How do I react?

[OKCthunderONTOP]

Ok let me start by saying me and my gf were high school sweet hearts and I always thought she was beautiful and eventfully asked her to go out with me and we instantly clicked. We had about the best 1st month anybody could have.

 

She became my gf and we were together for 1 year and we were madly in love, I'm 19 and she's 17, we're about 1 and 1/2 years apart and she's a senior in high school I've graduated. I admit that about 6 months in I started lying about going to parties (something that was forbidden for the both of us) of course she eventually found out and very reluctantly broke it off.

 

Now here's were it goes from bad to worse, I freaked out and the very next day after we broke up I messaged a girl on Instagram that I probably knew would make her jealous, she came over to my house hysterically crying and hitting me. That didn't help me get her back because I probably could e if I didn't do that, she loved me.

 

About a week later she went on a trip to Denmark with her best friend which was planned ahead of time and in Denmark she got drunk a couple of times but didn't do anything except she said at a club she came close to kissing a guy while sitting on his lap but didn't do it or anything, on the plane ride back she sat next to some guy and apparently she came close to also kissing him, she didn't do it though, she came close though, it didn't happen but I was irate when I found out.

 

We're both jealous people but I'm extremely jealous. When she gets back home we continue to see each other and actually had sex on one occasion but we weren't going out, we continued to text but about at 1/3 the volume that we did when we were dating.

 

About a week later she called me crying saying she wants to see me because she planned to see some guy but couldn't do it. She ended seeing me instead, I was very pissed and hurt that she tried though.

 

Fast forward about a month now and I found out that she now has went to a movie twice with some guy from her gym. She still comes over and says she loves me and wishes it could work and says she doesn't want to hurt me but she "has to try to get over me" but claims she loves me more then anyone. She told me the lightly kissed twice and he touched her but and at the movies the second time the cuddled, which was something that was special for us. We did that on our first date. I was so angry that I punched a hole in my wall. She said that she isn't looking for anything and that she broke it off. She's probably seen the guy like 20 times though as they go to the same gym.

 

Come to found out last Saturday she was grilling me in what I did (I'm still not allowed to text any girls or go to parties or hook up with anybody) she says I can do that stuff but not if I want her back, she went through my phone and found out that I stayed home and didn't do anything, so I asked her what she did and she lied and said she did nothing, I knew she was lying and after a lot of prodding I found out that she met that guy and they had sex, she was balling her eyes when she told me and my heart was broken, she told me he didn't measure up and he couldn't get errect. But still. I was so angry that I went to the gym and waited for the guy to leave and had it not been for my friend the drive me up there, I would've killed him. My friend pinned me in a headlock until the guy got away.

 

Anyway she was crying and telling me how disgusting she felt and how sorry she was but she was also mad at me for making her feel bad and honestly this is like my worst nightmare. I know how she is, she's a sweet girl and she's gonna continue to talk to that guy and be nice to him. She's talking to him way more then she talks to me. She said she isn't gonna do anything again but I've heard that before. I just don't know how to feel, sex was something I was very proud about, and we had an amazing sexual relationship because it was special between me and her and now I'm disgusted thinking she did that, even if she Claims it didn't count.

 

Today we said our final good byes and I know she'll continue talking to that guy, though I hope not. I figure if I give her a chance to miss me, she will. It's just so hard because I love her so much and I still want to be with her but she knew that would destroy me and she tried to lie about it and above all else she still did it.

 

Even though we aren't together I feel very betrayed and she knows that. She wants to act like that petty lying I did months ago is as bad as this and I don't see it that way. She tries to make feel bad for making her feel bad for having sec with a guy she probably has only known for a month, she said she did it because she was sad. But hell in sad too.

 

I don't know guys, should I just try to move on form her, or should I get over this sex thing, and still hold out hope that we can be together, I love her more then anything and I still want to be with her. Or are things just too broken to fix?

 

We ended all contact today on mutual, loving terms. She was crying a lot last night but today she didn't shed one tear. Hopefully I can get her back. But maybe I should let her go. Should I not be mad about the things she's done? I just need some advice. I do love her, I just don't know what to do, I'm not even angry anymore. Thanks in advance.

Edited September 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[bubbaganoosh]

Move on. She cheated and if that's not bad enough, according to her she could cheat, get away with it but your not allowed hang out with another girl if you want her back.

 

Nothing like wanting her cake and eating it too. Go find another girl and leave it be. I got a feeling that she's going to play both ends to the middle.

[OKCthunderONTOP]

I would move on easier, but I guess it is true we broke up because I broke the trust originally, and I didn't help things by messaging that girl the next day and how I acted. But still I do think she took it too far. I'm just not sure if it's fair to be mad about something she did while we were broken up. We're each other's first loves so I just didn't expect this. I fear you may be right though.

[Space Ritual]

Look, you both are more into playing "Cruel to be Kind".

 

You two are not soulmates or star crossed lovers. You both are toxic and bring out the worst in each other.

 

You'd probably be better off cruising the streets of OKC for trim as long as you don't get put on JohnTv by that Bates dude there.

 

Seriously you 2 need to just leave each other alone. It will never get any better

Edited September 6, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Darren Steez]

Hopefully I can get her back..

 

Then you deserve to get your chain yanked and repeatedly cheated on, over and over again.

 

That's life I'm afraid.

[OKCthunderONTOP]

It's just confusing because we are broken up, so it really isn't cheating per se, though it hurts just the same. And I think she just did it because she was sad and she has some insecurities so this guy probably just paid her a few compliments and she felt special again. She probably just felt sad and alone. Would I be dumb to forgive and forget?

