He asked me to come over on the second date...

[purplesoccer34]

Ok, so the lesson here is? It's welcomed to be nice when the niceness is reciprocated. You did a big nice gesture when he had done 0. Right?

 

Definitely. I guess it's sort of just become a habit for me to offer to pay, because I always do that for friends, relatives, etc. But I'm not going to do this for him again unless he does something nice himself!

[kendahke]

but then on the second date he asked to come over to his place to watch a movie. I suggested we go out to dinner instead, and he agreed. I drove over to a restaurant close to where he lives (which is some 40 miles away from my place), we had an awesome time talking, and I paid for the dinner. For the third date, he's asked me to go over to his place again.

 

I guess there might have been one or two red flags if I really examine the situation. For example, he told me about all of his crazy exes within the first hour of meeting me. I know they say that you shouldn't talk about your exes on a first date, but this didn't really bother me.

 

Outside of the whole issue about the inappropriateness of discussing ex's at a first meeting, I have a problem when someone labels all of their ex's as crazy--because the common denominator in all of that is him... it looks pretty bad that either he is the problem or there's something about him that attracts this level of female to him again and again. One would think he'd have wisened up after the 1st go round.

 

What would you do in this situation?

 

tread very carefully and don't let myself get ahead of what the situation can bear.

[introverted1]

If all his exes were crazy, either

 

• he has a terrible picker
  
• he's lying
  
• he made them crazy
  

 

I think this guy is a really lazy dater. Sound like he just wants to get laid.

[Miss Peach]

Yeah haha he did actually use the word "crazy" to describe all of his exes. And apparently he had a lot of past relationships...surely not all of his exes could be that crazy, right?

 

Wow, only two dates and so many red flags! I appreciate everyone's input here

 

I doubt it. My guess is he either is attracted to drama or he sees them as crazy and it's not long before you're like those other women.

[Better]

I think this guy is a really lazy dater. Sound like he just wants to get laid.

 

There could be a lot of reasons but none of them are good. Maybe he's lazy, or maybe he just isn't that good at dating. Maybe he's self-entitled. Maybe he is dating multiple people and doesn't want to put much effort into any one of them until he sees which one he wants to move forward with. Maybe he even just isn't that into the OP and is leading her along enough to have sex while he waits on the next best thing.

 

We don't have enough information to know, and neither does the OP. However, there are enough red flags that if it was me then I would move on.

 

On another note, I would never discuss previous relationships on a first date. That is something that should come up far later in the dating process. Even then, I would never describe them as crazy even if that is what I was thinking in my mind

[purplesoccer34]

There could be a lot of reasons but none of them are good. Maybe he's lazy, or maybe he just isn't that good at dating. Maybe he's self-entitled. Maybe he is dating multiple people and doesn't want to put much effort into any one of them until he sees which one he wants to move forward with. Maybe he even just isn't that into the OP and is leading her along enough to have sex while he waits on the next best thing.

 

We don't have enough information to know, and neither does the OP. However, there are enough red flags that if it was me then I would move on.

 

On another note, I would never discuss previous relationships on a first date. That is something that should come up far later in the dating process. Even then, I would never describe them as crazy even if that is what I was thinking in my mind

 

Yeah it could be any of these things. One thing I noticed is that this guy is exceptionally charming. He can really draw people to him like a magnet, whether they're friends, romantic partners, business partners, etc. When he described his past relationships, he made himself seem like the perfect guy in all of them...so much that I fell for his stories, and I truly fell for him. If all of his stories are true, how is it that not even one of these many relationships worked out right? I get the sense that this guy is extremely talented with his words, and thus can easily make people fall for him.

 

These responses have really opened my eyes, and now I'm carefully debating whether I even want to move further with this.

Edited August 31, 2016 by purplesoccer34

[BluEyeL]

Agree this guy is bad news . Nothing good for you will come from it if you don't bail immediately. I'd bet my retirement plan on it. Another douche who doesn't respect women and is selfish.

[Better]

These responses have really opened my eyes, and now I'm carefully debating whether I even want to move further with this.

