Wife Left for Best Friend

[aMguilts]

Karma?

How will that be a bonus to you?

 

Stop the evil thoughts.

Thinking like that will get you nowhere

Edited January 4, 2017 by aMguilts

[Marc878]

There is no karma it's a myth. Hopeful thinking will just waste your time.

 

However, moving on and doing better is what eventually kills them.

 

He actually found some one better!!!!! Poor snowflake not as special as she thought.

[klegacy]

He actually found some one better!!!!! Poor snowflake not as special as she thought.

 

I'm getting the vibe that she really doesn't care. She's got nothing left for me whatsoever. She just wants to get whatever money she can out of me from here on out and stay content in her relationship. I get that some people experience spouses trying to come back, but this one won't. I'd bet on it.

 

Meeting with another lawyer today, and will be receiving my ex's version of a separation agreement tomorrow which is apparently "drastically different" than the one I sent her months back. I can only imagine the hellfire she's going to try and gouge me for.

[Sweetfish]

There is no karma it's a myth. Hopeful thinking will just waste your time.

 

However, moving on and doing better is what eventually kills them.

 

He actually found some one better!!!!! Poor snowflake not as special as she thought.

 

"cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual." Sounds pretty close to reality

[Marc878]

I'm getting the vibe that she really doesn't care. She's got nothing left for me whatsoever. She just wants to get whatever money she can out of me from here on out and stay content in her relationship. I get that some people experience spouses trying to come back, but this one won't. I'd bet on it.

 

Meeting with another lawyer today, and will be receiving my ex's version of a separation agreement tomorrow which is apparently "drastically different" than the one I sent her months back. I can only imagine the hellfire she's going to try and gouge me for.

 

So? Doesn't mean you have to take it.

[Oberfeldwebel]

I highly recommend that you lay low on social media, there is nothing to be gained from there. While I understand your being upset with her, there is nothing to be gained in vengeful acts. If you want to get back at her, then go lead a life she can only dream of leading. Instead concentrate your efforts on you, your son, close friends and family. You should be so busy leading your life that you don't have time to think or give a rats a$$ what she is doing.

[klegacy]

I highly recommend that you lay low on social media, there is nothing to be gained from there. While I understand your being upset with her, there is nothing to be gained in vengeful acts. If you want to get back at her, then go lead a life she can only dream of leading. Instead concentrate your efforts on you, your son, close friends and family. You should be so busy leading your life that you don't have time to think or give a rats a$$ what she is doing.

 

Yeah. I've stopped posting anything related to it on social media. And when people try to have drunken conversation with me about it, I ask them to just not talk to me about it.

 

Living life as well as I can with the 50/50 custody and new girlfriend. Still have brief moments of disbelief and anger but that's to be expected I suppose.

[Marc878]

You are way ahead of where you were when you first got here.

 

Time and a hard 180 will get you all the way.

 

Nice job

[klegacy]

Update:

 

I've tried to do 180 and not reply to texts or anything unless they're urgent issues involving our child. And now she's using it against me saying that I refuse to communicate to co-parent.

 

I try to enjoy my time with my child and my current girlfriend, and then I get hit with texts from the ex saying how my gf and I need to be more "considerate" of her and not be publically having a good time. Lost it at me when she heard about my gf posting a picture of us on Facebook saying "my boys<3".

 

My ex and her bf's house (yeah they've been living together for awhile) has been infested with bedbugs and fleas for months and she's trying to say they came from my house (they didn't). She doesn't understand why it's okay to say stuff like that, but then doesn't think it's okay for myself and the daycare to have concerns with it transferring to our places. And needs to constantly make "sure" we don't think her place is dirty.

 

She asked for a phone call to discuss the bug situation and I reluctantly agreed on the grounds that it is the only thing discussed. And as soon as she got me on the phone, she started belittling me, calling me names. Ripped me apart. I hung up.

 

She then via text messages tries to continue to make me feel worse. Blames me for our poor communication with each other. Says that she "always owns up to her stuff", which she doesn't. I've heard maybe 2 sorrys in the past year. She's still convinced that she's done no wrong. Says that it's not her fault that after leaving me because I was "emotionally abusive" she ended up dating a "mutual friend".

