Making NC work

[msoptimistic]

So after MM and W took a vacation this summer and after much thought about the kind of person I am and the life I was leading, I went from constant contact prior to their vacation to much less contact. But I just couldn't seem to make that break. And as often happens, my pulling away made him attempt to draw closer. Then last Thursday I was forced into full and permanent NC. Visions of a rug being ripped out from under me or a fist to the gut would be appropriate here. A solid day of crying and still no sleep and the pain has to be my worst ever. I had truly been working on my M and we have taken a few steps forward, but this has almost paralyzed me.

 

Of course things rarely happen on the time schedule that would best accommodate us. One thing we are forced to do is deal with life as it comes at us. A few more weeks and I believe I would have been so much stronger. But life had another agenda.

 

So now I wake up all during the night crying. I go to work only to have co-workers notice how something is wrong and everytime they ask questions or offer well meaning advice, it just leads to more crying. Now I know that I can't live in a world of self pity and tear jerker songs (anyone remember How Do I Live Without You or Whitney's Didn't We Almost Have It All?) But it is so hard. So here are some things I do...#1-I remind myself that I am being really really sad over losing a lying, cheating jerk. #2-I am not having to mourn the loss of a parent or heaven forbid, a child or other close family member or friend. #3-I have a chance to get back my M. It was really good at one time and I do want that again. #4-I can regain my self respect. No more begging for crumbs. #5-The A had to end and at least I'm on the road to recovery. No more Day 1 or 2, they are already behind me. There are many more positives but while they help, the pain is still there. I did love him. Whether he ever felt anything or not, I did. No one can take that from me nor can I keep the memories from flooding my thoughts sometimes and a good ole cry becomes necessary.

 

So, I'm asking if anyone has more positive affirmations to help me keep my state of mind positive and moving forward? And also, I have 2 friends who are aware of the circumstances but I feel I wear them out asking for advice when they have never been in this situation. Is it acceptable - if there is someone here in a similar place that could email privately - to ask them to contact me? I cannot log on to this site at work but some emailing with someone who understands would be great! Any advice on that?

[Forever broken]

I loved my XMM so much I lost myself. Not a day pass by without me thinking about him. But I also remember

 

- He threw me under the bus

- He gave all the information about me to his wife, how I look, my hairstyle, my name, age, the department I work, my work hours

- He left without an explanation or goodbye

-He sees me at work and walks pass me.

 

I could go on and on.There were days I wanted to call him but he never cared about me. This encourages me to maintain no contact.

 

You can private message me.

[oceansaway]

I keep reminding myself how much of a liar and a sneak and a cheater. Obviously saw first hand what he did behind his wife's back. I would never want to have to live with that worry like the wife does. She can have him. I deserve a respectable man

[Onlywhenitrains]

You focus on yourself. Remember the things you did and who you were before you met him. Whatever made you happy then. Gym, yoga, jogging, Netflix binging, chocolate, wine, chick-flick movies like "How to loose a guy in 10 days" or something more like Sarface or....I don't know...Pride and Prejudice ....what ever floats your boat?!!!

 

Remember and ask yourself who you were before you met him, and pick up and continue from there.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I have LOTS of positive affirmations. I personally love Infinite Waters on YouTube. He (Ralph Smart) saved my life. Look him up.

 

Some faves from him:

A lack of self-love is the root of all suffering.

Whatever you focus on, grows.

You do not have to beg anyone to love you, let them walk!

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you or makes you happy.

Everytime you are tempted to act in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.

True strength is not what you can life, but what you can let go of.

 

TOP 20 QUOTES BY RALPH SMART | A-Z Quotes

[msoptimistic]

After having read how so many ladies survived the first few days of NC only to find themselves struggling a week or two down the road, I was anticipating a weak spell and boy did it ever hit with a vengeance. Yesterday. Over a week in but without a doubt the hardest day yet. I watched "War Room", I prayed, I sang "When God Has Another Plan" to myself all day, I surrounded myself with good people (they dont know the situation, but I couldnt wallow in pity talking about it with people who do know all day), I exercised & tried to eat right, I told myself constantly that he is a liar & a cheat and it was going to end one day anyway and this pain had to happen and to be grateful I had made it this far. Yea, none of that worked. Tears just kept coming and that is such a helpless feeling to fight crying. Maybe its some realization setting in about it truly being over or maybe its just because I loved him so much and I miss him or maybe its just a combination of everything and I'm tired. But I have to believe that there is a greater picture and one day I'll understand how my life could have gotten this off course. If one woman standing on the edge between becoming involved in an A or making the decision to walk away could grasp how much less the pain would be to turn around and run now is, there would be lots if disappointed MM out there cause women would take care of themsekves first and remove the temptation immediately. 4.5 years later and they've become such a part of your everyday thought process that its a grieving process just like death.

 

Hoping for a better day and still trying to be positive!