 

It's really up to you. You could move on at this point or try to cautiously move forward. I would move on but that is just me. However, if you did want to move forward then I would put together a plan something like this. Find a restaurant somewhat close (but not too close!) to your place and ask him if he would like to join you. If he's willing to make the drive then that is a good sign. If he's willing to pay, that's even better. See how the conversation goes through the dinner then when it is done wish him a good night and safe travels on his way home no matter how the date goes. The responses you get then and afterwards should be very telling.

 

FWIW, when I am dating someone I am truly interested in then I make sure they know I am looking forward to having another date. If I get a positive response then I stay in touch while beginning to make plans for something nice for us to do. It sounds like he is not doing that with you, but maybe I have misread.

[leogirl876]

So here's the thing, 3rd date, you 2 have chemistry... yeah, he's trying to sleep with you, what is the harm in having sex with him???

 

If he's the type of guy who is just after sex:

1. he's going to bang you and then maybe ghost you

2. he's going to bang you, and keep you around for a while

3. he's going to see that you aren't going to sleep with him, and is going to ghost you

 

 

See where I am going with this?

 

If he's genuinely interested in you, and the sex is good, he will keep you around. However, your playing hard to get, is frustrating even for guys looking for a relationship. It sometimes gets translated into lack of interest

 

Just go over, bang and see where it goes...

 

This is 2016, women's vaginas shouldn't be used as pawns in a game...

 

Don't listen to this guy! Sleep with a guy when you feel comfortable. Just because a woman doesn't sleep with a guy within the first couple of dates, doesn't mean she's using her vagina as a pawn in a game! For some women, there needs to be an emotional connection with trust and feeling safe with someone. Don't listen to this guy at all!!!

[Omei]

Ditch guys who ask you to their house or ask to go to your house in the first 5 dates imo if they keep asking everytime it's clear you're a lay.

 

Don't listen to Joes advice it's pretty much just "go have sex why not" and that's the same thinking your date is having same tracked mind, this posters actually trying to convince you that by you not giving up sex your playing some kind of game don't let anyone convince you that in order to land a guy you have to put out that is redic and watch out for your dude he may make up some bs sweet talk to bed you like telling you something you would like to hear "you're so beautiful if u were my gf I'd never let you go" for eg then an hour later is asking you to come over again yeah that's bs so don't fall for it.

 

Emotional Relationships arnt built on sex.

Edited September 1, 2016 by Omei

[Lois_Griffin]

I met a guy online and we met up for coffee for the first date, but then on the second date he asked to come over to his place to watch a movie. I suggested we go out to dinner instead, and he agreed. I drove over to a restaurant close to where he lives (which is some 40 miles away from my place), we had an awesome time talking, and I paid for the dinner. For the third date, he's asked me to go over to his place again.

So YOU drove 40 miles and YOU paid for the entire dinner?

 

And the cheap-ass's response to that is to ask you to his place so he can maul you while you watch a movie? What a loser.

 

Just the fact that YOU did all the heavy lifting for the second date is a deal breaker. Complete deal breaker.

 

What's so 'confusing' about someone who offers to do ZERO but have you over his house, after you've treated HIM to dinner out?

 

Ugh. Loser.

[BaileyB]

Never put more effort into a relationship than the other partner. Especially early on, he should be the one taking the lead... He should be "chasing" you a little.

 

Never trust a guy who asks you to come over to his house early when dating, especially when he asks again and again. You know what he wants.

 

And, don't sleep with him until you are ready. You have every right to wait until you feel like he is really interested in you and not dating anyone else.

Edited September 1, 2016 by BaileyB

[xxoo]

No way in heck would I accept that "invitation"

 

You could just mirror him. Bounce back an idea that is completely tailored to your comfort and enjoyment. "No thanks on chilling at your apartment. How about you pick me up and take me to a restaurant on my end of town instead?"

[smackie9]

Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. I would never go on a second date with someone who suggests 'hanging out" at their place. First impressions count. I have my own expectations, and if the guy has different expectations from me, then we are not compatible. end of......

 

There is nothing wrong with a woman going over to a stranger's place for a second/third date romp if that is what she is comfortable with....but it doesn't mean it's wrong that we don't accept that.

[Zahara]

These responses have really opened my eyes, and now I'm carefully debating whether I even want to move further with this.

