I had an affair and regret it [updated]

[Ws2016]

Ws2016 if my WH would have shown me just an ounce of what you are writing here we would be R'ing.

 

 

That gives me hope. Thank you for sharing that.

[understand50]

Thank you.

He is not yelling anymore. He has his good moments and bad moments. He feels "numb" a lot and this is always hard for him. Right now I am just trying to show him that I understand what he is going through (as much as I can of course) I have read "how to heal your spouse" that was quite an eye opener and that is when I really took a turn to understanding his pain.

As far as me, I'm just disgusted in myself. I did something so out of character it's hard to even understand.

The kids are good. We just told them mom and dad are going through a rough patch so things may be a little tough for a while. We hide it well in front of the kids. This for sure is the hardest thing we have both went through. I know he wants to get through this and make our marriage work but I honestly don't know if he can.

 

WS2016,

 

I think there is more hope then you know. This is not doomed. Others have been trough this and have come out with their marriage intact. Do not let the darkness of what you did overwhelm you. Look to see how you can improve the hear and now. I see hope in what you wrote, can you not?

 

As for yourself, always remember what you did, and that you can slip, resolve never to do it again. Forgive yourself, in that, you should not now see yourself as less then a moral person. We have all made mistakes, yours is just more catastrophic, then most. You are paying and will continue to pay a price for this, but do not let one brief moment in time, change you. I believe you are a basically decent person, who got involve with someone who took advanage of your weakness. Your weakness does not excuse your responsibility. Learn from this and try and make something positive. Do not descend back to what you were, ether in actions or in spirit.

 

This is not to say, I suggest one should engage in infidelity, but I do think that one should take all of life situations, and try and make the best that can be had from it. Think about what you can do to get some good out of this, knowing that the bad will always out weigh what you get.

 

I wish you luck......

[Mrs. John Adams]

AS long as your husband stays and does not kick you out...there is hope. The unfortunate thing is...it is in his hands...as it should be.

 

You could decide at some point that it is not worth it to you as well...but I can tell.... you...are a fighter.

 

So all you can do at this point is support him...and improve yourself. If it is enough....you will stay together...if it isn't...there is really nothing more you can do. You cannot make him keep you...and in honesty...he could decide even 5 years from now...or 10...or 20....that he just cannot do it anymore.

 

I don't know how old you are....or how long you have been married...or how many children you have or their ages.

 

I was 27 and i had two children...I had been married 11 years

 

I am now 61....and i have 5 grandchildren...and we have been married 44 years.

 

There is your hope my darling.....there is your hope.

 

It can and does happen...it all depends on how badly the two of you want to fight for it.

 

I had a very short affair...one sexual encounter.....I confessed...(and i could have taken my secret to my grave).

 

I have made many many mistakes along the way...and you will too...but you can do this.

[JohnAdams]

There are many long term survivors of infidelity on this board and on other boards that we have participated in over the years. That in itself shows that you can survive infidelity.

 

We only talk about it on this forum. Our friends have no idea. Only a handful of our relatives know. We are happy. We have a very full life. Mrs. JA who is active on Facebook gets so many comments "i wish I had your life". So, absolutely you can go on to a wonderful marriage.

 

At two months out, unfortunately, you can expect a roller coaster probably for the next few years. I will just go by what I remember about me. The first year, it is hard to take your anniversary seriously. I doubted our own martial history, had this happened before? The male ego, ahh, the male ego, there is no greater blow. I certainly handled it terribly having a revenge affair two years out. It did nothing for me, nothing for my ego, what a stupid thing. I certainly hope your husband is a better man than me. But, I am saying he is going to have a rough time.

 

Prior to my wife's affair, divorce was never even considered an option. After the affair, the possibility of divorce is always on your mind. If we purchase this new home or new car, what are the finance implications in case of a divorce. It took years before I quit considering this.

 

Not sure of your age or children's age, but in my case, the thought of my children calling another man dad was too much for me. Also, I was the sole bread winner, I could barely afford one household, no way could I afford two. I was caught by such surprise I had no idea what to do.

 

What I am trying to convey is your husband is going through a lot and as he processes what happened and his limitations of what he can do about it, it will be overwhelming. He cannot fix it, most men want to fix it. So, this will be a struggle. He may ultimately decide he cannot do it. You may decide you cannot live with this instability. What I am saying is if you thought marriage was hard before, hold on to your hat.

