Anybody here whose relationship has survived a seperation?

[whathappened610]

So I am in a 14 yr LTR. We have been stagnant for a few years now. We have not been getting along the best and have both agreed that he should get his own place for awhile. This way we can work on things that can hopefully make us come together once again.

 

We are planning on staying together and dating only one another, however I am scared that this seperation maybe the end of us. Maybe he will realize he likes it better? I have been starting to go back and forth about wanting him to go latley but he says he's going and has a lease signed already.

 

Some of my friends are telling me that a seperation is just a slow way of breaking up which isn't helping my anxiety over this!

 

So is there any success stories out there? Have u seen this work for a couple or are u part of the couple it's worked for?!

[kgcolonel]

So I am in a 14 yr LTR. We have been stagnant for a few years now. We have not been getting along the best and have both agreed that he should get his own place for awhile. This way we can work on things that can hopefully make us come together once again.

 

We are planning on staying together and dating only one another, however I am scared that this seperation maybe the end of us. Maybe he will realize he likes it better? I have been starting to go back and forth about wanting him to go latley but he says he's going and has a lease signed already.

 

Some of my friends are telling me that a seperation is just a slow way of breaking up which isn't helping my anxiety over this!

 

So is there any success stories out there? Have u seen this work for a couple or are u part of the couple it's worked for?!

 

Your friends are right....I have never heard of LTRs or Marriages that get back together after a separation.

 

Who made the initial suggestion? If it was him....I'd be worried, if it was you, then I'd decide precisely what I wanted. If you really want to break up, then just do it, if you truly want to work it out, I'd reconsider the separation. Short term I think it's easy to feel free and responsibility free during a "break" / separation. Do you, during the separation plan to still date, sleep together etc? Better really decide what you want before he leaves...just my experience.

[whathappened610]

Your friends are right....I have never heard of LTRs or Marriages that get back together after a separation.

 

Who made the initial suggestion? If it was him....I'd be worried, if it was you, then I'd decide precisely what I wanted. If you really want to break up, then just do it, if you truly want to work it out, I'd reconsider the separation. Short term I think it's easy to feel free and responsibility free during a "break" / separation. Do you, during the separation plan to still date, sleep together etc? Better really decide what you want before he leaves...just my experience.

 

 

 

Well the initial suggestion was made by him a year and a half prior in MC. I told him if he left then that I would be done with the relationship. After fighting for a few months this time around I may have blurted out that I wanted him to go and he agreed. Then like I said I have been waivering on it recently and asked him if he'd stay if I told him I wanted him to. He said no and he needs to do this and he hopes this is what helps our relationship go to the next level.

 

He says he wants to only date me and still have the relationship rules we have now... No talking/dating/ hanging with other women/men. He says is not living together will mean everytime we hang out will be a positive interaction bc we won't be fighting about everyday things. I told him that that logic is confusing bc part of the next step (marriage) is fighting over everyday things (i.e.: chores, waking up to the other person getting around).

 

He said he doesn't have the "hows" yet as to how it's gonna work but he knows he wants to try it.

 

Am I being dumb by trying this out? He is set on going so talking him out of that is not an option. Is he just trying to drag me along? Is this just an easier breakup for him?

[Popsicle]

I agree with your friends.

[Gloria25]

Who in the world came up with the idea of "separation"?

 

Cuz how can two people work on something if they aren't together to work on it?

 

I sorta get if a separation is needed cuz one or both need to work on themselves in order to return to the team better and stronger, but if the "couple/team" (not an individual) need the work, then how can it work on it if it's separated?

 

Granted, yes, sometimes in absence we get to see what it's like not to have a person around and be able to actually "miss them", but sometimes 'outta sight, outta mind'.

[DKT3]

Having read your other stuff I'm confident it's mostly you wanting it,. But I won't go there.

 

Separation aren't to rebuild relationships, more importantly men simply don't go backwards in a relationship that he really wants, if he is TRULY equally wanting this, then the relationship is doomed. if he isn't, the freedom for such a young guy having been in a long term relationship will show him different ways of looking at what he really wants. If there is a chance the relationship could thrive this won't help,

[aileD]

So...who gets to deal with all the daily things now? You?

 

He gets to leave all that and only have positive interactions with you and leave you with all the bullsh.t of running the house/family alone?

 

Sounds great for him

[Lois_Griffin]

I don't believe for a minute he's moving out in the hopes that living separately will get you both to the 'next level.'

 

What you're seeing is the slow and systematic breakup of a 14 year relationship that's sadly run it's course.

 

Step #1 is separate living quarters.

 

And his move out of the house is being done amicably instead of acrimoniously, based on the 'belief' that it's being done purely to save the relationship. I think he's told you that so he can escape with a minimum of difficulty, to be honest.

 

And I also believe he means the dating rules - for you. Whether HE honors them or not is another story. Sorry, but he's just a little TOO eager to leave.

 

The next step will be him eventually becoming less and less invested as the weeks and months go by.

 

So yes, I agree with you - I think this is an easier breakup for him, is all.

[Just a Guy]

Lady, if after 14 years you and your partner have not been able to get your relationship on an even keel then that fact tells it's own story. Apparently, the two of you are not married and hopefully no children are involved. If after 14 years you have not been able to decide whether to marry or not, I would think that decision had already been made for you. As is said in the US, colloquially, 'Wake up and smell the coffee'.

 

It seems your partner figured out things a while ago whereas, you are still living in the fog of a dead relationship. Your partner mooting the idea of living seperately while trying to figure out things is his way of gently letting you down and at the same time maintaining a friendly relationship with you. He might even be thinking of a FWB relationship with no strings attached. You have to wake up to the reality of your situation and take a call. No point carrying all your eggs in one basket! Warm wishes.

Edited September 8, 2016 by Just a Guy