 

No need to debate. If even before your second date you're already uncomfortable and seeing some red flags, it would be in your best interest to move on.

[katiegrl]

 

Yeah haha he did actually use the word "crazy" to describe all of his exes. And apparently he had a lot of past relationships...surely not all of his exes could be that crazy, right?

 

 

I dunno, they may have been perfectly sane before they got involved with him.... but his behavior drove them crazy.

 

Some guys can do that to ya, if you allow it.

 

At the first sign, next.

[purplesoccer34]

Ditch guys who ask you to their house or ask to go to your house in the first 5 dates imo if they keep asking everytime it's clear you're a lay.

 

Don't listen to Joes advice it's pretty much just "go have sex why not" and that's the same thinking your date is having same tracked mind, this posters actually trying to convince you that by you not giving up sex your playing some kind of game don't let anyone convince you that in order to land a guy you have to put out that is redic and watch out for your dude he may make up some bs sweet talk to bed you like telling you something you would like to hear "you're so beautiful if u were my gf I'd never let you go" for eg then an hour later is asking you to come over again yeah that's bs so don't fall for it.

 

Emotional Relationships arnt built on sex.

 

Yes!! He said so many nice things to me when I met him--even saying things like I'm so different from anyone he's ever met, that he loves my personality, etc. Specifically, he went on to tell me about all the females he's rejected after their very first date, what was wrong with each of them, and how I'm so different from them. I admit I fell for all of it, and I feel extremely silly and naive now.

 

I'm not going to move forward with this at this point. Indeed, there are way too many red flags.

Edited September 1, 2016 by purplesoccer34

[Miss Peach]

Yes!! He said so many nice things to me when I met him--even saying things like I'm so different from anyone he's ever met, that he loves my personality, etc. Specifically, he went on to tell me about all the females he's rejected after their very first date, what was wrong with each of them, and how I'm so different from them. I admit I fell for all of it, and I feel extremely silly and naive now.

 

I'm not going to move forward with this at this point. Indeed, there are way too many red flags.

 

I don't know what this guy is really like but as a warning this is a common flag that abusers and narcissists use. They say you are different as a way to make you want to be different from other women. It can used as a form of manipulation. But later down the line they will make you the same as these other women.

[KatZee]

Yes!! He said so many nice things to me when I met him--even saying things like I'm so different from anyone he's ever met, that he loves my personality, etc. Specifically, he went on to tell me about all the females he's rejected after their very first date, what was wrong with each of them, and how I'm so different from them. I admit I fell for all of it, and I feel extremely silly and naive now.

 

I'm not going to move forward with this at this point. Indeed, there are way too many red flags.

 

Oh my GOD LOL, how do you not see right through him! He couldn't even bother to come up with anything original. "You're so different from anyone I ever met..." HAHAHAH STFU. He doesn't even know you! How does he know you're different from Joe Schmo or a hole in the wall?

 

These sweet talkers kill me, and honestly I roll my eyes at so many dudes, because... SERIOUSLY?! :lmao:

 

The guys who are only out to get laid are about as transparent as a pane of glass. I can tell you exactly who this guy is through the internet.

 

He's the kind of guy who flies by on his charm, and good looks. He's the kind of person who doesn't particularly put much effort into anything because he thinks he's God's gift and everything should, and will just fall into his lap.

 

I mean, look how good he is! He used some cheap, generic, cheesy pick up lines, and got YOU to go out with him not once, but twice, where YOU did the leg work, wasted your gas, and YOU opened your wallet. Oh boy, does this guy have a good thing now! I wouldn't be shocked if he doesn't stop hitting you up for a while. Probably thinks you're going to put out real fast, plus he gets free meals, and just has to sit at home waiting for you arrival!!! :lmao::lmao: Stop. I can't.

 

This guy is a piece of work. And if all his exes are crazy? Who's the common denominator? Him. Guaranteed he's a real piece of $h!t.

[katiegrl]

Oh my GOD LOL, how do you not see right through him! He couldn't even bother to come up with anything original. "You're so different from anyone I ever met..." HAHAHAH STFU. He doesn't even know you! How does he know you're different from Joe Schmo or a hole in the wall?

