Richard Posted June 16, 1999 Share Posted June 16, 1999 I seem to have a real problem with trusting my girlfriend. I want to trust her and at times feel as if I can. I try to reason about it and think I can trust her and then doubts began to creep into my thinking. I think these doubts arise from little inconsistencies in the things she says and does compared to her actions. She says she wants me to trust her and I want to, but I believe trust has to be earned and these little inconsistencies makes it hard to trust completely. For instance, sometimes she wants to see me and really seems to miss me when we're not together and then at other times she seems to care less. She tells me she will call me after going away on a business trip after I have called her, but then she doesn't and uses the excuse that she was just to tired to talk to anyone. We make plans to get together on the weekend, which is about all we have time for, but then she calls at the last moment to remark how she really just feels like staying at home and asks if I would mind. Lately she has an infection and hasn't wanted sex but doesn't deny my seeing her if I want for company. Does any of this sound like something I should be concerned about? I am particularly interested in the womens point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
Lena Marie Posted June 16, 1999 Share Posted June 16, 1999 I know what you are saying. I had a long distance relationship once 4 years and the last year of it he would go on business trips, say he was going to call, but never did. I would try calling him at home, the phone would ring and ring and ring, then when he would call me on my company's 800 number the next day, he would say that he was on the internet or working or he forgot. He never had a rash or infection, but I got sick and tired of him not calling. Making plans to visit each other was very one way. Don't get me wrong, the first three years were blissful, I thought that we would be getting married etc., but I wised up and ended the relationship. It hurt, but it hurt more when he would say he was going to call and then didn't. Once he didn't call me for three weeks, because he said that he was traveling alot on business. The worst hurt of all was when he would say that he loved me. Now I have a new boyfriend and I think he may be in love with me (see earlier post for details), but I am afraid of getting hurt again I guess. I think you might want to ignore her for awhile and decide what is right for you. You don't deserve her cruelity. Trust me, don't let it drag on as I did. To this day, I still don't know whether or not this guy was cheating on me. I hope I was able to help alittle. Lena Marie Link to post Share on other sites
Flippzoid Posted June 29, 1999 Share Posted June 29, 1999 I seem to have a real problem with trusting my girlfriend. I want to trust her and at times feel as if I can. I try to reason about it and think I can trust her and then doubts began to creep into my thinking. I think these doubts arise from little inconsistencies in the things she says and does compared to her actions. She says she wants me to trust her and I want to, but I believe trust has to be earned and these little inconsistencies makes it hard to trust completely. For instance, sometimes she wants to see me and really seems to miss me when we're not together and then at other times she seems to care less. She tells me she will call me after going away on a business trip after I have called her, but then she doesn't and uses the excuse that she was just to tired to talk to anyone. We make plans to get together on the weekend, which is about all we have time for, but then she calls at the last moment to remark how she really just feels like staying at home and asks if I would mind. Lately she has an infection and hasn't wanted sex but doesn't deny my seeing her if I want for company. Does any of this sound like something I should be concerned about? I am particularly interested in the womens point of view. Re:Trust yes,I feel you should be concerned,especially with the infection part.Did you ask her what kind?Even if you feel you can't trust her, Ask youself," if you really want to stay with someone who only has time for you at their convience?"I too believe that trust must be earned.Love and Trust go together.You can't love without trust. Good-luck Flippzoid Link to post Share on other sites
Flippzoid Posted June 29, 1999 Share Posted June 29, 1999 Re:Trust yes,I feel you should be concerned,especially with the infection part.Did you ask her what kind?Even if you feel you can't trust her, Ask youself," if you really want to stay with someone who only has time for you at their convience?"I too believe that trust must be earned.Love and Trust go together.You can't love without trust. Good-luck Flippzoid Re:Trust Yes,I fell you shoud be cncerned.Especially with the infection part.Did you ask her whatt kind?Even if you feel you can't trust,Ask yourself"If you really want to stay with someone who only has time for you when it's convient for them" I too believe trust must be earned.After all love and trust go together,You can't love without first trust. Good-luck Flppzoid Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 1999 Share Posted July 3, 1999 Whoa dude! this