I believe my girlfriend has a mental illness and I'm thinking about breaking up.

[Gr8fuln2020]

I've been to her church, it doesn't seem over the top culty. The head pastor seems alright. I believe it's her friends that are influencing her. But they do work at the church also (head singer/spiritual leader, youth minister). They believe that flat earth stuff, illuminati stuff, anti-vaxx, second coming, fake moon landings, faith healing crud. I think my gf doesn't agree with flat earth and moon landing point of view. Actually, she says she doesn't really care either way...

 

She'll probably believe it soon enough regarding flat earth and fake moon landing.

 

Oh man...

 

She spends all of her spare time with these people so no one really besides me has seen this change. She never really brings it up around other people. But she doesn't stop around me. She never really sees her parents. Maybe 1 every two months. There about an hour outside of town.

 

Do you know what a cult is? So, a church of conspiracy theorists, flat earth, etc. is not over the top culty? Are YOU all there? :-S Why are you asking for opinions on this? There is only one answer, but you keep feeding this fire of a thread to get others opinions on....what, exactly?

[ahall1701]

I'm not saying I don't know the difference. I'm saying that these conspiracy theories are not brought up during their Sunday worship. Typically only when they all hang out as a select group of around 10 people. Not that it makes much of a difference. Everyone else there seems odd also. No need to get heated tho. Just looking for the best possible info. And yes, I am all there. Dumping someone after a long term relationship is never easy.

[Dis]

I'm not saying I don't know the difference. I'm saying that these conspiracy theories are not brought up during their Sunday worship. Typically only when they all hang out as a select group of around 10 people. Not that it makes much of a difference. Everyone else there seems odd also. No need to get heated tho. Just looking for the best possible info. And yes, I am all there. Dumping someone after a long term relationship is never easy.

 

You need to get out of this....now hun

 

Did you ever consider that her church "friends" might have an issue with you if you break up with her...or try to get her help (which would be pointless)...your saftey really could be in jeopardy by not just her but her but the people she associates with

 

Whether she has a mental illness or not is irrelevant...even if she did she'd never get professional help because of her beliefs

 

I'm actually concerned for you hun...I think all of us are...and thats why we're being blunt with you....this is a matter or saftey...not just an easey peasey break up

 

I think it was SwordofFlames who suggested you get moving on this quickly without your gf's knowledge...change locks...phone number....dont have a break up talk with her...dont explain yourself to her...just leave

 

Because you've been in this relationship for so long...you're not taking this as seriously as you should...we're just trying to wake you up alittle

 

Get moving on this now...if I were you I'd start first thing in the morning....I'd cut off contact immediatly....no explaination... nothing....I'd have my locks changed...maybe install a security system....block her number....block her on social media....just go MIA

 

This is a matter of saftey....get out now and please keep us updated hun

[Standard-Fare]

It doesn't even matter whether this religious group qualifies as a "cult" or not, or whether the GF has been officially "brainwashed" (though strong arguments could be made for both).

 

Bottom line, she's gone hardcore with a lifestyle and a belief system that has completely alienated her from her BF.

 

It would be the same if she'd suddenly gotten really into a mainstream religion, i.e. Catholicism, and was spending all her time on that, altering her behavior and beliefs in dramatic ways, and shutting off other interests.

 

If she wasn't Catholic when they started dating, and the BF wasn't participating in or respecting these changes, it would be the same type of relationship killer. Any religion, when embraced suddenly and rigidly and without logic, is going to seem insane to an outsider.

 

It would even be the same if she'd gone hardcore with a hobby that alienated the BF. I knew someone who had to break up with her BF because he got so into rock-climbing - it dominated all of his social life, his free time, his mental space - that she couldn't relate to him anymore.

 

Sometimes people just fundamentally change from who they were before. Usually these are just temporary phases, but when there's fanaticism and obsession, it will push away anyone who's not participating in the same interest.

[mortensorchid]

She sounds bipolar to me. See how she seems to swing from one extreme to another? She goes from the supposed good to the bad so quickly. I've known people like her, two women I can think of as a matter of fact. Both were very cute to look at, they were happy, cheerful, easy going. On the surface there is no reason why you wouldn't like them. Then after they won you over, they start to show the other side of themselves. And you don't realize until it's too late what unstable people they really are. Whether it's crying jags, explosive anger, destruction of property, etc.

 

The problem, however, is not necessarily the bad behavior, but what that person is doing to you. You, like the others she won over in the past, feel a conflict within. You like this woman, you care for her (as a friend or lover), and you don't think she is a bad person. You allow yourself to take her back how many times, thinking that you like and want to be a true friend to that person. And then they do something terrible again, they lie, scream at you and others, etc. And you take them back again. It's an abusive relationship where you are being abused and you don't realize how bad it is, or that this person is abusing not just the person they are with, but all people around them in some way.

