Wife Left for Best Friend

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

I've read every post you made in about 45 mins and had to react because your situation is very similar to mine... I'm actually a long time member here but I've started a new user name to signify a new start and will be making a post later about my current situation and a link to my old account an my prior history with STBXW.

 

Your situation is identical to mine, true love, love of my life, perfect for each other, left out of the blue, no remorse, never sorry...sound familiar? I've seen it brought up before in this thread once but, she is a narcissist! I don't know if you've done research on narcissism but it's just not a term to use on a self centered person... it is an actual diagnosable (but not treatable) personality disorder discovered by Sigmund Freud. In both of our cases they are Covert Narcissists.

 

There is a reason why she left without a single thought, there is a reason why your 3+ year relationship means nothing to her. READ THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE (just flip flop the he's and she's), it will explain A LOT and will resonate with your situation.

 

The 3 Phases of a Relationship With a Narcissist

Edited December 19, 2016 by VeganButEatMyMeat

[DrReplyInRhymes]

But 3 - 180's would leave him facing her again

 

Actually, sir, a 540 would leave him facing away. Why does no one say this?

 

Why do people like this comment? That's the real funny part.

[klegacy]

 

There is a reason why she left without a single thought, there is a reason why your 3+ year relationship means nothing to her. READ THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE (just flip flop the he's and she's), it will explain A LOT and will resonate with your situation.

 

The 3 Phases of a Relationship With a Narcissist

 

This article nailed it. Resonated completely with the situation. Right up until it says that they come back apologizing and whatnot. I don't see that happening, ever.

 

And at this point, I'm glad. My friends have told me I am a much happier person now, than I was when I was with her. That I'm more myself. So that's good, right?

[eightytwenty]

And at this point, I'm glad. My friends have told me I am a much happier person now, than I was when I was with her. That I'm more myself. So that's good, right?

 

 

 

Yes!! but you internally need to feel better, just not on the outside.

[VeganButEatMyMeat]

Right up until it says that they come back apologizing and whatnot. I don't see that happening, ever.

 

This is what they do. She will be back! When she comes back you cannot forget that it is a diagnosable but NOT TREATABLE disorder. Keep in mind that we are in the same boat... I'm going through exactly what you're going through right now (my D Day was last monday, and I have a kid involved) and what we must do is get to a place emotionally where when they come back we can never take them back!! Don't forget:

 

THEN, just when you are starting to heal and get your legs under you she will pop back into your life...... As she holds you telling you how much she loves you and how sorry she is, she is secretly laughing and giving himself a pat on the back for being so clever and irresistible, and planning how she will punish you for being so stupid as to believe her. In her mind you deserve to be punished for your gullibility and she feels superior to have that kind of control over you. The cycle begins again only much worse this time.

Edited December 19, 2016 by VeganButEatMyMeat

[Sweetfish]

This article nailed it. Resonated completely with the situation. Right up until it says that they come back apologizing and whatnot. I don't see that happening, ever.

 

And at this point, I'm glad. My friends have told me I am a much happier person now, than I was when I was with her. That I'm more myself. So that's good, right?

 

 

Like I said, looks like she may have HPD or at least in the "Cluster B" Narcissist personality traits as noted in the DSM-5. Its sucks man. Im glad you doing well

[klegacy]

I just don't see how she would ever suddenly do that - She trashed me so much to justify her actions. And she worries so much about what other people think. I really don't think that she'll suddenly decide someday "oh I'm going to try and come back even though all my friends and family think he's ***** now".

 

I am feeling better internally, too. I've got a great group of friends, my son is happy, and I'm now seeing someone who I've known for over 13 years. Not really going to be celebrating Christmas this year but besides that, all is going alright.

[aliveagain]

I just don't see how she would ever suddenly do that - She trashed me so much to justify her actions. And she worries so much about what other people think. I really don't think that she'll suddenly decide someday "oh I'm going to try and come back even though all my friends and family think he's ***** now".

 

I am feeling better internally, too. I've got a great group of friends, my son is happy, and I'm now seeing someone who I've known for over 13 years. Not really going to be celebrating Christmas this year but besides that, all is going alright.

 

They hate it when they hear your happy and moved on with someone new, they want you to fail, crash and have a miserable existence without them. This is one of the reasons that I am still unlisted, she can never find me, makes them crazy but means nothing to me now. Just let your lawyer deal with her. Like they say, the best form of revenge is to live a good and happy life.

[Giacomo67]

Klegacy... i have read your entire thread, and many things really upset me.

I dont feel bad of how your ex treated you, its a common situatuion for all ww/wh to act that way, but i feel bad for how you treated YOURSELF.

 

You are probably a good man, but one thing is being a good man,another is being coodependent and not firm.

