Would you ever take your ex back?

[HeDestroyeth]

This is just a question for everyone if you had to ask yourself "what if?"

 

Say, if your ex left you to go wild. If he/she went completely wild right after leaving you and had sex with multiple people, jumped straight into another relationship, began doing drugs, etc...

 

Would you take your ex back in the future? What would it depend on? What would be the deal breaker?

 

For me personally, it would take a lot. It would take the perfect scenario for me to ever consider taking her back.

 

For the last three months of our relationship my fiancee treated me like pure crap. She constantly lied and cheated on me. She didn't have sex with anyone or done anything from what I know. But she did talk to multiple guys sexually all of the time and lied about doing it. So I guess you could say she cheated on me emotionally.

 

 

But immediately after we broke up she went wild. She sent nudes to a guy she met on Tinder only a day after we broke up. She then began having sex with a completely guy only 4 days later. I haven't spoken to her about those types of things since two weeks after we broke up and that was roughly two months ago. But I'm sure she's probably done a whole lot more with even more guys by now.

 

But the way I look at it I still feel kind betrayed by her doing those things in such a short period of time after we broke up. I know we were officially broken up and she was free to do as she pleased. But I still feel betrayed for whatever reason. I guess it's possibly my "immature" way of how I view sex. I'm not the type of guy who enjoys one night stands. I view sex as something you should only do when you're in love with someone or in an "official" relationship with another person.

 

So I guess you could say her having sex with another guy is a deal breaker for me. I probably couldn't ever take her back unless she showed me she was truthfully sorry for doing those things she had done and regrets them 100%. I would be so full of resentment. Not to mention every time we were sexual with each other I would think of her and another guy. It just wouldn't be healthy for either us.

 

How would you look at things in this situation? Would you let it go and get over it just because you two were single and she was free to do as she pleased?

Edited August 29, 2016 by HeDestroyeth

[Michelle ma Belle]

For me, no. Never. Once a relationship is over regardless of who ended it or for whatever reason I would never take an ex back. I'm of the mindset that I never go backwards. There was a reason we broke up after all and I'd rather make peace with all of it and continue moving forward. I try to never make the same mistake twice especially when it involves my heart.

[minimariah]

to answer your question from the thread title - no. & if i were you... i wouldn't take her back. no point in beating a dead horse.

[juniorrocha]

When we're too involved with someone, our hearts would do anything for a second chance. But sometimes you have to be rational about it.

 

I actually gave my ex a second chance a month after we broke up. Only to find out it was the same thing all over again. She left me again, 5 days after that, but deep inside that's what I needed too.

 

Our relationship was crap. I felt miserable during 2 years, and only now I can see it. Our sex wasn't that good, I was often left unsatisfied. I didn't trust her at all since she lied/cheated a few times. I was very insecure and needed reassurance all the time, because of the things she did to me. Basically, it sucked.

 

Now that I'm free, that I'm getting back on my feet (which I did on my own), that I'm working very hard on my life (especially my body/looks), I couldn't care less. I'm feeling so happy with my life that a relationship doesn't have space in it for now, let alone one with her.

 

I believe you're still going through that phase where she's still the one you want. Like you can't find anyone else to be as good as her. It's like she's on a pedestal. It may sound even easier for you to imagine getting back with her at some point than finding someone new (the last may sound terrifying). I felt that way. But this kind of thought will go away when you least expect it to.

 

Still, to directly answer your question: if in a few years from now we meet, we're both single and wanting to get to know each other again, MAYBE I would try it. But I'd rather think that I'll find someone much better than her.

[Clep]

I gave my hubby a second chance under these same circumstances. It wasn't quick, nor did I ever think I would. I took him back three times actually and the third was tremendous work for him to convince me he had changed. There was nothing he could say to me. I had to see it in action which wasn't hard as we have a child together so we couldn't avoid each other.

 

It took about a year but after that we reconciled. That was about seven years ago. We got married and are pretty happy.

 

He became an ass recently and I was devastated. I let him know if he didn't get it together I was moving and he did. He is back to his nice and supportive self after making a few life changes.

 

I have a huge learning curve. I am a completely different person than I was five years ago or even a year ago. I am heavily involved in personal development though so that helps greatly. If I can change who I am anyone can. I don't listen to what they say though. Mouths can lie, actions can't.

[HeDestroyeth]

if i were you... i wouldn't take her back. no point in beating a dead horse.

 

It's just a what if scenario. I'm not even sure she misses me at all after this long or if she ever will in the future. But yeah it probably would the best interest for me if I didn't ever speak to her again.

[HeDestroyeth]

When we're too involved with someone, our hearts would do anything for a second chance. But sometimes you have to be rational about it.

 

I actually gave my ex a second chance a month after we broke up. Only to find out it was the same thing all over again. She left me again, 5 days after that, but deep inside that's what I needed too.

 

Our relationship was crap. I felt miserable during 2 years, and only now I can see it. Our sex wasn't that good, I was often left unsatisfied. I didn't trust her at all since she lied/cheated a few times. I was very insecure and needed reassurance all the time, because of the things she did to me. Basically, it sucked.

 

Now that I'm free, that I'm getting back on my feet (which I did on my own), that I'm working very hard on my life (especially my body/looks), I couldn't care less. I'm feeling so happy with my life that a relationship doesn't have space in it for now, let alone one with her.

