Is the search worth it?

[ZA Dater]

Honest question. I am sure we have people here who have gone from unable to find a girlfriend to actually having one.

 

My question is, were the ends worth it? I realise this is a very cold unemotional question but taking emotion out of it for a minute, does the companionship, shared sense of being and having that person as a partner ultimately worth the endless searching?

 

Furthermore was the person you were dating someone you genuinely liked or was it "well I don't really like her but she likes me and I don't have any other opportunities, so". Again I have taken the emotion out of that.

 

The thing is there are many of us here who want a girlfriend but I am starting to think it may not be worth the aggravation at the end of it. Sure, if you can date some you really want to date then it might but I always wonder if some of us through lack of dating experience have reduced our odds to near zero chance of that happening.

 

Make no mistake I am sure there are far more relationship positives than negatives but at the same time I think and I speak for myself here, part of me is "damaged" in terms of being able to actually find a relationship. I look around me at how guys interact with ladies and I don't get how are why so many behave the way they do, perhaps because charm is a foreign concept to me. I go out and be me, whereas it seems most guys go out to project themselves more than actually be themselves. Or maybe I am missing something.

 

Simply put I am not reading many great relationship stories, what I see of other peoples relationships makes me wonder what criteria people use when they date people for an extended time, I just cannot fathom why people find some of these people appealing.

 

Undoubtedly those of us who struggle probably have reasons why but it would be good to know whether its ultimately worth while.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Furthermore was the person you were dating someone you genuinely liked or was it "well I don't really like her but she likes me and I don't have any other opportunities, so". Again I have taken the emotion out of that.

 

 

I always base things in reality. My ideal woman would share the same taste in music and movies with me, and get all my jokes, and like sports. She would also be laid back and altruistic. She'd be like my best friend (my actual existing male best friend) but hot with big boobs.

 

The truth is I have never met a woman even close to that in my life. All my exes, and female friends, and women I've met through work and school have major flaws. I know women who are hot, but shallow/petty/stuck-up, women who are smart but extremely anal, etc.

 

There's also the issue of personal fit. I've worked with some women for like a few years and we barely, if ever talk. So, to find someone you are comfortable with is not settling. It's a pretty damn difficult thing to do. But my girlfriend offers a lot more than that too. And she is laid back, which comprises like less than 5% of the female population.

 

So, was the aggravation of getting rejected by hundreds of women to find her worth it? I'd say yes. However, I was also thinking of calling it a miss for a while right before we met.

Edited September 2, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[ZA Dater]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I also think that people who are "endless searching" are screwing up somewhere.

 

 

 

More like a combination of the two. I would love to date Meghan Fox. I just think that girl is absolutely beautiful. About as close to the perfect female form as a person can possibly be. I'm realistic, I know she probably wouldn't like me. So, instead of picking some random super hot girl to be my own, I pick from the women available to me, find one I like, and make a go of it.

 

 

 

I know I kinda gave a crappy answer to your question. Long answer is; yes, it is worth it. The things I love in life, watching the UFC, hitting the gym, playing video games, travelling, all made better when you have someone you can share them with. Also, because boobies.

 

The people with happy stories generally don't talk about it online. Instead, they are busy living their happy story.

 

Not a bad answer at all! It probably all revolves around the bold part which is tough for guys to relate to who have never had that but I do sort of understand it by my own vague experiences in that regard.

 

The problem and solution, the problem is when there isn't anyone available the other problem is when what is available you don't like and the tough solution is try remould yourself to attract what you do want.

[Inflikted]

From my perspective, I'd say no, it doesn't seem to be worth it.

 

I'm beginning to question why I ever aspired to date and have a "love life", to begin with. I'm really starting to think that it's all just a myth. I mean, sure, it would be lovely to have a partner that you connect with and bond with, and can spend your life with. But is that really how it goes for people?

 

Take my parents, for example. My mom pretty much hates my dad, and she does nothing but nag and antagonize him, and it bothers him, but he puts up with it. Neither feel like they have any options, at this point in their life, so they're just sticking it out til death. If I were in that situation, I'd want to kill myself. That seems like such a horrible, unhappy dynamic.

 

And while I haven't been in contact with my extended family for many years, I remember enough about them to know that most, if not all, of their own relationships and marriages are basically based on "Not like there are other options, might as well stick together".