 

As to the two women in question I referenced? One day, they both gave me attitude. They both, conveniently enough, blamed alcohol for their bad behavior like they always did. But I said enough was enough and I washed my hands of both of them. Both of them continued to go down destructive paths, I am free.

 

I hope you will be as well one day.

[gorf]

 

She's not the same anymore.

 

The first few months were fine. After that, there was a gradual change.

 

Now looking back she's not the girl I thought she was.

 

Translation: she is not the girl you were compatible with at the start.

 

You are no longer compatible with her. She changed her life, for her. You liked the old her, and that is gone. Now she has a new way of thinking. She is a different girl, different beliefs, different way of thinking, different goals, etc. You are not going to change that. In her eyes, you are only getting in her way and that is only going to clash worse with you too in the future if you both continue. She is not the same anymore, cause she is not the girl you were at one point in time compatible with.

[ahall1701]

I believe the best way will be through a text then go no contact.

[CarrieT]

I believe the best way will be through a text then go no contact.

 

Oh, PULEEEEZE....

 

Have the decently to break-up in person. A text is rude, avoidant, and cowardly.

 

Grow some balls and face her, at least.

[basil67]

Oh, PULEEEEZE....

 

Have the decently to break-up in person. A text is rude, avoidant, and cowardly.

 

Grow some balls and face her, at least.

 

Just not at your house. You need to be able to leave if the breakup gets all drama filled.

[ttherrera]

If you still love her, get her out of that church and find a new one. Frankly, I never heard any church having a party with cocaine, drugs, and get drunk. It's totally wrong.

 

And it's not mental illness. She is just being brainwashed.

[ahall1701]

Oh, PULEEEEZE....

 

Have the decently to break-up in person. A text is rude, avoidant, and cowardly.

 

Grow some balls and face her, at least.

 

I told her I wanted a break a little over a year ago due to her anger, face to face. She went out and beat her car with her boot heel denting her car pretty bad then stormed off into the night for about 5 mins. Came back in, collapsed on my floor and began crying for an hour hysterically at. My apartment. I'd really like to avoid that.

Edited August 31, 2016 by ahall1701

[CarrieT]

I told her I wanted a break a little over a year ago due to her anger, face to face. She went out and beat her car with her boot heel denting her car pretty bad then stormed off into the night for about 5 mins.

So what? It is her car, her boot, and her own anger issues.

 

Came back in, collapsed on my floor and began crying for an hour hysterically at. My apartment.

Then do it in a public place.

 

I'd really like to avoid that.

I don't think you will be able to avoid her anger, regardless if you are there are not. But breaking up via text is just wrong on so many levels.

[Standard-Fare]

I told her I wanted a break a little over a year ago due to her anger, face to face. She went out and beat her car with her boot heel denting her car pretty bad then stormed off into the night for about 5 mins. Came back in, collapsed on my floor and began crying for an hour hysterically at. My apartment. I'd really like to avoid that.

 

A breakup via text does seem bad for a long-term relationship, even given the craziness of this situation.

 

But yeah, absolutely do NOT do this in your own apartment. Can you think of any neutral, public spots? I'm thinking like ... a park or something. Or somewhere where you could take a walk together.

 

You'd want to be sure it's a place with other people around. Not, like, an intimate crowd that could overhear your conversation, but "witnesses" who might keep your GF's public drama in check.

[preraph]

Yeah, do it through a text and then block her and don't answer the door to her and call the cops if she keeps it up, because she is going to try to suicide blackmail you, no doubt. Doesn't mean she will, but do not give her the chance. If she can't find you, she can't threaten. Anyway, she's more into the cult than she is you. And yes, they are culty.

 

If she's been having issues since childhood, then yes she needs mental health work, but that is no longer your problem. Even if she went, they'd probably convince her all doctors and medicine are evil.

 

By the way, putting oil on the walls is "annointing" as in exorcising the house. She's got no reason to think your house is evil. She's very paranoid. Please text her you don't want any more contact with her. It's important to put that in writing and save it so she's legally on notice that you requested no more contact from her in case she goes nuts and you have to call the police, then you show them that and get a restraining order.

[ahall1701]

Original link:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593219-i-believe-my-girlfriend-has-mental-illness-i-m-thinking-about-breaking-up#post7033659

 

So I did it, I broke up with my girlfriend.

