I believe my girlfriend has a mental illness and I'm thinking about breaking up.

[basil67]

What you need to ask yourself is, if I was somehow able to take this person to an island and have a holiday or w/e, would the feelings be there?

 

They may possibly have a good start. And then she'll put on her tin foil hat and he'll know that he did the right thing.

 

Marky, I know you're hurting about your own failed relationship, but you've been on this site defending dumped abusers and nutters. Please consider whether or not a person deserves to be still in that relationship before projecting. People need support to get away from toxic relationships - not support to stay in them.

[marky00]

Doesn't matter if she is crazy or not. Its what's going to best for the OP long-term. Don't want him coming here next month saying he regrets the decision.

 

 

Also girls like this will be super defiant post breakup. In a week or so, u wont recognise her at all and that will throw the OP for sure. Unlike guys, once u break a girl's heart, its broken forever.

[basil67]

Doesn't matter if she is crazy or not. Its what's going to best for the OP long-term. Don't want him coming here next month saying he regrets the decision.

 

 

Also girls like this will be super defiant post breakup. In a week or so, u wont recognise her at all and that will throw the OP for sure. Unlike guys, once u break a girl's heart, its broken forever.

 

The thing which is best for the OP is to not be with a crazy girl. If he comes back next month, we will refer him to what he wrote and ask him to remind himself of the good reasons for leaving.

 

Honestly mate, are you seriously suggesting he stay with a religious nutter who's an antivaxxer and conspiracy theorist? Would YOU stay with such a person?

 

And it's rubbish about a girl's heart being broken forever. Most of us have a surprising amount of resilience. After a bit of wound licking, the far majority of us get back into dating again. The ex just becomes 'someone I used to know'

[marky00]

They may possibly have a good start. And then she'll put on her tin foil hat and he'll know that he did the right thing.

 

Marky, I know you're hurting about your own failed relationship, but you've been on this site defending dumped abusers and nutters. Please consider whether or not a person deserves to be still in that relationship before projecting. People need support to get away from toxic relationships - not support to stay in them.

 

 

I'm not defending. Just playing devil's advocate in a way. My point here is he can make a decision on the now which is fine. My only concern for him is how it will sit with him in a few weeks.

 

 

The girl I was with for many years is similar to the one he describes (except for the insecure bit) and yes I once tried to dump her. Been there so I know !!!

These types of girls get in your head (even if its for the wrong reasons), its just the facts.

 

 

I'm simply advising that dumping this type of girl, there is no going back. If she does take him back, she will milk for all its worth.

[basil67]

I'm not defending. Just playing devil's advocate in a way. My point here is he can make a decision on the now which is fine. My only concern for him is how it will sit with him in a few weeks.

 

 

The girl I was with for many years is similar to the one he describes (except for the insecure bit) and yes I once tried to dump her. Been there so I know !!!

These types of girls get in your head (even if its for the wrong reasons), its just the facts.

 

 

I'm simply advising that dumping this type of girl, there is no going back. If she does take him back, she will milk for all its worth.

 

If he's got half a brain, he won't want her back.

[marky00]

And it's rubbish about a girl's heart being broken forever. Most of us have a surprising amount of resilience. After a bit of wound licking, the far majority of us get back into dating again. The ex just becomes 'someone I used to know'

 

No, I meant that as for the OP, her heart will close off forever which is fine if he has thought that through.

 

 

She will be fine, don't worry about that. My concern is for the OP.

[basil67]

No, I meant that as for the OP, her heart will close off forever which is fine if he has thought that through.

 

 

She will be fine, don't worry about that. My concern is for the OP.

 

Of course her heart will close to him. That's what happens in a breakup. He's not stupid - he knows this.

 

But this breakup will leave him free to date good, kind and sensible women. Yes, he may feel weird for a while - like after the end of any relationship - but then he will wonder why he stayed so long. And he'll be fine.

[marky00]

Of course her heart will close to him. That's what happens in a breakup. He's not stupid - he knows this.

 

 

 

Not saying he's stupid. But surely you would admit that people breakup sometimes to get a power of position etc. I'm not at all suggesting that the OP has done that but I feel generally when people breakup, they mainly just think about the present, i.e. I want out of this thing because of blah blah blah. That might be out of anger, might be to get relief etc.

 

 

Sometimes in certain types of relationships like this, people are almost forced to become the dumper because they reach a boiling point where they are unhappy.

 

 

I may be wrong here but I kind of feel like she actually may be the real dumper here. She isn't going to cry in the corner on this one. And that may be a surprise to the OP. Time will tell.

[ahall1701]

Not saying he's stupid. But surely you would admit that people breakup sometimes to get a power of position etc. I'm not at all suggesting that the OP has done that but I feel generally when people breakup, they mainly just think about the present, i.e. I want out of this thing because of blah blah blah. That might be out of anger, might be to get relief etc.

 

 

Sometimes in certain types of relationships like this, people are almost forced to become the dumper because they reach a boiling point where they are unhappy.