 

I also took notice recently of people within my own age range talking about their own relationships, and while they were talking about them in a pleasant and upbeat way, my interpretation of them sounded like those typical 90s sitcom relationships, where the girl is the smart one holding everything together, and the guy is a bumbling doofus that has to constantly keep his lady happy and obey.

 

I dunno. I most definitely wanted a "love life", but aside from coming to accept that it's simply not possible for me, I'm also really starting to see what a miserable existence it would be to be in a relationship with someone. It just seems awful in every single way, to me.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Take my parents, for example. My mom pretty much hates my dad, and she does nothing but nag and antagonize him, and it bothers him, but he puts up with it. Neither feel like they have any options, at this point in their life, so they're just sticking it out til death. If I were in that situation, I'd want to kill myself. That seems like such a horrible, unhappy dynamic.

 

 

I find it sad when people look at their parents like this.

 

To me, my parents (and my sister) are the only people in this world I can truly depend on, especially when I'm at my worst. And my parents won't be around much longer.

 

In a sense, finding a partner is like trying to find another person to depend on. Unconditional love if you will. I think if people viewed it like that instead of trying to get the hottest/coolest/most successful person, they'd be doing themselves a favor.

 

Then again, everybody's gotta live life their own way.

[Osmium13]

I'd say actively "searching" will find you dates - and occasionally sex. I'd be surprised if many people had actually found a long-term partner like that.

 

Personally, I don't think real love is something you can find - it has to find you. Then again I might just be a silly sod that has watched one too many soppy films

[Inflikted]

I find it sad when people look at their parents like this.

 

Well, it's not just my own spin on it. Several years ago, I discovered that my mom was trying really hard to cheat on my dad. She never knew that I knew, though I did anonymously intervene once to stop it from happening. During that time, though, I heard her telling the guys she was trying to get with how unhappy she is with my dad, how much she hates being married, how she wishes she could spend the rest of her life having tons of kinky sex with multiple partners, etc.

 

I don't know that my dad really "knows" about that stuff, and I never had the heart to tell him what I learned, because I know he couldn't take it. But I can see his frustration and disappointment with my mom every single day. There's no love there, but neither wants to change their life enough to go through the process of separation and start over, especially when they're both over 55.

 

I dunno. From my perspective, it seems like the average relationship becomes pretty unpleasant after maybe a year or two together. And marriage? Eh. That's pretty much trapping yourself into a situation that is a huge pain to get out of later on when you realize you're not happy.

[Philosopher]

I have often wondered this myself too. Despite dating for while, I am still undecided. The anecdotal evidence I have from friends and colleagues is that most relationships do end with one party calling it quits. Often these relationships end quite suddenly when previously everything seemed to be going very well. For example I know of two work colleagues whom divorced just a year after getting married. In these cases I can assume that the person ending it decided that being single and the hassle of going through a divorce is better than continuing with the relationship, even if it appeared to going well previously. Despite this the guys whom got dumped have still continued to date others, despite what appeared to be a messy breakup, so they must think that being in a relationship is worth it. Personally if I was in that situation I think it would put me dating for a very long time.

 

As I have never been in a proper relationship I simply don't know what it is like and whether it is better than being single, so I have to guess whether it is worth it. A relationship that starts off well, but goes downhill after a year and so and ends soon after that, may be good for a while but after it is ended I suspect I will have thought it would have been better not to have started the relationship in the first place. However if I find some I am very compatible with, whom I get on really well with and the relationship lasts for a very long time then I suspect I will see the hassle of dating as worth it.

[ZA Dater]

From my perspective, I'd say no, it doesn't seem to be worth it.

 

I'm beginning to question why I ever aspired to date and have a "love life", to begin with. I'm really starting to think that it's all just a myth. I mean, sure, it would be lovely to have a partner that you connect with and bond with, and can spend your life with. But is that really how it goes for people?

 

Take my parents, for example. My mom pretty much hates my dad, and she does nothing but nag and antagonize him, and it bothers him, but he puts up with it. Neither feel like they have any options, at this point in their life, so they're just sticking it out til death. If I were in that situation, I'd want to kill myself. That seems like such a horrible, unhappy dynamic.

 

And while I haven't been in contact with my extended family for many years, I remember enough about them to know that most, if not all, of their own relationships and marriages are basically based on "Not like there are other options, might as well stick together".

