Married female coworker

[Office Space]

Hello all, I'm a newbie here with a bit of a situation involving a married female coworker. This story is somewhat atypical than the norm.

 

 

I've been working at my current place of employment with "Vicky" for nearly 13 years. She is my age, now in our late 30s but in our mid 20s when I started the job. I was instantly attracted to her but she was already married with a child (she now has two children).

 

 

Shortly after starting the job Vicky asked me out to lunch and we became each other's office spouse for lack of a better term. I've read about emotional affairs at the workplace but I personally don't believe we crossed any moral boundaries. She never confided in me secrets or details of her marital life. We never had phone/text/email contact outside the office. In other words I was never Vicky's emotional crutch. Although we flirted with each other it was playful in nature, no innuendos or inappropriate physical contact.

 

 

I think it's fair to say the two of us had an unwritten agreement of sorts. We were attracted to each other, we both knew about the mutual feelings but it wouldn't progress beyond our occasional lunch dates. I enjoyed her company so that was definitely fine with me.

 

 

The years went by, I ended up getting married and after six years together my divorce was finalized last year. I went through a deep depression when my marriage hit the rocks and requested an extended leave of absence from work for three months. The time off did wonders for me, I travelled a bit and got to do some introspection in private without the hassles of the real world to deal with. When I got back to work I felt recharged...and that's when things between me and Vicky first changed.

 

 

All of my coworkers were happy to see me again, they thought I would try to look for a new job to start fresh and they wouldn't see me again. Vicky gave me a big hug and was absolutely beaming. For the first time ever I discussed my personal issues with her, it was actually quite therapeutic to get a female perspective on my marital difficulties. It was not my intent but I think the deep conversations drew her closer to me. She was comfortable getting into my personal space and she was giving me more "innocent" touches and longer, deeper eye contact.

 

 

It all came to a head last month during one of our staff meetings. Vicky was sitting next to me in the conference room. I made some joke to her while my boss was talking, she laughed and then discreetly put her hand on my inner thigh. Every nerve ending in my body instantly sprung to life and without hesitation I asked her to lean in so I could whisper something to her. "After the meeting do you want to go have lunch at my apartment?" She had a panicked look in her eye and withdrew her hand slowly. "I can't today but maybe one day next week".

 

 

When the meeting was finished and the rush had wore off I couldn't believe that had transpired. Did my married female coworker really touch me in a sexual manner? Did I really proposition her discreetly in a room with our boss and coworkers? I want to reiterate that we've been working together for 12+ years before things ever progressed to this point.

 

 

Things were awkward between us for a couple of weeks. Whenever we would pass each other she would say hello while looking down with her arms crossed. We stopped doing lunch together, in fact we were avoiding each other completely. I'm guessing she was embarrassed about the situation and I definitely know I was embarrassed about it.

 

 

Earlier this week she started talking and flirting with me again as if nothing had happened. I have no idea how to proceed.

 

 

I'm somewhat angry with her because she was the one who first crossed our unofficial boundary. Deep down I'm worried that somebody who I like personally and respect professionally (I feel confident the feeling is mutual) is teasing me after all this time. Teasing me after the lowest point of my life.

 

 

I want to avoid her yet I'm lusting for her big time. I don't know what to do.

[CarrieT]

I want to avoid her yet I'm lusting for her big time. I don't know what to do.

Stop, stop, stop.

 

Ask to meet her husband. Bring the flirtation out in the open and diffuse it. Make a joke out of it. The more you keep it inside, the bigger and more lustful your feelings will become.

[bubbaganoosh]

If I were you I would back off. Never mess with a married woman. It's dangerous treading and could lead to a lot of trouble for both of you and being that she works with you, it could cost both of you your jobs along with her marriage.

 

Just ask yourself if you would like it if some guy was after your wife Would you be cool with it? Go get a cold shower and leave it as it is and don't do anything stupid.