 

 

I may be wrong here but I kind of feel like she actually may be the real dumper here. She isn't going to cry in the corner on this one. And that may be a surprise to the OP. Time will tell.

 

Sir, when your (ex) girlfriend tells you your whole family is going to hell for not believing in God...

 

When she constantly checks our other dudes in front of you...

 

When she constantly asks you to marry her, Every. ****ing. Day.

 

When she never has ANYTHING nice to say about your family and friends, while her family has a history of drug and alcohol abuse and you never, not once, say anything out of decency for your SO...

 

When she is so insecure she checks your phone all the time...

 

When she has a psychotic meltdown because you went to the pool while she was working... and talking horrific...

 

When she TRULY believes that your sister-in-law is possessed by a demon because she studies paleontology...

 

When you are consistently anxious because she expects you to tell her everything and update her but any deviation results in her being upset...

 

When she gives her phone number to men... to bring then to "church"...

 

When she gets upset when we visit my parents just for an hour...

 

When she neglects to tell you she was hanging out with another guy but the same behavior from you would result in Atomic Holocaust...

 

When she texts nothing but guys and then constantly checks your phone messages and asks 30 questions... "who's grace?"

"A 63 - year-old co-worker, babe..."

 

When she slaps you in the face and says "In Jesus name! Healed!" When you have a headache...

 

When your trust is obliterated by her absolute **** behavior...

 

When you realize that she truly believes the illuminati are hell bent of destroying the world amd the bloodlines are the highest power and hollywood actors are just pawns who have sex with children...

 

When she believes the pope is pure evil...

 

When she leaves to get drunk when her boyfriend learned he has auto immune disease and his best friend is in the ICU all in the same day...

 

When the relationship becomes shawshank...

 

When she rages and beats your dash to death...

 

When she drives drunk because her friends were mean to her...

 

When she has horrific double standards...

 

Then, come talk to me. Cause I don't know what the **** you're talking about, Mark.

 

Is she doing fine? The **** if I know!

Did she break up with me? No. I did when I realized that there was no trust. There was just bull****.

Will she be ok? I don't have any reason to doubt she will be. Count Cultula will help her, I'm sure.

Will I miss her? Yes, I will miss the girl she used to be, not this monster.

Will I come crawling back to her? I'll cut my ****ing arms and legs off before that ever happens.

Why did I put up with this for this long? I had hope. And I still hope she finds peace. No one deserves to live in pain and suffering.

Do I feel like I made the right decision? Yes, one of the hardest of my adult life. But when you act like a complete nut it makes it easier.

 

This is a women that cannot function without a partner. I suspect she has someone lined up.

 

But you know what I have?

 

Self-Respect and the knowledge that I'm a good man with good morals and looks. I will be fine.

 

You're welcome, sir.

[Zahara]

You made the right choice. I'm not sure how you tolerated this for the time you were with her. It's sometimes common for posters who are hurting to project their own situation and cause them to question your judgment but anyone reading these lists, looking from a position of emotional indifference will definitely support you in your decision to leave. Stay strong and focused on moving on.

[marky00]

Fair enough. Just sounded like u were making the decision with your head more than your heart. Not that that is a bad thing, sometimes that is necessary.

[preraph]

Original link:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/593219-i-believe-my-girlfriend-has-mental-illness-i-m-thinking-about-breaking-up#post7033659

 

So I did it, I broke up with my girlfriend.

 

I realized that the relationship had no trust left and I decided to pull the plug. I can't fix her. She told me a few days before that I needed to be more into god. Saying that all the things she talks about are in the bible regarding the illuminati and other weird crap are real and not disprovable. She compared it to how I like scifi movies and collect memorabilia. She then said she thought that it was "weird as ****".

 

Last week, She started facebook messaging this other guy she met at her doctors office. She's had a history of giving out her phone number. I just went dark for about a day when she told me. I was tired of her feeding off of the attention of other men. She came over to my house the following day.

 

She said that she could have never come back or called because I didn't answer my phone or texts for a most of the day. She said that my poor communication was grounds for her to breakup with me. But she wants to be in the spirit. Basically she has the "flesh/spirit" thing where when you act sinful or ****ty or selfish you're acting in the "flesh" but when you’re good, forgiving, godly you're in the "spirit". Yeah... all 9f this while messaging this other guy relentlessly and shifting her body so I couldn't see the messages. Unfortunately for her there was a mirror behind her. I knew who she was messaging. Just dumb.

 

She said she loves me and wants marry me, I sort of conveyed similar but reserved feelings but my heart was not in it. Kind of that depressed feeling when you don't feel like saying anything because you're so heartbroken. If you want to read up on our history, I have posted here about a year ago. May allow more perspective into our relationship.

