Play date and date?

[Rude boy]

Recently, I met a very gorgeous woman. She and I hit it off immediately. She is a single mother, and I decided since I'm a single father we should try and go out. We made plans for a date and I cancelled because I have a severe hero daddy complex, and my kid called crying. Then she had to cancel for her son. Our babies are about the same age and she suggested we get together with them this weekend. This way, we won't have to cancel.

 

I try not to involve my kid with other women too often. I'm still in love with her mom, and I just don't want to confuse her. If things are working I'll introduce them, but not before.

 

So I'm curious if I should do this. I really like this girl, I talk to her on the phone almost every day. I also think that it would be good for my daughter. I don't know if she's ever been around another kid.

Any ideas?

[TunaCat]

If you're still in love with your ex, DON'T go out with the single mom (or anyone else for that matter) It's not fair to the single mom.

 

Also, don't involve your kid in your dating life. Wait until things get serious with the other person.

[noelle303]

I think playdates and dates should be kept separate.

 

If your daughter seriously hasn't been around other kids, then it would definitely be good for her to socialize a little.

 

But as far as you and this girl - pick a childless night to go on an actual date.

[Lois_Griffin]

We made plans for a date and I cancelled because I have a severe hero daddy complex, and my kid called crying.

That manipulation is real cute - for about 12 seconds. Keep letting it happen and you'll see how miserable your life becomes in the future when you've allowed your kid to dictate how you live your life. I've seen it happen. It ain't pretty.

 

It sounds as though you're not good dating material if you're hoping to reconcile with your ex.

[turnera]

Why are you dating if you still want your wife?

[Rude boy]

Yeah, I know. She's done it again since, so instead of running to her I called and talked to her. I think there are reasons why I do that, one being guilt for the way I was before she was born. I said a lot of mean things documented on here while my ex girlfriend was pregnant. I'd do anything to take them back. So, I overcompensate to make up for it and I know I never will.

Two, my ex. She has said and done things that make me worry. While she has never threatened or hurt the baby, she has threatened and hurt me. That's always on my mind. Hurting that baby would be the ultimate punishment for me, and I think she knows that. Third, I'm probably trying to rewrite my own abusive childhood.

 

As for why we aren't together. She cheated and humiliated me. He is the most vile being I've met and this woman slept with him. Then, came and got in my bed *puke*. She's also physically and mentally abused me. Bit me, smacked me, spit on me, kicked me in the boys. Told me if I ever got another woman pregnant she'd kill me, the other girl, other baby and herself.

 

Now, why do I love her? She can be the sweetest, kindest, most gentle, giving person you've ever met. The above started after she got pregnant. Before I'd never believe she would behave that way. When I imagine my life in ten years, it's with her by my side. I've tried to be with other girls, and I just want her. If I could get over her cheating, I would in a heartbeat, and be her husband. She's my best friend… when I do go out with other women, they almost always tell me I should just get back together with her. I just feel so disrespected, and no I'm not a great guy, but I don't think I've done anything to deserve that.

 

As far as the play date, I agree. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want any girls around her until there's a good reason for them to be. It was something she brought up that I was considering, but it's probably not a good idea. To the best of my knowledge she's never been around another child. She's never been watched by someone who isn't family and there just aren't any little kids but her on either side.

[noelle303]

 

As for why we aren't together. She cheated and humiliated me. He is the most vile being I've met and this woman slept with him. Then, came and got in my bed *puke*. She's also physically and mentally abused me. Bit me, smacked me, spit on me, kicked me in the boys. Told me if I ever got another woman pregnant she'd kill me, the other girl, other baby and herself.

 

Now, why do I love her? She can be the sweetest, kindest, most gentle, giving person you've ever met. The above started after she got pregnant. Before I'd never believe she would behave that way. When I imagine my life in ten years, it's with her by my side. I've tried to be with other girls, and I just want her. If I could get over her cheating, I would in a heartbeat, and be her husband. She's my best friend… when I do go out with other women, they almost always tell me I should just get back together with her. I just feel so disrespected, and no I'm not a great guy, but I don't think I've done anything to deserve that.

 

 

Sounds to me like you're more in love with an idea of her and who you think she can be than actually being in love with who she truly is.

 

She is a woman with many issues. Whether they stem from PPD or were there before (maybe a combination), they exist and are a part of who she is. You need to let go of this idealized version of her and make peace with who she truly is.

[kgal785]

Hi, I can understand the concern and caution about who comes into your daughter’s life. Many people find that it best to avoid introducing children until the relationship has developed more. Separation from someone you care about can be difficult especially when you were mistreated. If you truly feel reconciliation with your ex is not possible, maybe resolving your feelings for your ex can help you have a better clarity on how to handle things as you move forward?

[Miss Clavel]

 

As far as the play date, I agree. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't want any girls around her until there's a good reason for them to be. It was something she brought up that I was considering, but it's probably not a good idea. To the best of my knowledge she's never been around another child. She's never been watched by someone who isn't family and there just aren't any little kids but her on either side.

 

i found a "mommy's morning out" from 8-11am, MWF. they even let you "pop in'' anytime you want, just to check up on them.

 

when i would go there to pick up my daughter she did not want to leave! so embarrassing. the teachers told me that is common for an only child and they offered to extend the hours to include lunch and recess, outdoors. which i did and it was great.

 

good luck