Cglambo Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 I'm curious to see what people think, I've expressed my concerns to him and his BFF and still feel disrespected. My fiances BFF is super single and loves to go out to find chicks. Well, my fiancé more recently in the last 4 months has been going out with him often and wing mans for him. By that I mean he will be the one who goes up to a group of girls and basically talks to the one his BFF isn't interested in to keep her entertained while the BFF tries to flirt with the other. Basically, I don't mind this occasionally but this has never been an issue in 6 years and out of no where he does this more often. Am I crazy for thinking disrespected? I guess my biggest concern is, why now that we're engaged is this becoming a thing and everytime I bring it up to my fiancé he gets extremely defensive and tells me how I'm crazy for not trusting him. Again, I don't mind the occasional "guys night" but as often as its been...? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 How often is this happening? I think a guys' night out is fine, but your fiance talking up other women could be problematic. The woman could easily get the wrong impression and assume he's interested. Did his friend only recently become single or something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cglambo Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 It's happening everytime we go on a weekend getaway which has happened 3 times so far this year and their about to embark on another this weekend. My fiancé has also been to a bachelor party (his is in a couple weeks) where he told me he played wingman all week too. On average I would say at least 2-3 times a month this wingman game is played. I totally think him talking up another woman is problematic even though he claims he always says he's engaged but unflrtunatly that doesn't stop everyone. I do trust him, I'm just sick of this happening often and his excuse is "what, I can't talk to girls now?" Or "why don't you trust me? You have issues" His BFF has been single for years, he's pretty much a player but yet has my fiancé doing all the talking... I guess in my head, to scope out a group of woman, go over and talk to them and continue talking to one is flirting. Am I over thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 In my opinion, you're not over-thinking. This is happening quite regularly and it doesn't make sense why your fiance would need to do all the talking is his friend is such a ladies' man. Your fiance is making sound like a trust issue, but as I see, it's more of a boundary issue. He's pushing that boundary by regularly engaging in behaviour he knows makes you uncomfortable. I don't think you're being unreasonable. Does he expect he can continue this when he's a married man, too? How is your relationship otherwise? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
doyathinkso Posted August 31, 2016 Share Posted August 31, 2016 Whatever you do, don't set a date. It doesn't sound like he's capable of going the distance. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 His BFF has been single for years, he's pretty much a player but yet has my fiancé doing all the talking... So your fiancee's best friend, whose always been a player (which means he has no problem getting the ladies) is now suddenly needing your fiancee to 'talk' for him and help him score with the ladies? Yeah, I don't believe it. You said yourself his BFF has always been a bit of a player. You don't get to be a player if you can't charm the ladies, so obviously the BFF has always managed to do fine in the past, then why would he suddenly 'need' your fiance to do all his talking for him and pave the way with the ladies? Did the BFF have his jaw wired shut and can't talk anymore? The BFF doesn't 'need' your fiancee to do squat for him. What it really sounds like is your fiancee got a taste of chatting up women and hitting on them in the club, and now he's suddenly using that lame 'wing man' excuse to get out of the house every chance he can to go out and play single guy. It's also possible he's met someone at the club and wants to spend time with her and that's why you're suddenly hearing ALL about how his BFF simply NEEDS his 'wing man' with him all the time now. What a crock of horse manure. His BFF isn't 'making' your fiance do a damned thing. The best friend is merely your fiance's excuse to get out of the house. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 Your fiancé is missing the single life and has come up with this cast iron excuse to allow him to go out almost once a week and play the field in the pretence of "helping" his friend. I think the writing may be on the wall for this relationship, it is only a matter of time. After 6 years of playing "house" with you, he wants his freedom, sorry! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 I don't think you're being unreasonable in the least. Especially if he's not willing to tone it down when asked, it shows a lack of concern for your comfort and a lack of boundaries. Be very careful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 (edited) If the genders were reversed--engaged *female* going to bars all the time to help her friend meet guys--people would be up in arms. Part of being true to someone is avoiding situations that even LOOK bad, and being out all the time talking to members of the opposite sex while being in a committed relationship looks pretty bad. OP, I think you are 100 percent in the right to not be cool with this. And this is coming from a guy. Edited September 2, 2016 by Imajerk17 3 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted September 3, 2016 Share Posted September 3, 2016 I do trust him, I'm just sick of this happening often and his excuse is "what, I can't talk to girls now?" Or "why don't you trust me? You have issues" Bolded for emphasis.... this is a classic liar's tactic, turning things around on the other person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 4, 2016 Share Posted September 4, 2016 his excuse is "what, I can't talk to girls now?" Well, yes actually, engaged/married means you don't spend your time chatting up single women in bars. This whole "bro's before ho's" mentality makes him sound immature and unprepared for the role of husband. Tread carefully... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts