Do I have evidence?

[alwayshopful]

No, I say I thought he was too lazy...he did not say that.

[merrmeade]

You know, IF I'd had the healthy suspicions you do at this point in my husband's affairs, this is what I really and truly wish I could've done:

1st, put the VAR in place, and

2nd, put on an impenetrable disguise and become my own PI.

 

Seriously! Has anyone ever done this?

[BuddyX]

No, I say I thought he was too lazy...he did not say that.

 

It really doesn't matter.

 

Not sure why you can't bail as a GF. Remember what Deniro said in heat "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner." ..

 

Exceptions apply to family. He's not family. This should be a learning experience for you not to make anyone (save for Fam) a priority.

[SammySammy]

He may be posting on relationship message boards or a PUA forums out of boredom and is looking these things up.

 

I'd get some harder evidence than what you have. A voice recorder is a good idea. You could also check this phone call records.

 

This is what I'm thinking.

 

He's most likely reading a relationship or PUA message board and cross referencing or further researching the topics he comes across.

 

It doesn't necessarily mean he's trying to get his ex back or planning to use them on someone new. He's just exposed to new ideas and wants more information.

[68_f100]

Wish you the best of luck. I type this laying next to a woman that is fast asleep next to me. One that I don't trust because of what i found on her phone. Take the advise here and get to the bottom of what's going on. Then make a decision based off the evidence. Not everything can be fixed once it's broken. Once a bulletproof relationship is ruined it's hard to come back. That bulletproof felling is gone forever. The distrust will consume your life and you will end up questioning everything about your relationship. That's not a relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

I really thought he was too lazy to do something like this.

 

One of the more interesting comments on fidelity I've seen.

 

One could certainly read into it that you've set the relationship bar pretty low ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[alwayshopful]

Wish you the best of luck. I type this laying next to a woman that is fast asleep next to me. One that I don't trust because of what i found on her phone. Take the advise here and get to the bottom of what's going on. Then make a decision based off the evidence. Not everything can be fixed once it's broken. Once a bulletproof relationship is ruined it's hard to come back. That bulletproof felling is gone forever. The distrust will consume your life and you will end up questioning everything about your relationship. That's not a relationship.

 

One of the more interesting comments on fidelity I've seen.

 

One could certainly read into it that you've set the relationship bar pretty low ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

That is very true actually...it really hasn't been anything to write home about in the first place. I am starting to read the book codependent no more...an acquaintance recommended it. I think what you just said about the bar is partly my problem here...I do love him, I know this is not what I need though but I have issues with being alone so I lie like a doormat and don't live.

[alwayshopful]

This is what I'm thinking.

 

It doesn't necessarily mean he's trying to get his ex back or planning to use them on someone new. He's just exposed to new ideas and wants more information.

 

Right?? It's not enough proof at this point but there is more to the story that he isn't telling me and the part that really bites is that he is lying about it. Says nothing is going on...and maybe nothing is but he gave me no reason for looking at that sort of stuff either. So now i'm just plain suspicious as I should be.

[BetrayedH]

Right?? It's not enough proof at this point but there is more to the story that he isn't telling me and the part that really bites is that he is lying about it. Says nothing is going on...and maybe nothing is but he gave me no reason for looking at that sort of stuff either. So now i'm just plain suspicious as I should be.

 

The lying is actually what really got to me. I can understand human moments of weakness, especially if someone is remorseful about it. But what I don't need is a partner in life that has no problem lying straight to my face. That's no partner.

[alwayshopful]

The lying is actually what really got to me. I can understand human moments of weakness, especially if someone is remorseful about it. But what I don't need is a partner in life that has no problem lying straight to my face. That's no partner.

 

Right? And that is the part that really, really bothers me. Like man up and tell me why you were searching that stuff, don't just make some lame excuse about how emails sometimes direct you to sites...no they don't direct you to 30 articles on one subject. I can see exactly what you searched too...so why?? And I got nothing...all I got was there is no one, there hasn't ever been anyone and I didn't do anything...believe me or don't believe me. What are you gonna do?? That is what he said...what do you want to do? Ugh!!