 

So yesterday, at work I texted her a long message as I'm better at conveying my feelings through writing. I told her that there was no trust and the relationship can't function without trust. That her behavior feels like projection. That she's jealous, controlling, and judgmental. How I didn't like how she openly gave out her contact info to other men and would message other guys on Facebook messenger and texts while seemingly moving her body so I couldn't see... I never looked at her phone but it wouldn't matter, her behavior obliterated my trust. I honestly don't know if she ever trusted me. How it is unethical that her friends are leaders in her church and do drugs. Her behavior with men was inappropriate, and that her illuminati stuff was mega weird and not ok. I told her I didn't feel like myself, like I was changing for her and not being me and I was done doing things for her. I told her how awesome I am as myself and that I'm funny, friendly and loyal.

 

I was sick of her checking my phone when ever I received a text. Tired of her jealous behavior when I would speak to my friends at the gym who are women. She was even jealous of a 45-year-old woman from work who would send me snapchats. She had men snapchat her every day. We're both in our 20s. She 24. Im 26. She would constantly ask if I thought other girls were prettier. She would say things like "please don't leave me". She raged at me for going swimming without her last month when she was working late. I just got worn down.

 

I left it at that. She tried to call. I will continue to ignore her. She sent a text to me basically saying that I don't really know her or her friends. She says she wants to meet up, not to change my mind but to get closure. She said a lot of things have been made clear to her about me.

 

Her final text: "I've debated for hours on what to say, and how to say it, but if you truly believe all that you have just said then you truly do not know me or my friends or any situation that has almost ever happened completely. I of course would like to meet up at some point, no to try and change your mind or mull over everything that already been mulled over countless times, but to just understand some things for closure for me. I'm not even asking you to respond to that now. But many things have been made clear to me about you and how you have been acting and how you just are. And sending a text to break up with someone who you said only last night that you loved and wanted to marry speaks for everything. A Text... A freakin text. It speaks wonders no matter what situation. I guess that's probably the most shocking to me of all. Sorry that this has been so horrible for you, it wasn't for me. Anyway, a text for a text. I really did love u Alexander. "

 

I don't intend to really respond except to get her stuff back to her.

 

The truth is that I feel good most of the time since the breakup. A little angry from time to time. Like a weight has been lifted. She would ask me every other day if I was going to propose. It felt forced and unnatural. Maybe she thought she was being cute but I think she was extremely insecure. That alone made me very uneasy. I felt like I was being pushed to marry her.

 

I did what I felt I had to do. To save myself and my sanity. And I stood up for myself because her behavior was not ok.

 

The lingering feelings are the hardest but I suspect those will pass over time. I just keep reminding myself of all the craziness and it helps put things into prospective. No more of her faith healing Bull**** and putting oil on walls and "commanding out demons" from my apartment.

 

Anyway, that Church she goes to is having a guy named Kent Hovind, who apparently just got out of prison, speak next week. Respectfully, **** THAT. That dude is wack and that kind of **** has my EX written all over it.

 

So, that said, Thank you everyone SOOOOO much for your support!!!!!!!

 

I feel ok You all have really helped me understand what was happening and put my relationship into perspective.

 

I'm just going to give back her stuff and GTFO.

 

 

Congratultions on taking your life back. It's very telling that the thing she harangued you about the worst in her response was breaking up via text. That's because it effectively defangs her from being able to keep guilting and manipulating you and threatening suicide. Now, block her so you can't even read or see anything she's going off about and let her deal with it, and you don't have to anymore. You can move forward. It's not like she needs closure. You've talked about all this before. Someday she'll maybe understand why you'd said you had hoped to marry her too right before you called it off.

[ahall1701]

Congratultions on taking your life back. It's very telling that the thing she harangued you about the worst in her response was breaking up via text. That's because it effectively defangs her from being able to keep guilting and manipulating you and threatening suicide. Now, block her so you can't even read or see anything she's going off about and let her deal with it, and you don't have to anymore. You can move forward. It's not like she needs closure. You've talked about all this before. Someday she'll maybe understand why you'd said you had hoped to marry her too right before you called it off.

 

I didn't want to do it over text but we spoke earlier and she minipulated the whole situation. I didn't want her to cloud my head. She has gaslighted me before, multiple times in the relationship. You know, I feel like I have a little bit of clarity coming out of this. I know I did right. I did want to marry her for the longest time. But once I began to realize that bringing children and my personal happiness into the mix, it was her desires that always trumped mine. I didn't want children exposed to her new lifestyle. And I wanted to be happy being me, not someone she wanted to change. She was always trying to change me. Telling me I needed to read the bible more, be more spiritual and so on. I just felt like I had lost who I was. Mix that with her behavior and I saw a very unhappy, unfulfilled life.

[preraph]

I didn't want to do it over text but we spoke earlier and she minipulated the whole situation. I didn't want her to cloud my head. She has gaslighted me before, multiple times in the relationship. You know, I feel like I have a little bit of clarity coming out of this. I know I did right. I did want to marry her for the longest time. But once I began to realize that bringing children and my personal happiness into the mix, it was her desires that always trumped mine. I didn't want children exposed to her new lifestyle. And I wanted to be happy being me, not someone she wanted to change. She was always trying to change me. Telling me I needed to read the bible more, be more spiritual and so on. I just felt like I had lost who I was. Mix that with her behavior and I saw a very unhappy, unfulfilled life.

