Found out my gf has had a lot of FWB relationships, am I right to be concerned

[LD1990]

I'm just saying in general, why get second best sex with someone that's supposed to be really turned on by you for why they're with you for a serious relationship. And that's fair to say, but you would have to really take their word for it & think they're really telling the truth.

Yeah man, that's kind of how relationships work. You believe your partner when they tell you things. I mean, sure you can try waterboarding your girlfriend to make sure you're getting the truth, but doing that more than 2 or 3 times can really turn a chick off.

 

There's really only two reasons a girl wouldn't do something with you that she did with a previous sexual partner:

1. She didn't like it. This is the most common reason, and probably the truth. I've done pretty much everything you can do with a woman. Not everything was some mindblowing experience, and a couple of things guys rave about were kind of "meh" for me, so I'm sure there are girls out there who feel the same.

2. You suck at bringing out that wild side of her. Maybe that's because you're boring in bed, maybe it's because you give off a really straightedge vibe, but she just isn't into getting nasty with you.

 

Sunkissedpatio is right, you've just got to find someone who matches your perversions. If you're really into kinky sex, you've got to show whoever you're with that side of you.

[js_77]

I know my girlfriend has had fwb in the past too, and this bothers me a lot and I'm feeling very confused about my relationship. I'm suspicious she has them as facebook and instagram friends but I don't know if she talks to them through phone or email. I hate it because I don't have girls I had sex with in the past in my facebook but she does!

I never wanted a virgin because I had my sexual past too but it's tough for us guys to accept our girlfriend's sexual past, specially if they used to hook up and have fwb dates. All I am saying is this, I don't mind if my girlfriend had ex boyfriend or husband, but I do mind if she had hook ups and fwbs in the past!

[jen1447]

I know my girlfriend has had fwb in the past too, and this bothers me a lot and I'm feeling very confused about my relationship. I'm suspicious she has them as facebook and instagram friends but I don't know if she talks to them through phone or email. I hate it because I don't have girls I had sex with in the past in my facebook but she does!

I never wanted a virgin because I had my sexual past too but it's tough for us guys to accept our girlfriend's sexual past, specially if they used to hook up and have fwb dates. All I am saying is this, I don't mind if my girlfriend had ex boyfriend or husband, but I do mind if she had hook ups and fwbs in the past!

 

Sounds like a pretty narrow set of requirements.

 

Anyway the answer is the same - if you don't like FWBs in their past, date someone who doesn't have FWBs in their past.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I'll take it a step further, if you don't like a girl that has a FWB past move to an Islamic country. lol

 

It's no different for women who hate knowing men have a slutty past. But guess what? We learned to accept that, I suggest guys do the same.

[joseb]

I never wanted a virgin because I had my sexual past too but it's tough for us guys to accept our girlfriend's sexual past, specially if they used to hook up and have fwb dates. All I am saying is this, I don't mind if my girlfriend had ex boyfriend or husband, but I do mind if she had hook ups and fwbs in the past!

 

 

I honestly can't get my head around this line of thinking.

[Alamo657]

Whatever one think about women with a major NSA/FWB sex past, i observed that those who got involved into that kind of things too many times have commitment issues and are extremely critical of human flaws.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Every person has a past, and in it, people they've sexed up,

Some more than others obviously as they like a full cup,

However, the past is the past, it's the present actions that burn me,

Secretly emailing an old **** buddy while being with me isn't classy.

 

The past is the past if it's left there to learn from and adjust the future,

Otherwise, it's like an infected cut covered with unwashed sutures,

I assumed more women were like Gaeta who respected their chosen man,

I didn't realize most just hid it better and confused as to why their man doesn't understand.

 

I didn't think we were talking about chatting to a bunch of exs and being in constant contact with face time with them. I thought we were talking about having 1 particular ex or ex-fwb we developed a friendship with. I mean there is a healthy middle to everything. I would never chat with a bunch of exs or ex-fwb. That would be disrespectful of my bf.

[elaine567]

I honestly can't get my head around this line of thinking.