 

Now, he just acts like things are normal...it is so weird to me. He would rather brush it all under the rug as it never happened. This is how any disagreement is. I can bring some things up and a fight will ensue and he will deflect and go off to the bedroom like a 10 yo and then the next day he acts like nothing happened and nothing ever is resolved. So of course I question myself...am I just nit-picking? Do I not know what a relationship should be? Do I have issues and don't tolerate things well? Like is it all my insecurities? I think I have been doing this too long now and just am questioning it all now. And frankly I still don't think it's me. I think I need to go talk to a counselor about it all...even though it seems like you and and friends validate that what I ask is not to much.

[BuddyX]

This is a relationship, get ready for a world of hurt if you marry this chump. Bail now and save the heartache.

Edited September 6, 2016 by BuddyX
Grammar

[alwayshopful]

This is a relationship, get ready for a world of hurt if you marry this chump. Bail now and save the heartache.

 

If I am that dumb I deserve what I get. This has been short of fulfilling from the beginning. Sad to say...following the heart is never good. I should have taken into account the warning signs and the loss of sleep I had several years ago when I was contemplating this move in the first place and followed my gut. Live and learn.

[BuddyX]

If I am that dumb I deserve what I get. This has been short of fulfilling from the beginning. Sad to say...following the heart is never good. I should have taken into account the warning signs and the loss of sleep I had several years ago when I was contemplating this move in the first place and followed my gut. Live and learn.

 

If you do decide to move on, get ready for all the sweet talk from him, to win you back. Don't fall for it.

 

I know a woman who told her man "I know the full story (she didn't). Give me the entire truth, and I'll stick around". Guess what? He spilled everything and then she said "Thanks, but no thanks".

 

Basically it was a trap. She knew she was leaving, she wanted to use it to her advantage. Cold? Yes. Did it work? You betcha.

Edited September 7, 2016 by BuddyX

[alwayshopful]

If you do decide to move on, get ready for all the sweet talk from him, to win you back. Don't fall for it.

 

I know a woman who told her man "I know the full story (she didn't). Give me the entire truth, and I'll stick around". Guess what? He spilled everything and then she said "Thanks, but no thanks".

 

Basically it was a trap. She knew she was leaving, she wanted to use it to her advantage. Cold? Yes. Did it work? You betcha.

 

 

That might be a good way to get it finalized I guess...it all just makes me sick. I do not feel well much anymore because I know there is something and that is even worse than knowing what in my mind. He is off on his hunting trip and I am off to a vacation with friends. Hope I can figure some things out while I am away.

[BuddyX]

This gives you a great opportunity to start thinking exit strategy. Also, on the trip share the story with your friends, see what they think.

 

My ExW went too far at a bachelorette party when we were married. No one told me because no one could believe she would do something like that. Lots of booze, it was dark, etc.

 

Once all the information and infidelities came out, the ladies from that party mention the incident. While I don't hate the women that withheld the info, I wish they did tell me. Would've saved me 3 years.

 

Personally, I think your dodging a bullet if you bail.

[BetrayedH]

That might be a good way to get it finalized I guess...it all just makes me sick. I do not feel well much anymore because I know there is something and that is even worse than knowing what in my mind. He is off on his hunting trip and I am off to a vacation with friends. Hope I can figure some things out while I am away.

 

I suggest you look up "The 180" and implement it. Having a partner cheat on you does a number on your self-esteem. I suggest you reclaim it. You'll feel much better making decisions if you can feel less dependent. You sound like a smart and caring girl. Don't accept behavior (and lies) that you don't deserve. Have some self-confidence in calling out his BS. It will do you a world of good.

[Lion Heart]

Woah..coming back to LS and reading YOUR story in particular is like watching my own past horror movie unfold....except it was my real life. And I hate to say this....far worse atm.

