Deniselake Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Recently seperated after 27 years n having difficulty with aloneness. Been with husband since i was 15 and never been alone before. Looking for strength courage and advice Link to post Share on other sites
Lowrider93 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Hi Denise, I know what your feeling all too well, when your with someone for that long it's difficult to know where to start on rebuilding your life, do you have friends or family that you can lean on for support. This is your time to reconnect with who you are, not as a wife or a mother, if you have children you will always have them but you will have to regain your sense of Self, so often you can lose that when living in those other roles. What do you enjoy doing, what makes you happy, is there anything you have always wanted to do that you never had time for? Get out and meet people and make new friendships. We're all here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
LancasterAmos1966 Posted August 30, 2016 Share Posted August 30, 2016 Recently seperated after 27 years n having difficulty with aloneness. Been with husband since i was 15 and never been alone before. Looking for strength courage and advice Deniselake, First of all, I'm sorry you needed to search out this forum. Not sure if you are feeling the need to cry, but don't ever hold in the tears!! Those tears can be an emotional release, and like medicine for the soul. It doesn't matter if you were married 2 hours or 50 years --- losing your Beloved Groom is a shock to your emotional system. I felt like I was in a dark pit for a few months; I didn't know how I was going to make it through, but eventually, the alone feelings started to fade. But I needed to do some work on my end!! You wanted to grow old together. You had dreams. You wanted to sit on the rocking chairs and hold hands....and walk together until "death do us part." Due to my religious convictions, I'm not able to suggest filing divorce but if that is the pathway you seek, there are many on here that can give you advice on how to proceed. I can offer some opinions on separation --- my wife and I are estranged for several years now. We were married in 1989, and have been separated physically for nearly 4 years. She walked away from me and our 6 kids!! She has no regrets, she has no desire to reunite. She considers walking away one of the better things she did in life.....haha....now that messed with my mind for a long time, but I'm standing tall again, and I know you can too!! I would suggest googling the 5 stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These stages will help you know where you are in the process. Your goal is not to get stuck in any of the stages, and your final goal is to reach Acceptance. I would suggest finding a DivorceCare group to attend. Meeting up with real people facing this loss helped in my recovery. I would suggest not having your relatives/friends demand that you do something you don't want to do. They are trying to be helpful, but if you don't want to visit them for a Labor Day picnic, then don't do it!! There will be future picnics you can attend, but right now, you might not want to do what they are suggesting. Politely say No, and do what you feel is best for right now. I'm all for marriage reconciliation, but please be careful wasting time trying to get back you husband. He might have checked out a long time ago, and has zero desire to reunite. But if you insist on trying to get him back, then google "Standing for Marriage." If you can get a copy of "Uncoupling: Turning Points In Intimate Relationships" I think this old 1990 book will help you understand some of the "why" questions that you might have. Understanding why your relationship ended seems to be helpful in our recovery. Unfortunately, you might not get the answers from your husband that you are looking for, so this book might be helpful. If you can't buy a cheap copy, at least read the comments on Amazon. The book will not help get your husband back!! It is geared more towards showing you that there are patterns in a breakup, and that once a person wants out of the relationship, it really becomes a waste of time trying to hang onto their ankles, begging them to stay or to reunite. Keep posting as you can. Wishing you well in this journey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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