Cheating in Love

[me247]

I need some help.. Some guidance someone to kick me in the rear end!

I am all alone.. I have no friends that I can turn to and talk to.. They all have lives and kids and their problems are far worse then my emotional melt down.

 

Where do I begin.. I was in a convenience marriage for almost 16 years the last 10 where sexless … after going 6 years w/out I asked if I could take a lover.. Immediate answer was no.. So I found myself … well cheating.. For 4 years I snuck around and had sex every which way, protected always…. 2 years ago I met HIM omg R is an amazing lover .. Blessed in every way. We started hanging out and developing a relationship. I filed for divorce. In Feb I moved out In June divorce was final…

Which brings me to R… he is amazing, I feel something I never felt with him, not only sexually but mentally and physically. He says he loves me and that I am the only one… BUT…

We met on adult web site #1 problem .. #2 I snooped he left his tablet open there it was the site we met and he had been talking with a girl telling her his schedule was going to change….. I confronted him..#3 for Christmas last year I spent and made sure I got him something I thought was sincere and from my heart .. For Christmas he got a new friend on the site we met and his response was that’s what I get for snooping…. #4 I couldn’t let it go so I see this number and I google it.. Sure enough it’s a female and I have a very long conversation with her, she tell me he texts her almost daily and he tells her how much he misses her and cant wait to hug and kiss her.. Amongst other things.. I confront him he tells me I am crazy as is this girl… I find out a few weeks later they were still texting I have no idea now.. Thou this was in January…. So Feb remember I said that is when I moved out and left… R helped me.. Loved ever second of it.. Felt the beginning of greatness.. On 3/18 I snooped again.. And read messages I shouldn’t of but omg he talked to this girl and described such wonderful sexual things and life more then I have in the year and a half at this point.. I confront him.. He stays we make love he says I am crazy and I am the only one .. He is here every night and day..

I asked to see his phone to prove his innocence… he denies .. He has it finger print protected… I have asked repeatedly threatened to end things pack his stuff and go and he refuses and still I allow him to stay.. I have googled his name I have googled his number I have even gone as far as almost paying to get copies of his texts .. It was like he knew cause we fought that night and he said you know you reading my emails / getting on my tablet is an invasion of privacy and I could have u arrested… thou I wanna see .. I don’t wanna go to jail as it is.. He has my written admission I snooped so at anytime he could press charges thou days later he says he would never have me arrested..

 

I love R… He is amazing.. Sexual, mentally.. But this fear of his infidelity .. He says I am the only one and if I love him I trust him… his pattern while I was married.. Didn’t show that and then while living together he emails a woman and tells her he misses her… I cant beg him any more to see his text .. He wont prove his innocence. And I don’t know how to let him go.. Ive asked him to leave .. He comes home from work kisses me we have a good night we go to bed.. I bring it up I ask we fight and we go to bed I cry he is tired of my mouth and my letters he says he is innocent and I should trust him…I feel he is my one IDK.. My heart my mind my gut all say fight for him..

 

I need help.. I lost my best friend and I am all alone.. When I left my husband I lost my friends.. Well his friends.. I sit alone and over think everything… but I love R .. And I know the writing is on the wall .. But is there any hope or direction or advise?

[RecentChange]

Any hope? That a man you met on a sex site, and continues to use a sex site, and got together with you when you were married for sex..... hope that he will give that all up and stop lying right in your face? I would say the odds are slim to none.

 

As they say, honor among thieves. He might have a few side girls in Cahoot's.

 

He doesn't respect you. Learn to respect yourself, dump him so he is free to bang every Mary, Alice and Jane (because he already is), and once you are mentally ready - hopefully you can find a healthy, mutually respectful relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

No, there is no hope with this man. It's over and done. You cannot force a guilty person to be innocent. He's not proving his innocence because he can't; you know he's been up to no good. So does he.

 

Stay if you want but do so with the knowledge that he is with other women. He doesn't want to be only with you.

