CaliGuy Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Hello Everyone, I've been browsing these forums for a long time and have hesitated to post because I have a bit of a conundrum. I still love my ex. She left me for some guy and then bounced on to another guy. Now that relationship appears to be on shaky ground as well. The only semblance of a steady relationship she has had in some time has been me. In the six months I have been away from my ex I have had minimal to no contact. I have worked on the issues that caused the demise of our relationship and I feel that now would be a good time to start initiating contact. I have some questions I hope you all can help me with. Is a letter a good idea or should I just call? What should I say in the letter? Should I admit I still love her? Should I tell her what steps I have taken to change? How do I prove that I have fixed my personality issues without sounding desperate? What steps can I take to show her that I deserve another chance? I know I can't force her, nor do I want to. But I do believe if she sees the positive changes I have made she might be interested in perhaps starting as friends. Any sound advice is appreciated, especially from people who have been in similar situations. What worked for you and what did not work? Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by CaliGuy The only semblance of a steady relationship she has had in some time has been me. that, i would NOT say to her! what did you do in the past,that compromised your future? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted July 5, 2005 Author Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita that, i would NOT say to her! what did you do in the past,that compromised your future? I have no intentions of telling her that. I was a door mat, plain and simple. Similar to a lot of the post I read regarding nice guys. I had the same tendencies. I immediately went to a therapist and over the past six months I have come to understand why I felt that way and corrected my behavior. If she could see the changes in me, I am sure she would be interested again. Especially given her current string of rocky relationships. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by CaliGuy In the six months I have been away from my ex I have had minimal to no contact. I have worked on the issues that caused the demise of our relationship and I feel that now would be a good time to start initiating contact. You need to tell her this. Is a letter a good idea or should I just call? Call.....Letters are to impersonal. You really want her back and a letter might not do the job as much than hearing it from your mouth. Should I admit I still love her? Should I tell her what steps I have taken to change? That's the whole reasoning behind you changing and working on it. Yes, tell her. How do I prove that I have fixed my personality issues without sounding desperate? Don't harp. Tell her what you have done to change. Tell her that you want to show her that you've changed. If she doesn't want to then let it go. What steps can I take to show her that I deserve another chance? I know I can't force her, nor do I want to. But I do believe if she sees the positive changes I have made she might be interested in perhaps starting as friends. Tell her this too. But you must realize if she doesn't not want you back, its over. That's where you must be strong and accept the fact that it is over. Good luck Honey! Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by CaliGuy I have no intentions of telling her that. I was a door mat, plain and simple. Similar to a lot of the post I read regarding nice guys. I had the same tendencies. I immediately went to a therapist and over the past six months I have come to understand why I felt that way and corrected my behavior. If she could see the changes in me, I am sure she would be interested again. Especially given her current string of rocky relationships. Thoughts? my thought is she may think" Once a door mat always a doormat. and continue to treat you like she did in the past. you have changed, not her. so why would SHE treat you any differently? Link to post Share on other sites
strange love Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Personally speaking from a guy whos trued to get exes back. You might try at first just contacting her, and see if she even has much interest in chatting with you. If you have changed she will sense this from your actions and the way you handle yourself. The first step would be a phone call asking how she has been ad seeing if it leads to another call or the possibility of hanging out. But to launch into Hi guess whhat im calling you to say ive changed and u can take me back now isnt a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted July 5, 2005 Author Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by laRubiaBonita my thought is she may think" Once a door mat always a doormat. and continue to treat you like she did in the past. you have changed, not her. so why would SHE treat you any differently? I appreciate your honesty. This is an uphill battle and my therapist agrees. I also understand her feelings have to change over time and they won't be instant if they even change at all. I've read about no contact and that really didn't do much. She had relationships to keep her busy and of course she had no desire to be with a door mat. I do believe she still has some feelings for me and if I proved to her in any way that I have resolved my issues, the attraction might come around again. I do realize that it may not either and I am prepared for no reply. I just believe if I plant the seed in her head that I have changed and leave the door open for her, she just might initiate a friendship. I don't think calling her is the answer because I just asked her for a meeting and her reply was that she didn't think it would be good if we didn't spend any time together at this point. I believe she said this because she is worried I will beg for her back and I have no intention of doing that. Now I am relegated to sending her a letter. I planned to end the letter with saying that if I ever come into her focus again that I welcome her making contact. Be it pen pals, friends or more. That I will not pressure her into anything. Link to post Share on other sites
dresden Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 Originally posted by CaliGuy I just asked her for a meeting and her reply was that she didn't think it would be good if we didn't spend any time together at this point. Hey CaliGuy: Send Miss Thing your light-hearted note but because of what she said, don't expect much. I have to say that if you have been in therapy and made some positive changes, you should celebrate that. There are scads of women out there and even though you have spent 6 months thinking about Her and initiating changes to please Her, you are a better person now and someone will love you. Think about that: someone who loves you and won't hurt you. A great adventure awaits. Take your time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted July 5, 2005 Author Share Posted July 5, 2005 Dreseden, I hear you. At this point I am not expecting anything from her. Only sowing the seeds of perhaps a future connection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted July 6, 2005 Author Share Posted July 6, 2005 Anyone else?! Link to post Share on other sites
BLF04 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 did u send the letter yet? in my opinion i agree with strange love. i have gotten an ex back (sad thing is... now im tryin to get the same one back) i think a "hows it goin, what have u been up to" phone call would be better. maybe even an email of that type. this way it shows her that u are thinking about her but with out saying the "i've changed/i love u." depending what u say to her she might be able to tell. then... gage a reaction f/ her. chicks seem to dig what they 'cant have'. Link to post Share on other sites
theone44 Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by CaliGuy Anyone else?! I smell wussie behavior Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by CaliGuy I was a door mat, plain and simple. Are you sure that YOU were the one that needed to change? Did she want a more assertive man? I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
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