wmacbride Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I was reading an article in a local newspaper the other day, and the author was adamant that no one is monogamous. He kept insisting that everyone would cheat, if the opportunity presented itself. This irks me. I'm sure there are people who would cheat if they could get away with it, but there are others, like me, who have zero interest in dong so. It's not like I haven't had plenty of chances where I could have done so, it's that I have no desire to be with more than one person a a time. It's been that way in every relationship I've had. They've all been long term, and when I am with someone, it's almost as if that part of my brain that notices anyone else besides them shuts down, and the idea of cheating has no appeal at all. This is true, even if the relationship I am in is not going well or if I am unhappy. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a very small minority, and if I say I am monogamous at heart, there are those who sort of "poo-poo" the idea, as if I don't know my own thoughts and feelings. Then, of course, there are those who see women like me as somehow old fashioned, as if being with several people at once more progressive and enlightened. Am I some sort of oddball with this? Surely, I am not the only one who feels this way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I was reading an article in a local newspaper the other day, and the author was adamant that no one is monogamous. He kept insisting that everyone would cheat, if the opportunity presented itself. This irks me. I'm sure there are people who would cheat if they could get away with it, but there are others, like me, who have zero interest in dong so. It's not like I haven't had plenty of chances where I could have done so, it's that I have no desire to be with more than one person a a time. It's been that way in every relationship I've had. They've all been long term, and when I am with someone, it's almost as if that part of my brain that notices anyone else besides them shuts down, and the idea of cheating has no appeal at all. This is true, even if the relationship I am in is not going well or if I am unhappy. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a very small minority, and if I say I am monogamous at heart, there are those who sort of "poo-poo" the idea, as if I don't know my own thoughts and feelings. Then, of course, there are those who see women like me as somehow old fashioned, as if being with several people at once more progressive and enlightened. Am I some sort of oddball with this? Surely, I am not the only one who feels this way. I would just say no but you have to write more than 10 characters... So No. You are not alone. You have many many many people who are just like you. Both male and female. I recently finished with my latest beau and despite being "single and looking" I really can not currently stomach the thought of sleeping with another man... I don't want to if that makes any sense at all. And that is coming from the same person who is also gagging for a bit of rumpy... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) Humans, like the vast majority of mammals, are not sexually monogamous by nature. But to say that everyone would be mating with multiple partners if they could ignores cultural influence and personal choice. We are socially monogamous by culture. In terms of having an advanced civilization/society, monogamy works really well. One could argue that social monogamy is a major reason our species has flourished in the last +10,000 years. Due to paternal investment, our offspring have a major advantage. Parternal investment is substantially increased in social monogamous relationships. So although sexual monogamy is not "natural," the practice of social monogamy, that is ritualized through the cultural institution of marriage, provides our species an evolutionary advantage. So, no, there is nothing weird about your personal choice to be socially monogamous. ****side note: Don't want to go off topic but take a look at below article. It makes a strong argument for why polygamy is not good for society. Since polygyny is the most common form of polygamy practiced by humans, it only focuses on the problems caused by one man with multiple wives/partners. http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/01/the_problem_with_polygamy.html Edited September 7, 2016 by OneLov 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 No. Same here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Humans, like the vast majority of mammals, are not sexually monogamous by nature. But to say that everyone would be mating with multiple partners if they could ignores cultural influence and personal choice. We are socially monogamous by culture. In terms of having an advanced civilization/society, monogamy works really well. One could argue that social monogamy is a major reason our species has flourished in the last +10,000 years. Due to paternal investment, our offspring have a major advantage. Parternal investment is substantially increased in social monogamous relationships. So although sexual monogamy is not "natural," the practice of social monogamy, that is ritualized through the cultural institution of marriage, provides our species an evolutionary advantage. So, no, there is nothing weird about your personal choice to be socially monogamous. ****side note: Don't want to go off topic but take a look at below article. It makes a strong argument for why polygamy is not good for society. Since polygyny is the most common form of polygamy practiced by humans, it only focuses on the problems caused by one man with multiple wives/partners. The problem with polygamy Interestingly enough, many birds, especially the more advanced and long lived species such as many species of parrots, albatrosses, corvids ( crows and ravens), etc. are monogamous and have incredibly strong family bonds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 No. Same here. glad I am not alone 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 I would just say no but you have to write more than 10 characters... So No. You are not alone. You have many many many people who are just like you. Both male and female. I recently finished with my latest beau