Too Needy for My Own Good

[SweetKitten]

I can't seem to get rid of this need to be with someone. No, I don't want to date just any random guy to fill that void, but if a guy shows interest, I become a lost puppy and I just want all of his attention.

 

If he gets too friendly I might take a step back or if I'm feeling daring, I'll go for it, but it never turns into anything.

 

The last three guys I've been interested in have either stopped talking to me completely, reply to every other message or don't have any desire to take it past texting.

 

My friend on the other hand has guys falling overreach other for her. She's "one of the guys" and also can be super pretty. She's loud, funny, not classy at all but can still be a "lady". And she could get any guy she wants and forget about them the next day.

 

I'm not trying to be like her, but I am trying to understand that if I want certain things, other things are going to have to give.

 

If I want to flirt or hookup, I can't expect in depth conversations the next day. If I'm too needy, I any expect a guy to reply every time I message.

 

But I don't know how to do that. I just feel like I'm going to be alone for a very long time if I don't figure out what I want.

[Satu]

I think you should spend more time alone.

 

 

Spend enough time alone to get to like it.

 

Then go out and choose a man.

 

 

From my journal:

 

 

It is possible to get into a relationship with yourself, that gives you a sense of deep satisfaction and fulfilment, but its something that takes time to establish. It means getting to know yourself bit by bit, until you finally realise that it's ok to be happy.

 

The culture we live in constantly bombards us with the message that happiness is outside of us; that we can only be happy if we can find someone who loves us with a kind of fierce intensity. The real truth is that happiness does not depend on circumstances. You don't need a beautiful wife or husband, to be happy. You don't need lots of money. You don't need to have power and influence. You don't need fame. You don't need to conform to anyones idea of what you should be.

 

You do need people, but you don't need them to be happy.

 

Spending time alone helps us find our happiness in ourselves, where it was all along.

 

Spend more time alone with yourself, if you want to overcome your loneliness.

 

Then find a man.

"Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone."

 

- Paul Tillich.

 

 

Take care.

[Lowrider93]

Learn how to appreciate having time for yourself, explore your identity because it will help you in choosing someone that is compatible for you.

 

Take your time, knowing what you want or don't want in a relationship is critical to finding the right guy for yourself.

[smackie9]

read the book "Think like a lady, act like a man".

[ManyDissapoint]

For what it's worth, lots of men don't want a girlfriend who is "one of the guys". If you want to post a sample conversation where you are wondering if you are being needy it would help. If a guy finds you attractive and gf material then it would take a lot for him to write you off. In general your phone or text communication level should be commensurate with how established your relationship is, unless you haven't met them in person and can't easily do so.