 

You lost to much time after a person who probably never loved you the way a wife should do. Sure.... you both have a son toghether but that doesnt mean that you should put up with her crap.

 

You need to go foword with the D. papers without any warning or fake talk, take action now and hopefully she will receive her christmas gift notified. Please stop hurting yourself with this nonesense and set yourself free.

[Marc878]

Strength is the best way out unless you like getting abused.

[klegacy]

Did you get the agreement signed yet?

 

Still no agreement done. This is ridiculous. She said 2 weeks over a month ago now.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Still no agreement done. This is ridiculous. She said 2 weeks over a month ago now.

 

Is this a script from "Sweet Home Alabama?"

 

Maybe she's dating a senator but still really in love with you?

[Giacomo67]

Still no agreement done. This is ridiculous. She said 2 weeks over a month ago now.

 

Is there any thing legal that can be done to speed-up the process?

[klegacy]

Is there any thing legal that can be done to speed-up the process?

 

Unfortunately not. She was given my version of one almost 6 months ago and she said her and her lawyer were putting together her own version with a few edits, and that I'd get it in two weeks. That was well over a month now.

 

I don't think there's anything legal that can be done to speed it up. It's literally a matter of her actually just getting her part done.

[Just a Guy]

Hi klegacy, is that the legal opinion? Can a lawyer not force the issue with her? I cannot believe that this can happen. There has to be a way to get her to sign an agreed upon separation agreement. Explore all avenues before you accept such a situation. Warm wishes.

[Marc878]

I've never heard of being held hostage and there absolutely nothing you can do.

 

Ask your attorney what the next step is unless you're wanting to wait on her to magically come back.

[Giacomo67]

Hi klegacy, is that the legal opinion? Can a lawyer not force the issue with her? I cannot believe that this can happen. There has to be a way to get her to sign an agreed upon separation agreement. Explore all avenues before you accept such a situation. Warm wishes.

 

i agree.... maybe having it sent with notification?

[Jersey born raised]

Always consider the source when you receive information. I am telling you this because she will re-double her efforts to tear you down if she sees you doing well and detached from her. It makes no sense, I know, but it makes sense to her. Please read:

 

What Therapists Don't Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality | The Huffington Post

[klegacy]

Here's a question for anyone who could answer for me - My ex sent me a text today saying she "heard through the grapevine" that I'm seeing someone, and is asking me to tell her who it is because they'll be around our son. Is it really any of her business?

[stillafool]

Here's a question for anyone who could answer for me - My ex sent me a text today saying she "heard through the grapevine" that I'm seeing someone, and is asking me to tell her who it is because they'll be around our son. Is it really any of her business?

 

Well it depends on how serious you are with the new person. In the meantime you should text your ex back and say "when it comes to the point that my new girl will be interacting with our son I will make you aware of her identity." Nothing more.

[Marc878]

Here's a question for anyone who could answer for me - My ex sent me a text today saying she "heard through the grapevine" that I'm seeing someone, and is asking me to tell her who it is because they'll be around our son. Is it really any of her business?

 

Poor muffin is losing control!!!!!

 

Did she let you know when she moved on with your friend?

 

No response.

 

If you feel you have to give on just say I'll let you know before I introduce her unlike how you handled your end

[stillafool]

 

If you feel you have to give on just say I'll let you know before I introduce her unlike how you handled your end

 

Leave out the bolded part or she'll think you're still bitter and she still has the upper hand. Act happy, that will eat her alive and really make her go on the hunt to find out who is making you this way.

[Marc878]

Now that you've gotten a lot of knowledge and know who and what she is you'll be better prepared if she happens to come back around.

 

These types need/want validation but only for themselves. As you've found you don't matter much. When you move on to someone else they sometimes try and draw you back.

 

Better keep on the road you're traveling now. There could never be any type of future with this.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Klegacy, good to see you getting the upper hand! Send her back a smiley and nothing else. It should be like a red flag to a raging bull. See how she responds. Cheers.

[lolablue17]

Here's a question for anyone who could answer for me - My ex sent me a text today saying she "heard through the grapevine" that I'm seeing someone, and is asking me to tell her who it is because they'll be around our son. Is it really any of her business?

 

NO!

 

Her request appears as an interest - 1. to supervise, 2. to slightly hint that she does not rely on your judgement (YOU may damage your son, so SHE must take over, have control and be the one fully responsible)

 

I advice you to be smiley and nice, but never answer (only when you feel in the future that it comes from a good positive place, and right now it isn't). You can reply with "merry christmas", or "indeed, christmas is so romantic". Try to be above it. It's ugly what she's doing.

Edited December 29, 2016 by lolablue17