 

I'm sure there are examples of relationships working out perfectly fine after something like this, maybe even better then before, I'm not even sure she wants to but if she did want to get back together, do you not think it's worth a shot?

 

I've never given her a chance to miss me, I did for a short period of time and it worked out well for me. That's what I'm doing now though, I'm giving her a chance to miss me. I just hope it isn't too late, I really love her and I want to work it out, I think we can, and I want to work it out. I just don't know if it's the smart thing to do, I don't want to set myself up for more problems in the future. It could be a bad idea and I'm just not looking at things clearly.

[Lowrider93]

Did you have the opportunity to date other girls before you developed a relationship with her?

 

Now is the time to seek out other girls, there is no cause for jealousy in a healthy relationship.

 

Punching holes thru walls tells me your anger is controllng you, work on changing that also.

[OKCthunderONTOP]

No I never really had a serious relationship before her, I never got to date other girls and she never got to date anyone else either, I was thinking of using this time to date other girls and have my own hookups and hopefully she'll miss me and she'll reach out to me.

 

Maybe then we can be on common ground and begin working on and repairing the relationship together. Hopefully sometime soon.

[DKT3]

No I never really had a serious relationship before her, I never got to date other girls and she never got to date anyone else either, I was thinking of using this time to date other girls and have my own hookups and hopefully she'll miss me and she'll reach out to me.

 

Maybe then we can be on common ground and begin working on and repairing the relationship together. Hopefully sometime soon.

 

Absolutely date other girls, you are far too young to be attached to one girls especially one that is actively dating and sleeping with another guy.

 

As someone else said, this is a toxic relationship that will only bring pain and unhappiness. Sadly I suspect that the two of you will continue in some kind of dysfunctional relationship for years to come.

[Darren Steez]

I was thinking of using this time to date other girls and have my own hookups and hopefully she'll miss me

 

No, she's a girl. She can go out snap her fingers and they'd be 10 guys waiting to bang her.

 

She's already gone to movies with other dudes, sat on planes and talked to other dudes, gone to clubs and met other dudes. She's discovering her superpower and it's called I have the power to get guys.

 

So no, she's not going to miss you, she'll probably see it as a sign to let you go and have her pick of guys.

 

She's probably banging right now.

[OKCthunderONTOP]

Okay I have to respectfully disagree with you, not just because it's my girl in question but just in general. Just because a girl is attractive dosen't mean she's a whore. I think she could genuinely miss me, and even if she dosen't I highly doubt she's being promiscuous.

 

She's not that kinda girl and I don't think she would do that, I think she did the things she's done recently for a number of reasons but mostly because she was hurt by me and was feeling very insecure and probably thought it would help with that and help her get over me.

 

 

I respect and appreciate every piece of advice you and every one has given me, I really do need help but, I obviously don't want to here those things, and there's no reason to say them. This is a very sensitive subject for me, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, so just be mindful from now on. I am slowly moving on from her and I think seeing other woman could help but I sincerely do hope that we can still work this out and be together.

[Darren Steez]

Okay I have to respectfully disagree with you, not just because it's my girl in question but just in general. Just because a girl is attractive dosen't mean she's a whore. I think she could genuinely miss me, and even if she dosen't I highly doubt she's being promiscuous.

 

She's not that kinda girl and I don't think she would do that, I think she did the things she's done recently for a number of reasons but mostly because she was hurt by me and was feeling very insecure and probably thought it would help with that and help her get over me.

 

 

I respect and appreciate every piece of advice you and every one has given me, I really do need help but, I obviously don't want to here those things, and there's no reason to say them. This is a very sensitive subject for me, I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, so just be mindful from now on. I am slowly moving on from her and I think seeing other woman could help but I sincerely do hope that we can still work this out and be together.

 

No one said she's a whore. Can you please show me where I said she's a whore?

 

I simply said she's a woman and she can talk and get guys. As per your own words

 

she said at a club she came close to kissing a guy while sitting on his lap but didn't do it or anything, on the plane ride back she sat next to some guy and apparently she came close to also kissing him, she didn't do it though, she came close though, it didn't happen

 

I found out that she now has went to a movie twice with some guy from her gym.

 

So these were your words, not mine. She seeing other guys? Correct?

 

Fantastic. Glad we understand each other..or I understand you..since this is what you wrote.

[ChickiePops]

What was the point of breaking up if you keep crying to each other and trying to make each other jealous?

 

Either get back together or stop talking altogether.

[smackie9]

That's why you both kinda wonder off and find yourselves in temptation....you both are young. It's time you just moved on and explore other options. She will not be your last, or the next one or the one after that. It's a process/learning experience. We all need to date others to gain experience to prepare us for marriage or to find a life long partner.

[Space Ritual]

She's not that kinda girl and I don't think she would do that, I think she did the things she's done recently for a number of reasons but mostly because she was hurt by me and was feeling very insecure and probably thought it would help with that and help her get over me.

 

What are you talking about? lol.

 

Her actions would even lead Stevie wonder to see she IS that kind of girl.

 

You are giving yourself way too much credit. She does those things because she can...she likes the attention. She really only cares about you when you are around.

 

But hey, what do we know? You only want advice that will reinforce your belief that you two are meant to be together no matter what. So really there is no reason for you to even post anything further because you already have all the answers.

 

Hope you are hungry because at this rate you two are serving each other a heapin' helpin' of misery. So maybe you two were meant to be together after all,misery loves company.

 

Good Luck. lol