The Breakdown Of The Family

[Logan787]

Recently I have been hearing some unbelievable stories about how families are breaking up and how people are betraying their spouses. A lot of times the stories are down right unbelievable. From, should I leave my perfect marriage and a VERY faithful spouse because of the feelings I have for this other person? To my spouse has done nothing but shown me pure love, but I can't help how I feel for my lover.

My question is this. Is the skyrocketing divorce rate and the plethora of affairs that we see these days, a manifestation of what Christ said when He said that "Because iniquity shall abound, the love of many will grow cold"(Matt. 24:12). I also think of when Paul told Timothy, that in the last days, people would be "lovers of themselves and lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God."(2 Timothy 3:2 & 3:4).

I believe a lot of things are to blame. But what I see is people losing their moral compass on what love REALLY is. They think it is feelings and emotion, along with sexual fulfillment. They don't understand that it is being selfless as to please your spouse. Sacrificing for their good. Instead, people have become dastardly selfish and self seeking.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love, "Does not behave unseemly and does not seek it's own." People are losing sight of what real love is, and it's sad that we are seeing this in the Church just as much as the world. My personal reason why this is happening in the Church is because of people like Joel Osteen and Rick Warren. People who REFUSE to preach about sin and deal with it and acknowledge it. When preachers don't do anything but preach sweet candy coated messages they give people the idea that God will love and forgive them even if they are living in sin and gross immorality. It's turning God's grace into lasciviousness(Jude 4). Seeing how the world's moral compass(The Church) is spiraling out of control, it's no wonder the world is crashing and burning with it. However, Jesus did say that the gates of hell wouldn't prevail against His Church, there is always a remnant. Thoughts?

[BC1980]

Divorce is socially acceptable today. Also, women are able to work, so they do not need to use marriage as a means to financially support themselves. When divorce was socially unacceptable, it was acceptable and even expected that a man would have outside affairs. People like my grandparents stayed together because it was expected, but they hated each other. My grandmother had no education and had to rely on my grandfather for support. That setup was not uncommon.

 

Today, people aren't deciding to get divorces because they are less moral. The option to divorce is simply available in a way that it wasn't 100 years ago.

[Nowty V]

It is one's concept and personal perspective.

 

You may be part of a family, you may be not.

 

In life crap things happen, it's just the way it is.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Nowty V

[LancasterAmos1966]

Recently I have been hearing some unbelievable stories about how families are breaking up and how people are betraying their spouses. A lot of times the stories are down right unbelievable. From, should I leave my perfect marriage and a VERY faithful spouse because of the feelings I have for this other person? To my spouse has done nothing but shown me pure love, but I can't help how I feel for my lover.

My question is this. Is the skyrocketing divorce rate and the plethora of affairs that we see these days, a manifestation of what Christ said when He said that "Because iniquity shall abound, the love of many will grow cold"(Matt. 24:12). I also think of when Paul told Timothy, that in the last days, people would be "lovers of themselves and lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God."(2 Timothy 3:2 & 3:4).

I believe a lot of things are to blame. But what I see is people losing their moral compass on what love REALLY is. They think it is feelings and emotion, along with sexual fulfillment. They don't understand that it is being selfless as to please your spouse. Sacrificing for their good. Instead, people have become dastardly selfish and self seeking.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love, "Does not behave unseemly and does not seek it's own." People are losing sight of what real love is, and it's sad that we are seeing this in the Church just as much as the world. My personal reason why this is happening in the Church is because of people like Joel Osteen and Rick Warren. People who REFUSE to preach about sin and deal with it and acknowledge it. When preachers don't do anything but preach sweet candy coated messages they give people the idea that God will love and forgive them even if they are living in sin and gross immorality. It's turning God's grace into lasciviousness(Jude 4). Seeing how the world's moral compass(The Church) is spiraling out of control, it's no wonder the world is crashing and burning with it. However, Jesus did say that the gates of hell wouldn't prevail against His Church, there is always a remnant. Thoughts?

