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How do I get over this?


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This post just proves two major points: 1. For a relationship to be truly successful, it must be based on equality. For you to be his equal, you needed to have had much more sex before marriage. And 2. The past in NEVER truly in the past. HE has too much, you don't have enough. And so the ship of state tips over and sinks...:(

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This post just proves two major points: 1. For a relationship to be truly successful, it must be based on equality. For you to be his equal, you needed to have had much more sex before marriage. And 2. The past in NEVER truly in the past. HE has too much, you don't have enough. And so the ship of state tips over and sinks...:(

 

Truly, the past is never entirely the past. It can fade, but does not disappear. Otherwise, employers would not need to do background check at all :D That being said, one bad record does not necessary kill the deal, but definitely creates a weak spot in trust. If I hire someone who committed crime, I would definitely be more vigilant about this person's behaviors.

 

One thing confused me a lot is that my soon-to-be ex used to take pride in the cheating relationship. Of course he did not disclose the cheating part until I was pretty attached to him. He knew it was not the right thing, so he hid the truth from me. I am just so confused. I have a hard time understanding why. His explanation is that he had low self-esteem back then and the cheating relationship was as good as it got (all the rest sucked). Judging by the history of him, it does seem to make sense. But I still don't understand: why would he want to bring it up me at all? why would he want to show it off?

 

Since he was involved in cheating, and he thought of it as something to be proud, I found myself having a very hard time trusting him, despite all the positive things he did: sharing all bank accounts and sharing emails (mutually and voluntarily), staying away from women, always wearing jewelry from me even before marriage. He did all these things voluntarily. I did not nag him at all. In fact, I did not even realize them. Only in retrospect, when he realized I was not trusting him, he told me all these things to prove loyalty.

 

I grew up with some insecurity issues. He really stabbed me in my weakest spot. This relationship with him just made my insecurity issue even worse. I was not even sure whether my insecure feelings were legitimate or not.

Edited by Rosemary101
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This relationship is over, and sounds like it really should be. If you can't trust your own husband, it is dead in the water.

 

Start fresh with someone else.

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