 

Never mind the fact that I went through a really rough year with family deaths and other horrid experiences and all the while, my "wife" was texting inappropriately with multiple guys, meeting guys for coffee, posting inappropriate pictures of herself on apps... and the "mutual friend" she only met through me, considering I've known the guy since I was a kid.

 

She's convinced that she's doing no wrong and doesn't treat me badly. Convinced her actions are justified and not cruel. And apparently bound and determined to continue to make my day-to-day life as miserable as she can make it.

[Jersey born raised]

Sounds like a personality disorder. Have the two of you come to terms?

[The_Onceler]

Update:

 

I've tried to do 180 and not reply to texts or anything unless they're urgent issues involving our child. And now she's using it against me saying that I refuse to communicate to co-parent.

 

I try to enjoy my time with my child and my current girlfriend, and then I get hit with texts from the ex saying how my gf and I need to be more "considerate" of her and not be publically having a good time. Lost it at me when she heard about my gf posting a picture of us on Facebook saying "my boys<3".

 

My ex and her bf's house (yeah they've been living together for awhile) has been infested with bedbugs and fleas for months and she's trying to say they came from my house (they didn't). She doesn't understand why it's okay to say stuff like that, but then doesn't think it's okay for myself and the daycare to have concerns with it transferring to our places. And needs to constantly make "sure" we don't think her place is dirty.

 

She asked for a phone call to discuss the bug situation and I reluctantly agreed on the grounds that it is the only thing discussed. And as soon as she got me on the phone, she started belittling me, calling me names. Ripped me apart. I hung up.

 

She then via text messages tries to continue to make me feel worse. Blames me for our poor communication with each other. Says that she "always owns up to her stuff", which she doesn't. I've heard maybe 2 sorrys in the past year. She's still convinced that she's done no wrong. Says that it's not her fault that after leaving me because I was "emotionally abusive" she ended up dating a "mutual friend".

 

Never mind the fact that I went through a really rough year with family deaths and other horrid experiences and all the while, my "wife" was texting inappropriately with multiple guys, meeting guys for coffee, posting inappropriate pictures of herself on apps... and the "mutual friend" she only met through me, considering I've known the guy since I was a kid.

 

She's convinced that she's doing no wrong and doesn't treat me badly. Convinced her actions are justified and not cruel. And apparently bound and determined to continue to make my day-to-day life as miserable as she can make it.

 

Ugh. I feel your pain. What you describe sounds much like what my ex tries to do, only perhaps worse (and I didn't think such a thing was possible!).

 

All I can say is to stick to your NC plan. Sure, you *have* to maintain some level of contact, but that does not mean that you have to endure psychological abuse.

 

I was recently given some advice on the matter. Rather than ignoring texts and emails, I should instead reply without engaging. Your ex may well become more combative if she perceives that you are ignoring her as a method of manipulation or punishment.

 

Instead, respond to the matter at hand. Do not engage in any arguments, not even to defend against insults and accusations. Maintain a positive tone. So, regarding your Facebook posts, you might text "I am truly sorry that you are upset. It is not my intention to hurt your feelings." Or regarding the fleas and such, you might say, "I am sure that the fleas/bedbugs are causing you and the kids discomfort, and I would like to help if I can. I don't seem to have any similar issue at my place, but regardless - now that you have them, you need to get rid of them. Let me know if there is anything that I can do."

 

If you respond, but refuse to engage in argument and negativity, there is not much that she can REASONABLY complain about. At this stage, I have begun to think of the arguments that my ex tries to instigate as "the sound of one hand clapping".

 

Don't do "radio silence", but at the same time, don't sink to her level.

 

Good luck!

[klegacy]

Sounds like a personality disorder. Have the two of you come to terms?

 

Come to terms, meaning what?

[Marc878]

You can't fix her. Hard 180!!!!

 

People treat you as you let them.

 

The truth always comes out. You might want to contact child services on the vermin infestation. Children are susceptible to diseases that they can carry.

 

Be glad you are done with this. You have a better life in front of you now.

