Bf has a fetish.....when is it too much?

[Mrowka]

I been with my boyfriend for 7 years and i have known about his foot fetish pretty early in the relationship, probably 2 or 3 months into the relationship. I was open to it and it did not bother me. I knew he had pictures and videos of foot porn on his computer and that didn't bother me neither. What started to bother me is 5 years into the relationship i found out how sever his fetish is. Now to others it might be nothing but to me it was not acceptable. I found out that at his job, he works as a security guy in a school, he has been going through the lockers looking for shoes or socks so he could see how the persons foot print looks like, if he found an ID of the student he would go and look them up online to see how they look like and see if they might have foot pictures on their profiles. Later on i found out he has an instagram profile where he follows all the foot fetish people. Didn't know what he said on there but i assumed he made sexual comments to those people, so i asked, and i told him that i hope that he doesn't make any inappropriate comments because that kind of stuff should be said to his SO since he is in a relationship and not to some strangers. After long argument he said that he will try no to do that anymore.

 

Well recently while on Instagram his profile came up as a suggestion on a friend i should add to my page. And while looking through his profile i found out how he would comment on the persons feet how sexy they are and how he loves how they look like and etc.... but he also kept on commenting on how the woman is gorgeous, or cute or pretty. After reading the comments i just feel as if i am not that special anymore since he just goes around and calls everyone else pretty and sexy and such... I am open to whatever he wants to do that involve feet but that doesn't seem enough. Sometimes i would point out to him that he rather look at other peoples feet pictures than do stuff with me, which of course he would always deny. Or if we would go out and eat out he would always be looking around for feet or he would go and stair at them if he really like them, it really bugged me and i asked him to do it more discreetly and he would get mad and say that he cant help himself. I feel like i will never be enough for him that one pair of "live" feet will not be enough and he always will need more. I dont feel comfortable what he has done and also upset that he would lie to me that he stopped making comments to other people when he has not.

 

I know it is hard to control yourself when having a fetish but i feel like the stuff he has done is just too much or as long as he doesn't do anything with other people than i should not worry about it? What also bugs me is that he doesn't think that getting a foot job is cheating but kissing is......

[BaileyB]

Having a fetish does not mean that you are not responsible for your behavior. Making suggestive comments to others and some of these other behaviours would not be ok with me. His behavior seems to be escalating? He is taking more risks to get his fix which would concern me that he may be at risk of cheating.

 

Everyone chooses their behavior and if you have clearly expressed your concerns to him and he continues to disregard your concerns and engage in these behaviors... That would be difficult for me to accept.

[CarrieT]

Yeah, he has definitely crossed the line into the "eeeeeeewww.... icky" realm of his fetish.

 

And his actions on his job are beyond reprehensible.

 

It is no longer about his fetish and what you find acceptable, sexually. It is about the fact that he is crossing the line as a gentlemen and responsible individual.

 

Time to cut bait and run.

 

Run fast.

[Mrowka]

I agree he doesn't seem to see it as a big deal. I asked him to be not so direct when looking at others feet when we out and he seemed to have controlled that somewhat. But seeing that he still comment on other peoples feet on Instagram now makes me concern because he lied that he would not do that anymore. I mean i dont think he would like when i would go around and kept on posting to other men how sexy they are and how i love their muscles and such or how nice and big their package looks like.

[Mrowka]

Or he thinks that i am jealous or insecure because he looks around and checks other peoples feet. He always needs more and wants too look more. I told him that one pair is not enough for him and i dont understand why he would want to be in a relationship than, if one pair cant satisfy his needs. I get it he be looking around at pictures and getting off of them but why comment on the persons appearance as well..

[Mrowka]

Some of the comments i found so far, what else he might have posted i dont know and if he did say any sexual comments i assume its been through private message:

 

You have great feet btw, and are completely sexy

 

You're gorgeous, and your feet look pretty sexy to me.

 

Gorgeous legs and feet

 

You have some of the most amazing feet and long toes I've ever seen. I hope you stick around and keep posting. And from the little bit of your face you've shown, you appear gorgeous as well.

[preraph]

He needs to be reported for doing that to students where he works. You do not want to be married to him when he gets caught because his name will be all over the news and also he will never find work again. Honestly, the school needs to know about this. How creepy.

[Nowty V]

He has issues ...

 

And he lacks respect.

[spiderowl]

I suppose lots of people have fetishes but checking out school pupils' lockers for footwear and then googling them for pics goes a bit beyond that. It sounds like he is having troubling controlling his fetish too, hence your unease about the whole thing.

 

I would feel the same in your position. I would have avoided him from the start, simply because I'm fairly straight and perhaps boringly normal and do not want to get involved with people with fetishes. Yes, I am that boring - sorry. But I suppose I do feel that if there is something that I'm not comfortable with at the start, then it is only going to become more prominent in life with them later on. The guy who drinks too much, for example, is not likely to suddenly start drinking less unless something fundamental changes.

 

But I can understand your discomfort in how far this is taking him away from you and how far it is tempting him to step over the line. What if you were to tell him that his behaviour at the school is totally unacceptable? Would he seek help for this fetish?

 

I'm afraid it's like any compulsive behaviour, once the person starts to lose control of it themselves it spills over and affects those close to them. You as his partner need to decide whether you want to continue with him or not if he doesn't seek help. It's a very difficult position to be in and I really feel for you.

Edited September 4, 2016 by spiderowl

[lana-banana]

This is not about a fetish you don't feel comfortable satisfying. This is about his total lack of impulse control. What he's doing at his job isn't just creepy, it's criminal. He would absolutely be fired if his bosses knew about it and frankly he should be fired, because otherwise he's going to escalate his behavior. This is unacceptable. You need to cut and run before it gets even more out of control.