 

I completely understand. People who manipulate, the only way is to cut off communications. You can't reason with her, as I'm sure you know. She's probably taken on a role of trying to transform others in order to not have to deal with changing herself.

 

The smartest thing you will probably ever do in your life was choosing here not to have children with her. For starters, they likely would inherit her mental illness, and even if it wasn't inheritable, being around her would have mess them up. You did the right thing there. Go forward and don't worry about her. She may have mental issues but she is strong willed and has plenty of survival skills up her sleeve. Yes, she would have tried suicide blackmail because that's just one of her vast repetoire of manipulation tactics. But nothing you've said about her makes me think she's about to end her own life. And if she does, it's not your fault. It's her own for not seeking professional help.

[ahall1701]

Perhaps the longest post ever on this site. If you read this, just know that I'm in a state of recovery. I believe my ex gf to be mentally ill with Borderline Personality Disorder or some similar issue. But if you're in a similar situation with a similar person, you can be free! You can start to heal!

 

 

I APPOLOGIZE FOR THE WALL OF TEXT. TRIED TO FIGURE FORMATTING OUT

 

This is my story...

 

Reading this will give you an account of nearly 3 years of what can be described as a slow and gradual change of my mental state due to extreme stress, manipulation and abuse by my (ex) girlfriend. 3 years is a long time if you’re living day after day with a partner you cannot predict, trust or rely on. 1,095 days. Now this is a one sided account of a toxic relationship. From her angle I don’t know what she must think of me, epically now. I’m a very relaxed, cool and collected guy. Mostly an introvert. I have a good relationship with my family and friends.

 

January 2014, I began my last semester of college. I took an acting class to satisfy a minor. The first day of class I stepped onto the elevator and a cute 20-year-old 5’7” blonde girl got on after me. She was much more excited to be there then I was. She looked at me and asked if I was going to acting class. I said “yes” and ignored her for a week during class. Eventually, I began to notice her. We began flirting with one another and talking. After a few weeks she asked me out on a date. I said yes.

 

Our date was short, we ate, we chatted and we said goodnight. It was ok.

 

A few weeks later I asked her out and after that we hit it off. I honestly had no idea what I was doing. Me, a 25 year old guy who had never, ever been in a serious relationship. Never had sex and didn’t know the first thing about women. What I thought was normal relationship development in hindsight was red flags after red flags that continued for years. Her level of attraction for me was off the charts within a month. I’m not talking a small text message or little kisses.

 

We’re talking paragraphs of text about how she feels about me and endless kissing when she saw me. I didn’t know what was happening. Sure, I was flattered but I felt that this was too much too soon. We became official in 3 weeks. Within a month we were having sex every day. She was my first everything. I was her second. She would call me and text me all the time. Within 6 weeks she told me she could see herself marrying me. I was honestly not on the same page. I thought it strange how she became attached so quickly. I didn’t have deep feelings yet. I liked her but not nearly at the same level. But I figured her attraction level wasn’t a problem. I was comfortable. But within a couple months. Things began to change… My routine that I had always known when I was single was school, work, homework, gym, sleep, eat and friends. I had no problems in my life. I knew that with a girlfriend I would have to shake things up a bit but that wasn’t a problem. Until it was.

 

Nearly every single day she would want to see me, sleep over, eat with me, study, whatever. My workouts began to erode into 4 days a week instead of 6. Eventually I became overwhelmed with her need to constantly see me. I began to push back. I loved my “me” time. She didn’t like that. I would want an hour to workout. She would sound pouty and disappointed. She would ask me not to go into work so she could see me. Obviously this never happened as work is work.

 

She then began to ask me if I wanted to go with her to this new found church she started to go to a few weeks before she met me. I flat out said “no thank you”. I was never raised to go to church, believe in the bible or anything regarding theology. I had and continue to have respect for others beliefs. But when you never ever go to church, study anthropology, have a brother that is a head curator for a paleontology dept. in a museum and have another brother who proclaims he’s atheist, you develop a totally different view on how things are, respectfully. That said, I have never denied the possibility of an all-powerful being, but I’ll never put much stock in it when I get a flat tire or illness. She was okay with this.

 

Then I met her friends. A curious bunch. People with an average age of 40. Mostly men but some married. All go to the church that she began to get involved with. Her friends actually started this church. They’re from Kansas. When I first met them, it was drinking and cards against humanity. I thought they we fine, it was fun.

 

As the relationship progressed she began going every Sunday. Eventually, I went, I didn’t want to but I know relationships are a two-way street. You do things for your partner, right? I told her I’ll probably start on fire when I walk in. She laughed. We went. Then we left. I did not have a desire to go again. This was the first few months of our relationship. I lived in a house with one roommate at the time. A good friend, his name is Brandon.