 

I also took notice recently of people within my own age range talking about their own relationships, and while they were talking about them in a pleasant and upbeat way, my interpretation of them sounded like those typical 90s sitcom relationships, where the girl is the smart one holding everything together, and the guy is a bumbling doofus that has to constantly keep his lady happy and obey.

 

I dunno. I most definitely wanted a "love life", but aside from coming to accept that it's simply not possible for me, I'm also really starting to see what a miserable existence it would be to be in a relationship with someone. It just seems awful in every single way, to me.

 

I have seen this a lot and continue to see it. For me I find it quite sad because these ladies deserve far better but for whatever reason they just accept this.

[NJ123]

I ask myself this quite a bit. It just seems it's impossible to meet anyone these days that would be a good fit for a relationship. It always seems to me that the good women are all taken already & it's going to be very difficult to meet someone I'd want for an actual relationship. I have a lot of things that would be dealbreakers for me so I'm not sure if I'm too picky myself but it just seems as I said it's going to be difficult to meet someone.

[Inflikted]

I have seen this a lot and continue to see it. For me I find it quite sad because these ladies deserve far better but for whatever reason they just accept this.

 

Well, I see it the other way around, too. What I mean is, I see plenty of women who expect to have "the power" in the relationship and expect their men to be obedient and subservient, and the guys are just like "lol That's a relationship for ya!".

 

I dunno. Seems pretty miserable, to me.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Honest question. I am sure we have people here who have gone from unable to find a girlfriend to actually having one.

 

My question is, were the ends worth it? I realise this is a very cold unemotional question but taking emotion out of it for a minute, does the companionship, shared sense of being and having that person as a partner ultimately worth the endless searching?

 

Furthermore was the person you were dating someone you genuinely liked or was it "well I don't really like her but she likes me and I don't have any other opportunities, so". Again I have taken the emotion out of that.

 

The thing is there are many of us here who want a girlfriend but I am starting to think it may not be worth the aggravation at the end of it. Sure, if you can date some you really want to date then it might but I always wonder if some of us through lack of dating experience have reduced our odds to near zero chance of that happening.

 

Make no mistake I am sure there are far more relationship positives than negatives but at the same time I think and I speak for myself here, part of me is "damaged" in terms of being able to actually find a relationship. I look around me at how guys interact with ladies and I don't get how are why so many behave the way they do, perhaps because charm is a foreign concept to me. I go out and be me, whereas it seems most guys go out to project themselves more than actually be themselves. Or maybe I am missing something.

 

Simply put I am not reading many great relationship stories, what I see of other peoples relationships makes me wonder what criteria people use when they date people for an extended time, I just cannot fathom why people find some of these people appealing.

 

Undoubtedly those of us who struggle probably have reasons why but it would be good to know whether its ultimately worth while.

 

I am starting to think this is getting dangerously close to the meaning, "Better to have loved than lost, than to have NEVER loved at all."

 

I would say the latter is getting more and more common when people singles spend the majority of their lives unattached or without someone special.

 

I've always wondered if someone were to say "Ummm..okay, what if I have NEVER loved at all? I liked women, but never loved one." There's a woman I know that is divorced, in her 40s...tried at a relationship with a guy for 2 or 3 years, but said she "liked" him, but...never loved him.

 

Just liked his company, thought he was cute and good company, even though he was hinting at marriage, that was a no go for her.

 

If you're wondering if she ever loved her husband, probably not because he was a cheating, lying ex-spouse...so how can you love someone like that?

 

Esp. with the older singles.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have often wondered this myself too. Despite dating for while, I am still undecided. The anecdotal evidence I have from friends and colleagues is that most relationships do end with one party calling it quits. Often these relationships end quite suddenly when previously everything seemed to be going very well.

 

Funny you mentioned this. There's a couple that I am friends with. They were both early 50s, both fit and attractive for their age.

 

Their main activities were mostly hardcore outdoor stuff. They would take trips together to the Rocky Mountains or some other part of the world at these incredible hiking and camping trips. They biked and kayaked

 

They were seriously a MATCHED couple, and looked like they both could belong on a front cover of a Gander Mountain magazine.

 

They were together for 5 years, then suddenly...she ended it. I heard it through him in a coversation and someone asked him if there was any trying to reconcile.

 

He was like 'No, I didn't want it to happen and it wasn't up for discussion."

 

When I talked to her about it, I mentioned how quite shocking that such a nicely matched couple they were...that they were an ideal couple.

 

She said, "Regardless what you may have thought, we actually weren't a good match after all."

