I believe my girlfriend has a mental illness and I'm thinking about breaking up.

[ahall1701]

She's not the same anymore. The first few months were fine. After that, there was a gradual change. Now looking back she's not the girl I thought she was.

 

Met in school, she asked me out. We hit it off. Going fine.

 

No issues. Regular Sex after the first few months. My first LTR.

 

Then the downhill slide began. It all started with her new friends. New age church folk. Praise Jesus. Damn the sinners but love everyone.

 

She ate that stuff up. I went with her to church as I saw it was important to her. Some things I liked, some I didn't.

 

She began pressuring me to go every Sunday. She started going out with these early 40-year-old friends who would party ALL THE TIME. She began drinking after she graduated college with these people.

 

Que the faith healing (no bull****). Anti-science. Evil conspiracy theory. Anti-Vaccination. Illuminati control of government.

 

Oh yeah, she completely cut out sex early last year. That's right, I haven't had any sexual contact in over a year because "God wants us to be married first".

 

She thinks masturbation is a no no.

 

I'm talking about a woman that used to be a sexual tyrannosaurus. We used to go at it 5 times a day some days.

 

It's like she lost her mind.

 

She left a movie last month because she said "I think there's a demon on me". It was X-Men Apocalypse...

 

Two weeks ago, her church friends had a party at the head pastors home and someone brought cocaine. I was "blown" away when she told me about it. She said she didn't do any. She says she's against drug use. She was actually pretty upset when she told me about it. But refuses to stop hanging out with them.

 

I hate her friends. They're so ignorant, irresponsible and all wackos.

 

My girlfriend and I went on a break up a lil over a year ago. But I got sick of her rage episodes. She would hit my couch with the force of one thousand nukes. She would scream and be totally unreasonable. She would beat her car with her shoes and dent the crap out of it. I've posted her before

 

I left once and told her to grow up and get her anger in check. That lasted a few hours...

 

She broke up the second time.

 

Two months later she appeared at my doorstep wanting a second chance.

 

After a month of working through some things we got back together.

 

Nothing has changed really. It's either agree with her about this wacko Jesus stuff or conspiracy stuff or deal with her telling me I'm wrong for not doing research. On Youtube...

 

The anger episodes have stopped. I think only because I know how to avoid them. But I must admit, I feel as though I've lost myself in all of this mess.

 

My 16-year-old brother deals with autism. He's an amazing kid. He's come such a long way. You wouldn't know he deals with it if you met him.

 

Two days ago my girlfriend told me she believes vaccines can cause autism. That comment made me so mad. I didn't show it but I just said "no, they don't cause autism".

 

A 4.0 Journalism College Grad with the critical thinking skills of an ant.

 

She says when we have kids we need to raise them in the church and home school them.

 

She asks me several times a week if I'm going to propose to her soon.

 

I feel like I'm on an invisible countdown with this proposal deal.

 

She used to be different. I was looking into moving back home to California. She was totally on board with it for the first year and really excited. Then her wacko church friends told her that California was not safe. That there will be a disaster there "soon". That it will fall off the fault. Now she has no desire to ever go there.

 

I'm currently in the bible belt. Now I know why they call it that. I've been here for 6 years.

 

I've spoken to some colleges about schizophrenia. I work at a hospital.

 

It's hard because she's really the first person I've ever fallen for and my first real relationship. I do love her but it's becoming too hard to deal with.

 

Everyone thinks that she's this amazing girl who is always so sweet and nice. Every time I see her family they hint at putting a ring on it. I feel like only I see her for who she really is.

 

I'm at a loss what do. I believe a break up is imminent for my own well being.

Edited August 30, 2016 by ahall1701

[central]

I'm at a loss what do. I believe a break up is imminent for my own well being.

 

You're not really at a loss. You DO know what to do: break up with her. Now. And be prepared in case she goes off the deep end and does something to harm you.

[Standard-Fare]

I believe a break up is imminent for my own well being.

 

Agreed.

 

Mental illness or not (btw, nothing you say here makes me think it would be schizophrenia) - your GF has gone deep into a lifestyle you not only don't agree with, but actually detest. I'm getting no sense of hope that she will "come to her senses" and abandon this lifestyle at any point in the near future.

 

That means you have to leave. To me, your original idea of California isn't bad. The Bible Belt has done you wrong - maybe it's time to get out.

 

Leaving all judgments aside for a moment... let's say your GF's transition was a positive one for her spiritually and mentally. I'm sure that's how she views it. Ultimately, that doesn't matter to YOU because the changes have had a negative impact on your life.

[Larryville]

You're not really at a loss. You DO know what to do: break up with her. Now. And be prepared in case she goes off the deep end and does something to harm you.

 

I’m just wondering you took the time to write all of that, seem seriously clear to me you need to get the F out of dodge.

 

Usually when I see an OP thread so painfully obvious I always say to myself the problem is the OP and NOT the object of the post. Why do I say this? Because it shows me you believe you can’t do better.

 

I believe a break up is imminent for my own well being.

 

You believe? Imminent? Really!? Seriously? You clearly did not read your own stuff. Read again and if you do and you STILL don’t know what to you, again… YOU are the problem…

 

unless you don’t care about your own well-being. Never settle!