 

She's now seeing she's not a special snowflake. Poor muffin.

[klegacy]

You can't fix her. Hard 180!!!!

 

People treat you as you let them.

 

The truth always comes out. You might want to contact child services on the vermin infestation. Children are susceptible to diseases that they can carry.

 

Be glad you are done with this. You have a better life in front of you now.

 

She's now seeing she's not a special snowflake. Poor muffin.

 

I try to 180 and get accused of being neglectful, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to co-parent. There's no win situation in this.

 

If my son shows up at my place with more bites after being with her again, I think I will call Child Services. It's been almost 4 months of them not fixing the bedbug/flea issue.

[Clay]

I try to 180 and get accused of being neglectful, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to co-parent. There's no win situation in this.

 

If my son shows up at my place with more bites after being with her again, I think I will call Child Services. It's been almost 4 months of them not fixing the bedbug/flea issue.

 

Don't wait. You know there is a problem there. If you wait it will just look like there was a motive behind it other than protecting your kid. The more you are doing the right thing the more people will see this.

 

Marc is 1000% right 180 is the only way. She can say what she wants but she is going to have to prove it in court. Judges wont tolerate BS in these cases. Just stick to the basic needs and other than that the moment she raises her voice you end the call.

 

I went way further on this. I redirect my home phone to voicemail. I only used my cell. I told her if she calls it I will only talk to her about emergency needs. No talks about the child or anything else will be discussed on my work phone. I then started to talk to her with certified letters. She did everything she could to get around it. When the kids brought home her letters they went from the child's hand to the trash can. The kids went back and told there mother I would not allow her to communicate through the kids. She came around in a month and started sending certified letters. I did that for six months. At that point I felt she finally got the hint that I was not her friend.

 

You have to take control and be the adult in these situations. No one is going to support her abusing you and calling you names.

 

C

[Marc878]

I try to 180 and get accused of being neglectful, unwilling to communicate, unwilling to co-parent. There's no win situation in this.

 

If my son shows up at my place with more bites after being with her again, I think I will call Child Services. It's been almost 4 months of them not fixing the bedbug/flea issue.

 

No, she's throwing a tantrum because she no longer has control.

Going back to being her doormat and punching bag will get you what?

 

You've already won and you don't even know it.

 

Never answer a call directly and only respond to texts or email about your child only. Hard 180. It's your only good option. Quit with your excuse as to why you can't own your own life.

[Marc878]

Update:

 

I've tried to do 180 and not reply to texts or anything unless they're urgent issues involving our child. And now she's using it against me saying that I refuse to communicate to co-parent.

 

She wants control back over you and your life. What do you care what she or anyone else thinks? She's a lying cheater for gods sake.

 

I try to enjoy my time with my child and my current girlfriend, and then I get hit with texts from the ex saying how my gf and I need to be more "considerate" of her and not be publically having a good time. Lost it at me when she heard about my gf posting a picture of us on Facebook saying "my boys<3".

 

Oh really!!! Was she considerate of you when she cheated and moved in with your friend?

 

My ex and her bf's house (yeah they've been living together for awhile) has been infested with bedbugs and fleas for months and she's trying to say they came from my house (they didn't). She doesn't understand why it's okay to say stuff like that, but then doesn't think it's okay for myself and the daycare to have concerns with it transferring to our places. And needs to constantly make "sure" we don't think her place is dirty.

 

You need to call child services. Look out for the child you're his father. You seem to be more affraid of your cheater wife than concern for you son.

 

She asked for a phone call to discuss the bug situation and I reluctantly agreed on the grounds that it is the only thing discussed. And as soon as she got me on the phone, she started belittling me, calling me names. Ripped me apart. I hung up.

 

She's played you for a long time and yet you fall for it again? Why?

 

She then via text messages tries to continue to make me feel worse. Blames me for our poor communication with each other. Says that she "always owns up to her stuff", which she doesn't. I've heard maybe 2 sorrys in the past year. She's still convinced that she's done no wrong. Says that it's not her fault that after leaving me because I was "emotionally abusive" she ended up dating a "mutual friend".

 

So what? Are you that affraid of her?

