Wife Left for Best Friend

[klegacy]

Taking my side really just means they're not associating as much with her and the OM anymore.

 

I will mention the agreement this week again as a reminder to her.

 

My boss at work is going to get me in touch with a better lawyer who won't gouge me financially.

[Marc878]

Good, you're starting to move ahead. Don't stop now.

 

A hard 180 with as little contact as you can will help you immensely at this time.

 

Civil but brief and short, only about your son. Nothing more. Answer no phone calls.

[klegacy]

I don't get it. I've asked her countless times not to text me at work unless its an emergency about our son. Its even in the agreement I gave her. But she still does it.

 

Update: I asked her to respect my request to not text me at work, and she flips out at me. I don't even know how to deal with this anymore. She demands respect all the time but never gives me an ounce.

Edited September 20, 2016 by klegacy

[Wade Lamare]

I don't get it. I've asked her countless times not to text me at work unless its an emergency about our son. Its even in the agreement I gave her. But she still does it.

 

Update: I asked her to respect my request to not text me at work, and she flips out at me. I don't even know how to deal with this anymore. She demands respect all the time but never gives me an ounce.

 

Two possible reasons I can see, she's in the Swinging Monkey phase. She is swinging from one vine to another but doesn't want to leave go of the safe, secure vine (you) one hundred per cent just in case vine 2 proves to be rotten. And you're spoiling it by being mean.

 

Or she has this wonderful scenario in her head where she is going to dump you and run off with OM but you'll be the best of mates texting each other about loads of stuff and getting on like a house on fire. "see, it wasn't so bad, we're still best mates so I can't be an awful person really"

[Marc878]

I don't get it. I've asked her countless times not to text me at work unless its an emergency about our son. Its even in the agreement I gave her. But she still does it.

 

She has zero respect for you. Look man all you have to do is turn your phone off and delete any texts that don't concern you're son. You need to respect yourself. You have value. That may very well be what put you in this position

 

 

 

 

Update: I asked her to respect my request to not text me at work, and she flips out at me. I don't even know how to deal with this anymore. She demands respect all the time but never gives me an ounce.

 

Don't engage. Just walk away. You don't owe her anything. Maybe you should do some exposure on her. Give her a taste.

 

Did you read " No More Mr Nice Guy"? if you can't learn to take up for yourself in a case like this your life will never be what you need.

[Marc878]

180, 180, 180. Read it again.

 

Quit answering her calls. Return texts only about your son. It's not that hard.

 

Why can't you stop engaging her?

[Marc878]

Go back and read your posts and pretend it's a close friend. What advice would you give him?

[klegacy]

She's persistent. And "doesn't understand" why she can't text me stuff about our son during the day when I'm working even if its not urgent.

 

I put my foot down I guess. Told her she needed to respect my request and the only time she can text me regarding our son is only when absolutely necessary and between 5pm-10pm.

 

I read Mr Nice Guy. Problem with her is that she's already assuming everything I say is going to be rude. So even when I'm not, she takes it as such. She's convinced herself of that.

[Marc878]

Klegacy,

 

You control your own phone. You can control yourself as well. Why don't you? Limit engagement to her. What's it getting you?????

 

 

 

She and your friend have rubbed your face in this. 180 is the key

Edited September 20, 2016 by Marc878

[Marc878]

You can do this.

[klegacy]

Thank you - Thank you all for your support, it's greatly appreciated.

[Marc878]

All the advice and support will do nothing if you don't use it.

 

You control your own future no one else.

 

At this time you are letting your wayward wife who has taken your child and is commiting adultery with a friend dictate your life and how you live it. STOP!!!! Why are you afraid???? Kicking her to the curb won't hurt anything. She's slready gone.

 

My friend stop taking that $hit. Get strong and stay there. You'll get through this quicker and better.

[Marc878]

Start taking control by blocking your wife and X friends on Facebook if you have it.

 

Take your power back!!!!!!

 

180,180,180!!!!!!

 

Keep us posted. You're going to do fine.

[klegacy]

I blocked them all on Facebook long ago. And I don't take phone calls, though she hasn't requested to have one in a couple weeks.

 

A complete 180 is a lot more difficult when we have a 2 year old son that we share custody of. Plus our car insurance is still joined so money has to be etransferred monthly. And there are still other things that both our names are on that need to be worked out.

 

Plus, there's the separation agreement to which she had only just said yesterday that she "agrees with most of it". But that's all I've gotten about that thus far.

