Feeling physically sick since end of affair

[imperfectangel]

Tbh I think if anyone has really healed they wouldn't be on LS. As for someone forgetting after a week I call BS. No one forgets anyone after a week. And if you're mad there is obviously feelings there still.

[Thewalkingdread]

Sorry to hear it ended so badly, in one way that will stop any chance of drifting back into the affair. Time is a healer, well that's what I tell myself.

[MidnightBlue1980]

We are in NC and we will never talk again in this life time. It ended very badly. There is no recovering and irreversible damage has been done. I will pray for his family for healing and I will hope to find someone who loves me the way I need to be loved someday.

 

Don't waste your prayers on him. I can see you are very early in this process. You can pray alright. Pray for strength to kick him to the curb when he resurfaces, because most do. Stop beating yourself up because you alerted his wife. I happened to catch my H. He had hoped to end it before I found out. You must have seen my story, I would never have known the truth. It's good his W knows the truth. The rest of it is not your problem.

 

I know you are thinking, she doesn't know what she is talking about, I love him, I hurt him and he's never coming back. I know what I'm talking about. You didn't hurt him. I am sure he is mad at heck at you, yes. See it as you saved yourself YEARS of an affair which would have ended up the same way.

 

Now you can move on, meet someone and never come back to LS. You can go off and live an authentic life.

[Forever broken]

Beautywithin, isn't it amazing how they can walk pass you like you never existed? That's the part that bothers me a lot. A person I loved, made love to, shared secrets, fears, among others has become a total stranger.

[oceansaway]

You are correct and hopefully many will take your advice. After years of lies....mine is over after 4+ years. Eventually everyone sees the light with the lying and deception. His wife can deal with that type of man. Good luck to her

[Ahurtgirl]

Good point, MidnightBlue1980 - He did not get hurt but was absolutely livid at me and feared what his wife would say and do. He was afraid of being kicked out and having his kids taken away from him. Just like you, when all things fell apart, he could have cared less about me and did whatever he could to prevent her from walking out on him. I just want him to be happy and I know his kids are everything to him.

[oceansaway]

After years of on and off issues caused by the affair we had many nc sessions. Some weeks...some up to four months. At times it was me caving...sometimes him. NOT THIS TIME

 

I am healing now but it doesn't mean I don't miss him. I have found it is the conversation...thinking someone cares is what I miss. Not necessarily him. But I can't fuel the fantasy anymore. Dreams of him knocking at my door....choosing me...are over. It's been 3 month nowith NC....again...this time forever. I deserve better

[MidnightBlue1980]

Good point, MidnightBlue1980 - He did not get hurt but was absolutely livid at me and feared what his wife would say and do. He was afraid of being kicked out and having his kids taken away from him. Just like you, when all things fell apart, he could have cared less about me and did whatever he could to prevent her from walking out on him. I just want him to be happy and I know his kids are everything to him.

 

Care about yourself first. He is not caring if you are happy, is he?

 

And yes, xMM was so mad at me for telling my H everything. Said I needed to learn to keep my mouth shut and we needed to just stay where we were in the A, and it would be like a butterfly, develop over time. I just vomited a little in my mouth typing that. But at the time I was like you, I would have died for this guy. I almost did.

 

You need to bring on the next stage. Get angry. I don't mean become psycho of course, but get angry and use that anger in a healthy way. This guy used you and abandoned you. He dropped you like a hefty bag of trash in the dumpster. Can you imagine how he painted you? He played the victim I am sure. How does that make you feel? "Crazy "hurt girl", she pursued me, I was weak because you, wifey, did not pay attention to me. I never loved her, only you wifey."

 

At least that is basically my story. We all deserve a lot better. His wife did not win any prize.

[Satu]

When someone hurt me very badly, I made a promise to myself: that I would never again speak that persons name.

 

I never have.

 

It proved to be very empowering.

 

Recommended.

 

 

Take care.

[beautiful_day]

Good for you AHG!

 

Roll with the hurt, and have faith that it will pass.

 

The very worst thing that could have happened to you is that you ended up with him. My ex husband told the other woman the most outrageous lies. I discovered their affair when I found his Facebook page, complete with some of their messages.