[Gaeta]

She does not have a mental illness, she has been indoctrinated by a sect.

 

There is absolutely nothing legal you can do. I have heard some family that have them kidnapped and put in special clinic to de-program them but it's a family matter, not yours as you are not married.

 

It's time for you to let go for good. There is no happy future with her. If you marry her you will marry that sect and all of their mumbo-jumbo belief.

[preraph]

Well, most people who become involved in cultish religions do have a mental instability that makes them vulnerable to that. I mean, to me it sounds like she entered a cult, and they take over your whole life. Now, I was just saying in another thread one of the happy couples I know suddenly became religious fanatics and changed drastically to their friends, became less tolerant of gays, etc. I mean, it's not good.

 

I don't think there is anything you can do about her except if she has a sane parent or sibling she's close to, before you break off with her, detail to them what is going on with her, let them know you're worried about her and feel she's in a cult and also may need psychiatric evaluation for mental illness. Then they will be there for support when you break up if she needs anyone besides the cult, which is unlikely.

 

I'm sorry. Hate to see it happen, but this is her now. Get out and run. If she ever "comes to" she knows where to find you.

[joseb]

I don't see any reason for you to stay.

 

Perhaps you can help.and give is one?

 

I'm not seeing much of a difficult decision....

[Hoosfoos]

Walk away, delete every trace of her on social media, change your phone number, and the locks.

[Miss Peach]

It sounds like you two just aren't compatible anymore and are changing into different directions. It sounds like you should break up just from that alone.

 

For some reason a lot of people start to demonize or assign illnesses to their relationship to get out of it. No need to do that. It's not a match. You are wanting to move in different directions. That's all you need.

[Satu]

The people she's involved with aren't good for her.

 

She's not good for you.

 

The solution is so obvious, that I don't need to state it.

 

Just do it.

 

 

Take care.

[notbroken]

This will get worse. You two are fundamentally incompatable. Not maybe - definitely. Not sure she is actually crazy but her ideas and yours don't mesh. Significant ones that would affect any children you might eventually have. Run. Don't look back. Run. Then run some more. Faster. Today.

[ahall1701]

Yes, I agree. Different. But just a couple of weeks ago she went through my new apt and rubbed oil on my walls and started saying "In Jesus Christ's name, demons leave, you have no power here". She did this all over my place. Two months ago she called me after a night of drinking. Her "friends" told her what they thought about her. Apparently it wasnt so nice. She told me she wanted to die since before she was 10-years-old. She was hysterical. She mentioned how her parents never noticed her, how she was small and could only scream to make her parents see her, ect. The fact that she is ok with associating with people who preach and do drugs is beyond me. I don't mind a regular church setting but this...? I'm not going to sugar coat this. This really really sucks, it won't be easy for either for me or her. I worry how she'll handle a break up.

[SwordofFlame]

So you won't break up with her because you're afraid of what she'll do to herself or you? It's time to get her professional help.

[ChickiePops]

Yes, I agree. Different. But just a couple of weeks ago she went through my new apt and rubbed oil on my walls and started saying "In Jesus Christ's name, demons leave, you have no power here". She did this all over my place. Two months ago she called me after a night of drinking. Her "friends" told her what they thought about her. Apparently it wasnt so nice. She told me she wanted to die since before she was 10-years-old. She was hysterical. She mentioned how her parents never noticed her, how she was small and could only scream to make her parents see her, ect. The fact that she is ok with associating with people who preach and do drugs is beyond me. I don't mind a regular church setting but this...? I'm not going to sugar coat this. This really really sucks, it won't be easy for either for me or her. I worry how she'll handle a break up.

 

That's not a regular church setting..that is a full blown cult, and your gf has been brainwashed.

 

 

Is an intervention an option? I'm actually worried that she might do something to harm you or herself or both of you..

[ahall1701]

I don't know if she would or wouldn't. She seems to crave male attention, another issue in our relationship, so I doubt she would be single very long. She did self harm in the ladder years of highschool. So within 5 years.

 

The reason I say that I wonder if she has a mental illness is because along with this "church", she tells me outrageous views about this fake organization called the illuminati, how they control the world through bloodlines like the Rockefellers and others. She isn't even going to go vote because in her mind this illuminati organization has already decided. Plus, hollywood actors are pawns and rape children. She also thinks jesus will come soon and the world will end in her lifetime. So there's that.

[Larryville]

So you won't break up with her because you're afraid of what she'll do to herself or you? It's time to get her professional help.

 

No SOF, I will say again, when I see people posting here in an obvious GTF out of dodge situation and they are here debating the obvious when everyone basically is saying the same thing… He needs counseling. Hell they are not married so WTF!?

 

Amazing that people are willing to completely waste their time and effort when they don't have too.

[ChickiePops]

I don't know if she would or wouldn't. She seems to crave male attention, another issue in our relationship, so I doubt she would be single very long. She did self harm in the ladder years of highschool. So within 5 years.