[Marc878]

Going forward you ignore texts that don't need addressing. You don't have to reply to texts that do need addressing right away either.

 

When picking up or dropping off the child be civil but no interaction except child or business. If she tries to engage just say "I gotta go" and leave.

 

I have a friend whose kids are 11 and 14 which is easier than dealing with a two year old. He doesn't speak at all nor does he attend any type of family functions. Holidays, birthdays, etc. he keeps it separate.

 

Get those finances separated ASAP. Push!!!!!!

[Marc878]

Your adulterous wife is not a special snowflake.

 

She's a lying, cheating low class POS.

 

You need to wake up and see her for who she is. If you can come to reality you'll regain your life.

[Marc878]

When did she move in with him?

[klegacy]

When did she move in with him?

 

They aren't living together, still both have separate apartments. I'm sure she's aware that she would hurt her rights as a parent by moving in with her boyfriend. Lawyers, doctors and councilors have all told me that she should not have even introduced her relationship to our son or involved them in activities together until at least 6 months into their relationship. Not that she believes that, though.

[Marc878]

Your goal is to get out of this ASAP. It'll take some time but you'll get there.

 

Once you get the knack of detaching it'll become easier.

 

You need a gym membership, start working out if you haven't. It'll occupy your time and you can build yourself up. Make sure you stay on a healthy diet. Watch the alcohol intake.

 

Cut all unnecessary interaction off from your X.

 

If you have some interests start exploring them. Cooking classes, foreign language, educational, etc. use this time to make yourself as good as you can.

 

Learning to enjoy living alone does have benefits as you'll find.

[planning4later]

Your goal is to get out of this ASAP. It'll take some time but you'll get there.

 

Once you get the knack of detaching it'll become easier.

 

You need a gym membership, start working out if you haven't. It'll occupy your time and you can build yourself up. Make sure you stay on a healthy diet. Watch the alcohol intake.

 

Cut all unnecessary interaction off from your X.

 

If you have some interests start exploring them. Cooking classes, foreign language, educational, etc. use this time to make yourself as good as you can.

 

Learning to enjoy living alone does have benefits as you'll find.

 

Totally agree with this. You will have to redirect your spiritual and/or sexual energy into other goals. Mine was school. I also got really good at fishing and boating. Enjoy your time of self discovery. Use this period wisely and do everything you wanted to in past but couldn't.

[Marc878]

In case the "can we be friends" comes up.

 

Definition of friend - loyal, honest, trustworthy.

 

She's not your friend. Cheaters try this to justify their actions and relieve guilt.

[planning4later]

In case the "can we be friends" comes up.

 

Definition of friend - loyal, honest, trustworthy.

 

She's not your friend. Cheaters try this to justify their actions and relieve guilt.

 

In my case, my ex has recently started inviting me out to eat with her family (including parents) after school events. I make sure to always be busy. I suspect she's doing it because my strict NC makes her feel uneasy and forces her to think about reasons why I might be doing it.

[stillafool]

I don't get it. I've asked her countless times not to text me at work unless its an emergency about our son. Its even in the agreement I gave her. But she still does it.

 

Update: I asked her to respect my request to not text me at work, and she flips out at me. I don't even know how to deal with this anymore. She demands respect all the time but never gives me an ounce.

 

Try flipping out on her when she disrespects your wishes. Show her you are a different man, not her darn lap dog.

[stillafool]

I blocked them all on Facebook long ago. And I don't take phone calls, though she hasn't requested to have one in a couple weeks.

 

A complete 180 is a lot more difficult when we have a 2 year old son that we share custody of. Plus our car insurance is still joined so money has to be etransferred monthly. And there are still other things that both our names are on that need to be worked out.

 

Plus, there's the separation agreement to which she had only just said yesterday that she "agrees with most of it". But that's all I've gotten about that thus far.

 

The only thing you have to respond to her about is your son.

 

etransferred money doesn't need a conversation as any pertinent info can be done through an email or text.

 

Let your attorney handle the rest and stay away from her.

[klegacy]

I have to find a new lawyer. The last two I had were not helpful and didn't want to do any work.

 

Even after specifically asking her yesterday to respect my request to not text me at work and her acknowledging it, she did it again this morning. But I'm not going to reply until this evening.

 

I have been doing what I can to keep busy. Work, playing music, renos on my house, hanging out with friends. Joined a "ManUp" group (hosted by a church, basically guys get into small groups who support each other and learn to open up and talk and whatnot).