it is. Why do you think she's prying? If she didn't care you wouldn't be getting questioned.

 

No one can ever make her happy. It's who she is. Stay well away. Hard 180!!!

 

If you're smart

 

Negative my good friend...

 

this is exactly what everyone has been telling you. She still cares about you and using everything around her as a smoke screen. Keep posting on social media you having a good time :)

 

From now on, I'm only posting good things/having a good time. No more posting anything negative that even remotely signifies anything to do with her.

 

And this will eat her up.

 

For the record, she saw the posting, I doubt anyone told her.

 

 

re-quoted :cool::p

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

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Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

 

Take pictures and call CPS....you owe this to your daughter.

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Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

 

Why do you let her continue to rip into you? Put her in her place. When she starts to yell walk away, hang up the phone, or tell her to shut up and never talk to you that way again. Why do you take her abuse?

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Why do you let her continue to rip into you? Put her in her place. When she starts to yell walk away, hang up the phone, or tell her to shut up and never talk to you that way again. Why do you take her abuse?

 

She is using anything and everything she can against me. If I don't reply, I'm "unwilling to communicate/coparent". If I defend myself, I'm being "abusive and unreasonable".

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She is using anything and everything she can against me. If I don't reply, I'm "unwilling to communicate/coparent". If I defend myself, I'm being "abusive and unreasonable".

 

Keep copies of your replies about the child. Hard 180!!!!! You can't reason with her. She has no proof you aren't communicating/coparenting. Where is it written that you have to be at he beck and call. Get a VAR and record her craziness.

 

You continue to let youself be played.

 

You need to fix why you can't handle your own life.

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whichwayisup
Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

 

Start recording conversations, keep copies of texts and emails.

 

Bites as in bed bug bites or something else? This is serious if it's bed bugs.

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If it's bedbugs, you child will transfer them to your home and then it will be very expensive and you will have a very difficult time trying to get rid of them.

 

In addition to everything else that's going on, this is not good! Bedbugs are a nightmare - definitely take this very, very seriously.

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AdamantyumKrystal

You already figured it out she is a sociopath who only wants to make you suffer and enjoy it to the maximum!

 

WHAT IS STILL HOLDING YOU BACK?! your kindness? the fact that you're a good person and with high principles and good morals? Well, NEWSFLASH!! She doesn't care about that, she doesn't care about anything but to hurt you and make you suffer, I will try to summarise it in the best way i can: If you act like a puppy you will be treated like a puppy, if you act like a Wolf you will be respected/feared like a wolf.

 

You're not a dumb person, you're pretty smart , i mean CMO'N MAN, you managed to find this site (which btw is the best forum about this stuff online) ,but the only problem is that you still did not took your rose colored glasses off. YOu are kind and you have very much good in you, but in order to survive you sometimes have to let the "bad wolf" in you OUT!

 

Wake up kleg! SHe is not loving you , she never did, SHE is a motherfreaking PREDATOR who preys on you like a BLack Widow on a lil fly caught in her web.

 

YOu wondered how could she do this to you right? WEll, it's no surprise now that her Empathy switch is turned OFF,sooo like you, some years ago i was in the same situation with my ex-gf, she left me for my best-friend and they both stabbed me in the back while appearing like "friends" in the front, they we're hiding their "affair" and it was pretty awful.

 

LIKE YOU i have asked myself "How could she do this to me? WHy DID SHE DO THIS TO ME? Why did THEY do this to me"? DOn't they feel any remorse at all? ARE THEY NOT SORRY FOR WHAT THEY ARE DOING? DOn't they see how HURT I AM AND how much pain i am in? Why don't they stop ? How is it possible for any human being to do this to other human beings??

 

THese kind of questions were running thru my head constantly. It took me 9 months total to get over it. I had to battle with depression which included , being unable to sleep, not craving food at all, no ability to FOCUS at all, crying for several months everyday,feeling neglected like you are feeling now, starting to doubt my so called "friends" who start to sympathise with these 2 betrayers , living their life like nothing happened, like what they did to me was normal and that I "DESERVED" it, throwing fault at me and making me feel worthless,unlovable,ugly,stupid every-kind of negative adjective.

 

Well guess what? I was in your shoes for more time than you are now and as i continued wondering how could they feel no remorse and not care about my pain, how is it possible for anyone to turn off their empathy?

 

I will tell you what i did, and this is what you will do if you are a smart guy :)

I started reading psychology like a mad-crusader looking for the holy grail,Also that was the time when i found about Loveshack and thanks to the beautiful community which opened my eyes about half and gave me advices, i started seeing them traitors for what they truly were, 2 malevolent beings who didn't give a crap about meh, after more insight from Loveshack and studying every article and information about psychology especially about sociopathy,psychopaths and borderlines i started to put the puzzle togheder piece by piece and i finally threw the rose-colored empathy glasses out the window!

 

After much crying , self-hating,feeling sorry for myself and feeling like no-one understands the pain i am in, i managed unconciously to turn those feeling of empathy "off",at least for a certain period of time, That is when is when i completely removed them from my life, NC and blocking them everywhere, slowly i started to see who and what those "friends" really we're so i started unfriending them one by one until a very few 3 or 4 select close-friends remained in the circle.