 

The reason I say that I wonder if she has a mental illness is because along with this "church", she tells me outrageous views about this fake organization called the illuminati, how they control the world through bloodlines like the Rockefellers and others. She isn't even going to go vote because in her mind this illuminati organization has already decided. Plus, hollywood actors are pawns and rape children. She also thinks jesus will come soon and the world will end in her lifetime. So there's that.

 

She didn't just randomly come up with all of that on her own..the cult taught her that.

 

 

As I said, she has been brainwashed. Where is her family in all this? Where are her friends? Surely other people in her life must have noticed this drastic change in her, no? Is there anyone you can get on your side?

 

 

This really does sound dangerous. I understand if you feel like you can't get involved and that you need to walk away but..this chick needs help..and fast.

 

 

As another poster above said, it does take a certain degree of mental instability and extreme vulnerability to succumb to a cult, especially one as drastic as this one seems to be..but I really doubt she's just pulling all this stuff out of her butt. Someone is feeding it to her.

[Standard-Fare]

OP, given the major instability you describe in your GF, I'm afraid you might have to go for a swift break that may come across as cold if not a little cruel.

 

If I were you, I'd make some firm plans for the future without your GF knowing. If you live together (not sure), find a new place and start packing. If you don't, get the locks changed if not consider a new residence. Prepare to cut her off from all forms of contact... including blocking her number on your cell phone, blocking her on social media, possibly even starting a new email address.

 

It sounds extreme, but you need to take steps to avoid prolonged, exhausting drama with a woman who no longer responds to any logic. She's too far gone for you two to "work through this" in any productive or efficient way.

 

I also liked someone else's suggestion to reach out to some of her family members/friends who are not associated with this religious group. Let them know that you're bailing, that you're very concerned, but that it can't be your problem anymore.

[Satu]

This relationship is going to end badly.

 

The only question is how bad you'll let it become before it ends.

 

 

Take care.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Another seemingly sane person in a relationship with a dysfunctional person....and not know to do the obvious.

 

Just leave her so you're not having this time-wasting, wishy-washy conversation online with total strangers.

[basil67]

Sorry mate, but I only made it about a third of the way through your post before thinking "why on earth is he with this nutcase?".

 

Then I saw the bit about her being an antivaxxer and conspiracy theorist and thought "I wouldn't have her as a friend, let alone a girlfriend"

 

The women is cray cray. Just dump her and go find a normal person.

[spiderowl]

It sounds like she's got in with the wrong people and it also too easily influenced by them. However, she does sound quite controlling - temper tantrums are a bit problem.

 

She has changed a lot from when you met her so you would be forgiven for giving up on this relationship. Why are staying in it - because you have been together a long time? Well sometimes you have to know when to give up on something.

 

It sounds like she is dictating terms and will continue to do so. It all sounds a bit 'on the edge' and as if she blinds herself to the dodgy behaviour of her fellow religious people but at the same time enforces religious rules on you. It is hypocritical but more than anything shows that her critical faculties are a bit warped. This is not good.

 

If she has an illness, I doubt you can do anything about it. Maybe you should think about what you want - whether you want to continue with her and try to support her through what might be a 'patch' of religious fervour or not. Do you want to split up? Do you want the chance of someone who doesn't have all this as part of the package? How do you foresee a future if you stay with her?

[ChickiePops]

Sorry mate, but I only made it about a third of the way through your post before thinking "why on earth is he with this nutcase?".

 

Then I saw the bit about her being an antivaxxer and conspiracy theorist and thought "I wouldn't have her as a friend, let alone a girlfriend"

 

The women is cray cray. Just dump her and go find a normal person.

 

Anti-vaxxer??? I missed that.

 

 

Screw her..dump and block, ASAP! Those people are disgusting.

[Gaeta]

I don't know if she would or wouldn't. She seems to crave male attention, another issue in our relationship, so I doubt she would be single very long. She did self harm in the ladder years of highschool. So within 5 years.

 

The reason I say that I wonder if she has a mental illness is because along with this "church", she tells me outrageous views about this fake organization called the illuminati, how they control the world through bloodlines like the Rockefellers and others. She isn't even going to go vote because in her mind this illuminati organization has already decided. Plus, hollywood actors are pawns and rape children. She also thinks jesus will come soon and the world will end in her lifetime. So there's that.

 

Wake up.

 

Her Guru is already doing her. It's typical of all those crazy cults. The head master of this sect is having sex with anyone he wishes, he brainwashes them to think it's holy, he also orders members to have sex with each other.

[ahall1701]

I've been to her church, it doesn't seem over the top culty. The head pastor seems alright. I believe it's her friends that are influencing her. But they do work at the church also (head singer/spiritual leader, youth minister). They believe that flat earth stuff, illuminati stuff, anti-vaxx, second coming, fake moon landings, faith healing crud. I think my gf doesn't agree with flat earth and moon landing point of view. Actually, she says she doesn't really care either way...

 

She'll probably believe it soon enough regarding flat earth and fake moon landing.

 

Oh man...

 

She spends all of her spare time with these people so no one really besides me has seen this change. She never really brings it up around other people. But she doesn't stop around me. She never really sees her parents. Maybe 1 every two months. There about an hour outside of town.