 

Very good thoughts and observations, Logan.

 

I won't bore you with a long story, but my Anabaptist wife left me and my 6 kids to live a life of sinful pleasures. (Anabaptists have been characterized historically by a love for the Word of God, and by a strict demand for holiness of life.)

 

After being married for 20+ years, being a wife and mother was not what she wanted.

 

As if losing my wife wasn't shocking enough, the amazing thing is that she considers herself to still be in good standing with God. (Gone nearly 4 years, she still exhibits not even an iota of remorse or guilt.)

 

She basically has a live-in boyfriend, promotes satanic metal rock bands/singers --- but still claims she is spiritually a-ok.

 

In II Corinthians 11:3 & 4, Paul gives the warning to not be deceived. Just google "spiritual deception in the last days" and there are many proofs that indeed deception is unfortunately a part of the times we live in.

 

Just curious: Have you been affected by separation/divorce by a spouse?

Edited September 8, 2016 by LancasterAmos1966

[Logan787]

Lancaster, I hate to hear you were left by your wife and it seems that she is very selfish and is very deceived. To answer your question, no, I haven't been hurt by a spouse or anything. I have never been married. I just see all this going on around me and it really blows my mind. I'm 44, and I think I'm jaded by all of this to be honest with you. I don't really know if I could trust someone in this day and time. Hope God sends you a great woman to make up for all the heartbreak you experienced with your ex-wife.

[basil67]

I don't think people have changed. The rising divorce rate is, as BC said, because divorce is acceptable and women don't need to be chained to a man in order to survive. Back in the days before divorce, there were still affairs and horrible marriages.

[planning4later]

If you want the truth, you won't like it. You'll also be criticized for it and called all kinds of distorted things for knowing it. The reality of the situation is that the occult-driven, Luciferian powers have specifically targeted women. Yes, targeted. Yes, women. Why is this a surprise to anyone? Did you not read Genesis? Who did Satan target first? He knew his BEST approach was to win the woman (Eve) because he knew, correctly so, the influence she would have over the man and the children.

 

So what have women been duped into? Here's where the haters are gonna hate. Women, even so-called Christian women, have all bought into the lie that they should not submit to husbands and that they should put their focus on earthly things such as money and security. You wanna dupe a woman? Offer her security and you can sell her soul to Satan. Don't believe me? Then listen to what Hitler said. When discussing how to win over a country, he said that you FIRST get the hearts of women, then the children follow, then the men don't matter after a generation passes.

 

I say all this not to bash women. I say it because women need to you they are specifically targeted by Satan. YOU LADIES ARE TARGETED. Just like Eve. You cannot forget this. And men aren't off the hook either. YOU MEN LET WOMEN RUN THE SHOW AND GET CARRIED AWAY INTO DECEPTION.

 

You asked why the family is falling apart. That's the truth. Those who really want to fix the problem instead of paying lip service will know what I'm saying is true.

[LancasterAmos1966]

Lancaster, I hate to hear you were left by your wife and it seems that she is very selfish and is very deceived. To answer your question, no, I haven't been hurt by a spouse or anything. I have never been married. I just see all this going on around me and it really blows my mind. I'm 44, and I think I'm jaded by all of this to be honest with you. I don't really know if I could trust someone in this day and time. Hope God sends you a great woman to make up for all the heartbreak you experienced with your ex-wife.

 

Thanks Logan.

 

I've worked through the 5 stages of grief long ago, so I'm now living in the Acceptance stage.

 

If I would have chosen to never get married, then I would have missed out on 20+ years of having a wife, raising 6 kids, and a billion fond memories.

 

I won't pretend the loss was easy --- but we were eventually going to face separation when one of us died. My mom & dad were married 49 years --- he passed away 5 years ago -- and it took just as long for her to go through the grieving process as it did me. But there's no way she would have remained single just because her husband could divorce her or die.

 

Personally, if I could move the clock back to 1989, I would remarry my wife all over but I'd insist on having a prenuptial agreement. I always thought prenups were not good. But I've changed my mind. It simply helps keep the separation/divorce a bit more organized. So if you ever get married, I'd suggest a prenuptial.