and despite being "single and looking" I really can not currently stomach the thought of sleeping with another man... I don't want to if that makes any sense at all. And that is coming from the same person who is also gagging for a bit of rumpy... you sound like me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I'm not a cheater but know myself well enough to say that it would not be absolutely impossible for me to cheat if I put myself in the wrong place at the wrong time and in the wrong frame of mind. That's the reason I impose boundaries on myself and have remained married for nearly 33 years. I'd put it in these terms: we are hardwired to f*ck and kill, among other things. We have a choice as to whether to follow those instincts, and I'm no more inclined to cheat on my wife than I am to take out my neighbor for being an obnoxious ass*ole. Although it may cross my mind from time to time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Never cheated. Never will. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 you sound like me. Well I am now about to leave my office and try to reverse past a whole heap of 4x4 porsches, BMW's etc and I have been watching a man that I think is actually a God because no living creature could be that scrumptious... Just want to call my ex and find out how his day was even though the view this afternoon has been wonderful!!! The things I could do to that man in the yard are indescribable but actually sleep with him and have sex with him? Nah... My poonani is still hankering for my ex... Stupid poonani, bad poonani! Sometimes I think being a tart would be so much easier! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I was reading an article in a local newspaper the other day, and the author was adamant that no one is monogamous. He kept insisting that everyone would cheat, if the opportunity presented itself. IME that's inaccurate. While I'd say most everyone is vulnerable to temptation specifically (welcome to the human race ), definitely not everyone or even a majority are inclined to indulge it. Most ppl will actively resist cheating. Whether that's biological and/or social I don't know and I'm not sure it really matters. The basic impulse most everyone shares is that they want to mate, not necessarily that they want to mate w multiple partners or that they want to betray existing partners, etc. The way that can get murky is when the mating instinct happens to overlap w some of the existing institutions like the concept of fidelity. There are ppl who enjoy that specific kink, sure, but for the most part it's comparatively uncommon. On a sidebar, I've heard some compelling arguments for the evolutionary viability of promiscuity, specifically as applies to women, but while interesting I think that's a diff discussion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) Yes, sexual monogamy is most prevalent with birds. This has a huge mating advantage since birds range farther than any animal species. It's a way to ensure mating is successful each season despite being so far a part from one another. But the downside lies in the definition of sexual monogamy. It's only one mate for life. So once one mate dies, the other mate will never mate again. That would limit the reproducting capacity of a species if a large number of mates were killed right after sexual maturity. That's why it's very serious when large groups of birds perish suddenly. If you have had sex with more than one person in you're life, you're not sexually monogamous by definition. And that's why humans are not sexually monogamous but polygamous. The vast majority of humans will have more than one sexual partner in his/her liftime. Social monogamy is a culturally accepted blend that works well because we have a greater capacity than to purely be driven by sex hormones. However, the "urges" (for lack of a better word) still can exist in the mind despite never actually considering having multiple sex partners, i.e. seeing a person on the street and thinking that person is attractive while being in a committed relationship. But that's the general difference between social monogamy and sexual monogamy. It's one mate at one time and not one mate for life. Edited September 7, 2016 by OneLov 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 I feel like I'm jaded by the sociology and psychology studies we learned about in university, but I think we are all capable of doing whatever horrible thing in the right situation. We are all cheaters, we are all killers, we are all Nazis. I don't want to give myself credit for bad things I haven't done, because I may have only done them because of the situations I haven't been in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 (edited) ***Also, our closest relatives are some of the most promiscuous in the animal kingdom. Seriously, google bonobos. They are the only other species that engage in oral sex and like missionary. They often have sex as a form of conflict resolution or just for no reason at all. But... "Because of the promiscuous mating behavior of female bonobos, a male cannot be sure which offspring are his. As a result, the entirety of parental care in bonobos is assumed by the mothers." So why would female bonobos rather engage in promiscuous sex than desire help in raising offspring? "Bonobo clitorises are larger and more externalized than in most mammals; while the weight of a young adolescent female bonobo "is maybe half" that of a human teenager, she has a clitoris that is "three times bigger than the human equivalent, and visible enough to waggle unmistakably as she walks". Source:https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bonobo Nature didn't make it easy for us. Edited September 7, 2016 by OneLov 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wookin Pa Nub Posted September 7, 2016 Share Posted September 7, 2016 Reminds me of what I have read about fraud/employee theft. 10% of employees would never steal from you. 10% are actively trying to steal 80% would steal if some outside pressure (drugs, gambling, kid needs surgery) were present. I guess the same could be said for relationships. The outside pressures being strains on the relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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