 

I believe you're still going through that phase where she's still the one you want. Like you can't find anyone else to be as good as her. It's like she's on a pedestal. It may sound even easier for you to imagine getting back with her at some point than finding someone new (the last may sound terrifying). I felt that way. But this kind of thought will go away when you least expect it to.

 

Still, to directly answer your question: if in a few years from now we meet, we're both single and wanting to get to know each other again, MAYBE I would try it. But I'd rather think that I'll find someone much better than her.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're happy!

 

Honestly, I think my ex fiancee is just through a wild stage in her life right now. We were together for four years and she comes from a very strict and sheltering family. She's 22 now and she never got to go out and party and do things that her friends got to do daily. She became really jealous and was wanting to do those things so she left me cause those things became too important to her.

 

I feel like if she ever was wanting to come back to me then that may mean that she's done with that phase and she's ready to grow up. So I wouldn't worry too much about her going right back to doing those things again, but she has shocked me more than once so I could be wrong about that.

 

I was really down on myself and miserable those first few weeks after our initial break up because of her telling me all of the stuff she was doing.

 

But I feel like if I ever gave her another chance it wouldn't be a healthy relationship that it needed to be. I wouldn't be able to trust her at all and I'd probably be controlling for a bit to make sure she wasn't cheating on me. I'd be full of resentment and anger towards her for the things she done while we were together and even when we were broke up.

 

You're right. I am going through that phase still somewhat. I know I deserve better than her, but I'm having trouble believing that I can find someone better. You're also right in that I do feel like it'd still be easier to get back with her than getting back into the dating world. I hate the thought of meeting someone new and having to go through that awkward stage and meeting her family. I've always hated that cause I'm so shy myself. The dating life also scares me cause of how bad I let myself while my ex and I were together. I have zero confidence in my looks or ability to woo another girl. But I'm trying to work on that right now.

 

But I feel the same as you. IF I could ever forgive her and move past what she's done then I could probably give her another shot a few years down the road. But like I said in my original post, it would have to be the perfect scenario.

[HeDestroyeth]

I gave my hubby a second chance under these same circumstances. It wasn't quick, nor did I ever think I would. I took him back three times actually and the third was tremendous work for him to convince me he had changed. There was nothing he could say to me. I had to see it in action which wasn't hard as we have a child together so we couldn't avoid each other.

 

It took about a year but after that we reconciled. That was about seven years ago. We got married and are pretty happy.

 

He became an ass recently and I was devastated. I let him know if he didn't get it together I was moving and he did. He is back to his nice and supportive self after making a few life changes.

 

I have a huge learning curve. I am a completely different person than I was five years ago or even a year ago. I am heavily involved in personal development though so that helps greatly. If I can change who I am anyone can. I don't listen to what they say though. Mouths can lie, actions can't.

 

Glad to hear that things are going well between the two of you now.

 

It kind of gives me hope that people can change. But I agree with you. I will not listen to anything that she says. If simply she told me she's changed and done with that lifestyle and if she told me she's sorry and regrets the things she's done then I wouldn't trust her at all. She would have to work her tail off to prove to me that what she says is what she truly feels.

[juniorrocha]

Honestly, I think my ex fiancee is just through a wild stage in her life right now.

 

Giving your conditions, that's possible. I know a couple that were together for 6 years. The girl was 22 at the time I met her, she had just got out of her relationship because she wanted to be single and experiment that. They were friends of my ex.

 

However, it took some time before she finally did it. She was engaged, too, and they had just planned a trip together. Probably acted like an ass during the last months.

 

They recently got back together, about 3 months ago or so, after 2 years. There was a lot of drama involved, they never stopped talking to each other, but she knew he was out there too.

 

Whenever she talked to me and my ex about the subject, she would say that she loves him, but wasn't sure if getting back would be right; he wasn't either, after all the hurt she caused. But she suffered too. Met a shtload of crappy guys and life taught her some lessons.

 

So it's understandable the way she's feeling, if she went GIGS. I mean, we only get to live once. While for some it may not be important to go out there and experiment, to some it might be, and it's hard to choose. What doesn't means you have to accept it. If you feel like it, don't write anything in stone, continue living your life, and then one day if there's ever the chance, you can think whether it's worth it or not. I thought I'd never change my mind and I'd always have a piece of me wanting my ex back. I'm actually surprised I don't anymore.

 

You're right. I am going through that phase still somewhat.

 

And that's alright to feel that way. I felt like that once. Now I don't. It takes time.

 

Since you said you were not very concerned about your looks, how about you start that now? Working out is a nice first step, you get to eat more healthy, have better habits and you start feeling better about yourself too, while noticing it more and improving your style as well.

[teenyfish]

No I wouldn't. Unless he had some kind of born again experience. The person I fell in love with no longer exists and while I'm upset by it I also know that things are much better this way.

[Arieswoman]

I wouldn't take any ex back - they are exes for a reason.

[Jatli]

My ex and I broke up after 4 years of living together and we didn't go completely NC but for the most part we didn't speak. After 1 1/2 years he started persuing me again and we slowly got back together and have now been back together for over a year. We don't live together but we are back. It was a little rocky at first but now it's good and we are in a really good place with our relationship.