Chica80 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I've only been two days NC For those of you who are or have been in an A, do you find that you have other addictive qualities? During my periods of NC I spend hrs on LS, like a replacement addiction... Case in point I have been reading post the last two hrs...instead of studying for a test....ugh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adoraxx Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I've only been two days NC For those of you who are or have been in an A, do you find that you have other addictive qualities? During my periods of NC I spend hrs on LS, like a replacement addiction... Case in point I have been reading post the last two hrs...instead of studying for a test....ugh Yes I think so... I'm not addicted to alcohol or cigarettes or whatever, but I do spend hours online. Mostly it's because I hope that I'll stumble upon something that will make me feel better INSTANTLY... like an instant cure!! It's really hard to focus when you're feeling so sad. Do you think you can force yourself to study for 60 minutes? Sometimes I have to do some work and then I really don't feel like it but then I force myself to do it for 60 minutes (but I only manage to do that when it's really something that needs to be done) Hugs 2 Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Yes. I definately have a addictive personality. I've replaced emailing mm with posting on LS. Better for me in the long term but still doing something obsessively. I am almost always on my phone. Trying to wean myself off it slowly 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I don't think I really have an addictive personality - for example I'll go through periods of time where I drink more, but then I'll give it up completely for weeks. But the A was a different sort of addiction; I think for me it was limerence, love and addiction all rolled into one. That combo is hard to beat, even if you don't have an addictive personality. My work life and school suffered (I'm doing a part time degree) because I just couldn't focus on ANYTHING. I spent hours on LS, or reading crap about affairs online, or simply lost in my own thoughts. I think that in a non-affair relationship, falling in love is one of those amazing, rare experiences that can cause us to be distracted and flighty BUT life doesn't completely fall apart. I remember being in love when I was younger and I would get work done at the last minute because I needed less sleep, ha. Yay endorphins. It was honestly a great feeling. During the affair I could barely get anything done at all. Along with those great in-love feelings there was also a tremendous amount of angst all the time. Wondering what MM is thinking. What's going to happen. Thinking about the risk. The guilt. The pleasure. How to give it up. Doubting if you CAN even give it up. Knowing one of you will have to pull the trigger someday. It's so different from falling in love normally when you just have happy daydreams of walks on the beach and growing old together. It all takes SO much mental energy. For me, I don't think it was as much the addiction that held me captive - although that component was there - but rather it was the time needed to process all of those conflicting feelings and emotions. It's like a full time job in itself. An awful one. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I think I do have a bit of an addictive personality, it's something I have been reflecting on lately. For me LS keeps me on the straight and narrow - reading all about similar stories makes me realise my situation wasn't unique or special. When I feel like wavering it gives me the strength to stay in NC and move forwards. I totally agree with LD in that I got nothing of substance done whilst in the affair. It was like I was paralysed. I would go through the motions of life but was consumed with thinking and obsessing about my AP and was only truly happy in the fleeting moments I had with him. The rest of the time was a lot of anxiety and guilt etc. The highs were few but amazing, the lows were many and awful! I also think staying busy is the key to NC for those first few weeks. Distracting yourself as much as possible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) Yes. Like everyone else, I waste hours online - LS and social media in general. Besides that, yes I have a very addictive personality and am very competitive. Edited September 7, 2016 by MidnightBlue1980 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Yes. Like everyone else, I waste hours online - LS and social media in general. Besides that, yes I have a very addictive personality and am very competitive. This is funny! It feels like that at times. I have left for years from this place and come back again. But it is like an obsession. I have an addictive personality and have had past and current drug addictions. I also have OCD and tend to be obsessive with thoughts and my meds put a stop to all that. Therapy and medication has helped me improve my coping skills and addiction. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) I don't smoke, take alcohol or any drugs, but I do take high doses of various minerals, vitamins and herbs continuously. I also make and take various tinctures, that are hard to find, or very expensive. If it is an addiction, its one that makes me feel good. Edited September 7, 2016 by Satu Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowsandkittens Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I am partially addictive (mildly addictive?) I was a smoker for many many years. Quit for 3 years, went back, quit for 3 months, went back. Currently quit since January (and the end of my A.) I also have spending issues. I got myself out of MASSIVE debt. I didn't have a cc for many years. I got one recently and have spent a small fortune on it in a few months. I need to get that back in check. But I'm not a big drinker or drug person. Someone recently told me they think I'm a love addict. I'm not sure that's true but it's something to look into. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 This is funny! It feels like that at times. I have left for years from this place and come back again. But it is like an obsession. I have an addictive personality and have had past and current drug addictions. I also have OCD and tend to be obsessive with thoughts and my meds put a stop to all that. Therapy and medication has helped me improve my coping skills and addiction. I have an addiction with exercise and diet. Not like an eating disorder, more like all or nothing. I'm either a big lump, eating cake (current state) or I'm at the gym daily for hours, logging my Paleo diet into My Fitness Pal. I am a person of extremes. I have a FitBit and I do competitions. xMM used to be in them with me but I've kicked him out, I was his only friend, so now he has no friends. Anyway, one weekend I walked for so long to win, all I did was literally walk. My family got into it with me. I have to control it or else I'd get no work done. I'd be logging steps. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 ad·dic·tion əˈdikSH(ə)n/ noun noun: addiction; plural noun: addictions the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. "he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction" ------------------------------- Having been around affairs a fair amount, the main habit I had to break was having a caretaker personality. To put it into addiction terms, I was addicted to fixing broken people. It was like community service. Took a lot of years and some therapy to break that. The affair part came in because a lot of MW's I interacted with were/are either permanently or situationally broken. A couple have died, a few have recovered from their own addictions, a few are still actively addictive and broken and many I've lost touch with. The key was detaching from the need or desire to fix them. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Ahurtgirl Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I don't have any addictions, never did any type of drugs, smoking, any drinking, and have a very non addictive personality. IF I hadn't fallen in love with my xMM, there is no doubt in my mind, I would have ended it with him pretty much immediately. He knew how to draw me in with his words and actions. I had been married many years before my separation, and without a doubt, I loved my xMM more than I ever did my husband. My xMM completed me and I am not in an affair fog anymore. It really was love on my part, how he felt though towards me, I now realize was not love. If he would have loved me, he wouldn't have cut me out of his life overnight when things didn't go the way he expected. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rockflower Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 [quote=carhill Having been around affairs a fair amount, the main habit I had to break was having a caretaker personality. To put it into addiction terms, I was addicted to fixing broken people. It was like community service. Took a lot of years and some therapy to break that. The affair part came in because a lot of MW's I interacted with were/are either permanently or situationally broken. A couple have died, a few have recovered from their own addictions, a few are still actively addictive and broken and many I've lost touch with. The key was detaching from the need or desire to fix them. Carhill - this is my problem. How did you / what did you work on to learn to detach? RF Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 ad·dic·tion əˈdikSH(ə)n/ noun noun: addiction; plural noun: addictions the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity. "he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction" ------------------------------- Having been around affairs a fair amount, the main habit I had to break was having a caretaker personality. To put it into addiction terms, I was addicted to fixing broken people. It was like community service. Took a lot of years and some therapy to break that. The affair part came in because a lot of MW's I interacted with were/are either permanently or situationally broken. A couple have died, a few have recovered from their own addictions, a few are still actively addictive and broken and many I've lost touch with. The key was detaching from the need or desire to fix them. Yes - this. I got into this mess because of my feeling sorry for xMM and him asking for my help to fix his health. I've changed. He actually had the nerve to ask me again this summer. I said, join a gym with your wife and learn to cook. I'm sure she would welcome the break. I don't feel bad or sorry for any grown adult who has the power to change himself or herself anymore. It was a huge, huge problem in my life and I attracted problem people into my life like you wouldn't believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockflower Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 MB - is it that the xMM lesson hurt you so badly that you sort of saw the light about it? Because I sort of see a bit of the blinkers falling off in me ... but not sure I'm there yet, it's still early days (only about 2 weeks NC). He did get his little violin out from the start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chica80 Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 I've never been addicted to drugs or alcohol. But I do tend to some things in excess. Overeat or not eat. Spending I have a habit of....since moving out I've racked up my cc, I spend when I'm sad..... Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 MB - is it that the xMM lesson hurt you so badly that you sort of saw the light about it? Because I sort of see a bit of the blinkers falling off in me ... but not sure I'm there yet, it's still early days (only about 2 weeks NC). He did get his little violin out from the start. Yeah, basically. It's a pattern in me, I get sucked into people's lives and their problems. It's created a lot of havoc in my life. Situations others shy away from, I rush towards as I try to help and fix people and their problems. xMM knew me for years, so he knew this about me. He sized me up and once night he told me how he was on meds for his health and how he asked his wife for help with food and exercise and she told him to take the pills. He asked me for my help. And away we went down the rabbit hole. I'm different now. I don't want to say I don't care about people, but I am much wiser. Link to post Share on other sites
Rockflower Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Food for thought here ... Jenkins posted somewhere about putting on weight / actual cake-eating as a substitute after his cake-eating A ( ), post-A as a WS. Exercise is a great way to deal with it all - for some it can become almost addictive, although a much healthier addiction. But running can also be seen as 'running away' from issues. Just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Lobe Posted September 8, 2016 Share Posted September 8, 2016 Food for thought here ... Jenkins posted somewhere about putting on weight / actual cake-eating as a substitute after his cake-eating A ( ), post-A as a WS. Food for thought... I see what you did there... :lmao::laugh: Exercise is a great way to deal with it all - for some it can become almost addictive, although a much healthier addiction. But running can also be seen as 'running away' from issues. Or running towards something better... Perspective is everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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