 

I realized that the relationship had no trust left and I decided to pull the plug. I can't fix her. She told me a few days before that I needed to be more into god. Saying that all the things she talks about are in the bible regarding the illuminati and other weird crap are real and not disprovable. She compared it to how I like scifi movies and collect memorabilia. She then said she thought that it was "weird as ****".

 

Last week, She started facebook messaging this other guy she met at her doctors office. She's had a history of giving out her phone number. I just went dark for about a day when she told me. I was tired of her feeding off of the attention of other men. She came over to my house the following day.

 

She said that she could have never come back or called because I didn't answer my phone or texts for a most of the day. She said that my poor communication was grounds for her to breakup with me. But she wants to be in the spirit. Basically she has the "flesh/spirit" thing where when you act sinful or ****ty or selfish you're acting in the "flesh" but when you’re good, forgiving, godly you're in the "spirit". Yeah... all 9f this while messaging this other guy relentlessly and shifting her body so I couldn't see the messages. Unfortunately for her there was a mirror behind her. I knew who she was messaging. Just dumb.

 

She said she loves me and wants marry me, I sort of conveyed similar but reserved feelings but my heart was not in it. Kind of that depressed feeling when you don't feel like saying anything because you're so heartbroken. If you want to read up on our history, I have posted here about a year ago. May allow more perspective into our relationship.

 

So yesterday, at work I texted her a long message as I'm better at conveying my feelings through writing. I told her that there was no trust and the relationship can't function without trust. That her behavior feels like projection. That she's jealous, controlling, and judgmental. How I didn't like how she openly gave out her contact info to other men and would message other guys on Facebook messenger and texts while seemingly moving her body so I couldn't see... I never looked at her phone but it wouldn't matter, her behavior obliterated my trust. I honestly don't know if she ever trusted me. How it is unethical that her friends are leaders in her church and do drugs. Her behavior with men was inappropriate, and that her illuminati stuff was mega weird and not ok. I told her I didn't feel like myself, like I was changing for her and not being me and I was done doing things for her. I told her how awesome I am as myself and that I'm funny, friendly and loyal.

 

I was sick of her checking my phone when ever I received a text. Tired of her jealous behavior when I would speak to my friends at the gym who are women. She was even jealous of a 45-year-old woman from work who would send me snapchats. She had men snapchat her every day. We're both in our 20s. She 24. Im 26. She would constantly ask if I thought other girls were prettier. She would say things like "please don't leave me". She raged at me for going swimming without her last month when she was working late. I just got worn down.

 

I left it at that. She tried to call. I will continue to ignore her. She sent a text to me basically saying that I don't really know her or her friends. She says she wants to meet up, not to change my mind but to get closure. She said a lot of things have been made clear to her about me.

 

Her final text: "I've debated for hours on what to say, and how to say it, but if you truly believe all that you have just said then you truly do not know me or my friends or any situation that has almost ever happened completely. I of course would like to meet up at some point, no to try and change your mind or mull over everything that already been mulled over countless times, but to just understand some things for closure for me. I'm not even asking you to respond to that now. But many things have been made clear to me about you and how you have been acting and how you just are. And sending a text to break up with someone who you said only last night that you loved and wanted to marry speaks for everything. A Text... A freakin text. It speaks wonders no matter what situation. I guess that's probably the most shocking to me of all. Sorry that this has been so horrible for you, it wasn't for me. Anyway, a text for a text. I really did love u Alexander. "

 

I don't intend to really respond except to get her stuff back to her.

 

The truth is that I feel good most of the time since the breakup. A little angry from time to time. Like a weight has been lifted. She would ask me every other day if I was going to propose. It felt forced and unnatural. Maybe she thought she was being cute but I think she was extremely insecure. That alone made me very uneasy. I felt like I was being pushed to marry her.

 

I did what I felt I had to do. To save myself and my sanity. And I stood up for myself because her behavior was not ok.

 

The lingering feelings are the hardest but I suspect those will pass over time. I just keep reminding myself of all the craziness and it helps put things into prospective. No more of her faith healing Bull**** and putting oil on walls and "commanding out demons" from my apartment.

 

Anyway, that Church she goes to is having a guy named Kent Hovind, who apparently just got out of prison, speak next week. Respectfully, **** THAT. That dude is wack and that kind of **** has my EX written all over it.

 

So, that said, Thank you everyone SOOOOO much for your support!!!!!!!

 

I feel ok You all have really helped me understand what was happening and put my relationship into perspective.

 

I'm just going to give back her stuff and GTFO.

