TheBathWater Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 I have a roommate who seems to be very interested in my polyamorous girlfriend. Every time she is over, he tries to talk to her, find ways to invite us for a drink or some tea. He makes a lot of effort to keep us around in ways that he doesn't when it's just me at the house, and not me and her. I think he might even have some misconceptions about her and/or our relationship and think that she'll be an easy lay or that we'll swing with him based on some of the comments he makes sometimes. I don't feel threatened by him in the least bit, but I feel super annoyed. Me and my girl don't get to spend too much time together because she has a primary partner and I am very busy (and see other women), so when we spend time together we just want to be alone. How can I let down my roommate without hurting his feelings? He is a sensitive guy and I think if I tell him to cut it out he's going to get offended. At first I wasn't going to say anything and just let it slide, but he keeps on trying to linger and get us to hang out with him. He even said he likes when he gets to talk with her, and that he would like to go camping with us. It's super awkward to me. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 I would say it is not your job to turn him down - especially if it your GF who is Poly and you are not her primary. Maybe she might enjoy adding him to her circle of partners? You need to talk to her and have her take the lead in how things progress - or don't - with your roommate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheBathWater Posted September 6, 2016 Author Share Posted September 6, 2016 (edited) I would say it is not your job to turn him down - especially if it your GF who is Poly and you are not her primary. Maybe she might enjoy adding him to her circle of partners? You need to talk to her and have her take the lead in how things progress - or don't - with your roommate. I disagree. There are two people in a relationship. Ours might be polyamorous, but it is not open to people we are acquainted with. Polyamorous doesn't mean no rules apply. We have them. This is something people like my friend don't understand. They hear someone is polyamorous, and they assume the person is hypersexual and willing to jump at the next sexual offer, and that there are no rules in the relationship. I feel he is crossing a boundary with me as a friend by taking interest in my partner. I'm not okay with it. I find his behavior disrespectful, needy, and presumptuous. Neither of us dislike him, but we do feel annoyed. She is not going to be the one who says something. Edited September 6, 2016 by TunaInTheBrine Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 I have been in a Poly relationship so I respect that there are rules. And you seem to have yours outlined in a healthy way. In that case, you can advise him - politely and discretely - that you feel he may be crossing boundaries by approaching your GF and it makes you uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Is it more important to you that you not hurt his feelings or that you get quality alone time w your girl? I know what the answer would be for me, and I generally look at friends as not deserving of being coddled (unless they really make it obvs and then they have to be 'special' friends), so I'd just tell him knock it the eff off, you're trying to be w your girl. If he gets a little butthurt over that, good - maybe it'll help him grow up a little and at least you can be sure he won't be sticking his dong in between you going forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Tidal30 Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Had a situation like this awhile back. I had a girl I was seeing but we weren't official. Neither I think wanted a relationship at that point. My roomate who was a good friend of mine like when she was around, and he'd go out of his way to tag along or try to with our plans. I finally got annoyed and brought it up. I told him we were seeing each other and wanted alone time when she came around. So you've got to stay out of our business, you know I'd do the same if you had a girl situation like this. He took it well, we never had an issue since then and it never came up again. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 How friggin sensitive could your friend be if he's going after your girlfriend right in front of you? C'mon. In nature, no alpha male lets an interloper come sniffing around. They kick them out of the circle, and not nicely either. You need to tell him straight up that he's not welcome to come around and try to get with this woman and that your time with her is PRIVATE and precious and that you are NOT taking him camping or on any other thing she and you do. Please. Just because you're polyamorous doesn't mean you have to be a spineless chump! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JoeSmith357-1 Posted September 6, 2016 Share Posted September 6, 2016 Reason 3,845 why poly relationships dont work Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts