Nesting-In, who's done it and what are the pitfalls?

[AR121]

So, my spouse and I finally agreed on an idea to move along our dissolving of the relationship.

 

She suggested I put a bathroom in the basement and set that up as my own space. I'm fine with the idea. It would make some aspects of our lives weird, but it would resolve a lot of issues.

 

As we begin to write up an agreement, what advice can you offer?

 

Concerns we started dealing are firstly, children. The oldest is fine with the idea it and the youngest has no issues with it as well. The just both want to be comfortable and maintain their standard of living.

 

Second, finances. We both need our own accounts and a joint account we both pay into to pay bills. What about spousal and child support? Do we just start doing that now? And how does spousal factor in once we do finally move away from each other?

 

Third, the future. Can we put an end date on this for, let's say a year and then re-evaluate if things are still not in a good financial position?

 

I've been told you can do whatever you want to do, since it is our agreement. But, are there any standard set by other couples?

 

I do want this to be legal and will work out the details with her and then have an attorney for their opinion(who will draft the agreement and file it with the court document for divorce).

[Jeff1690]

Even though I am currently living in my man room down in the basement the wife is rarely home. We have not separated finances yet. We are still doing the logistics of it all and slowly putting things in place. We are probably a little over a month away from Divorce.

 

Initially my wife said I could stay until my cabin was completed. Last week she wanted to know how long it would take and thinks there should be a time limit on how long I can stay. As if I want to stay here forever. I say this to say they will change there mind the longer things go on. I told my wife I would not sign a divorce paper if she put a time limit on my stay. I am going back to work next week after six months on medical leave. So I will be completing interior of cabin on my off days. So I really don't know how long it will take. I basically told her she said she didn't care how long I stayed at first now once again she was showing me why I don't trust her by mentioning time limit, another lie. She shut down after that and didn't say anything.

 

I am fortunate enough that my wife has been staying at her apartment down south where she works 3 days a week. So we have not had a lot of contact. I am doing 180 and so is she even though she doesn't know it. She has totally shut down all communication for the most part which has helped. I am just not sure how long I could live in the same house. That is up to you, you know your situation better than us.

[AR121]

I did think about renting a small apartment... but it would be more economical to stay at my fathers on her weekend nights with the kids. Then I can start getting into the role of my new life.

 

Do you have kids Jeff?

[Jeff1690]

AR I have two sons. 20 and 22 both in college. The wife talked them into moving back home several months back to save them money on apartment rent and bills. That is why I guess I am stuck in limbo. I am in my own home my sons are here all the time. Except the wife not being around much everything is as if I am not getting divorced.

 

I go back to work in three days so that will be a big help getting out of the house and concentrating on work. I feel I will advance further once I start on finishing out the cabin. Then finally cutting the limbo cord once I move out.

 

Then it is going to be a whole new world.

[AR121]

I already feel like it's a whole new world for me. It's not exactly a comfortable world. But, sometimes discomfort is the best motivator.