What Does This All Mean?

[Kirsty_83]

I've posted here before about my ex. We were together for almost 3 years, split up in 2012 after he cheated on me with his now wife.

Time passed, he tried to reach out, I ignored it, he tried again, I continued to ignore him, then he got the message and I didn't hear from him again.

 

Anyway, back in March, I decided to reach out to him, I guess I was curious to see how he was and a part of me wanted to lay things to bed. But from me initially reaching out, we have been keeping in touch. He started sending me emails maybe twice a day, then that became once a week. His wife doesn't know we have been in touch and we only communicate while he's at work (he said that's the only chance he gets to reply to any emails, of course I don't believe that). So the emails were starting to become less and less so I just decided to ignore him instead of waiting and wondering when his next email was coming. So Monday I received an email from him randomly asking if I had my old number. Said that he didn't know what happened but all his old contacts came back and my number popped up and he wanted to check if it was still my number. I emailed back and asked him why he was asking and clarified what my number was. I didn't think anything more of it, but in the back of my mind I was I intrigued.

 

Last night I had a missed call, the number was from New Jersey (where my ex comes from), it turns out it was his work number. I emailed him and asked if he had rung me. A few minutes later he called me again. I picked up and we talked for about 15 mins - he was at work of course.

Told me it was nice to speak to me again after so long, asked me what I had been up to, how I'm enjoying my new life in Thailand. He didn't bring up the past nor did he mention his wife when I asked how everything was going with him and his life. Anyway, he said he would call again sometime and we left it at that.

Shortly after the call he sends me this email:

 

OKAY So - we just got off the phone with each other and that was pretty interesting. Lol I'd been wanting to do it all week but looking for the opportunity to do it. I didn't want it to be on Monday cos you'd literally just given me your number in that email. Wouldn't have been too much of a surprise then. And then the rest of the week, I've been so pre-occupied with so much work. SO I figured, since it was a bit of a slow morning, I'd take the opportunity to try to give you a call. The reception is a bit delayed, I will say. You'd hear my responses about a half a second after I'd finished BUT it's all good. I didn't think the call would go through because I wasn't sure how to dial out from here, BUT I heard it start ringing. I was going to leave a message the first time I called but then I thought, Nahhh, I wanna see if I can get her on the line. And I wasn't sure how the number would appear on your phone so I didn't think you'd know it was me right away. But yeah, I just wanted to do something a little different to make up for the fact that I haven't been doing so well as keeping up with these emails. But I promise it's all because of how crazy busy I've been at work and not cos I'm ignoring you. Lol

 

Anyway, it was really nice hearing you. It's been a while and I'd forgotten what you'd sounded like. Your accent I feel has gotten a bit stronger, I THINK lol. But it could just be because I haven't spoken to you on the phone in so long. It was nice to hear it for sure. Just as I called though, all the big guys from Germany had stepped out for a break from their meeting so I had to keep as quiet as possible because I didn't want them knowing I'd called AND my boss walked up to me as well in the middle of it. I mean for all they know it could have been an incoming call from one of our clients in England but still, I didn't want them to know I was having a personal conversation with anyone lol. So if I sounded a bit awkward on the phone, that's why. Lol. Other than it was nice speaking to you.

 

I'm still in shock that he actually called me up and I'm still confused as to why. He said it was k make up for the lack of emails but that didn't seem to bother him before, so what's changed? I'm confused but it all.

[ExpatInItaly]

He's a married man looking for some attention and validation on the side. That side is you. You already know he likes attention from more than one woman, and now the tables are turning: what he's doing to his wife is what he did to you before.

 

Don't play along.

[privategal]

Girl code: He's married.

You should nip this in the bud.

ALOT of potential pain here.

Sounds like you are already in an emotional affair.

You live oceans apart, you have plenty of new experience and friends to not look back on a married ex.

Maybe he's making you feel like the one that got away, maybe your stroking his ego, great, now time to move on and refocus your energies, I'm sure catching up was fun and flattering but trust me you don't want to go there, it ends badly every time.

[Kirsty_83]

[]

 

He has previously told me about issues with him and his wife in the past and has sounded unhappy, so I don't know what to make of this call, after 4 years.

Edited September 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
redacted duplicate text ~6

[imperfectangel]

Because he wants the ego boost and validation that you are still interested. Stop taking his calls and replying to him before you get in too deep again and move on. He isn't worth it

[Darren Steez]

So you're really shocked and confused as to why he's calling you after you poked and prodded him "out of curious and laying stuff to bed".

 

You're keeping up communication even though you know he's married and pretty much know what you're both after.

 

I think it's time to stop pretending to be confused or naive about what you're both doing. He's no angel, but neither are you.

[whichwayisup]

Why are you even bothering with this guy aka MM? Seems like such a waste of time since things are over and he's not ever leaving his wife and you've moved away. He is your ex for a reason! Remember that!

 

Seems like you're both playing a cat and mouse game, you ignore him for a period of time, then reach out to see how he is (why? when YOU wanted no contact?) then he backs off and then chase, then vice versa. This is going no where fast so I hope you totally end it and find a great (single) guy who treats you well and is more than just a flirtation/ego feed.

[Forever broken]

Don't be dragged back in it. I learned the hard way. They are so sweet in the beginning and tend to leave a bitter taste in your mouth at the end.

[stillafool]

Why are you still chasing after this MM when he has already ended it with you. You have to make your own closure(which is he is married and back with his wife) and move on. It's been months since he broke up with you and you're still trying to be with him. It's not going to ever happen the way you wish. The only thing you can look forward to at this point is an occasional roll in the hay unless he's found another mistress. How much more of your life are you going to waste on this guy?

[aileD]

Were you married at one point?

 

You said ex. ...just ex boyfriend or ex husband?

[Kirsty_83]

He is my ex-boyfriend. We were together for 3 years.

[stillafool]

Yes he was a EX who cheated on you with another girl who he ended up marrying. This was 3 years ago that you broke up so I don't know what you needed to be layed to bed after all this time. He is married and you should have moved on by now and be in a relationship with someone else. Stop wasting brain space on someone else's husband. You are missing out on the men that are out there for you.

[Poppy47]

Why are you asking what you already know??? It sounds a bit coy and silly.

 

Anyway, he's married now, so whatever you claim to need to know is really no longer of any relevance to you .

 

Poppy.