 

By the way, just to keep the record straight, we are not legally divorced. We are long-term estranged. I won't file divorce or sign divorce papers if I ever get them delivered to me because I made a promise in 1989 -- for better or for worse -- and I wasn't lying.

 

Why she won't file is none of my business. And furthermore, I won't date/remarry until death do us part. My promises must be kept even when not convenient.

 

Logan, don't be afraid of marriage. There are many wonderful-good women that would never flippantly run away. I know it seems like a gamble but really, many things in life are a risk. (Husbands run away too, so women are taking a gamble too by getting married.)

 

If you are content being single, then remain single. But if you feel you are missing out on an area of life, then you might want to consider dating/courting and marriage too.

[LancasterAmos1966]

If you want the truth, you won't like it. You'll also be criticized for it and called all kinds of distorted things for knowing it. The reality of the situation is that the occult-driven, Luciferian powers have specifically targeted women. Yes, targeted. Yes, women. Why is this a surprise to anyone? Did you not read Genesis? Who did Satan target first? He knew his BEST approach was to win the woman (Eve) because he knew, correctly so, the influence she would have over the man and the children.

 

So what have women been duped into? Here's where the haters are gonna hate. Women, even so-called Christian women, have all bought into the lie that they should not submit to husbands and that they should put their focus on earthly things such as money and security. You wanna dupe a woman? Offer her security and you can sell her soul to Satan. Don't believe me? Then listen to what Hitler said. When discussing how to win over a country, he said that you FIRST get the hearts of women, then the children follow, then the men don't matter after a generation passes.

 

I say all this not to bash women. I say it because women need to you they are specifically targeted by Satan. YOU LADIES ARE TARGETED. Just like Eve. You cannot forget this. And men aren't off the hook either. YOU MEN LET WOMEN RUN THE SHOW AND GET CARRIED AWAY INTO DECEPTION.

 

You asked why the family is falling apart. That's the truth. Those who really want to fix the problem instead of paying lip service will know what I'm saying is true.

 

I understand what you are saying, but really, I believe it can be summed up by saying Sinners will Sin.

 

Husbands, wives, male, female....really doesn't matter, because please remember, even Adam sinned too. Eve might have taken 2 minutes to sin, but with Adam, it seems like it took him about 5 seconds. Adam was easily duped too.

 

Some husbands have affairs, beat their wives, treat them like a piece of property, etc.

 

And some wives can likewise mistreat their husbands.

 

I believe it's a sin problem, not a woman-only problem.

[Logan787]

If you want the truth, you won't like it. You'll also be criticized for it and called all kinds of distorted things for knowing it. The reality of the situation is that the occult-driven, Luciferian powers have specifically targeted women. Yes, targeted. Yes, women. Why is this a surprise to anyone? Did you not read Genesis? Who did Satan target first? He knew his BEST approach was to win the woman (Eve) because he knew, correctly so, the influence she would have over the man and the children.

 

So what have women been duped into? Here's where the haters are gonna hate. Women, even so-called Christian women, have all bought into the lie that they should not submit to husbands and that they should put their focus on earthly things such as money and security. You wanna dupe a woman? Offer her security and you can sell her soul to Satan. Don't believe me? Then listen to what Hitler said. When discussing how to win over a country, he said that you FIRST get the hearts of women, then the children follow, then the men don't matter after a generation passes.

 

I say all this not to bash women. I say it because women need to you they are specifically targeted by Satan. YOU LADIES ARE TARGETED. Just like Eve. You cannot forget this. And men aren't off the hook either. YOU MEN LET WOMEN RUN THE SHOW AND GET CARRIED AWAY INTO DECEPTION.

 

You asked why the family is falling apart. That's the truth. Those who really want to fix the problem instead of paying lip service will know what I'm saying is true.

 

I completely agree with you. You make an excellent point, and it's straight from the Bible.