 

She left it at that but I'm thinking, "It took her 5 years to figure out they 'weren't a good match'."?

 

I dunno, but lately I see her taking those trips by her lonesome. She doesn't even bring friends, she just makes them on the fly in tour groups in other countries. Just goes by herself, which is kind of strange. She has a nice group of friends, and I even suggested some of us to go out to trips that she does....but she prefers to be a lone traveler.

 

Of course, as all ways, it's the woman ending it, with the man broken hearted and it's not up for debate. Sometimes the woman has no real reason other than , "I prefer to remain single."

 

I heard some woman would come in and out of a man's life, ending it when she saw fit. The last time she ended it, she said to him that she wanted to spend more time with her family and new grand child.

 

"So screw me, right?! I can't be a part of that?"

Edited September 3, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[ZA Dater]

I am starting to think this is getting dangerously close to the meaning, "Better to have loved than lost, than to have NEVER loved at all."

 

Not really but I see why you read that into it. My point is so many people struggle the end doesn't really seem objectively worth it. Of course none of us live objectively and maybe I am just trying to make myself feel a bit better!

 

 

Sitting at home on a Sat night isn't the most lovely feeling especially when you crave some form of company but so be it.

 

 

I have seen relationships, people get desperate and simply take anyone who shows some sort of interest in them, I promised myself I wont ever do that because I know I would never be happy with anything less than I want.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I ask myself this quite a bit. It just seems it's impossible to meet anyone these days that would be a good fit for a relationship. It always seems to me that the good women are all taken already.

 

You know what's interesting, I had a conversation with a woman that was a very active POF party organizer back in the day. She's met a guy on POF and has been married to him now for several years to this day.

 

I talked with her, and told her how currently that POF is a cesspool nowdays, and she just gave me a, "I know, but I just got lucky."

 

I've actually heard people say, when they found "the one" that "I just got lucky." I hear that a lot, esp. as some kind of response to single people that are struggling.

[NJ123]

You know what's interesting, I had a conversation with a woman that was a very active POF party organizer back in the day. She's met a guy on POF and has been married to him now for several years to this day.

 

I talked with her, and told her how currently that POF is a cesspool nowdays, and she just gave me a, "I know, but I just got lucky."

 

I've actually heard people say, when they found "the one" that "I just got lucky." I hear that a lot, esp. as some kind of response to single people that are struggling.

 

I actually signed up on OKCupid yet again last night but winded up deleting my account after like a half hour due to how bad the selection of women around me was. I'm sure some of the women were good quality for relationships but for the most part I just didn't find myself attracted to most of them or they just seemed really stuck up by their profiles & just turned me off. I really don't know what I'm going to do at this point to ever meet anyone. I'm only getting older now & have pretty much no experience either so my odds are not good at all. As I've posted before it's just really scary to think about how I might possibly be alone my whole life which is actually a realistic possibility.

[ZA Dater]

I actually signed up on OKCupid yet again last night but winded up deleting my account after like a half hour due to how bad the selection of women around me was. I'm sure some of the women were good quality for relationships but for the most part I just didn't find myself attracted to most of them or they just seemed really stuck up by their profiles & just turned me off. I really don't know what I'm going to do at this point to ever meet anyone. I'm only getting older now & have pretty much no experience either so my odds are not good at all. As I've posted before it's just really scary to think about how I might possibly be alone my whole life which is actually a realistic possibility.

 

 

Take this from someone who has had this thought for years, its not a comfortable one to live with but equally its a worse one to be consumed by.

 

 

For me my logic says the older one gets the harder it becomes simply because inexperience is frowned upon, people say I am talking rubbish but honestly why would you employ a trainee if you could employ someone experienced, simply put you wouldn't ordinarily.

 

 

Richness of life is not really related to dating and I think its possible to live a good life BUT and its a continent sized BUT, its not really normal to live such a lonely life.

[dusk86]

I believe yes it's worth it but you need to be careful. I think many times people get into relationships for the wrong reasons, such as:

-Their lonely

-They do it for sexual reasons

-They are unable to be alone for too long

-Someone's love them and they like it but they don't love them back

And now with social media and the internet, it becomes so easy to flirt and cheat that relationship has lost so much value. If relationships was a stock in the stock market it would have crashed a long time ago. But this should not stop you from engaging yourself with a woman. Relationships will challenge you and since women are a different creature than men, it makes the process difficult and it becomes a huge roller coaster. But you grow out it, you learn more about yourself and you know more of what you want out of someone, it's an important lesson in life. My advice, since you are damaged, take some time for yourself to reassess and figure out what it is should do right now. Maybe don't date for a while and time will tell you what you want and should do. Hope this helps brother!