 

It is because having fwbs and hookups identifies her as the type of woman he doesn't want to get involved with, she is "that sort of a girl" in his eyes, if you get my drift...

[js_77]

It is because having fwbs and hookups identifies her as the type of woman he doesn't want to get involved with, she is "that sort of a girl" in his eyes, if you get my drift...

 

That's what i'm talking about! For example, my girlfriend is NOT marriage material because of this! I wont marry her because I'm not confortable with date a girl who has ex fwb on facebook instagram phone number! I have a relationship with her but I treat her like a fwb, just dating and sex, nothing more!

[central]

I don't see any significant difference between her having a bf and a FWB (I'm not referring to f*** buddies or booty calls). The only difference is whether the relationship has a potential future, and as we know, most bf/gf relationships do NOT have a future. In many cases, a FWB is a deeper relationship, because friendship is involved - bf/gf may reach that state someday, if they're lucky.

 

 

As for js_77 treating women who've had FWB only as FWB with no future potential, and not as a gf, you have a double standard. You are behaving in exactly the ways that disqualified them from your consideration for anything but using them for sex. Perhaps you will be treated the same someday, with someone you actually care for.

[ses]

That's what i'm talking about! For example, my girlfriend is NOT marriage material because of this! I wont marry her because I'm not confortable with date a girl who has ex fwb on facebook instagram phone number! I have a relationship with her but I treat her like a fwb, just dating and sex, nothing more!

 

As someone who's had several casual flings I don't think it's fair for a man to discount me as a suitable partner due to my past. It should have no bearing on my ability to be faithful once I've found someone. Perhaps I'm bitter because a guy said my lack of virginity at age 26 was a problem for him and his own inexperience. It never mattered to me whether someone had 0, 2, or 20 partners if we share the same values towards monogamy.

 

I know a lot of people, both men and women, who've had casual flings/FWBs who are now in steady, monogamous relationships, including myself.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

That's what I'm talking about! For example, my girlfriend is NOT marriage material because of this! I won't marry her because I'm not comfortable with a date a girl who has ex FWB on Facebook Instagram phone number! I have a relationship with her, but I treat her like an FWB, just dating and sex, nothing more!

 

I'm sorry but you've contradicted yourself, and you sound very hypocritical. You've admitted that you don't like your girlfriend having a past of flings and friends with benefits situations, but you're treating her like an FWB?? you sound like you do not have any respect for her and because of her past, you can only treat her as an FWB. Dude, that is effed up! If I was your girlfriend and felt that my boyfriend was using me ( because having sex with her and dating her but no emotional responsibility or commitment is using someone), then I would get ready to launch. Especially in a relationship! That's hurtful and cruel! Why on earth are you still with her if you are using her? Why are you with her if you cannot see a future with her? Let her go then if that's how you feel. And who are you to judge her?

 

Secondly, you're describing your girlfriend as not being sufficient marriage material? If she is a wonderful and an amazing woman with fabulous qualities than that should be enough to make someone marriage material not if someone has the past of having flings. I think you're right in some respects, out of respect for my future husband ( wherever in the world he is or maybe) I would remove anyone off of social media who I have dated and made love to or boyfriends or flings or whatever, that is just my decision that not even he can make. But discrediting someone based on their history is just plain immature and selfish. I have had flings in the past because after seven years of singleness and celibacy I was desperately horny! I didn't believe in love anymore at the time. Ain't none of my friends and even men in my life can blame or fault me for that! So they do not judge me! Some have done, but there is a reason why I am not with them, they are entitled to their conservative views of female sexuality without paying any heed or care to their own. A lot of men are comfortable with their sexual past and defend it, but are very judgemental of a woman if she has had the same. The double standard exists and is hard to shake off if the world still regards men having " excusable sexual needs and woman are expected to be loyal and less adventurous and more sexually conservative". It's rooted in immaturity, dominance and control I would say. If you cannot get over this hump, then I would suspect the truth is you do not like your girlfriend let alone love her and she would be better off finding someone who truly does.