I want to leave him, but I want to stay with him

[mgnlynte]

Let's try to keep this short. I've been when my guy for 9 years. I'm 22 he's 23. Yes we're young, that's one of points. We have a 7 year old daughter together. I've always dealt with his immature ways. Going out, drinking, ignoring my calls, not coming home til the next day. I always just took him back time after time.A little over a year ago I had ENOUGH. I couldn't stay with him anymore just because our daughter. I needed to be happy, so I left him. We were split up for a few months, ended up getting back together. This whole time we've been back together, I truly feel I'm in a new relationship. He treats me so good. We communicate better. And he quit drinking. A few months back he lost his job, basically at the moment our life is a living hell of stress because of lack of money. We've never had one argument about money ever, I refuse to let that stress take over our relationship. He's looked for jobs and actually has a job lined up for next week. He leaves out of state for a month straight. He had to help his step dad with some things this weekend to earn cash, so he's staying at his moms for the weekend in another city. So anyways, this dude is completely ignoring me. I've been calling him all night, and morning and day, no answer. No answer from his mom or step dad. I don't know what is going on. I'm assuming he's "partying" with his mom and step dad.. They're big party animals. No I don't know if it's another girl. Of course it's crossed my mind. I just need advice.. Why?? Why does he act this way and just expect his family to just be sitting here waiting for him? I'm so upset by it, I've dealt with this crap for years years. I don't want to do it anymore. I feel like I deserve better. I'm a big ball of confusion. How can he be so good to me and our daughter, but act this way towards me when he leaves?

[BaileyB]

I don't know why he is behaving badly, but I'm sorry you have to deal with this poor behavior.

 

I remember taking an attachment course once. The presenter talked about the people who have the healthiest attachments and those who struggled with relationships (as it relates to the parent/child relationship). Obviously, one who had a consistent attachment fared the best. Interestingly, those who were ignored and neglected fared better than those who had an inconsistent attachment style (ie. They would get love and praise sometimes, and be neglected and treated badly at other times).

 

It just makes me think, how hard it must be for you to deal with his good and bad behavior. I do know that you are your daughter deserve someone who is present and healthy. If you don't have that, think about what you are teaching her... If you allow him to treat you badly or constantly come and go from the relationship.

 

I don't have any other answers. Just wishing you well...

[Mr. Lucky]

Let's try to keep this short. I've been when my guy for 9 years. I'm 22 he's 23. Yes we're young, that's one of points.

 

Wow, you were 13 when you got together, 15 when your daughter was born? What is the age of consent in your state ???

 

Nether of you had a normal young-adulthood, no chance to find out who you are and who you want to be with. And while I'll guess you stepped up quickly taking care of your daughter, your husband seems determined to sow some wild oats and make up for lost time.

 

If you have access through church or school, marriage counseling would be helpful in at least identifying the problems and choices...

 

Mr. Lucky

[stillafool]

The problem is both of you never had a chance to live your youth before you got settled into a restricting relationship. He is acting like any other young man his age and I don't see it getting any better anytime soon. You are ready to settle down and he isn't.