Love, what?

[Shadow]

A visit to this message board has became a weekly hobby of mine and has been for well over a month. Since responding or posting has never been done by me you might be asking yourself why bother. Again maybe not as there are probably hundreds of people that visits this message board and not post anything.

 

Every day I see different problems, some I wouldn't bother worrying about while others I would most certainly be worried about. However, this is coming from someone that's never been truely involved with any sort of relationship.

 

As I thumb through each posting, I sit back and wish for once I could be in your position. Not because I want to know what it is like to be worried, but rather what it is like to have so much love for a person or to know at least what a relationship is like.

 

So many people come on here on a daily basis posting things that I can't believe they post, I know and respect how they feel but to me it's not as much of a problem as I have dealt with.

 

So many people cry over their relationship, so many cry over their relationship for no reason. Some feel pain, hurt, saddness. All these things in which each poster feels has been felt very little times in my life.

 

Despite the fact that I know what love is and what it means, I have rarely felt what love is like. I was raised in a small college town in the midwest, where I currently reside. The town wasn't big, but it wasn't small. Nothing to really do here, we have somewhat of a mall, bars for those that are 21, and not much else.

 

I began school in this town and graduated school in this town. Much changed from school to school; elementary, middle school, and high school. However, one thing always stayed the same. I never knew what having lots of friends felt like, I had a few but not many. For most of my life I had a best friend, grew up with him from Elementary until High school.

 

In middle school I gained a few friends here and there, some was gained through associated with my best friend. And during my middle school year I had 2 girlfriends, one when I was in 6th grade and another in 7th. The girl and I ended up breaking up and lost contact with each other. I met another girl in the summer between 8th and 9th grade.

 

We went out for a few months, and I actually felt love for her and cared for her. However she ended up meeting some guy who treated her like #####. It's been 5 years since I've been involved in any relationship. Since then my use to be best friend turned into a drug addict and have no contact with him since 9th grade.

 

I'm 20 now, working, but in my life I'm still alone. I really have no friends, well ok I literally have no friends. I have a friend, my ex girlfriend, that I don't feel really cares about our friendship. I feel screwed over by her every second of my life, however I keep contact with her just so I can say "Hey I have a friend".

 

I never go out, besides who goes to the movies alone? I'm not 21, don't go to bars. I'm not much of a bar person. Each day I wish more then life I could find that special girl, my 5th year now. However, I still have nobody.

 

I wish a lot of you people would sit back, look at your life and realize how lucky you are. You come on here depressed about little things, but in reality you have everything I want and more. Sure, you might be worried but at least you know what it feels like. Afterall, it's all part of being in a relationship.

 

I am sure there are other people like me, if so I feel your pain. I sit home weekend after weekend, alone. I live day by day, alone. I spend birthday's alone. I go to activities every now and then alone. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing wrong in my life, I don't know how to change it, or if that's possible.

 

Anyway I'm done, this sucks and I doubt anyone has read this entirely.

[Tony T]

Well, Shadow, I read your every word. So let's you and me sit down and have a pitty party. I do hope the whole world, to which this forum is connected via the World Wide Web, will feel as sorry as possible for you as well. Your life is absolutely pathetic right along with your attitude.

 

With that out of the way, first let me absolutely assure you that the most heinous, awful, painful case of loneliness is far better any day of the week than being in a bad relationship. Just take my word for that.

 

Now, you are 20 years old. You have a computer. So right there, you are connected to a potential of 100 million friends around the world. There are chatrooms, forums, newgroups, matching and dating services...every kind of place possible to make new friends and either exchange mail with them or talk to them in real time. Use one of the good search engines to find those sites.

 

Now, there's nothing anybody here can do about the fact that you're in a small town. If there is no possibility of you ever making a single friend where you are...and there aren't any towns nearby where that possibility exists...I suggest you start saving your money to move to a larger city.

 

There are literally millions of ladies all over the world who are looking for their one special guy. YOU could be him if you get off your butt and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

 

Take some bus or train rides to larger cities on weekends. If you don't have the money, make some male friends and go with them...or just hitchhike. You'll find all kinds of nice ladies in libraries, restaurants, in parks, at tourist attractions, in building lobbies, inside shopping malls...just everywhere.

 

I will continue to feel sorry for you for exactly three days, after which I will no longer waste the time. I think you are your own worst enemy. There is absolutely no reason for you to feel so alone except that you want to feel sorry for yourself. It's a cruel world out there and nothing happens unless we take action for ourselves.

 

No, if you told me you had no legs, that you had a gladular problem and weighed 500 pounds, that you had rashes all over your skin, and that you suffered from elephant man's disease I might have some different suggestions...and I might even feel sorry for you a bit longer. But you don't have those kinds of problems. You are pretty normal...except for the small town you live in and your crappy attitude towards everything.