 

Now after i managed to throw out all the "trash" out of my life i could see things more clearly, i saw that people are evil, that most of them don't care about me or anybody only for themselves, and well, as a Scorpio i am , i didn't took very light-heartedly what happened, you know what they say about a scorpio's revenge, right? ^^

 

Instead of focusing on them and theyr "fairy tale" i started creating my own fairy tail, slowly regaining my old-self back and starting to enjoy my hobbies again, in simple words.. I STARTED LOVING MYSELF AGAIN( and much more than i did before:3 )

 

Well after i totally blocked them and cut ties with them (finally) i felt free, i started talking with other girls, and somehow become more calculated and callous,cold towards anybody or anything that tried hurting me. The urge to revenge on both of them was huge but somehow i managed to suppress that desire , and well, not surprinsing but after a few months they separated(one year and a half later he came apologising to me).So everything went as planned.

 

I was just like you man, i would've never imagined my life without her, she was my ultimate happines, my sweet-coated princess,my everything! I could've never stop loving her( or so i thought back then), But look at me now, Living my life to the fullest, Talking with a much better girl than my ex was, a girl so great i could've never dreamt i would have a chance with, But you know how all of this happened? I evolved from a poor silly beta nice guy i was to a Alpha which needless to say changed my life completely, but this kind of new "alpha-me" had more advantages than i thought, i started getting respect and attention from everyone not just the females, my family, my friends, my acquintances, everybody is appreciating what i had become now,

 

I stopped wasting all of my time in front of the pc playing video games, i started exercising, learning new stuff, becoming a better me, reading books, science, everything, i followed my passions beyond my dreams and i have become so much more than i ever thought i will .

 

Guess who came crawling back? My ex-bestfriend who did the betrayal! he is now with another girl and asking me for advice everytime we talk.

 

Maybe she loved you maybe she did not, but for certain is now that she is your enemy not who you think/thought she is! and let me ask you! HOW DO YOU TREAT YOUR ENEMY? you let her step all over you? you are so much better than them pal, you have loyalty , you have kindness, you have good empathy, you can LOVE! Start respecting yourself,throw your low-self esteem out the window and become the MAN YOU ENVY , become one of those guys you are jelous, the ones you see in magazines, fancy-dressed,muscular, and with that large wide white smile on their faces, glancing with that seducting look in their eyes, and most important do not Ever let anyone treat you like a toy again!

 

You are a MAN and you should act like one! A possible outcome would be your ex starting to be attracted to you again, to your "alpha-ness", Yea chicks love that so much, Once you start treat her like the garbage she is and see how awesome your life is without her, she will very second-think everything she has done till now, and start questioning her decision, but i do not think you will want her back after all the fuss she created by then, im telling you, you will be such a changed man.. you will be amazed ^_^

 

What i've written here is a short version but there is so much more to say,there is only need for people to listen :3

 

If you want more tips on how to become a stronger man, well you know how to P.M. me don't you? :p

Hope you will read what i've written and start applying for once in yo' life!

 

GOod luck with everything kleg,God Bless! ^^

Edited by AdamantyumKrystal
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AdamantyumKrystal

And one more thing.. which i forgot to say. Stop being the victim, i know you are the victim, everybody here knows it, but.. just STOP IT! the only way she will start respecting you again, not just her but everybody is to be IN CONTROL! use the authority GOD gave you as a man!

 

Act like you're superior to her, even if you're not right now but slowly u will become, i can promise you that, do not let any day slip by you without learning something new and becoming a better man.

 

The reason she is toying with you so easy right now is because you don't wanna hurt her.. a part of you still loves her,well if you really love her that much than act like a MAN who is not afraid of "disciplining" his wife, She is not your wife anymore? Who cares?! You don't give a crap about what she thinks now,You are not afraid of her! SHe is afraid of you! You are not afraid of showing her how wrong she is for leaving you, you are not afraid of showing her how stupid she is and UNDERLINE the mistakes she did and is DOING right now! and most of all you do not give any single CARE about her opinion or words,you just say what you have to say and let her talk to a WALL made of BRICKS, even worse, you leave her in a cliffhanger and leave the room or walk away after you finnish what you have to say.YOu do not give her any single chance of trying to manipulate you or abuse you again, you MUST put her in a place and show her where she belongs!

once you start acting like you don't need HER or anyone to survive , you WILL become that someone! Stop being a doormat stop being a wuss and let the "BEAR" out!

 

Now don't misinterpret, don't stop arguing with her or yell at her or become violent, nope! but instead think very well before answering her questions or abusive methods, you have to switch places, she must become the prey and you must be the predator, If you don't do that, you will never have a chance with her again ( if u still want that), and not only that but you will never evolve or become better.. For your own good i'm asking you to stop letting her control you, stop Stop STOP!

 

My heart goes with you .. i was in a very very similar situation like you except i had no kids but that doesn't change the facts. As pathethic as i was but it didn't stopped me from changing into what i am now, as i did it, i am 100 % certain you can do it too!

 

Be super-confident (cocky even :)) , Act cold,ice-cold and do not let them see any trace of fear,sadness,or any weakness in you. Try to be the best, become the best and and ultimately you will be Irreplaceable. ;)

Edited by AdamantyumKrystal
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Hi Adam, excellent advice for Klegacy. If he becomes the man you have pictured for him his ex wife will be flattened. She will regret all the days of her life for leaving him. Women like men who are strong and who respect themselves. Actually, when I first started reading your post I thought you were a lady what with your avatar etc. I sincerely hope Klegacy takes your advice seriously.

 

Klegacy, I want to recommended a book for you to read which is titled ' Psycho-Cybernetics' by Dr. Maxwell Maltz. If your practice the principles laid out in the book it will completely change you from a poor specimen of your self into a new and attractive powerhouse of the man you were meant to be. Try and get it from your neighbourhood library or you can order a paperback edition from Amazon. Hope you are doing well. Warm wishes.

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