[lightfoot]

Women initiate 70 per cent of divorce. Men initiate 30 per cent. This means women are more than twice as likely to divorce.

 

This is only the most frequently cited statistic. Other sources say women initiate up to 85 per cent of divorce.

 

Yet we continue to believe that we can grant both sexes equal rights to divorce AND work toward being a society where fewer families break down.

 

It's just a fact that there is an inverse relationship, a trade off, between family integrity and gender equality in divorce.

 

In a country where women are extremely "liberated" -- Sweden -- the divorce rate is a staggering 64 per cent.

[SammySammy]

I agree.

 

Most people are selfish and have no clue what real love is. We flit from person to person looking for something we don't know or understand. Not finding it, we move on to pollute the next person. And the next. Until we get this cesspool of confusion that is modern society.

[planning4later]

Women initiate 70 per cent of divorce. Men initiate 30 per cent. This means women are more than twice as likely to divorce.

 

This is only the most frequently cited statistic. Other sources say women initiate up to 85 per cent of divorce.

 

Yet we continue to believe that we can grant both sexes equal rights to divorce AND work toward being a society where fewer families break down.

 

It's just a fact that there is an inverse relationship, a trade off, between family integrity and gender equality in divorce.

 

In a country where women are extremely "liberated" -- Sweden -- the divorce rate is a staggering 64 per cent.

 

Your post says it all. No interpretation is needed. The matter speaks for itself.

 

Men need to steer clear of state-recognized marriage.

[skydiveaddict]

Recently From, should I leave my perfect marriage and a VERY faithful spouse because of the feelings I have for this other person? To my spouse has done nothing but shown me pure love, but I can't help how I feel for my lover.

 

Seriously? You're cheating on your spouse and you're wondering if it's moral?

[BC1980]

Your post says it all. No interpretation is needed. The matter speaks for itself.

 

Men need to steer clear of state-recognized marriage.

 

I don't disagree with you. My opinion has changed over the years, and I used to feel differently. But I think that financially, it is very risky to enter in a state-recognized marriage. You are risking yourself financially for the sake of emotions, which are very labile. It's more risky for a man because they tend to be the breadwinners, but it can also be risky for a woman who pulls the financial weight.

[TheFinalWord]

Your post says it all. No interpretation is needed. The matter speaks for itself.

 

Men need to steer clear of state-recognized marriage.

 

What should the Christian man do?

 

Marry or avoid? One one hand, I see God's commandment about marriage. On the other, I see the massive disadvantages to men for government marriage. Personally, I wish the government was not involved in marriage at all (no tax breaks, flat tax). But I know my theoretical ambitions are not going to happen in my lifetime. Any options in the interim?

[basil67]

Seriously? You're cheating on your spouse and you're wondering if it's moral?

 

I think Logan is paraphrasing the type of post he sees on LS

[BC1980]

What should the Christian man do?

 

Marry or avoid? One one hand, I see God's commandment about marriage. On the other, I see the massive disadvantages to men for government marriage. Personally, I wish the government was not involved in marriage at all (no tax breaks, flat tax). But I know my theoretical ambitions are not going to happen in my lifetime. Any options in the interim?

 

Can you get married in a church if you are not getting legally married? Obviously, I know you can go to a justice of the peace and get married without getting married in a church or any other type of religious institution. Does is work the other way around?

[TheFinalWord]

Can you get married in a church if you are not getting legally married? Obviously, I know you can go to a justice of the peace and get married without getting married in a church or any other type of religious institution. Does is work the other way around?

 

That's a good question. I've never made it that far to find out TBH. I'm a hopeless romantic in that I would be the one to jump all in, but in the back of my mind I would worry about what would happen in divorce. My parents have stayed married, but I don't see the same mindset often in the world today (death do us part)...

[BC1980]

That's a good question. I've never made it that far to find out TBH. I'm a hopeless romantic in that I would be the one to jump all in, but in the back of my mind I would worry about what would happen in divorce. My parents have stayed married, but I don't see the same mindset often in the world today (death do us part)...