[elaine567]

For me my logic says the older one gets the harder it becomes simply because inexperience is frowned upon, people say I am talking rubbish but honestly why would you employ a trainee if you could employ someone experienced, simply put you wouldn't ordinarily.

 

It is not just that inexperience is frowned upon but also that there is a huge amount of thinking involved here that would not have occurred had you just started dating in HS or at college.

 

If you learn to ski as a child or a teenager then you just do it, you do not think of the consequences, it becomes second nature.

 

If you are an adult then worry kicks in,

"What happens to my work if I have an accident and break my leg?",

"I could end up like Michael Schumacher...",

"It's really steep and I am going far too fast to be safe",

"I could even literally die here"

 

So learning to ski as an adult raises all sorts of questions and concerns that would never have entered the head of a child or a teenager..

 

Same with dating, it doesn't matter in HS, if he is a jerk or she is an airhead or it is all over in a matter of weeks. Who cares? It's not that important when you are very young. You pick yourself up and you just carry on and learn from your mistakes.

 

But at 32, you do care.

You do not want to make any mistakes, you think you cannot afford to make mistakes, you do not want to take any chances, you do not want to get hurt.

 

You have fabricated this "ideal" woman in your head so no-one comes close to meeting your expectations and so you never truly get hurt.

It works.

 

If you are to have any chance of finding "the one", then you have to do some tough things and you are going to have to get used to falling down and hurting yourself.

You cannot learn to ski by sitting in a cafe looking up at the slopes and telling yourself how hard it is.

 

Watch this too -

Especially tip 4.

[thefooloftheyear]

Depends on how many zeros they have in their account and whether or not they are willing to share it with you.....

 

But seriously...

 

If you are miserable alone, then you aren't going to be happy in a relationship...Sure its worth it....but you need to keep your head on straight...be sensible and don't over think it...

 

Just asking a question like this seems odd to me....

 

Most men that struggle have the same problem, from what I can see...they deify women...They see it as some conquest of an elusive being...Forget that thinking....Its poisoning your mind and killing your prospects....Most good women see that from a mile away and avoid it all costs. .

 

.02

 

TFY

[LookAtThisPOst]

but also that there is a huge amount of thinking involved here that would not have occurred had you just started dating in HS or at college.

 

Funny, I never been to prom or had a g/f in high school, and after those days came and went...I wondered if there was something wrong with me that I didn't have g/f in high school, but then I couldn't fathom it when I was a freshman, but then I saw a freshman cheerleader dating a senior football player.

 

I couldn't fathom that at 14/15. I liked girls then, but was too shy to pursue anything. A late bloomer, and found more nerdy things interesting then.

 

In my senior year I half-heartedly ask a couple of girls out, but they said they were already taken.

 

But honestly, then I thought being in a relationship as a teenager was kind of "out there" for me. You're a kid, what does a kid know about relationships? They aren't mature enough to fathom such things (that's what I thought then.).

[ZA Dater]

It is not just that inexperience is frowned upon but also that there is a huge amount of thinking involved here that would not have occurred had you just started dating in HS or at college.

 

If you learn to ski as a child or a teenager then you just do it, you do not think of the consequences, it becomes second nature.

 

If you are an adult then worry kicks in,

"What happens to my work if I have an accident and break my leg?",

"I could end up like Michael Schumacher...",

"It's really steep and I am going far too fast to be safe",

"I could even literally die here"

 

So learning to ski as an adult raises all sorts of questions and concerns that would never have entered the head of a child or a teenager..

 

Same with dating, it doesn't matter in HS, if he is a jerk or she is an airhead or it is all over in a matter of weeks. Who cares? It's not that important when you are very young. You pick yourself up and you just carry on and learn from your mistakes.

 

But at 32, you do care.

You do not want to make any mistakes, you think you cannot afford to make mistakes, you do not want to take any chances, you do not want to get hurt.

 

You have fabricated this "ideal" woman in your head so no-one comes close to meeting your expectations and so you never truly get hurt.

It works.

 

If you are to have any chance of finding "the one", then you have to do some tough things and you are going to have to get used to falling down and hurting yourself.

You cannot learn to ski by sitting in a cafe looking up at the slopes and telling yourself how hard it is.

 

Watch this too -

Especially tip 4.

 

There is a great deal of rational thought and logic in the above, thank you for that.

I agree with the first bold piece completely, however we cant really change the past and dwelling on it is not particularly helpful either, at least it isn't for me.

 

 

The second bold point has a certain degree of truth to it. I and I think many other really are worn down by negative dating experiences, lets deem rejection to be negative, lets deem poor dating matches to be negative for the purposes of this topic.

 

 

I hate making mistakes in any area of life, I accept that I do but I also accept I do the utmost not to make mistakes by learning to the best of my ability to conquer things, however during that process I realise I wont get it right but I will improve. Its the improving which keeps me motivated, I am sure that's normal human nature.

 

 

I have never been a person who takes chances and leaves things to chance, just my nature so I'd never go up to someone I don't know and try talk to them, that's just me unfortunately with all the negative connotations a character trait like that has.

 

 

In terms of what I have chased in the past they were all the same in terms of character, each has this lovely vibrant intelligent personality and each walked to their own specific beat as opposed to following everyone else, each was smart, intellectual, capable of giving me a challenge and they all had personalities I found extremely attractive. I don't think its a case of nobody matching up I think its a case of few matching up and even fewer being able to fit into the life I have created.

 

 

If I am honest this entire post is me sitting in that café and wondering if its even worth going outside to try. The difference is I have been outside and nothing good has ever come from it and eventually as humans we will do many things to justify decisions we make and perhaps a large part of me is reconciling what I don't have to an experience which is not all that great to begin with.....in my mind.

 

 

Sitting yesterday I just felt sad because I am undoubtedly a good person with many great qualities, I do try each day to improve who I am and show the world a bit more of me but the sobering reality is what I am and what the world wants really are polar opposites in every single way.

 

 

I always seem to be good enough to be peoples support, the go to guy and never good enough to actually take an interest in.

 

 

Maybe I will just resort to asking people how nice the following is

: waking up with someone you love next to you

: going on a romantic holiday

: buying a significant other a birthday gift

: being kissed

: sharing ones life with someone.

Edited September 4, 2016 by ZA Dater

[ZA Dater]

Funny, I never been to prom or had a g/f in high school, and after those days came and went...I wondered if there was something wrong with me that I didn't have g/f in high school, but then I couldn't fathom it when I was a freshman, but then I saw a freshman cheerleader dating a senior football player.

 

I couldn't fathom that at 14/15. I liked girls then, but was too shy to pursue anything. A late bloomer, and found more nerdy things interesting then.

 

In my senior year I half-heartedly ask a couple of girls out, but they said they were already taken.

 

But honestly, then I thought being in a relationship as a teenager was kind of "out there" for me. You're a kid, what does a kid know about relationships? They aren't mature enough to fathom such things (that's what I thought then.).

 

 

I did this and those rejections still stay with me like they were yesterday and they basically just set the patter for everything which followed.

[Tahirthegreat]

Its not worth it at all. At best, youll end up with someone that you kind of get along with. But she will nag and annoy you, and you will end up wondering why you didnt just stay single in the first place. Such a headache.

[MissBee]

Endless searching will never be worth it. The reason is because it makes being a relationship the ultimate end-all-be-all and a destination where everything is supposed to be better and different once you arrive, and unfortunately, if that is how someone envisions relationships, they will eventually be disappointed.

 

Having been single and also in relationships, I realize that people are people and when a relationship is good it's great and when it's bad it can be quite bad and you can even feel lonelier and more stressed than if you were alone. Being in a relationship doesn't change you necessarily and life will still be life with its ups, downs, problems etc

 

In college I remember actively searching for bfs and feeling like being in a relationship was gonna be the end-all-be-all and after breaking up I couldn't wait to finally find a new bf....that made me unduly stressed and also more willing to settle. Nowadays, my mentality is totally different. I'm not endlessly searching and it feels so good. I genuinely like my life and my self and know what I need from a relationship. My eyes are open to meeting someone but it's not this sense of waiting or endlessly pining for that.I think I have a pretty realistic idea of what a relationship can do for me and what it can't and that means I'm more willing to stick to what I want and find it worth it than if I have unrealistic expectations or am merely existing and think I can only truly be happy when coupled.