Ex gf apologizing

[Indeed1]

I've never posted on LS before but I remember in my dark days 4 months ago I use to spend a lot of time searching throughout the threads for any glimmer of hope. God, how things can change in such a short amount of time. Anyway here I am having a relapse again :/

 

I was seeing this girl for about a year and half, the relationship was good in general, a couple of minor fights but nothing major. Anyway I knew something was up as she started to behave hot and cold towards me over a month. I ended up breaking it off with her because I was suspicious of her and another bloke who had just bought a house. I did question her about it but she denied it at the time and said we had drifted apart and she wanted to be alone. A couple weeks later they're in a relationship, so their was probably some overlap. I knew the guy as he'd often come up and talk to me at the gym. I did know they talked but I never was concerned about it because she never thought much of him until he bought a house.. Anyway they dated for 2 months and she broke up with him..

 

Here we are 1 months later and I see her out on the weekend at a club. I was dancing with a couple of girls And when I sat down she tried to come up and talk to me but I couldn't hear her and i didn't really acknowledge her, then she tried to pull me up to dance but I brushed her off. An hour later she comes back and tries to talk again and I brush her off again. The next night she sends me a message saying "hey, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right not but it was good seeing you out last night and it made me think maybe I owe you a proper apology. I'm sorry for what happened with us and you definitely didn't deserve it, I don't want to use any excuses for my actions I just want you to know I'm genuinely sorry for being horrible to you. I don't expect you to reply or anything but just thought I'd clear the air cause it was hard last night. I hope you're doing well and yeah was good to see you"

 

Thankfully for this forum I learnt about the importance of NC and I haven't contacted her since a couple days after the break up. I never beg or pleaded and just focused on myself. I haven't replied to that message and I won't because there's no point and to be honest I know I'm not over her.

 

This is the first time she has contacted me since. Would this message be because of loneliness or a guilty conscious? Or would it be because I acted like I didn't care? I have noticed her liking stuff that I've liked on social media and just last week she told a mutual friend of ours how she really liked having sex with me because I have the perfect body for it..

 

Part of me unfortunately still wants her even after she's obviously overlapped, rebounded or cheated, but I know I deserve so much better.

[PegNosePete]

Well done, you handled it exactly right. Yeah maybe guilty conscience, maybe she just wants to not be hated, maybe her therapist told her to apologise to you, who knows... we can play the maybe game all day. Maybe she was possessed by aliens. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter 2 hoots what her motivations or thoughts are.

 

I have noticed her liking stuff that I've liked on social media and just last week she told a mutual friend of ours how she really liked having sex with me because I have the perfect body for it..

I thought you were in NC?

How come you're FB stalking her, checking what she likes, and talking to "mutual friends" about her? If you're in NC you shouldn't be doing either of those things.

[Indeed1]

I guess I never went complete NC. I only unfollowed her on Facebook and Instagram. I only noticed that because I went back to rewatch the video of a song I had liked.

 

You're exactly right though, I'll go insane trying to figure out why. Just gotta keep on moving on

[LostOnes05]

Great job man! I bet that cold shoulder set her soul on fire. No need to reply. She got the message and that's why she apologized. She saw that she had no power over you that night and you didn't just come running back. I'd delete that message, just in case you have a weak moment or drunk dial her or something. Good luck and don't give in. Made my morning reading this.

[lolablue17]

Appoligizing for what?!

 

You behaved great my friend. If you wonder in your mind, maybe she wants you back and regret, just remember her shady personality when it comes to telling you the truth.

 

Back then, you confronted her about this guy and she denied everything. Now she is apologizing? for what? Did she admit cheating on you and apologizing for that? No. So what is to appologize for?

 

The truth is she still won't admit her lies. How come you can want back a cheating gf who even didn't really come clean and admit it with her own words? You got just a foggy words "to clear the atmosphere" but these blur words don't clear anything.

[benpom]

If you are consciously doing NC, clearly you still want her back.

 

It does not matter what other people think. If YOU want her, try to talk to her. However, the message from he does not really imply any desire of her to get back to you.

 

If she wants to be with you and you want to be with her, there are things you can do to rebuild trust. That requires her to be very transparent with you about her whereabouts, which I highly doubt she is willing to do.

 

I don't think you guys have a future, not because what happened, but because what will happen or will not happen.

[Marc878]

She's like s child with a toy. She didn't want it until she couldn't have it.

 

Stay dark and block her. Why go through that again.

 

She's right you do deserve better and there are better out there.

 

You wouldn't have gone this to her would you?

[piranha]

Okay, well to me it sounds like she's generally apologizing. People can change and realize the error of their ways and grow into better people. We're not born knowing all the answers and a lot of people need to learn the hard way, through experience and going through the lessons.

 

That being said, there are definitely people out there who are relentless about wanting what they can't have and chasing it for that reason alone. If you feel like that's the case, I wouldn't bother contacting her again, except maybe with a 'thanks for the apology, life is life, I wish you all the best.' You don't want to punish someone for apologizing to you, be the bigger person, there's no reason to be cruel, but make it final.

 

If you do actually want to get back with her, well... it's going to be an uphill battle. Rebuilding trust is difficult and it's going to take a lot of work. You guys would need to have a serious sit-down and discuss what went wrong the first time around so the same thing doesn't happen again.

[Zahara]

"hey, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right not but it was good seeing you out last night and it made me think maybe I owe you a proper apology.

 

Only because she saw you it made her think that "maybe" she owes you an apology?

 

How convenient -- ends with the guy and a month later she sees you at a bar and is apologetic.

 

If I were in her position and if a sincere apology was my objective and an apology that was warranted not because seeing you reminded me I had to, the last thing I'd do is approach you in a crowded and noisy bar and try to get you to dance and talk with me. I think she was hoping she could hit the reset button and hope you'd just look past what happened.

 

Stay NC.

[Indeed1]

I appreciate your opinions on this and I agree that I probably wouldn't of got the apology message if I hadn't seen her out. I haven't replied to the message and don't see the point in replying 5 days later.

[Thatoneguy55]

As unique as we all are individually, it is remarkable how predictable our behavior can be.

 

Stay away.