 

Start piecing your own life back together. Do you work? Have any hobbies or interests? That's where you need to be focusing.

 

This guy is a total waste of your time.

[aileD]

"If he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you."

 

There's a reason that's a quote.

 

Also...Karma is a b!tch.

 

Get out, get therapy and learn to live a healthy life.

[smackie9]

No he is what he is you can't change him. As for your ex husband you should have left him years ago.

 

Tip: a man doesn't give you a life, only you can. Learn to embrace independence and enjoy your life on your own. You can't solve your problems with getting into a relationship.

[Space Ritual]

As opposed to asking about taking on a lover you had plenty of options at the time to ask for a separation or divorce your husband rather than cheat on him.

 

 

 

I don't think you are going to get a lot of sympathy here. Your post makes you out to be some kind of victim when in fact you are nothing but a common cheater who is getting paid in her own coin.

 

How's that Shyte Sandwich you served your husband for 4 years taste now that you have had a sample? LOL. Add a glass of "Poor Me Ale", and a side dish of regret that the worm has indeed turned and you've got yourself quite the Pity Party meal going there.

 

If you are wondering how you arrived at such a mess the answer is right n front of you. Go look in the mirror.

[GoldenR]

The grass isn't always greener, is it? You broke your H's heart for a guy that's using you for sex. Time to go 100% NC with him and fix yourself.

[Clay]

The grass isn't always greener, is it? You broke your H's heart for a guy that's using you for sex. Time to go 100% NC with him and fix yourself.

 

Its just priceless to see these post. In my mind she got everything she deserved. The best part of this is she divorced her husband so he can move on and find someone better.

[Satu]

Snip

 

I need help.. I lost my best friend and I am all alone.. When I left my husband I lost my friends.. Well his friends.. I sit alone and over think everything… but I love R .. And I know the writing is on the wall .. But is there any hope or direction or advise?

 

Nothing about this has anything to do with love.

 

Attachment and addiction yes, but not love.

 

Love brings the best out of people, not the worst.

 

Find a counsellor and get some healing.

 

 

Take care.

[LadySunshine]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through all of this pain. It seems to me that you have had a lot of hurt in your past and present. How hard you are trying with this man shows me that you honestly love him. Do you maybe think you should stop and ask yourself if he truly loves you too? A relationship should be based on love, communication and trust. I’m sure you have heard the Bible passage describing true love. One of the verses says that love is not self seeking and also that it rejoices in the truth. A relationship based on true love will bring joy. I know that the joy I have in my relationship is because of the fact that my husband and I are completely open and honest with each other. We can completely trust and this is why we can be relaxed and just be ourselves with each other. Do you think that this is what you have with this man? Sometimes sex can create a false sense of closeness to a person which we can mistake for love. It is hard because sex does make people closer but it cannot sustain love on it’s own.

[me247]

Thank you all for the words I already knew.

 

I was not trying to play victim I know the hole I dug is all mine.

 

As for my x he asked me to stay for the last 2 years 1 of those while he recovered from heart / issues we talk daily and have remained friends. He knew but didn't want to admit that I was no longer in love w/him .. I hope he does find a wonderful woman and .. life for him will only get better.

 

I know what I did was wrong....

 

I know that I am ... dang nab it..

R makes me feel something great.. the way he smiles and looks at me that feeling in y heart and should want to believe his words but the actions are so loud his denial of proving his innocence should be all I need but.. its not that I don't want to be alone..

 

but when you sit alone or at work or even in the bathroom and you think of how and what and where your going and you see him and feel you could tell him anything.. and be myself..

 

I am Cybil's sister I have many personalities I went thru hell younger and met x on aol back when it was dial up my x is 21 years older then I ... so by the time we get to here he has lived his life and wanted to slow down .. I am just starting and I want everything and I seriously believed that R was my man .. I believed he was my gift for all I endured from stiches to living in a car.. I know that he..

I know this is toxic..

I know what I should do.. but its so hard.

 

Thank you again for all the messages and hard love