 

Never mind the fact that I went through a really rough year with family deaths and other horrid experiences and all the while, my "wife" was texting inappropriately with multiple guys, meeting guys for coffee, posting inappropriate pictures of herself on apps... and the "mutual friend" she only met through me, considering I've known the guy since I was a kid.

 

She does this because she can. Stand tall and stay no contact

 

She's convinced that she's doing no wrong and doesn't treat me badly. Convinced her actions are justified and not cruel. And apparently bound and determined to continue to make my day-to-day life as miserable as she can make it.

 

Only if you allow it.

 

 

What do you think your new gf is going to think of you long term if you kow tow to your stbxw ?

 

Better read "No More Mr Nice Guy" again.

 

Weakness is unnattractive. Better wake up!!!!!

[Sweetfish]

What do you think your new gf is going to think of you long term if you kow tow to your stbxw ?

 

Better read "No More Mr Nice Guy" again.

 

Weakness is unnattractive. Better wake up!!!!!

 

 

Love your post man quick and to the point.

[Sweetfish]

This is the point where her current relationship will go down hill... the more you dont answer the more it will eat her up and damage the fake bond she has now.

 

Go in for maxium damage!

 

Haha. I'd like to believe that. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't care that much. She thinks she's got the perfect relationship now. No changing that.

 

Nope, everyone here has seen this before. Pretending outwardly but inside its eating her up. How could you replace her so easily???? She will be seeking validation from you. Be prepared. You know who she really is you fall back into that trap you'll go through this again. History often repeats.

 

Hard 180 there are better out there. In your future close friendship with time alone and deep conversations are an enemy to marriage. This senario plays out over and over like a broken record.

 

Read "Not Just a Friends" and "His Needs, Her Needs" for your future relationships.

 

Better stay strong

 

For her it is. Why do you think she's prying? If she didn't care you wouldn't be getting questioned.

 

No one can ever make her happy. It's who she is. Stay well away. Hard 180!!!

 

If you're smart

 

Negative my good friend...

 

this is exactly what everyone has been telling you. She still cares about you and using everything around her as a smoke screen. Keep posting on social media you having a good time

 

From now on, I'm only posting good things/having a good time. No more posting anything negative that even remotely signifies anything to do with her.

 

And this will eat her up.

 

For the record, she saw the posting, I doubt anyone told her.

 

 

re-quoted

[klegacy]

Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

[kgcolonel]

Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

 

Take pictures and call CPS....you owe this to your daughter.

[stillafool]

Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

 

Why do you let her continue to rip into you? Put her in her place. When she starts to yell walk away, hang up the phone, or tell her to shut up and never talk to you that way again. Why do you take her abuse?

[klegacy]

Why do you let her continue to rip into you? Put her in her place. When she starts to yell walk away, hang up the phone, or tell her to shut up and never talk to you that way again. Why do you take her abuse?

 

She is using anything and everything she can against me. If I don't reply, I'm "unwilling to communicate/coparent". If I defend myself, I'm being "abusive and unreasonable".

[Marc878]

She is using anything and everything she can against me. If I don't reply, I'm "unwilling to communicate/coparent". If I defend myself, I'm being "abusive and unreasonable".

 

Keep copies of your replies about the child. Hard 180!!!!! You can't reason with her. She has no proof you aren't communicating/coparenting. Where is it written that you have to be at he beck and call. Get a VAR and record her craziness.

 

You continue to let youself be played.

 

You need to fix why you can't handle your own life.

[whichwayisup]

Latest stuff going on - There was no contact between either of us all last week, until Sunday when she drops my son off to me. That day, she started ripping into me about her separation agreement and threatening court if I haven't gotten to it yet.

 

I haven't even received it. Her lawyer is supposed to send it to mine, who gives it to me. And this hasn't happened. Once again, though, it's my fault. Go figure.

 

My kid arrived with an insane amount of bites from her place. But she assured me that they finally got rid of the issue and that his bites should clear up. I'm not so convinced.

 

Start recording conversations, keep copies of texts and emails.

 

Bites as in bed bug bites or something else? This is serious if it's bed bugs.