 

Here's some quotes after they'd had a little tiff:

 

"You do realize (his son) has no home at the moment"

His son was living happily with me at the time.

 

"I've gone through a divorce, had a cancer scare ..."

We were in (what I thought) was a happy marriage at the time, sleeping together etc. so this was news to me! It was the first I'd heard about cancer. I think he may have had hemorrhoids though

 

"My life has been **** the last few months, my son is in limbo, I can't see the girl I love ... my ex is taking everything, and I'm just letting her do it"

Again, when he typed this to her, we were (happily) married, and his son was living with me in our home.

 

So anyway, I threw him out, and he landed in her lap. She'd been waiting about 7 years for him as far as I can tell. We'd been married 6 years. She was so delighted, and thought all her dreams had come true. I'd love to know how he explained the divorce papers coming through the mail!

 

I also found a couple of accounts for dating sites, after he left. So she moved up to number one spot, and he immediately started looking for a number two to fill the vacancy. You couldn't make this stuff up!

 

You have had a lucky escape. Welcome back to boring old NormalLand! We can forget what normal looks like when we get embroiled in these sordid messes.

 

One small point. You say you were never the cheating type. Well you are now. So a long look in the mirror is in order. You are looking at AGH version 2.0. New improved, since you took the decision to walk away. Files are updated, hold your head up high.

 

By the way, I'm now living with a wonderful (faithful) man, in a little beach house, doing my dream job. Getting rid of that leach was the best thing I ever did. Once i'd struggled through the pain, suddenly everything started going right for me!

[imperfectangel]

Well you know what they say, when a mistress becomes a wife she creates a vacancy

[Poppy47]

A hurtgirl, good luck in walking away, I wish I had the strength to do the same, the lies I've been told by my AP I could write a book, when I confront him he always has an answer and I'm the one left questioning my sanity, please be strong and go NC, I will do it one day before he totally destroys me.

 

Please do. My AP always said that I knew he was married so why make waves about it.? Very true, but I fell in love with him, as many do. It changes everything.

Don't love him anymore in anyway.

Poppy.

[Poppy47]

When someone hurt me very badly, I made a promise to myself: that I would never again speak that persons name.

 

I never have.

 

It proved to be very empowering.

 

Recommended.

 

 

Take care.

 

I like that. I knew a lady a long time ago who would do that to anybody who hurt her. She was very strong about it. Her culture demanded that if she lost face, that person was dead to her.

 

Poppy.

[Ahurtgirl]

Is it possible that the ending of the affair with him has caused me to feel physically ill?

[Alamo657]

I have learned that a MM will tell a thousand lies. I have learned that even though I was honest with him about everything in my life, my feelings, etc., he feels he could never trust me because I was his AP. Just like most of you, I was not the cheating kind. I fell in love. I have no desire to ever get into a situation like that again. I am responsible for allowing my heart to experience love like I never had known before. However, he was the cheating kind. I was not his first affair. I could never trust him as I caught him in so many lies. He lied about his feelings for me, he lied about other online relationships he was having, he lied about how his affair with a coworker before meeting me had ended but it had re-established this past year. I continue to learn more about his lies each day. He said his wife forced him to cut contact, now I have learned that she gave him the opportunity to leave but he chose to stay. I know who he really is and I am thankful I can walk away from his lies. I hope I can someday help others to not make the same mistake I have. Learn from my mistake and if you have the strength, leave your MM/OW before it comes out in the open so others don't get hurt and focus on healing yourself and if you are in a committed relationship, make that your primary focus to see if it can be healed and if not, decide to end one relationship before starting another.

I second that. The MM/MW are not recommandable people since they are cheating on their official partner, but when you think you're in love, and you're giving them the passion missing in their relationship, and they make you think this is serious, you don't think about that.

 

It's only after, when you're dumped via a text, used as a sexual outlet, and emotional tampon without reciprocity, that you realize that you were not special, but just one more...

[Cloudcuckoo]

Good for you AHG!

 

Roll with the hurt, and have faith that it will pass.

 

The very worst thing that could have happened to you is that you ended up with him. My ex husband told the other woman the most outrageous lies. I discovered their affair when I found his Facebook page, complete with some of their messages.