 

Things were going fine until one night we came back from her friends and she had a little too much to drink. Unfortunately, she stumbled into my room and knocked a replica 1968 Mustang off my shelf and broke it. I was disappointed but not upset. To my surprise, she began pleading for me not to hit her, she nearly fell into my closet as she backed away from me. My expression was basically Mr. Spock when he was perplexed. Raised eyebrow and all. Then she began to plead with me saying “just break up with me, just break up with me!” I really didn’t know what to do. I told her to calm down and relax, that the car was replaceable and that it was ok. Eventually she calmed down. She told me her previous boyfriend was abusive and would hit her. She said she reverted to a past trauma that she experienced with her (ex) boyfriend. She fell asleep soon after that.

 

That was the first red flag.

 

I would occasionally go to church with her to appease her. Though I didn’t believe any of that stuff I went. Her church friends. I would grow to hate them. All of them. Like I’ve never hated people before. A collective group of broken spirits and bad decisions.

 

Throughout the entire relationship, she would party with them. Drinking into all hours of the night during the summer. Myself, I don’t care for alcohol. If I never had it again I wouldn’t care. I’d probably like it.

 

(These are the friends my ex hung out with)

 

AJ, the spiritual leader of the church, 40-years-old, married, 3 children.

 

Katie, the youth minister, 28-years-old, single.

 

Pat, a church goer, 39-years-old, single.

 

These people are key players to the story. They all have history going back a decade or more.

 

My ex met these people a few weeks before she met me. According to her, she has always had a hard time finding friends and fitting in. I graduated in May, 4 months into our relationship. Our summer was relaxing, fun and full of getting to know each other, our families and friends. We had sex nearly every day. So much that she went to the doctor twice because her vagina became sore.

 

She worked part-time during the summer. I was always full-time.

 

Eventually, I noticed that she became more instant on me going to church. And then I noticed that she began to dislike my roommate. More red flags. But being new to relationships, I flew right over them.

 

I work in an emergency room at the local hospital. Women outnumber men in hospitals. I began to notice her insecurity that I was around women every day. I would come home from work and tell her about my day. I would bring up a female colleague and she would ask me things like “is she prettier than me?”, “who’s that?” It became constant every time I mentioned someone at work that was a woman. At first I was flattered. Then I began to not talk about women at work so I could avoid her insecure questions.

 

When I would get texts from women I work with (mind you these messages we ALL related to work, work scheduling, scripts) she would aggressively ask “who is such and such?” It was ridiculous.

 

I moved out of my home into an apartment with a new roommate as the house I was living at was no long where I wanted to live. My ex seemed very happy as she told me she didn’t like Brandon. Once at the new apartment, she began showing signs that she didn’t like me new roommate. And eventually told me she didn’t like him either. My new roommate, George, is a good guy also. In hindsight the only explanation I can think of is isolation. She wanted me all to herself.

 

Now these church friends… My ex came over after spending time with them and told me that they discovered how to heal people with the power of prayer. This was 8 or 9 months into the relationship. She also began talking about speaking in tongues around the same time. REALLY WEIRD STUFF. I’ll never forget the first time she put her hand on my head when I had a headache. “In Jesus name! Healed!” “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… what are you doing?” I asked. Her friend AJ was the person influencing her.

 

That’s where the arguments began. These church friends were warping her mind with their wacko Jesus stuff. She would become upset with me for not attending church with her. She began going out more and more with these church friends, drinking, carrying on and reading the bible. She was baptized right before we met. Her friends eventually told her how it was never going to work with me unless I accepted Christ and was baptized in the Holy Spirit. She disagreed with them, until she didn’t.

 

Her shoving this new found faith down my throat became a constant battle. I was then introduced to the mentally unstable side of her. And it was horrid. She began “faith healing” all the time. Have a neck ache? HEALED! Have knee injury? HEALED! I was sick of it. I told her it was all bull****. How her friends are crazy and she’s going down the rabbit hole with them. She would have bouts of rage, she would slam her fists into my dashboard. She would constantly need attention. She would swear at me like a 1940’s WWII sailor. Her saying “**** you” and other things became common place. Not once did I ever behave that way or swear at her. Then she told me how she wants me to get baptized.

 

This behavior went on until March of 2015. I began to notice she also craved attention from other men. She would go party with her church friends. On one occasion, she leaned her head on Pats shoulder. He then approached her and said he was attracted to her.

 

Side Note: She did go on a date with Pat one time before meeting me.

 

She became upset because Katie called her out on her flirty behavior. My ex called me sobbing and I had to go pick her up and take her home. Her calling while upset was common when she hung out with her church friends. I didn’t pick up on the red flags. Blinders were full on.

 

Eventually she would become dismissive to me in front of her friends. Then she would deny she did anything wrong. One night we were supposed to meet my brother and she changed plans at the last minute. I went to pick her up and she became dismissive and rude. I left and told her that her behavior was horrid and rude. She denied that she did anything. That night she had another rage episode and beat my dashboard while screaming and crying.

 

That night I told her I needed a break. She flipped out. Went to her car and began beating it with her boot. Then she stormed off into the night only to come back a few minutes later. Crying and lying on my hallway floor in my apartment complex. To avoid police I brought her inside and took her back.

 

I began developing anxiety when she would text or call. If I didn’t respond quickly she would bombard my phone. My resentment was building and building. She began drinking with her church friends all the time. She started drinking and driving occasionally.

 

In March-April we were half-assed planning a trip to Europe. Actually it was more like she was planning it. I had become so anxious and exhausted from her that I just decided I’d try to go. But as I did the numbers and looking at how I worked two jobs. I realized I could not swing it. When I told her that I was not going to be able to go she erupted with rage. Told me I needed to quit my “stupid” jobs and man up. Stop being a “pussy”. “You’re too prideful of your jobs”, “Don’t ever ****ing talk to me again”.

 

Her text reads: “This is complete ****ing bull****. You have literally screwed me over in the worst ****ing way possible. This was my dream, my one ****ing dream and you have ruined it. You RUINED my one dream. You lied to my ****ing face because u can’t man up and quit a dumb ****y job that you don’t even like. **** your pride. I could probably pay for all of your **** and still u wouldn’t go to Europe, with your girlfriend. That’s pretty ****ing messed up. Every ****ing day I have dreamed of going, with you, and you have crushed that. Every day I wished and hoped u would be excited that u would even talk about it. But u don’t. Ur own family doesn’t even know u “decided” to go. Guess I was the only obvious one. Thanks for ruining my whole day, week, year, life. And that’s all on you. I could have found someone else could have planned things different but it’s too late now cause you don’t have the balls. I have never been so ****ing heart broken in my whole ****ing life. **** you seriously. You have screwed over my one dream. My one dream is gone. Thank you.”

 

I compromised. A month. We were going to go. Then her church friends started getting her into prophecy and then they began to believe movies we telling people of future events. It was crazy. The faith healing was off the charts. Then my grandmother funeral happened. She did not go with me. When I returned home she broke up with me.

 

At that point, my stress was so high, my will power was beaten down so badly that I didn’t know what to do. I fell into a deep depression. It was BAD. What did I do? I thought. Eventually I go on an anti-depressant regiment. Two-months later and no contact since the breakup, I was feeling ok.

 

The she came back. She came to my work. Fresh off the flight from Europe. She went with Pat as platonic friends is what she told me.

 

She told me all the nice things that an abused partner wants to hear. I’m sorry, I love you, I want you, I made a huge mistake. I’m not hanging out with those people anymore. I was terrible. I can change.

 

She went to my parents house, she went to my place, she called, called my friends. Basically became a stalker. I took her back. I felt so beat down. So tired of being depressed. It felt good to be wanted. But we never ever had sex again. NEVER.

 

I got baptized to appease her, I went to church with her to make her feel good. But guess what? She didn’t change. She got worse.

 

She began flirting with other men in front of me more and more. She went out drinking with those church friends all the time again, gave her phone number out to other men to bring them to church. Hardcore Evangelist. The rage episodes started again, but now in my new car. Eventually I learned how to avoid them. I hated myself. I loved her.

 

She would look at other men in front of me and when I called her out on being disrespectful she would manipulate me and tell me I was insecure.

 

She began believe these conspiracy theories about the Illuminati and how they controlled the world. That vaccines cause autism. That the world would end soon. That Jesus was coming back in her lifetime. If I didn’t pretend to agree she would rage. She thought Hollywood actors were all child molesters. She believed that the pope was evil. She was going nuts.

 

She was a monster. She became extremely jealous, controlling and even more abusive.

 

A few months ago my ex had a complete meltdown over the fact that I went swimming with my family for two hours while she was working. She called me after work and I told her what I had been doing. I told her I went swimming and the she actually hung up on me. It sounds outrageous, because it is. We were going to hang out but instead she sent a message that said "glad you had fun, I'll see you tomorrow". Passive aggressive to the letter as we were going to hang out. I then explained that her behavior was ridiculous as there was no problem in my going swimming. I then said I was going to my brothers to grill and invited her. No response no answers to a couple calls. So I stopped. I got to my brother and gave it one last shot. She answered and basically tried to make me feel like ****. She yelled and called me a liar saying that I planned this all along without her. All this stuff today was last minute while she was working...

 

She then continued to hang up on me countless times. So I stopped and grilled out at my brothers.

 

While there she sent several self-pity messages, called and even went to my place after 1am when I was not there. I didn't answer any calls or texts. I needed my space. I didn’t want to escalate the situation more. Then she sent the message..."Well I'm at your house. Don't worry about seeing me again for a while."

 

To this...

 

"I am home. I don't have words for the way that I have been treated. Alex, I'm sorry that I got upset and hurt that you did all these things and I have felt left out, but that is never, ever a reason to treat me the way you are. I would never ignore you for this long for ANY reason. I have nightmares all the time about how u ignore me and just don't talk to me. I may have been upset but I would never do this to you. I have tried everything, even though I truly have been hurt, and yet still nothing from you. This is so humiliating and heartbreaking. I actually don't have words for how I feel. I really needed you tonight. It's been tough for me for a while and I let some fears get to me. You were not only not there but you made me feel about as small as possible. I really really needed you. I really really needed you..."

