Got cheated on, but still love her

[sooshi]

The question is, why don't you block her when she's the one who cheated and treated you poorly?

 

You can still see how better your life is without her when you block her. After all, you want to see how your life is better WITHOUT her. That includes no contact. You're making excuses to keep her in your life some way. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of seeing how good your life is without her?

 

You're obviously not healed, OP, because you're making this thread. It sounds like you still carry a lot of anger. Blocking her and going no contact would be useful in true healing.

 

Take care.

Edited September 12, 2016 by sooshi

[MetalGearSolid]

I still harbour resent, that's true. But like I said, this is more of a question of why would an ex still follow someone after a breakup.

[PrettyEmily77]

She forgot / she's curious / she wants to check she still has some effect on you (she does, evidently) / other. It shouldn't matter to you, ultimately.

 

You'll be fully healed when you stop caring, OP.

[VeveCakes]

My ex dumped me and was still creeping my stuff daily. It's a mind game and that's all.

 

Block and move on.

[Zapbasket]

It FEELS like it matters, why she does that...but it doesn't. Nothing means anything except direct contact and a contrite apology. It's hard, but remind yourself of that often. And think of this: it doesn't take any character, courage, integrity or caring to snoop on people's social media. That's why people do it--doesn't cost them anything because they don't have to risk anything; they don't have to "show themselves." It's meaningless. It really is.

[MetalGearSolid]

Hi everyone, I [19 M] made a thread talking about my issue a while ago, but I feel like I've backslided and just need to vent.

 

She [22 F] was amazing. One thing she said before was that she knew what to do and what not to do in a relationship, and that she was tired of being in non-serious relationships. So, I built her up. Gave her my 100% trust. Showered her with love that she never got, and honestly will probably never get in the future. Made it a point to get her gifts and tell her often how much I loved her. I sacrificed so much for her; so much that people would probably call this a codependent relationship. But I didn't care. We had so, so many great memories during our 8 months together, and they often replay in my head.

 

Joke's on me, because I caught her cheating last month for what must be the 3rd time. That was it for me, and we separated. She's with the other guy now. But for some reason, I still want her to come back. It's like... I know what she's capable of. She is capable of being so much more than a tool for guys. I know the honest, loyal girl I fell in love with is still there somewhere. Despite the cheating, after D-Day, looking into her tear-filled eyes, I know she still loves me. When I pressed her that day, she said that I was perfect, and that at not one point did I treat her badly. When I also asked her if this new guy could possibly give her a future like I could, she immediately replied "Probably not".

 

I know I deserve better. I know that if I even did half the crap she did to me, she would have jumped ship long ago. I know that she wouldn't cross a puddle for me, while I would cross oceans for her. But... her personality embodies most of what I look for in a woman. I've honestly never met a lady like her. I've been feeling a lot better since then, but every once in a while, the thought of her banging this new guy pops up, and I immediately feel like **** again.

 

Looking back at our messages before D-Day, I could still sense the mutual love for each other. She was talking about how she and her friend were chatting about each other's boyfriends, and that she was so grateful to have me in her life, that she couldn't be without me. Her friend even told her how envious she was of how I treated her. I have my flaws, but why would she give up what we had, just to be in a relationship with someone she knows will not succeed? And why do I still want her back, despite everything? She just has so much potential to be so much more.

[DarrenB]

People are naive, they throw away glorious opportunities to enhance their life for 'all the better', for something most likely temporary and to satisfy them for a short period of time.

 

It's not strange that you still want her back, after what she had done (of which you have stated), it's quite common actually. But like people would probably question you on, is why would you feel the need to continue trying and showering this girl with your love and affection? just for her to neglect it and hurt you repeatedly?. You say this is the 3rd time she had cheated on you, I think the first time should have been enough for you to understand that she is not willing to be monogamous with just you. That in itself is the realization it should have been for you to rid of her the moment you found out.

 

The point is, you will find someone better. You will think either for a short or long amount of time that you won't, that she was the only one for you... all of this mallarkey; you will become insanely in-denial. It's just that you have to take the courage into letting her go, letting her focus on her own life (whether that be in a manner of success or something entirely the opposite), and focus on you and what you want.

 

There's many reasons and situations as to why a relationship ends, but one of the most common and relevant is that one loves more than the other, or one does not love the opposing anymore. When this is the case, I don't think there's any reconciliation to be made. You cannot make or force someone to love you or change the way they feel about you. They must either decide for themselves or not at all.

 

Save yourself the emotional pain and stress, and let her go. She was not good for you, you may have been compatible for a substantial amount of time, but as the harsh reality of living continues for all of us, things degrade over time. Including feelings and love.

 

Take this experience you've had, as something to build off of. You are 19, young, again the world is your oyster still. A lot of which you need to explore. You will again, hopefully find that one person who will love you and be with you perpetually. Best of luck.

[MetalGearSolid]

Thanks for responding. Frankly, I don't know why I still want to love this girl. Yes, she treated me badly and is undeserving of my concern, but I still can't help it. Like I said, she possesses many of the traits that I love in a woman and have yet to see in others; probably why she gets the attention of men so easily. I just know the path she's taking is in no way going to have a happy ending, and it saddens me to know that all she is to the new guy is just a toy. I think it saddens me more that she knows she's just a toy, but is still going through with this.

 

I don't mean to come off as an arrogant douche, but I don't think that I'm that unattractive either. I've been told on several occasions that I'm pretty good-looking, even been asked to model before. I'm fairly certain that if I really wanted to, I could go to the club and pick up a few girls. But yet, I can't get over this girl. I can't get over how much she lacks foresight. If she left me for a better guy, then fine. But it's so incredibly obvious this isn't going to last. I guess it's because the new guy is kind of a celebrity, so she immediately jumped on the chance to be his toy. She has so much potential, but wastes it seeking temporary pleasure.

[MetalGearSolid]

I've been feeling better since our breakup more than a month ago. But even now, I've been having mood swings. Every morning, I wake up feeling awful. Every morning, I have the strong urge to see her again to seek closure. Then, in the afternoon, I go back to feeling alright again. I hate these swings.

 

I just can't believe how this person who meant the world to me would do something like this. This morning, I kept asking myself, did she even at one point love me? I also can't believe how naive she is; I'm sure the other guy fed her so many lies just to get into her pants, and she took the bait.

 

It hurts me to think she's so easily manipulated, that she would give up my unending love for her just like that. It hurts me even more to question whether she really did love me, or were those happy moments just a lie? I've thought of seeing a counsellor, honestly.

[Satu]

snip

 

I just can't believe how this person who meant the world to me would do something like this. This morning, I kept asking myself, *did she even at one point love me? I also can't believe how naive she is; **I'm sure the other guy fed her so many lies just to get into her pants, and she took the bait.

 

It hurts me to think she's so easily manipulated, that she would give up my unending love for her just like that. It hurts me even more to question whether she really did love me, or ***were those happy moments just a lie? I've thought of seeing a counsellor, honestly.

 

*In the biggest, most meaningful sense, she did not love you. But in a minor, more superficial sense, she did.

 

**No. She wanted to do what she did. She chose to do it.

 

***No. The happy moments weren't a lie. They were happy.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.