 

Here's some quotes after they'd had a little tiff:

 

"You do realize (his son) has no home at the moment"

His son was living happily with me at the time.

 

"I've gone through a divorce, had a cancer scare ..."

We were in (what I thought) was a happy marriage at the time, sleeping together etc. so this was news to me! It was the first I'd heard about cancer. I think he may have had hemorrhoids though

 

"My life has been **** the last few months, my son is in limbo, I can't see the girl I love ... my ex is taking everything, and I'm just letting her do it"

Again, when he typed this to her, we were (happily) married, and his son was living with me in our home.

 

So anyway, I threw him out, and he landed in her lap. She'd been waiting about 7 years for him as far as I can tell. We'd been married 6 years. She was so delighted, and thought all her dreams had come true. I'd love to know how he explained the divorce papers coming through the mail!

 

I also found a couple of accounts for dating sites, after he left. So she moved up to number one spot, and he immediately started looking for a number two to fill the vacancy. You couldn't make this stuff up!

 

You have had a lucky escape. Welcome back to boring old NormalLand! We can forget what normal looks like when we get embroiled in these sordid messes.

 

One small point. You say you were never the cheating type. Well you are now. So a long look in the mirror is in order. You are looking at AGH version 2.0. New improved, since you took the decision to walk away. Files are updated, hold your head up high.

 

By the way, I'm now living with a wonderful (faithful) man, in a little beach house, doing my dream job. Getting rid of that leach was the best thing I ever did. Once i'd struggled through the pain, suddenly everything started going right for me!

 

 

Love a happy ending...bravo...beach house must be a dream come true, I'm particularly envious!

 

Cuckoos

[Satu]

Yes, it is.

 

 

Painful emotions can take a very heavy toll on the body.

 

 

There are things that you can do to help minimise this:

 

 

Take care over your nutritional state.

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

 

Drink enough water.

 

Get enough rest.

 

Do some light exercise. Walking, yoga, stretching, and breathing are good.

 

If you are on any prescription medications, take them exactly as prescribed.

 

Visit your doctor as often as necessary.

 

Get out of the house at least once a day.

 

Connect with the natural world.

 

Visit the park or the beach.

 

Spend time with good people.

 

Avoid drugs and alcohol.

 

Do fun stuff.

 

A massage or some reflexology can really help to de-stress the body.

 

 

I think you already know all this, but it doesn't hurt to repeat it.

 

 

Take care.

[elaine567]

BBC NEWS | Health | How emotional pain can really hurt

"Love really does hurt, just as poets and song lyric writers claim.

 

"If you listen to people who are damaged emotionally, they will often translate their pain into physical similes: 'My head is bursting, my guts are aching' and so on. The parallel is very strong."

[imperfectangel]

I have had this. It affected my sleep, my appetite my energy levels everything. It's quite normal in any break up it isn't exclusive to affairs

[lemondrop21]

Yes. I had the "breakup flu" twice. Once it caused me to miss work for two days which is extremely unlike me. Take good care of yourself during this time and use it as a reminder that your xMM sure isn't doing anything to help you.

[elaine567]

I see from your other thread you now have more of a handle on the reality of your relationship, so use that info to lever yourself out of this.

I know it is a cliché but it just takes time.

Do not wallow, if you find yourself wallowing do something to take your mind off of it.

 

When I was bereaved a few years ago, I took up knitting because the person who died was a knitter basically, but I found it very helpful and now I find I had inadvertently stumbled into doing something that does help. Not only the act of doing it but choosing the colours and the fact you are making something all seems to be therapeutic and you can do it anywhere too.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201311/should-you-knit

The rhythmic repetitive movements seem to put us in the present moment, distracting us from mulling over the past or fear of the future. The relaxation response is known to bring down blood pressure, heart rate and help to prevent stress related illnesses.

...Pain doesn't originate in the spot where you feel it, but actually in your brain, when it interprets signals from other parts of your body. But your brain can't concentrate on two compelling activities at the same time. “Knitting can quite literally take your mind off pain,” Corkhill writes.