 

All I did was go swimming...

 

Eventually we reconciled.

 

A few weeks later I was in bed and saw 16 missed calls from my ex. It was after midnight. I called her back and she was in a hysterical panic. She had been drinking with her church friends. Apparently the three friends were making fun of her for having chest pains the other night when they were drinking and hanging out a few days prior. I can only imagine that they took it too far and began to be cruel to my ex. I got up and picked her up at a parking lot that she drove to. She was drunk driving. There she explained that they were calling her names and saying she was abusive to her roommate. She was very upset and then she admitted to me that she has wanted to die ever since she was 10.

 

I was stunned. Eventually I calmed her down and she explained that she has no friends, has never been able to make friends and that "no one is like her".

 

She did have a history of cutting herself in high school from what she told me.

 

I took her back to my place and she crashed.

 

I took her to X-Men Apocalypse the next day to get her mind off things. I'd been pretty excited to see it. It did not go well. 15 minutes into the movie she started complaining about chest pain, dizziness and blacking out during a specific part of the movie. I told her we should go to the hospital. She's 5'7 at 155lbs.

 

We left the movie and went into the lobby. I had her sit and told her to tell me what she was feeling. She told me she didn't really have so much chest pain. She then told me that it was more her "mind".

 

She said the "Evil" parts of the movie were making her feel "out of it".

 

Then she told me "I think there's a demon on me". I just looked at her with a blank stare. I was pretty mad about missing out on the movie but I didn't show it. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yes.

 

We walked to the car in the parking garage. Once in the car she explained how she was going to have a panic attack (something that has never happened while I’d known her). She jumped out of the car and started walking, sometimes running, up the parking garage from 2nd floor to 6th. This went on for over 20 minutes with me following her the entire time wondering "WTF". Eventually we got back to the car and she began reading the bible out loud.

 

I took her back to my place and we went to bed. She got out of bed after a while and took a bible to the living room and began reading it out loud.

 

Eventually in June of 2016 she began telling me I need to be the spiritual leader. She said that I wasn’t doing enough. She told me my family was going to hell.

 

Throughout all of this, nearly every day, she would ask me when I was going to propose to her. NEARLY. EVERY. DAY. She kept at it. Driving me crazy.

 

She told me that she's not even going to vote for the presidential election because the illuminati have already decided who's going to be president and that the end of the world will be soon after. This is so sad to me. It really breaks my heart but I know this kind of thinking is really unhealthy. I'm mean I even explained how the voting system works in great detail. Nope. I'm wrong apparently.

 

Near the end it was all about the illuminati, and her craziness. Then my ex and Katie went to the head pastors home, they were house sitting. They wanted to host a small party and called some people. I had to work early at 7 a.m. and I didn't feel like drinking so I stayed home and crashed around 11.

 

AJ arrived in his car with Pat and some other dude. This other dude [40-45M?] just got out of prison on 10 year cocaine distribution charge and had just started going to the church. Then my ex texted this other guy named Dan [29M] to come to the party. Dan has one thing on his mind when they all hang out, my ex. She knows I have an issue with him because he has disrespected our relationship a few times. Dan shows up with 10 other of his friends. Sometimes my ex neglected from telling me if he was at a party she was at. Plus she has a double standard, if I even mention another girl she questions me like an FBI agent. I just don't hang out with other women to avoid the headache.

 

Now, they're all getting drunk at this party and this ex-con pulls out a bunch of cocaine. Apparently AJ and Pat brought him there knowing that this ex-con was going to bring cocaine. Pat snorted some up then other people followed.

 

My ex told me she didn't do any and felt extremely uncomfortable. She told me that the ex-con got scared when other people started showing up and pushed the powder in a bag off the table and took off. AJ apparently didn't have any. But Katie put her hand on the table and licked off what was left of the cocaine.

 

MY ex stayed for about an 1/2hour-hour and then came over to my place at 2 in the morning.

 

She told me all of this. But she brought it up by saying “Imagine that you just found out that your father has been raping children most of your life, that’s how I feel”.

 

She then told me she still wants to be friends with these people. Her reasoning is that "they're my only friends". She thought as long as they are not doing it or talking about it around her it's fine.

 

I told her that I was not ok with that. I also said that her decision to stay friends with some of them makes me question her judgment and that she needs to look at the bigger picture. But I was already planning to leave by this point. When I saw she was Facebook messaging a guy she just met at her work I snapped. I blew up about the hypocrisy. I then ignored her calls for a day. A few days later I sent her a text after I realized how miserable I was and how there was no relationship. She had become the absolute worst person on Earth.

 

I sent a long text about her issues and how we were done.

 

I rid myself of her, her cult friends and put myself first. I hate her. I hate everything about her. She is a monster. I don’t love whatever she is. She’s not human. I honestly don’t believe I ever loved her. But I’m going to move forward. I’m going to live better, be better and forget about her.

 

I deserve WAYYYYY better. She deserves the worst.