 

Monday evening at 8p.m. Eastern Standard USA time I'll no longer feel bad for you.

[clia]

A few comments for you...

Despite the fact that I know what love is and what it means, I have rarely felt what love is like. I was raised in a small college town in the midwest, where I currently reside. The town wasn't big, but it wasn't small. Nothing to really do here, we have somewhat of a mall, bars for those that are 21, and not much else.

You don't sound very happy there. So, what's stopping you from moving to the big, scary city? There are jobs everywhere, you know, and no reason to stay somewhere that you aren't happy. I grew up in the Midwest and moving to L.A. (where I knew absolutely no one) was the best thing I ever did. What a difference! So many different kinds of people and new experiences. I've never regretted it for a second.

I'm 20 now, working, but in my life I'm still alone. I really have no friends, well ok I literally have no friends. I have a friend, my ex girlfriend, that I don't feel really cares about our friendship. I feel screwed over by her every second of my life, however I keep contact with her just so I can say "Hey I have a friend".

Why don't you have any friends? Why don't you get out and meet people? Friends don't just come to you. You do need to make an effort, you know. Take some classes, join a basketball league, do volunteer work...there are numerous ways to meet people.

I never go out, besides who goes to the movies alone?

I do. All the freaking time because none of my friends have the same taste that I do in movies. (I like the weird indie ones.) In my opinion, if any activity is meant to be solitary, it's going to the movies. You're sitting in the dark for 2 hours and you can't say a word. Why in the heck would you have to go with anyone?

I'm not 21, don't go to bars. I'm not much of a bar person.

You won't meet friends at the bars. You'll meet friends for the evening, but not lasting friendships unless you become a regular and run into them over and over again. Like I said, there are lots of ways to meet people. IMO, going to the bars is not one of them.

Each day I wish more then life I could find that special girl, my 5th year now. However, I still have nobody.

Thank you for inviting all of us here on the board to your pity party. With your attitude, no girl will ever go for you. You can't sit around feeling sorry for yourself. You have to get out there and make things happen. Get some interests and hobbies. Do things. You can't depend on anyone else to fulfill you or make you happy. (Way too much pressure to put on them.) You absolutely need to be able to make yourself happy. But, it does take effort.

I wish a lot of you people would sit back, look at your life and realize how lucky you are. You come on here depressed about little things, but in reality you have everything I want and more. Sure, you might be worried but at least you know what it feels like. Afterall, it's all part of being in a relationship.

You know what? I've been primarily single for the past 3 years, and I've never been happier. I LOVE being single. I can do whatever the flip I feel like doing. Sure, I date, but I haven't met anyone that I've wanted a long term relationship with. You've got it so good and you don't even realize it.

I am sure there are other people like me, if so I feel your pain. I sit home weekend after weekend, alone. I live day by day, alone. I spend birthday's alone. I go to activities every now and then alone. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing wrong in my life, I don't know how to change it, or if that's possible.

There's nothing wrong with doing things alone. You need to get that through your head. When I first moved to L.A., I didn't know anyone. And now I have tons of friends. You know why? Because I went places by myself and made the effort to meet people. I got involved in local activities. It's not as hard as you think, but you must be willing to make the effort.

 

You also sound very depressed and might benefit from some counseling. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you just don't seem to 'get it'. Read 'Life Strategies' by Phil McGraw. (He's on Oprah on Tuesdays.) He raises the question "How long do you plan to keep living the way you're living?" You don't seem to be making any effort to change the way you're living. You are playing the victim game in a big way. You are the only person that can change your life, not some girl that you might meet. Take the initiative!

Anyway I'm done, this sucks and I doubt anyone has read this entirely.

I read every word of it. You can do this! Trust me, if you are a guy that has a lot of things going on, the girls will flock to you. We love that.

[Dragonflys]

Is THE one thing stopping you from being happy.

 

I lived 28 years of my life with yourt attitude, waiting for that one special girl to see my pain and self pity. I hoped she would fly into my life and save me.

 

It never happened to me in 28 years, it won't happen to you either.

 

I've said this before, just change your outlook. Love every single woman out there, love yourself, go out there with a smile on your face, ignore all the the self pity crap, or learn to look at it and laugh at it.

 

You might the very best bloke in the world, kind considerate, loving, thoughtful, moral, responsible...but that's not the criteria women will judge you on first meeting. They simply judge you on your opinion of yourself. If you are all these things...why are you sad?...you are misleading ALL around you.

 

I've had more dates in the last 3 months than I had in the last 29 years combined, and all because I changed my attitude. I am still the same person inside.

 

It's up to you!!!