[BlueIris]

I suppose lots of people have fetishes but checking out school pupils' lockers for footwear and then googling them for pics goes a bit beyond that. It sounds like he is having troubling controlling his fetish too, hence your unease about the whole thing....

 

Yeah, he should be fired. I hope that he doesn't escalate and abuse or stalk a student. If I were you, OP, I'd at least tell him that, that he will be fired for this. Imagine if he did escalate and you knew that he had been going into their lockers and googling them. A child could be harmed and the guilt could eat you to bits.

Edited September 4, 2016 by BlueIris

[Els]

Having a fetish doesn't excuse criminal behaviour. There's nothing wrong with having a foot fetish, but a normal and functional person with a fetish knows that there are lines they don't cross. He isn't any of the above.

 

I think you should leave him unless he agrees to get professional help. And report him to the authorities. If you stay with him the way things are going now, chances are you're just going to end up with a convict.

[Gloria25]

IMO, it's ok to have fetishes, preferences...ya know, stuff you "like" to do

 

Problem is, when the fetish takes over to the point where you're not trying to "connect" with another person cuz all you want to do is satisfy the fetish.

 

The act of sex/intimacy between two people who actually give a hoot about each other (like "love") is a beautiful thing. Someone just pursuing the end goal to get their rocks off is not much.

 

If your bf was busy into your feet alone, then it wouldn't be so bad. But, thing is he wants all kinds of feet - not just yours. Take the foot fetish out of the picture and he's pretty much a guy who will never be satisfied with one woman.

 

So, IMO, the fetish isn't the issue. The issue is that he'll never be satisfied with having intimacy (sharing the fetish) with one person. He just wants the fetish fulfilled, no matter how/who/where/when/why.

[dusk86]

You have been with him for 7 years and I understand that this situation hurts you. You and him seriously need to talk it over but here's what I think:

 

1. He needs to stop watching foot porn and needs to cut Instagram or any platform that gives him access to those visuals. Porn is addictive like a drug and the more he keeps watching it AND stalking women on Instagram + commenting, is only making his obsession greater. It's known that porn creates a chemical addiction in the mind and men have an issue with this. The best thing would be to cut it completely along with Instagram and he should just focus on you. If he can't do that, then you might need to see a relationship therapist with him.

 

2. Since he has been building sexual urges to foot porn, he is now losing control and becoming (I'm sorry to say this) a Creep! This can get him in a lot of trouble. Plus its totally WRONG I would personally report him and have him fire but that's only me. It's okay to have a fetish but to become a creep like that will only make him worst than he already is. He needs some help in order to break his bad habits and get his sense back. Leaving him won't solve anything and you guys have been together for 7 years, I am sure both of you can solve this.

 

3. Getting a footjob is cheating, period! If he is distracted by other women and porn he is totally disrespectful to you and you need to keep your self-respect since you don't need this b.s. If he doesn't want to make an effort to stop and does not want to work on it as of now...then he lost your respect completely and you need to make the right choice for you. If a guy doesn't make any more effort for his girlfriend, then maybe he is not right for you anymore. You can't stay with someone that says a foot job isn't cheating...it's equivalent to a blow job.

 

I hope this can help you and that you can make the right decisons for yourself.

[seamos]

What also bugs me is that he doesn't think that getting a foot job is cheating but kissing is......

 

One question... by "foot job" do you mean someone playing w/ his dick with their feet??? If so, and he doesn't think that's cheating, then I think that pretty much is all you need for you to know that he isn't relationship material.

[Mrowka]

I suppose lots of people have fetishes but checking out school pupils' lockers for footwear and then googling them for pics goes a bit beyond that. It sounds like he is having troubling controlling his fetish too, hence your unease about the whole thing.

 

I would feel the same in your position. I would have avoided him from the start, simply because I'm fairly straight and perhaps boringly normal and do not want to get involved with people with fetishes. Yes, I am that boring - sorry. But I suppose I do feel that if there is something that I'm not comfortable with at the start, then it is only going to become more prominent in life with them later on. The guy who drinks too much, for example, is not likely to suddenly start drinking less unless something fundamental changes.

 

But I can understand your discomfort in how far this is taking him away from you and how far it is tempting him to step over the line. What if you were to tell him that his behaviour at the school is totally unacceptable? Would he seek help for this fetish?

 

I'm afraid it's like any compulsive behaviour, once the person starts to lose control of it themselves it spills over and affects those close to them. You as his partner need to decide whether you want to continue with him or not if he doesn't seek help. It's a very difficult position to be in and I really feel for you.

 

This was my first relationship with someone that has a fetish, to me it was something different and i didnt mind it at all. It was interesting at first and easy to please him. But after this i would not get into a relationship with a person that has a fetish, just because how weird this one got. I agree he needs help but i am not sure if he would get it or not.

[Mrowka]

.

 

If your bf was busy into your feet alone, then it wouldn't be so bad. But, thing is he wants all kinds of feet - not just yours. Take the foot fetish out of the picture and he's pretty much a guy who will never be satisfied with one woman.

 

So, IMO, the fetish isn't the issue. The issue is that he'll never be satisfied with having intimacy (sharing the fetish) with one person. He just wants the fetish fulfilled, no matter how/who/where/when/why.

 

Thats what concerns me the most that one pair is not enough and he will continue to look for more and more pictures. He already had a ton when i met him.

[ChickiePops]

If someone besides you or him is touching his penis with his permission, it is cheating.

 

He's also a borderline pedophile and should be reported to the school immediately.

 

Does he take pictures of other people's feet himself without their knowledge? If so, what's the difference between that and getting down in the street and taking up skirt pictures?

 

What a vile human being this person is. He needs to be fired, dumped, and slapped.