 

I used to want to get married, but I got burned badly, which made me rethink a lot of things. My views on marriage have changed since then. It's sad to say, but I have a difficult time trusting people now. It's something I really need to work on, but I'm not sure how. I just know how quickly people can change their minds, and I've seen it firsthand with people I never thought would get divorced.

 

I think a lot of it has to do with how acceptable divorce is these days. It's socially acceptable and even the norm it seems. I don't want to end up divorced or cleaned out financially as a result. Do you think men are hardwired to want more than one sexual partner? My aunt is always talking about this book she read that had that premise.

[planning4later]

That's a good question. I've never made it that far to find out TBH. I'm a hopeless romantic in that I would be the one to jump all in, but in the back of my mind I would worry about what would happen in divorce. My parents have stayed married, but I don't see the same mindset often in the world today (death do us part)...

 

You shouldn't be a romantic. Truthfully, you'll never hear this in society, but women are not naturally romantics. They will CLAIM to be. I used to believe this too. But they are actually very pragmatic about love. Love to them, while there might be feelings involved, is primarily a practical thing so that they can get what they want: kids, family unit, stability, etc. But true romanticism is explicitly a male trait. Just look at all the greatest poetry and art...done by men. Don't be fooled. Hopeless romantics are very susceptible to manipulation. Is what in saying cynical? Sure. But it's true and I'm sure you either know it already or you will eventually.

Edited October 13, 2016 by planning4later

[BC1980]

You shouldn't be a romantic. Truthfully, you'll never hear this in society, but women are not naturally romantics. They will CLAIM to be. I used to believe this too. But they are actually very pragmatic about love. Love to them, while there might be feelings involved, is primarily a practical thing so that they can get what they want: kids, family unit, stability, etc. But true romanticism is explicitly a male trait. Just look at all the greatest poetry and art...done by men. Don't be fooled. Hopeless romantics are very susceptible to manipulation. Is what in saying cynical? Sure. But it's true and I'm sure you either know it already or you will eventually.

 

The reason why most of the great poets are male is because writing was not socially acceptable for a woman. That is why the western canon is dominated by white males. Anyway, I do somewhat agree that women crave a family unit and stability, but I don't think it's malicious. I think it's natural.

[planning4later]

The reason why most of the great poets are male is because writing was not socially acceptable for a woman. That is why the western canon is dominated by white males.

 

Ok so look at examples of classic female authors. Jane Austin? Have you read her stuff? How pragmatic can you get about marriage? It's all about the social hierarchy and the tactics used for the courting process.

 

Anyway, I do somewhat agree that women crave a family unit and stability, but I don't think it's malicious. I think it's natural.

 

Right, so you proved my point. Women are PRIMARILY pragmatists, I said. The can have feelings of love. But those feelings are secondary to what you just said.

[BC1980]

Ok so look at examples of classic female authors. Jane Austin? Have you read her stuff? How pragmatic can you get about marriage? It's all about the social hierarchy and the tactics used for the courting process.

 

 

 

Right, so you proved my point. Women are PRIMARILY pragmatists, I said. The can have feelings of love. But those feelings are secondary to what you just said.

 

Jane Austen is always tongue in cheek and satirizing marriage conventions of the time. But thread isn't about literature. I can tell you that I have loved someone, and it wasn't primarily about stability or pragmatism. In fact, he was the one who was more pragmatic than me about marriage. That being said, stability is attractive.

[TheFinalWord]

Truthfully, you'll never hear this in society, but women are not naturally romantics.

 

Huh? Have you watched any chick flicks? :p

 

Hopeless romantics are very susceptible to manipulation. Is what in saying cynical? Sure. But it's true and I'm sure you either know it already or you will eventually.

 

That's true, if you get attached to a narcissist or sociopath. I know many married women that are great, but they're taken. I know they're out there. I just never seem to find one.

 

I do agree with you women can be attracted to stability. TBH I am too though, I don't want a woman that can't hold a job or save money.