 

I am not demeaning your pain and confusion. I acknowledge it wholeheartedly. I'm sorry for your pain. Sigh.

 

DO THIS....

 

FOLLOW YOUR OWN INSTINCTS AT ALL TIMES.

Cheats lie to your face never losing a moment's sleep. It's US who lose sleep. We are of a very different calibre of person.

LOOK AT WHAT HE DOES...not what he says.

 

START GETTING YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW.

Get your head around your options for leaving. I'm a pet lover too! And this is horrible. I'm so sorry BUT YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN TOGETHER. Twin boys and a beautiful baby girl plus my eldest D from a previous cheating A**hole ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS. So are your dogs!!

 

My dear girl, so are YOU!!

 

YOU are worth way way WAY more than this! Having a good man, or indeed NO MAN, is far better than this BS.

 

There are so many beautiful faithful adorable men out there just WAITING for a chance to be with a great lady.

 

It doesn't matter HOW MUCH YOU love him. This only demonstrates YOUR depth of love and commitment. NOT HIS!

Your man will always have your back come hell or high water.

It's not corny, it's actually true.

You haven't met him yet.

Don't be fooled by your own projection.

 

You have enough "evidence" to step right out the door.

There's no way in this world that the multitudes of Internet searches that read like THAT are of a FAITHFUL PERSON'S search history.

 

You can go willingly into hell or step right out now for a chance of a good life .

 

Take heart. You are a daughter of Sheba lol and we were all born for better things.

 

Courage.

 

Lion Heart

[alwayshopful]

Woah..coming back to LS and reading YOUR story in particular is like watching my own past horror movie unfold....except it was my real life. And I hate to say this....far worse atm.

 

I am not demeaning your pain and confusion. I acknowledge it wholeheartedly. I'm sorry for your pain. Sigh.

 

DO THIS....

 

FOLLOW YOUR OWN INSTINCTS AT ALL TIMES.

Cheats lie to your face never losing a moment's sleep. It's US who lose sleep. We are of a very different calibre of person.

LOOK AT WHAT HE DOES...not what he says.

 

START GETTING YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW.

Get your head around your options for leaving. I'm a pet lover too! And this is horrible. I'm so sorry BUT YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN TOGETHER. Twin boys and a beautiful baby girl plus my eldest D from a previous cheating A**hole ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS. So are your dogs!!

 

My dear girl, so are YOU!!

 

YOU are worth way way WAY more than this! Having a good man, or indeed NO MAN, is far better than this BS.

 

There are so many beautiful faithful adorable men out there just WAITING for a chance to be with a great lady.

 

It doesn't matter HOW MUCH YOU love him. This only demonstrates YOUR depth of love and commitment. NOT HIS!

Your man will always have your back come hell or high water.

It's not corny, it's actually true.

You haven't met him yet.

Don't be fooled by your own projection.

 

You have enough "evidence" to step right out the door.

There's no way in this world that the multitudes of Internet searches that read like THAT are of a FAITHFUL PERSON'S search history.

 

You can go willingly into hell or step right out now for a chance of a good life .

 

Take heart. You are a daughter of Sheba lol and we were all born for better things.

 

Courage.

 

Lion Heart

 

Wow, thanks for your input. I'm sorry you can relate. I'm assuming this is how your issues started? Yep, follow my gut...I am beginning to think that is what I need to do. I have been getting my ducks in a row for some time...still working on that and the 180 is really good info too...I have started to implement this. You know the actions speak so much louder than the words. The words are always there but the actions never are. I so wish over and over that they were but they never are. I am still away on vacation lol but it's amazing how much I really don't miss the bs. I have felt happy and more free since I've left.

The way this relationship has been effecting me has been very evident since I have been gone...TMI but even my digestive system seems to be so much better. Ugh it's just so awful to decide to move on but...seems as though it's in my best interest. Lol I've posted on this forum before for other issues and the combo of it all is just too much. I really do deserve better...a partner in this life.