smackie9 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Not really. First they were friends, then probably after probing she offered up they banged No she let it slip....as he put it. No probing was ever mentioned. She never denied it or tried to dismiss it. Hey if the OP feels this is too sketchy, he can remove himself from the situation by breaking up with her. Maybe she needs to find someone that doesn't have an issue with past relationships. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 No one can know for sure what they'll do but the bottom line IME is that it's harder to reign in ppl who have a casual history. Take it fwiw. Also fwiw tho I've never been a fan of partners imposing conditions on friendships. Kind of a strange conundrum for the OP but that's how it goes sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 No one can know for sure what they'll do but the bottom line IME is that it's harder to reign in ppl who have a casual history. Take it fwiw. Also fwiw tho I've never been a fan of partners imposing conditions on friendships. Kind of a strange conundrum for the OP but that's how it goes sometimes. It is not imposing a condition it is having them decide for they can not have an ex lover and the current lover. Words as imposing, and controlling are used by a WW to justify continued contact with their AP. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 No she let it slip....as he put it. No probing was ever mentioned. She never denied it or tried to dismiss it. Hey if the OP feels this is too sketchy, he can remove himself from the situation by breaking up with her. Maybe she needs to find someone that doesn't have an issue with past relationships. They grew up together and she told me about him early on in our relationship. He is important to her.. She told me they were friends growing up, but recently she let slip that that isn't really the case. So she failed to mention when she was first talking about him that hey, we used to have sex. As I've highlighted recently, she's told him that they had sex. Again kind of a big thing to initially leave out. Not a big deal if he was in the past but this is a guy who will be in her life regardless, she's made that clear. I agree, it's up to OP to decide what to do. He's a grown lad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 ^^^ This sounds really dramatic to me. The GF and her friend had a casual thing over a decade ago, and not to mention during a completely different stage of life when they were barely past adolescence. If their sexual bond had been strong enough, this would have carried on at some points during the past 10 years. But the GF is saying it morphed into benign friendship, and the OP has no valid reason to doubt that. I don't see the point in making worst-case, distrustful assumptions. To put things in perspective, my GF of 3 years, who is living with me, recently got caught up in an EA with a guy she banged over 15 years ago, before she was previously married and had a kid. Out of the blue he got divorced, found her on facebook, and bang... like a moth to flame They had not even seen each other in 10+ years, so it can happen 3 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 The bottom line question is, do you trust her? If not, end the relationship. If you do, then act like it. I have female friends who were former FWB or relationships. My wife has male friends who were former FWB or relationships. Most are now married or in relationships - but not all, or not for all the time we've remained friends. These people are now our friends. We trust each other, and we trust them. Boundaries are understood and observed. We've vacationed with them. They've stayed with us in our home. We've stayed with them in their homes. We've stayed friends because they are good people who enrich our lives - but weren't suitable for lasting romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 It is not imposing a condition it is having them decide for they can not have an ex lover and the current lover. Words as imposing, and controlling are used by a WW to justify continued contact with their AP. Imposing is saying "I forbid you from having this friend," which amazingly isn't all that uncommon a sentiment. (There've been long-running threads on here debating the veracity of that very thing.) I certainly have no problem w communication where concerns are shared etc. and appeals even made but anyone who thinks they have the 'authority' to make a decision on who another person chooses as friends is over the line. That's what I object to. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Imposing is saying "I forbid you from having this friend," which amazingly isn't all that uncommon a sentiment. (There've been long-running threads on here debating the veracity of that very thing.) I certainly have no problem w communication where concerns are shared etc. and appeals even made but anyone who thinks they have the 'authority' to make a decision on who another person chooses as friends is over the line. That's what I object to. There is no authority to choose but a line drawn in the sand. She is not willing to go NC with an ex FB then that is her choice. That choice sends a clear message that I value the ex FB more then I do my BF. This decision tells the BF where he stands and then enables him to make his own decision to stay or leave. For a BF to ask for such a decision is to provide himself with the information if this is the woman for him. Free will. She made her decision. He made his. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 There is no authority to choose but a line drawn in the sand. Except quite a few ppl do think they have that authority anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
inuyoshi Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Run man, dont be a cuck Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 I wouldn't ever impose a condition regarding friendship, I'd just get myself out of it. Why do I need the stress of a guy who finds his ex FWB so important. I also stand by the fact that it's easy to slip back into having sex with an Ex. Nothing dramatic about it. It's just how it goes. I've seen enough people mention affairs starting this way. I also don't believe the story regarding her friend. Something happened there, but she doesn't want you to know the truth. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Depends on the woman. I have a few women friends i've slept with. With some it's clear nothing will ever happen if one of us is with someone. Other's....yeah, their going to get me into a fight by the way they get hammered and come onto me when their BF is around or when he isn't around and asking me to come over and hang out. There is a reason i have zero interest in anything but a FWB with them. I stay away because if i've had too much to drink, things will happen. I will say If I am dating someone i keep the booze in check and almost never sleep anywhere but her bed or mine just out of respect and to keep drama to a minimum. I expect the same from them. Nor do i allow women to crash at my house while drunk unless the woman i'm dating is there with me. Again just to avoid BS and show respect and i expect her to do the same. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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