[ahall1701]

Hey everyone, I posted an update. I hope I did this right. Sorry if I got it wrong.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/593455-i-dumped-her-save-myself-hurts-but-i-know-s-best

[Gr8fuln2020]

Good move. Now move on and find a healthier partner.

[Joebloggs91]

Good work. It sounds like you've done the right thing by taking care of yourself and putting yourself first for a change.

 

Just one thing to bare in mind; I went through a similar situation 3 years ago when I pulled the plug on a long term relationship, basically because she was always ill and I became her carer instead of boyfriend (read my posts for more detail) at first it felt like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, I had freedom. then after a few weeks it came back and the realisation hit me. You need to stay strong and not be tempted to go back. You'll no doubt miss the company but that's all it is. You made a decision, just don't let your emotion take control

 

Good luck

[Standard-Fare]

Her text response actually reads as rational. I guess that's good.

 

I think you know you did two things wrong here - as she rightly pointed out: 1) Told her you were still interested in marrying her the night before??? (No explanation you give for that I can understand, but you have your reasons) and 2) Broke up via text. (I know you felt that was your only way.)

 

Regardless of those factors, this move forward is significant and positive. And NECESSARY. So good job!

[marky00]

Sorry but I almost 100 percent sure OP will have second thoughts about this.

 

 

If he still has feelings for her (sounds like he does), the second-guessing will start soon.

 

 

Sometimes you have to look at the person and forget about all the other crap (church , friends etc).

 

 

If you break it off based on all those other things, that will cause you to second-guess later.

 

 

What you need to ask yourself is, if I was somehow able to take this person to an island and have a holiday or w/e, would the feelings be there?

 

 

Yes people change but from what I have seen, deep-down at the core, people never change.

[ZachFranklin]

Yes, she sounds mentally ill, or just delusional. She has those problems, and you have the symptoms. Never mind her. She is a lost cause and you know that. You certainly aren't going to change her so I have to ask, what the hell is wrong with you?

 

Examine why you have such low self esteem that you put up with even a small amount of this crap from any woman? And she is pressuring you to marry her? My God man, RUN!

[ahall1701]

Yes, she sounds mentally ill, or just delusional. She has those problems, and you have the symptoms. Never mind her. She is a lost cause and you know that. You certainly aren't going to change her so I have to ask, what the hell is wrong with you?

 

Examine why you have such low self esteem that you put up with even a small amount of this crap from any woman? And she is pressuring you to marry her? My God man, RUN!

 

 

I did!!! And I'm 100% sure I've made the right choice.

[ahall1701]

Sorry but I almost 100 percent sure OP will have second thoughts about this.

 

 

If he still has feelings for her (sounds like he does), the second-guessing will start soon.

 

 

Sometimes you have to look at the person and forget about all the other crap (church , friends etc).

 

 

If you break it off based on all those other things, that will cause you to second-guess later.

 

 

What you need to ask yourself is, if I was somehow able to take this person to an island and have a holiday or w/e, would the feelings be there?

 

 

Yes people change but from what I have seen, deep-down at the core, people never change.

 

-Flirting with other dudes

-Giving out phone number to other dudes

-Heavy drinking anytime drinking is going on

-Extreme Jealousy

-Phone Checking

-No trust toward boyfriend

-No reason to not trust boyfriend

-Super insecure

-Controlling

-3 a.m. drunk driving phone calls

-Saying she wanted to DIE since age 10

-Master minipulator

-Reborn Christian with conspiracy theory beliefs to the core

-Pushing those "belief" onto boyfriend in ultimatum fashion

-Never saying boyfriend was good enough, constantly wanting more youtube researching from him for "real" events...

 

I won't deny that I care for her. But I will not deny she has issues. Issues that are a dealbreaker.

[marky00]

The fact your on here getting advise to breakup concerns me in a way.

 

 

I mean if u were sure, why seek others opinions?

 

 

And that list u gave is a pretty long list to have for someone who isn't invested anymore??

 

 

Never breakup just to get on top or relieve anxiety. Breakup because you don't want to be with that person period.

 

 

Girls like this will never leave your head so just be warned u won't forget about her that easy.

[basil67]

The fact your on here getting advise to breakup concerns me in a way.

 

 

I mean if u were sure, why seek others opinions?

 

 

And that list u gave is a pretty long list to have for someone who isn't invested anymore??

 

 

Never breakup just to get on top or relieve anxiety. Breakup because you don't want to be with that person period.

 

 

Girls like this will never leave your head so just be warned u won't forget about her that easy.

 

We get many posters doing this. While I can't speak for the OP, mostly what the posters are seeking is validation that they aren't crazy for wanting to leave a relationship which no longer works for them. And in this case, he's certainly not crazy. She is.