 

If you're suffering from being with an abusive partner, I can tell you. You can get free. Free from hurt. Free from heartbreak. Free from disparity. You are worth it. You deserve the best of life. Age doesn't matter. No level of abuse is ever ok. You deserve respect, love and to feel safe.

 

My road ahead is uncertain. I've got $130 in my bank after finally being ride of her. But my family and friends have been wonderful. I lean on them. Yes, some moments I miss her. Some moments I wonder what she is doing, who she is with. But I know my worth. I know that I don't need to change. A big lesson. One I'll never forget.

[Nadine123]

great job! Im so happy for you You deserve much better in life and Im glad you finally realized it. It is now to move on and live life happily and peacefully.

 

By time, you wont even be thinkig about her anymore.

[aloneinaz]

Op, your focus SHOULD NOT be on a diagnoses of this now ex. Your focus needs to be on yourself and identifying why you'd of tolerated even 10% of her behavior.

 

Clearly you know you should have ended this years ago. I'd really suggest you speak to a trained professional like a psychologist to uncover your issues. I don't mean that negatively. I mean everyone (including myself) who has stayed in a toxic relationship has work to do on themselves so they never, ever think about staying in something like you described.

 

If you haven't changed your phone number, you need to. I would avoid her like the plague and vanish from her life.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Hi Ahall

 

Abusive relationship? Yes. Your girlfriend had her share of issues? Definitely! BDP? It feels like that term is thrown around online far too often to call it "something" but consider this...and please take it in the spirit it is intended:

 

I keep seeing people talk about being involved with a BDP person for upwards of 10 years and to me, in my limited experience with psychology, it doesn't take a lot to deduce that if you have spent that long of your life with someone that is considered mentally unwell, then there also has to be something definitely unhealthy with your own mental state prior to entering that relationship.

 

You can be randomly chosen by someone who is mentally unstable and you can fall prey to their ways for a few years tops but if you are with someone for many years, then it stops being a random victim/predator scenario.

 

Three years is not a long time, and most importantly you as well are very young and I'm just going to put out there the notion that you met your ex when she was 20 years old, which means at 20 people are just beginning on the journey of self-discovery to become responsible adults.

 

Add to this the fact that at 20 years of age it is scientifically proven that the brain is still under development, we don't stop developing our brain even though the brain is fully grown after puberty it does not form its full adult shape making us incapable of making significant life decisions until late into our 20's.

 

On top of that, in this case in particular of your ex, she fell with the types of characters that were highly influential in a very negative way.

 

Why do you think so many cults, fascist groups, and extremists like to recruit young people? Why do you think there are so many political groups and even the CIA likes to prospect campuses for potential recruits?

 

It's an easy target, it is like shooting fish in a barrel in comparison to other areas of society because young adults are at their most impressionable and vulnerable at the ages of 18-25.

 

So everything that I just describe definitely played a HUGE role in your ex's life and possibly behaviour. Now I am not discounting that she may have something off with her mentally, she may very well have, and that is why some people are more susceptible than others and are more easily influenced.

 

As Aloneinaz said, you would benefit far more from looking at what it is that kept you attached for so long to this girl and figure out why you accepted a lot of what you did. At your age, we can chalk it off to lack of experience, first relationships experience etc. But because of all the factors I named earlier you want to be able to not repeat this pattern again.

 

It is a known fact that you will attract variations of the type of girl you already attracted until you are able to determine what is it in you that enabled the relationship to continue on even after knowing it was unhealthy.

 

That is the only way you will be capable of steering clear and cutting your loses at a much earlier stage of the game in order to be with that someone who is healthy and who will be your emotional equal. That takes work, it takes work on yourself.

 

Start educating yourself now at an early age what you need to do next time when you see the warning signs.

 

I hope this sheds a different light/perspective into an otherwise easy way to writ off a toxic relationship that you also played a role in.

Edited September 8, 2016 by Sunkissedpatio

[ahall1701]

Hey everyone! It's been a month since I left and wanted to update you all on my status.

 

Life is going really great! I've maintained no contact with ease. My stress is all but a thing of the past and I feel like my stable old self for the most part.

 

I've been hanging with my friends and have been really having a great time being single. It's amazing how much stress an unhealthy person/relationship can put on your life.

 

I've been keeping a regular routine and have increased my workouts to where they used to be before I met her. 6 days a week at 2.5 hours a day. Feels good!

 

I've been getting phone calls from random numbers for the past month but I don't answer them. A few days ago her boss (a mutual friend) texted me to see how I'm doing. I didnt respond. There's only 4 people who work in that building. I'm sure she has told them a great deal so I'm avoiding that. Not sure if its her fishing for info, don't care. I have totally broken ties with everyone in her social circle. And I can honestly say I don't miss any of that craziness. I went to a movie last week and it felt so good to not worry about having to leave because she thinks there's a demon on her... no more!!!!

 

Anyway, I'm looking at heading back out to L.A. in the next few months. Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for your help!!!

 

Cheers!!