Is there any way to reach my friend?

[alsudduth]

Short backstort:

I've had this friend since High School. I would consider her one of my best friends. We have been through some crazy s*it together and part of me wouldn't be me if I didn't have her in my life growing up.....she moved to another state shortly after I graduated and moved away.

 

Typical teenagers, we partied. A lot. I always knew that that wouldn't be a full time lifestyle for me, and once I moved away I focused on my priorities and as most people usually do, I grew up.

 

My friend struggled with bad relationships, drugs, and eventually moved away with her parents. Her move was cross country, so we didn't see each other physically again for about 15 years. Still, we kept in touch and still consider each other besties.

 

I saw her last year on vacation and we had a super great time, she really seemed to have good things going for her, good job, 2 boys, near her mom, and had just started dating this guy that she really seemed to like.

 

Cut to a year later, and she tells me her and her boyfriend are fighting, and since I've given her advice before, her BF told her "show these messages to her, if she says I should give you another chance I will"

 

She asked me to talk to him, and before I knew it he had messaged me all the issues they were having. There was a lot my friend didn't tell me, like some blatant lies she had told him, or that she called him by her ex's name. I gave him some advice and basically told him that this was who she was, and that he should choose to love her unconditionally, or let her go without all the drama.

 

She got very angry with me that I wouldn't just tell him to take her back. I felt like he had legit concerns and I couldn't do that. I was honest with my friend. She got over it a few days later....

 

They ended up working it out, when she told him she had been getting black out drunk and going through a pill prescription every few days. He msg me and told me she went to detox where she was for 3 days. We were proud of her.

 

That was a couple weeks ago. He msg me the other day saying they were at a tournament for something he competes in, and she got drunk. When he told her it was time to leave she accused him of cheating on her. They left and while driving on a freeway, she grabbed the steering wheel and practically drove them off the road. He said when he got them to a parking lot, she smashed his car window.

 

This morning he said he found a trac phone she had been using to contact her ex. Also he found out that she never went to detox, she just went and hid for 3 days. She knows I do not condone this, and likely will avoid talking to me at all.

 

I'm so bummed about all this. I was so happy that it seemed that she was finally "getting it" she just lost someone who seemed like he could have been really good for her, and honestly after hearing what she's been up to, I don't know if I can keep her in my life with what I've seen her to be capable of. (I've seen messages between them so I know it's all true) Am I a terrible person for siding with her boyfriend whom, I've never met, over a friend of over 20 years? I'm so disappointed that she would act in that manner. I realize she has an addiction, but she has 2 boys to think about. I want her to be healthy and happy, and I don't know how to help her.

[Nowty V]

Only she can help her...

 

She has to live with what happened in her past, and build on the positive in her present.

 

Only she can do this, if she wants to.

 

To cure an addiction you first have to address the underlying reason for the addiction.

 

Quite often if you are emotionally involved with someone in this cycle the experience can erode your own mental stability.

 

Be careful and take care of you.

 

She is her own salvation... or not.

[preraph]

They're who drug you into it, so I'm sure she was hoping you'd snow him, but I think you've done the right thing.

 

By the way, 3 days detox won't help an addict. It takes them wanting to quit and then it is a struggle for years and rehab no one can afford for months and psychological help as well.

 

She's not going to change as long as she's an alcoholic with pills on top of that. Blackout drunks are alcoholics, period. Most worrying is her behavior like the steering wheel thing. You can't advice anyone to even be in the car with her if she's that crazy.

[Jon Mill]

They're who drug you into it, so I'm sure she was hoping you'd snow him, but I think you've done the right thing.

 

By the way, 3 days detox won't help an addict. It takes them wanting to quit and then it is a struggle for years and rehab no one can afford for months and psychological help as well.

 

She's not going to change as long as she's an alcoholic with pills on top of that. Blackout drunks are alcoholics, period. Most worrying is her behavior like the steering wheel thing. You can't advice anyone to even be in the car with her if she's that crazy.

 

That's the part that really got my antennas up.