is spooky. This is exactly my experience. The lies. The cancelled plans. The business trips. The rash. The refusal to have sex - for 3 months - sounds like a STD cool off period to me. But there was more...new techniques...preference for anal sex All of these things can be explained and may be given the benefit of the doubt. However, together...they add up to a picture. She was screwing my head up. I began to doubt things I knew to be true. My sanity was in serious trouble. Another girl told me she was lying. So I hacked her email and found she met someone on a 3 month business trip. She said they are just good friends and the holiday they planned is platonic. (yeah right) Finally I got pissed off and said I didnt like her because she is a compulsive liar. Then, She admitted she is a liar! Fact of the matter is...If a girl wants you - you will know it. She will keep appointments. She will want sex with you. She will explain any rashes. You will KNOW she is telling the truth. Eventually she will end up alone. And if she is catching rashes she will probably end up with herpes, clamydia or worse... Get out as soon as you can bro. These women should have a health hazard on them. There are women who aren't like this. See what there is out there...Being single can be quite fun. Steve Link to post Share on other sites
Liz Posted July 7, 1999 Share Posted July 7, 1999 Richard... I don't know how long you two have been together... I have been with the same guy for two years... things do change. YOur love can grow stronger, but also you can get tired of a person and need space. I will say that space is good... and romantic surprises are nice too. If she says she wants to stay home... ask if you can go over there, or just show up one night when you didn't have anything planned... make her see that you want the relationship to continue. Breaking plans doesn't automatically mean that she is cheating on you, if could mean she had a tough day at work, her mother is sick, or she just wants to be alone... really, women are not out just to fool with peoples minds... Sure, you could listen to that Steve guy, but he could be very wrong... If you feel that you want to stay with her, make her know for sure that you care, and help her through the feelings that she has and before you know it, you'll be the one saying you want to stay at home.... give her a chance... and try... liz Link to post Share on other sites
bethbonnie Posted July 9, 1999 Share Posted July 9, 1999 I know what you are saying. I had a long distance relationship once 4 years and the last year of it he would go on business trips, say he was going to call, but never did. I would try calling him at home, the phone would ring and ring and ring, then when he would call me on my company's 800 number the next day, he would say that he was on the internet or working or he forgot. He never had a rash or infection, but I got sick and tired of him not calling. Making plans to visit each other was very one way. Don't get me wrong, the first three years were blissful, I thought that we would be getting married etc., but I wised up and ended the relationship. It hurt, but it hurt more when he would say he was going to call and then didn't. Once he didn't call me for three weeks, because he said that he was traveling alot on business. The worst hurt of all was when he would say that he loved me. Now I have a new boyfriend and I think he may be in love with me (see earlier post for details), but I am afraid of getting hurt again I guess. I think you might want to ignore her for awhile and decide what is right for you. You don't deserve her cruelity. Trust me, don't let it drag on as I did. To this day, I still don't know whether or not this guy was cheating on me. I hope I was able to help alittle. Lena Marie Dear Richard, trust is very important, as equally as is honesty. Do you trust yourself? I believe the only way you can find someone to love and trust is to use the author of love. God. Now I'm not about to give you any fangdangle sermon, but when you give of yourself to anyone, there is usually a risk in being hurt or disappointed. When you choose someone to have a friendship with that may lead further into going steady with, first look realistically at their character. It is wisdom to not become close to someone before you observe them a little from a distance. Especially if they are yet to know you are intested in them. Then you will see their true character. If a woman or man knows someone likes them, they will certainly be on their best behaviour. Friendlship is the only real basis for a future relationship. When you meet someone you feel at ease with, comfortable with, and you have given youself a chance to know them, then allow it to proceed to its natural stages. Accept a person for who they are and not who we would like them to be. If we have real esteem toward ourself and love ourself we will be able to trust to love others. I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Brian Posted July 18, 1999 Share Posted July 18, 1999 No these things on their own are meaningless and you have to give the benefit of the doubt. However, when all the pieces add up the picture can become clear. Link to post Share on other sites
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