[NeotericJack]

I have learned that a MM will tell a thousand lies. I have learned that even though I was honest with him about everything in my life, my feelings, etc., he feels he could never trust me because I was his AP. Just like most of you, I was not the cheating kind. I fell in love. I have no desire to ever get into a situation like that again. I am responsible for allowing my heart to experience love like I never had known before. However, he was the cheating kind. I was not his first affair. I could never trust him as I caught him in so many lies. He lied about his feelings for me, he lied about other online relationships he was having, he lied about how his affair with a coworker before meeting me had ended but it had re-established this past year. I continue to learn more about his lies each day. He said his wife forced him to cut contact, now I have learned that she gave him the opportunity to leave but he chose to stay. I know who he really is and I am thankful I can walk away from his lies. I hope I can someday help others to not make the same mistake I have. Learn from my mistake and if you have the strength, leave your MM/OW before it comes out in the open so others don't get hurt and focus on healing yourself and if you are in a committed relationship, make that your primary focus to see if it can be healed and if not, decide to end one relationship before starting another.

 

Are you married? I didn't see anything in you posting to indicate you are but I'm not sure.

 

If you are married, never say never. Someday you may find yourself in an unfulfilling marriage and may seek relief in the arms of someone else. That doesn't mean you'd want to hurt your spouse or end your marriage but only that you need something more that it provides. If you can keep the two worlds separate, you may find some emotional peace.

[BTDT2012]

 

If you are married, never say never. Someday you may find yourself in an unfulfilling marriage and may seek relief in the arms of someone else. That doesn't mean you'd want to hurt your spouse or end your marriage but only that you need something more that it provides. If you can keep the two worlds separate, you may find some emotional peace.

 

One of the most selfish things I have read. Fix your unfulfilling marriage or end it. Don't use another person to make yourself feel better.

[ladydesigner]

Are you married? I didn't see anything in you posting to indicate you are but I'm not sure.

 

If you are married, never say never. Someday you may find yourself in an unfulfilling marriage and may seek relief in the arms of someone else. That doesn't mean you'd want to hurt your spouse or end your marriage but only that you need something more that it provides. If you can keep the two worlds separate, you may find some emotional peace.

 

Right like how you do it?

 

Hardly is there ever emotional peace in an A!

[immokk]

Good for you AHG!

 

Roll with the hurt, and have faith that it will pass.

 

The very worst thing that could have happened to you is that you ended up with him. My ex husband told the other woman the most outrageous lies. I discovered their affair when I found his Facebook page, complete with some of their messages.

 

Here's some quotes after they'd had a little tiff:

 

"You do realize (his son) has no home at the moment"

His son was living happily with me at the time.

 

"I've gone through a divorce, had a cancer scare ..."

We were in (what I thought) was a happy marriage at the time, sleeping together etc. so this was news to me! It was the first I'd heard about cancer. I think he may have had hemorrhoids though

 

"My life has been **** the last few months, my son is in limbo, I can't see the girl I love ... my ex is taking everything, and I'm just letting her do it"

Again, when he typed this to her, we were (happily) married, and his son was living with me in our home.

 

So anyway, I threw him out, and he landed in her lap. She'd been waiting about 7 years for him as far as I can tell. We'd been married 6 years. She was so delighted, and thought all her dreams had come true. I'd love to know how he explained the divorce papers coming through the mail!

 

I also found a couple of accounts for dating sites, after he left. So she moved up to number one spot, and he immediately started looking for a number two to fill the vacancy. You couldn't make this stuff up!

 

You have had a lucky escape. Welcome back to boring old NormalLand! We can forget what normal looks like when we get embroiled in these sordid messes.

 

One small point. You say you were never the cheating type. Well you are now. So a long look in the mirror is in order. You are looking at AGH version 2.0. New improved, since you took the decision to walk away. Files are updated, hold your head up high.

 

By the way, I'm now living with a wonderful (faithful) man, in a little beach house, doing my dream job. Getting rid of that leach was the best thing I ever did. Once i'd struggled through the pain, suddenly everything started going right for me!

 

This is a brilliant story.

 

And is what I'd have done if I were presented with this.

 

Good for you and good luck