Is the search worth it?

[Recon33]

I will also mention that a life without women and family is a life lived on your own terms.

 

Supporting just yourself doesn't take a lot of $ and you can pursue whatever you want.

 

If I decided to change careers to something more fulfilling, then I'd have to go back to school. I'd probably be making no money for the next 5-6 years. Would my girlfriend be OK with footing my bill for going out for that period? Doubtful.

 

But not only that, the time that you free up by being single to pursue whatever you want ... it's an amazing amount of time. You could learn to ski, play the trumpet, ballroom dance.

 

When you are dating, the amount of time you have in between work and being with that person and keeping up with friends is almost nil.

 

This is more for loner personalities. Most people would have no desire to pursue the types of things I pursue.

 

All of this is true and this independence and freedom are some of the best things to me about being naturally introverted as well as I've become even more reclusive over the past few years now. One of the worst parts though is the growing sexual frustration. Maybe it's because of my personality or something, but casual sex isn't even an option for me except maybe at a bar or party. And I don't drink or go to parties anymore. A fwb is like a pipe dream to me.

 

I think a good deal of introverted people would probably say that the search isn't worth it because it's a lot of work for them. They have to force themselves to go out and be social when they don't feel like it and it can take a great deal of time and investment to see any progress. Whereas more extroverted people on the the other hand wouldn't see it as such a chore even if they go through periods of no success.

[ZA Dater]

All of this is true and this independence and freedom are some of the best things to me about being naturally introverted as well as I've become even more reclusive over the past few years now. One of the worst parts though is the growing sexual frustration. Maybe it's because of my personality or something, but casual sex isn't even an option for me except maybe at a bar or party. And I don't drink or go to parties anymore. A fwb is like a pipe dream to me.

 

I think a good deal of introverted people would probably say that the search isn't worth it because it's a lot of work for them. They have to force themselves to go out and be social when they don't feel like it and it can take a great deal of time and investment to see any progress. Whereas more extroverted people on the the other hand wouldn't see it as such a chore even if they go through periods of no success.

 

In my opinion there is a great deal of truth in this. I don't actually like going out anymore in terms of clubs and bars, for a time I tried but could never strike up a conversation with anyone so I felt extremely awkward and extremely out of place. I think the most I could manage was an hour of sitting on my own.

 

The flip side of this is I just felt sad, sad looking around at guys who had what I wanted.

[redbaron007]

There is a lot of merit to that.

 

 

I have however lived an almost friendless life, for whatever reason I have never really been able to make friends, I have two friends which isn't a high number at all and part of me just want a girl friend to have a friend, mostly though I think I am a good guy who could make someone really happy.

Nothing unreasonable here.

 

Yes, lots of people know me, my passion is something very unique and something I have been involved in for many years, its a tightly knit group of mostly older people who I have really grown up around to a point, we are all very different but we all have a common interest.

Nothing unreasonable here.

 

 

Its this which has made me look for common interests/ideas/ways of thinking and that's very tough to find.

 

The oft repeated K is the only person who I have found shares common interests and talents with me and I guess a lot of attraction is based on the fact I can have a conversation about common interest things and there is a intelligence factor.

This is a classic case of "one-itis". Yea, so the K thing is not gonna happen, so what? Doesn't mean you have to despair your entire life.

 

I do believe ultimately IF you can find that person you really like the end result however fleeting would be ABSOLUTELY worth it but if you lurch from one disappointment to the next, one rejection to the next then I think the end doesn't seem worth it anymore.

Just adopt a serendipitous attitude...if it happens, it happens, otherwise learn to be happy by yourself. At the end of the day, your true contentment and self-worth does not depend on an external person, personal wealth or career success. It should come from within. Suggested reading: "Feeling Good" by David Burns MD. You also seem unduly anxious and stressed about this whole GF situation...also read Mayo Clinic guide to Stress-free Living by Amit Sood MD.

[redbaron007]

...One of the worst parts though is the growing sexual frustration. Maybe it's because of my personality or something, but casual sex isn't even an option for me except maybe at a bar or party. And I don't drink or go to parties anymore. A fwb is like a pipe dream to me.

...

 

This is a valid concern for all single men with healthy libidos, and actually one of the easiest issues to address assuming you have adequate cash to spend on high-quality safe vendors which can be costly. But if one is introverted, or won't approach enough women or be discouraged (too outcome-oriented), and have no money (or morals prevent them from paying for sex), then, well, a celibate life is the only option, and I suspect more than a few lead this kind of lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that either, provided your self-worth does not depend on getting laid.

[ZA Dater]

Nothing unreasonable here.

 

 

Nothing unreasonable here.

 

 

 

This is a classic case of "one-itis". Yea, so the K thing is not gonna happen, so what? Doesn't mean you have to despair your entire life.

 

 

Just adopt a serendipitous attitude...if it happens, it happens, otherwise learn to be happy by yourself. At the end of the day, your true contentment and self-worth does not depend on an external person, personal wealth or career success. It should come from within. Suggested reading: "Feeling Good" by David Burns MD. You also seem unduly anxious and stressed about this whole GF situation...also read Mayo Clinic guide to Stress-free Living by Amit Sood MD.

 

For me I am constantly wondering "what if", "what would it be like", my life is very experienced based, meaning I value the experience more than the possible outcome. However, with that I try and make the experiences good, I have tried to make dating a good experience but it just doesn't happen.

 

Yes, I can blame the world and the world has to take some blame but I cant blame the world for the fact I seemingly don't think like everyone else, nor I can blame the world for the fact what I like doesn't like me.

[ZA Dater]

This is a valid concern for all single men with healthy libidos, and actually one of the easiest issues to address assuming you have adequate cash to spend on high-quality safe vendors which can be costly. But if one is introverted, or won't approach enough women or be discouraged (too outcome-oriented), and have no money (or morals prevent them from paying for sex), then, well, a celibate life is the only option, and I suspect more than a few lead this kind of lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that either, provided your self-worth does not depend on getting laid.

 

Believe me I considered this a few times but the thought of a first time with some random person doesn't do it for me at all.

 

I just become sad really that others find this so easy and I find it next to impossible.

[elaine567]

I think a good deal of introverted people would probably say that the search isn't worth it because it's a lot of work for them. They have to force themselves to go out and be social when they don't feel like it and it can take a great deal of time and investment to see any progress. Whereas more extroverted people on the the other hand wouldn't see it as such a chore even if they go through periods of no success.

 

Most, I guess use alcohol to get over the bump of finding someone.

Either alcohol gives them the courage to engage with someone, or the courage to take an existing relationship to the next level.

It is no coincidence that alcohol is inextricably linked with love and sex.

 

By taking alcohol out of the equation, it is like trying to pick someone up cold in a dentist's waiting room - awkward, inappropriate and unlikely to succeed as everyone is tense and anxious.

Alcohol in moderate amounts and handled well, oils the wheels in social and sexual interactions, it makes shy people come out of their shells, gives then Dutch courage and it lowers their inhibitions.

[ZA Dater]

Most, I guess use alcohol to get over the bump of finding someone.

Either alcohol gives them the courage to engage with someone, or the courage to take an existing relationship to the next level.

It is no coincidence that alcohol is inextricably linked with love and sex.

 

By taking alcohol out of the equation, it is like trying to pick someone up cold in a dentist's waiting room - awkward, inappropriate and unlikely to succeed as everyone is tense and anxious.

Alcohol in moderate amounts and handled well, oils the wheels in social and sexual interactions, it makes shy people come out of their shells, gives then Dutch courage and it lowers their inhibitions.

 

All sadly true.