 

These sweet talkers kill me, and honestly I roll my eyes at so many dudes, because... SERIOUSLY?! :lmao:

 

The guys who are only out to get laid are about as transparent as a pane of glass. I can tell you exactly who this guy is through the internet.

 

He's the kind of guy who flies by on his charm, and good looks. He's the kind of person who doesn't particularly put much effort into anything because he thinks he's God's gift and everything should, and will just fall into his lap.

 

I mean, look how good he is! He used some cheap, generic, cheesy pick up lines, and got YOU to go out with him not once, but twice, where YOU did the leg work, wasted your gas, and YOU opened your wallet. Oh boy, does this guy have a good thing now! I wouldn't be shocked if he doesn't stop hitting you up for a while. Probably thinks you're going to put out real fast, plus he gets free meals, and just has to sit at home waiting for you arrival!!! :lmao::lmao: Stop. I can't.

 

This guy is a piece of work. And if all his exes are crazy? Who's the common denominator? Him. Guaranteed he's a real piece of $h!t.

 

LMAO! We've missed you KZ, at least I have!!

[KatZee]

LMAO! We've missed you KZ, at least I have!!

 

I've been a bit MIA from the LS action...but never too far away because I'm always lurking...

[purplesoccer34]

Oh my GOD LOL, how do you not see right through him! He couldn't even bother to come up with anything original. "You're so different from anyone I ever met..." HAHAHAH STFU. He doesn't even know you! How does he know you're different from Joe Schmo or a hole in the wall?

 

These sweet talkers kill me, and honestly I roll my eyes at so many dudes, because... SERIOUSLY?! :lmao:

 

The guys who are only out to get laid are about as transparent as a pane of glass. I can tell you exactly who this guy is through the internet.

 

He's the kind of guy who flies by on his charm, and good looks. He's the kind of person who doesn't particularly put much effort into anything because he thinks he's God's gift and everything should, and will just fall into his lap.

 

I mean, look how good he is! He used some cheap, generic, cheesy pick up lines, and got YOU to go out with him not once, but twice, where YOU did the leg work, wasted your gas, and YOU opened your wallet. Oh boy, does this guy have a good thing now! I wouldn't be shocked if he doesn't stop hitting you up for a while. Probably thinks you're going to put out real fast, plus he gets free meals, and just has to sit at home waiting for you arrival!!! :lmao::lmao: Stop. I can't.

 

This guy is a piece of work. And if all his exes are crazy? Who's the common denominator? Him. Guaranteed he's a real piece of $h!t.

 

Hahaha so very true! He was so good he caused me to see right through the red flags too

[smackie9]

Good lord if I had a nickle for every time I heard those lines......it's all in the players handbook. Love bombing, telling you what you want to hear, making you think how special you are compared to all those other women, etc.

[TTLE]

I'll be the voice of dissent here that all guys who ask you over are just looking for sex. Maybe in this case since he hasn't made much effort but not in my case.

 

I met a guy online. We had a crazy good date. Lasted about 3 hours. As I was driving home, he called me and asked me if I wanted to come over for a drink. Based on everything that happened at the restaurant, I knew he was interested but I didn't get the impression he would press me for sex or put me in a situation I couldn't get out of. Since he lived in my neighborhood, I agreed.

 

I was there for another 4 hours and we just talked until the very end where we had a little make out session. Nothing major. I mean we both were attracted so why not.

 

Date 2 was at his place for wine after work. No sex. Date 3 we went out then back for a drink. No sex. Date 4, I was the one who initiated. He wasn't at all prepared and it wasn't what he was expecting but he wasn't going to say no. We'd spent over 20 hours together by then. He told me he'd have waited longer.

 

Of course he would have been ok with sleeping with me right away but he wanted to get to know me as a person too which is why he didn't initiate early.

 

Still going strong months later so there are guys out there that aren't just players.

[Miss Peach]

I'll be the voice of dissent here that all guys who ask you over are just looking for sex. Maybe in this case since he hasn't made much effort but not in my case.

 

There are guys who take a woman home and don't try anything. I've gone ahead with certain men who I felt would be OK. But IME 90% of the time guys suggest it early on is for sex.