Reasons Why Men Might Not Want to Get Married...

[XNemesisX]

oops...well I guess I should clarify. He was put in the mental institution for a little while immediately following the suicide attempt and isn't there still. So he's not a permanent resident there or anything.

 

However, he is still very unhappy and he complains a lot that no body wants him and that he will never have anybody. I know he would not be this unhappy if someone cared for him (romantically). We all want the same thing, regardless of our sex. Someone to love us and care about us and if we don't ever get that it's hard not to feel like we are just not up to par or lovable.

[Pyro]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

We all want the same thing, regardless of our sex. Someone to love us and care about us and if we don't ever get that it's hard not to feel like we are just not up to par or lovable.

 

Agreed. I use to feel the same way. In between relationships, I use to feel that I wasn't up to par. I just had to learn to be patient.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if they put him in a mental institution temporarily, just until his self-esteem is better. He was never one to share any emotions, but I am sure that he may feel that he won't meet anyone. I wish that I could help people out like that, who share the same feelings as him.

[Woggle]

Originally posted by The Riddler

I recently found out that an old co-worker of mine tried to end his life. He is still recovering and is unable to communicate, so knowone knows what his motive was, but I wouldn't doubt that him being 34, not having a GF and not being married may have played a role in it.

Single never married men need to change this mentality and realize how lucky they are. If there were more support and ecouragement for them like there is for women they would be much happier.

[scratch]

Originally posted by Grinning Maniac

How is it a contradiction? You cannot compare a painting to a handbag. You're putting little gum wrappers and balls of lint inside of it. Therefore it's not entirely honest to act as if you've paid the money for some marvelous piece of art which you plan to cherish. You're sticking tampons and makeup in the damn thing. Materialism is materialism and it all sucks honestly, but I really get miffed at someone putting the purchase of an expensive purse that 1000 other people have on the same level as purchasing an painting which is one of a kind.

 

I'm not necessarily saying that you can compare a painting to a handbag (although I'm quite suprised that, as an artist, you're so eager to categorize things as "art" and "not art" based on the value you personally assign to it). My point is simply that you can't say "handbags aren't as valuable as paintings because they hold stuff instead of sitting on walls," then turn around and say "expensive electronics are justified because, unlike handbags, they actually have a use." If you don't see the contradiction, I'd prefer you not reply to me.

 

Merin, you detailed what you and your ex each got out of your marriage. It seems to me that you could have gotten 99% of it, good and bad, if you just had a relationship instead of getting married.

 

Personally, I see that in the majority of cases marriage gives a woman security and a man responsibility (although this was not the case in your marriage), and that is the only difference between a relationship and a marriage as it regards the dealings between the two of you, not the outside world.

 

ETA: I'm going to give it a few days, then revisit and refocus the question about the advantages of marriage vs unmarried, monogomous, long term relationships.

[New_Wife]

Most women get a divorce to find themselves? That is FANTASTIC to know! Here I thought that infidelity, abuse, and addiction/alcoholism - as clearly stated in our 2004/2005 Stats were the leading causes. Someone needs to get ahold of these vile women and let them know that the pesky little problems they thought they had do not exist - and they just need to head on down to their neighborhood self-finder and get found!

 

Kiddo, it sounds like some woman dumped you with a lame excuse.

 

That does not a majority make.

 

It does, however, seem to make you a very bitter angry young man who disguises his pain behind a glib face of "facts" with no cited source and "truisms" that are anything but.

 

Why would a man get married? Same reason a woman would. Because after really and truly getting to know another human being - hopefully over the course of years - that person cannot fathom going through life without that person at his/her side. Good, bad & indifferent, that is the person that he/she wants to talk to at the end of the day. That is the person he/she trusts to make life-altering, ending, medical, financial, emergency, etc. decisions based on his/her wishes because that person knows them. He/She knows the funny little quirks, foibles, and faults in their mate, and loves them anyway. Finds them endearing.

 

Because as mature adults, both parties recognize that things will not always be smooth sailing - that there will be fights, and troubled times, and maybe even weeks on end where they don't speak - but they know the friendship and companionship shared is invaluable and without compare.

 

All this talk of handbags, TV's, and who makes more money just demonstrates - proof positive - that you have no idea what makes a lasting marriage. And thus, you are correct, YOU should not get married.

[RecordProducer]

If we exclude the real tragedies like death, illness, hunger, and other disasters, a bad marriage is the worst thing that can happen to us. Naturally both sexes are afraid that it might happen to them. This fear can be hard to overcome after one or more failed marriages.

After my divorce I claimed I'd never ever marry again. I believed that all men were evil. But with time as my desire for love was growing again, my faith in marriage was re-born.

 

Marriage by its nature is a social community between two people. It has its advantages and disadvantages. They can't be classified in theory. Depending on the individual goals and desires, it can be beneficial for one and unnecessary for another person. I believe that the great majority of people of both genders seek love in a secure and committed type of relationship. Whether it's the society that has washed our brains or it really makes sense to live in a family, many people still want to get married.

 

Naturally we all want to find a person that is as closest to our ideal as possible. Some men want their wives to be super-looking, some want them to have four children, some want them to be rich, some want them to put up with their sh*t. Same for women. Most women are probably turned off by poor men and turned on by successful ones, just like most men are turned on by beauty and turned off by non-attractive women. Beauty and financial success are not the only criteria when choosing a partner. But just like unattractive women can complain about guys being superficial and not picking them up, guys with low incomes complain about women being gold-diggers. There are women who make good money themselves and still want to be married. Marriage is not all about who rips whom off! There are other terrible things that spouses do to each other and many of them are done by men. Some of you are trying to present women passing through marriages in the veni-vidi-vici style, but it's not like that at all.

 

Oh and the statistics that women cheat as much as men do is supposed to mean... what? A lot or not? Would it be better if they cheated less than men? Sure it would, for men.

[Woggle]

Originally posted by RecordProducer

If we exclude the real tragedies like death, illness, hunger, and other disasters, a bad marriage is the worst thing that can happen to us. Naturally both sexes are afraid that it might happen to them. This fear can be hard to overcome after one or more failed marriages.

After my divorce I claimed I'd never ever marry again. I believed that all men were evil. But with time as my desire for love was growing again, my faith in marriage was re-born.

 

Marriage by its nature is a social community between two people. It has its advantages and disadvantages. They can't be classified in theory. Depending on the individual goals and desires, it can be beneficial for one and unnecessary for another person. I believe that the great majority of people of both genders seek love in a secure and committed type of relationship. Whether it's the society that has washed our brains or it really makes sense to live in a family, many people still want to get married.

 

Naturally we all want to find a person that is as closest to our ideal as possible. Some men want their wives to be super-looking, some want them to have four children, some want them to be rich, some want them to put up with their sh*t. Same for women. Most women are probably turned off by poor men and turned on by successful ones, just like most men are turned on by beauty and turned off by non-attractive women. Beauty and financial success are not the only criteria when choosing a partner. But just like unattractive women can complain about guys being superficial and not picking them up, guys with low incomes complain about women being gold-diggers. There are women who make good money themselves and still want to be married. Marriage is not all about who rips whom off! There are other terrible things that spouses do to each other and many of them are done by men. Some of you are trying to present women passing through marriages in the veni-vidi-vici style, but it's not like that at all.

 

Oh and the statistics that women cheat as much as men do is supposed to mean... what? A lot or not? Would it be better if they cheated less than men? Sure it would, for men.

 

It would be good if infidelity for men went down instead of it going up for women.