Leaving family

[kwhita1]

I apologize in advance if this is long but I truly have no one to turn to and no other way to vent.

 

 

My biological father abandoned me when I was 10 days old & although we keep in touch a few times a year, we don't have a real relationship to this day (I am now 25).

 

 

My mother was in college when I was a baby and part of my childhood so she never really dated around because between work, school and me she didn't have much spare time.

 

 

When I was 10 she met her now husband and she basically forgot about me. After 6 months they moved in together and she took me along. When I was 11, he molested me several times & 9 months after it started, I finally told my pastor.

 

 

My pastor called the police & an investigation was started. My mother begged me to take back what I had said, cried uncontrollably, asked me to tell the officers I was lying and convince my grandparents, pastor and church family that I had fabricated the story also.

 

 

It is worth noting that on a couple different occasions my step-dad would also be borderline physically abusive to me by back handing me, getting in my face and shoving me, yelling obscene things at me, etc.

 

 

I was sad to see my mom hurting so much and after a week of her begging, I couldn't handle it anymore and I told the officers, my friends, my family and everyone who had heard what had happened that I was lying. The police had no choice but to stop the investigation and therefore my stepfather was never brought to justice for what he'd done.

 

 

Come to find out in my adult years that he had been married three times prior to his marriage with my mother and he had committed the act on the daughters of his previous wives too who never came forward.

 

 

Anyway, my mom signed over parental rights to my grandparents after that incident and I saw her maybe once or twice a month as she moved an hour away from me. My relationship with my grandfather was wonderful. He was the only person in this world that I feel truly loved me and cared about me! Unfortunately, he passed away in 2013.

 

 

My grandmother and I have had a decent relationship but she ALWAYS takes my mothers side whether my mom is right or not. Including when she knew that my step dad did really molest me and hit me but she didn't stand up for me. She says the reason is because she's just being "over protective" of my mom because she has kidney failure and has suffered multiple health problems her entire life since birth.

 

 

Fast forward to right now, I still hold a bit of a grudge because of what happened in my childhood. But also, when my grandpa died, I moved in with my grandma to help care for her. I paid the bills so that she could retire! I clean the house for her, do upkeep on the yard, prepare all her meals and buy all the food. I have done countless favors for her!

 

 

Yet, she is so ungrateful. She never says thank you. Everything I do is never enough; it's always about what I didn't do. Anytime my mom and I have an argument, she is quick to take up for my mom even if I am the one in the right and the biggest thing is that my grandma is verbally abusive to me (always has been).

 

 

When she gets mad she will threaten to knock me to the ground or call me names like a "selfish little brat" or "b*tch". I think I am the furthest thing from selfish and the furthest thing from a b*tch. It is so hurtful and I do not know how much more I can take. She acts as though I owe her so much even after all I have done for her. And yet, my moms house was ruined by a hurricane so she moved in with us for a few months and wasn't expected to pay a dime towards utilities!

 

 

My mom and her husband make $100,000+ a year! I make $32,000 IF I'M LUCKY! My point is, am I wrong for being upset and hurt? Is it wrong that sometimes I feel like disappearing? Walking away from this family and not being part of it anymore? It hurts my heart to think of leaving but the more time that goes on, I am losing what little patience, sanity, and compassion I have left. What should I do? Should I leave my family?

[amaysngrace]

I'm sorry for everything that happened to you and I'm sorry that you are always put last in your family.

 

Those people are sick and you're probably the most mentally healthy one of all of them. If leaving them is what you need to do to be well then you should run and never look back.

 

Stay true to you.

 

Don't feel guilty....you owe them nothing. Their job was to nurture and protect you and they failed. Now it's up to you to mother yourself, same as it's always been.

 

Put yourself and what you need first. It's time.

[Nowty V]

For sure

 

Move to another Country, France is good, Live another life.

 

Be true to you, get your whole content happy groove on.

 

Why not?

[mrs rubble]

I'm so sorry to read your story. You are so strong and brave, you must move on and care for yourself, don't feel any guilt for doing so either. You deserve peace now and the chance to live a happy life of your own.

I wish you all the very best for the future.

[ibmclonne]

When I was 10 she met her now husband and she basically forgot about me.

 

Sounds like my mother when she met her second husband. I was 12 years old at the time. Only interested in herself and her husband.

 

My mother begged me to take back what I had said, cried uncontrollably, asked me to tell the officers I was lying and convince my grandparents, pastor and church family that I had fabricated the story also.

 

What does she see in this guy, especially after he molested you? Why is he so special to her? Why is she putting him above you? I don't know how to label your mother. She's not a mother, plain and simple.

 

 

I was sad to see my mom hurting so much and after a week of her begging, I couldn't handle it anymore and I told the officers, my friends, my family and everyone who had heard what had happened that I was lying.

 

I'm very sorry you did that. You were only 11 years old. You fell prey to your mother's manipulation tactics.

 

 

Anyway, my mom signed over parental rights to my grandparents after that incident and I saw her maybe once or twice a month as she moved an hour away from me.

 

Like I said before, she's not a mother.

 

Including when she knew that my step dad did really molest me and hit me but she didn't stand up for me. She says the reason is because she's just being "over protective" of my mom because she has kidney failure and has suffered multiple health problems her entire life since birth.

 

Doesn't sound like you have a very healthy relationship with your grandmother either.

 

Anytime my mom and I have an argument, she is quick to take up for my mom even if I am the one in the right and the biggest thing is that my grandma is verbally abusive to me (always has been).

 

Why is your grandmother giving your mother so much preferential treatment, especially after the way your mother(or whatever she is)was with you? All because she had health problems throughout her life? Doesn't make sense.

 

My mom and her husband make $100,000+ a year!

 

It's terrible your mother's still with this creep. If he's staying with you, your grandmother, and your mother, I'd say move out right away. Even if he's not there, still, move out ASAP.

I wouldn't say move to Europe. Maybe another part of the state or another part of the country. At least move to another part of town. I would look for help, big time. Maybe you have friends that could let you stay with them. You may not like this idea, but possibly stay at women's shelter. There's the Hr department at work, hospitals, churches, the police who have info on places that can help you. If your family tries to stop you from moving out, go to the police for restraining orders or a cop to escort you when you get your belongings from your Grandmother. Your grandmother doesn't need you to live with her or take care of her. Let your mother do that. I wish you luck and a happier life, away from the your so-called family.

[Satu]

In reality your family are just some people you know.

 

I cut contact with mine and refused an inheritance, when they went to wherever bad parents go to after death.

 

No regrets.

[Fugu]

Yes, yes, yes....for your own safety, sanity, and future, please leave your family. Just leave -- don't tell them you're leaving. Go apartment hunting or find a friend you can trust and crash there until you can find your own place -- anything.

 

Family is more than just blood, it's love and support. You are a hell of a strong person to have made it through this and to somehow stay functional. You seem young, so I would say that you have your entire life in front of you. And as far as we know, we only have one, so don't waste it on people who are screwing you, whether they are related to you or not.

 

All the best of luck!