 

You seem to want to learn and do what is best for your family. I wish you the best. I hope many years from now you are able to say we survived.

[Ws2016]

There are many long term survivors of infidelity on this board and on other boards that we have participated in over the years. That in itself shows that you can survive infidelity.

 

We only talk about it on this forum. Our friends have no idea. Only a handful of our relatives know. We are happy. We have a very full life. Mrs. JA who is active on Facebook gets so many comments "i wish I had your life". So, absolutely you can go on to a wonderful marriage.

 

At two months out, unfortunately, you can expect a roller coaster probably for the next few years. I will just go by what I remember about me. The first year, it is hard to take your anniversary seriously. I doubted our own martial history, had this happened before? The male ego, ahh, the male ego, there is no greater blow. I certainly handled it terribly having a revenge affair two years out. It did nothing for me, nothing for my ego, what a stupid thing. I certainly hope your husband is a better man than me. But, I am saying he is going to have a rough time.

 

Prior to my wife's affair, divorce was never even considered an option. After the affair, the possibility of divorce is always on your mind. If we purchase this new home or new car, what are the finance implications in case of a divorce. It took years before I quit considering this.

 

Not sure of your age or children's age, but in my case, the thought of my children calling another man dad was too much for me. Also, I was the sole bread winner, I could barely afford one household, no way could I afford two. I was caught by such surprise I had no idea what to do.

 

What I am trying to convey is your husband is going through a lot and as he processes what happened and his limitations of what he can do about it, it will be overwhelming. He cannot fix it, most men want to fix it. So, this will be a struggle. He may ultimately decide he cannot do it. You may decide you cannot live with this instability. What I am saying is if you thought marriage was hard before, hold on to your hat.

 

You seem to want to learn and do what is best for your family. I wish you the best. I hope many years from now you are able to say we survived.

Here's a question for you. Did you ask for every detail? If so did it hurt or help? I asked him if he wanted all the details and if it would hurt or help him and he said he wanted all the details. So I told him. I squirmed, I couldn't barely look at him but I told him. Well now he has movies constantly playing in his head. Picturing the whole thing unfold and repeating what I told him over and over. Is this him trying to process it? At what point do the "mins movies" stop? Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

[DKT3]

Here's a question for you. Did you ask for every detail? If so did it hurt or help? I asked him if he wanted all the details and if it would hurt or help him and he said he wanted all the details. So I told him. I squirmed, I couldn't barely look at him but I told him. Well now he has movies constantly playing in his head. Picturing the whole thing unfold and repeating what I told him over and over. Is this him trying to process it? At what point do the "mins movies" stop? Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

 

It's really an individual decision, I never cared to hear any details. But I got some anyways. My honest reaction was, that was it. Sometimes, not knowing is worse then knowing. In your case with it being very short and sexual only once I'm guessing him knowing all is better.

 

Mind movies...*sigh*....I'm not sure they Ever completely stop. For me they are more manageable, and have less impact on me.

[JohnAdams]

Here's a question for you. Did you ask for every detail? If so did it hurt or help? I asked him if he wanted all the details and if it would hurt or help him and he said he wanted all the details. So I told him. I squirmed, I couldn't barely look at him but I told him. Well now he has movies constantly playing in his head. Picturing the whole thing unfold and repeating what I told him over and over. Is this him trying to process it? At what point do the "mins movies" stop? Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

 

No, I did not ask for every detail. In our case, we made up, had make up sex, and then my wife said there was another man. Oddly enough it did not soak in, I thought of her as naive and perhaps she had coffee or lunch with another guy, but nothing serious. It was a couple of weeks later on the way home from night school that the thought crossed my mind, what if she had sex with him? Nah, that could never happen. I got home crawled into bed and said I want to ask you a question and I don't want to offend you, but did you have sex with him? I truly was embarrassed to ask that question, she said I do not want to talk about what we did, if we held hands or anything. I looked at her and said omg you did f him. She said yes, but only once. I think I replied you could have done it a hundred times it is just as bad. It was then she started telling me details, many of which I never asked. I must admit, I ask clarifying questions when something did not make sense to me. Every question I asked led to answers which were even worse than I would have ever imagined. Probably over the next few weeks, I would sometimes ask clarifying questions which led to even more details worse than i imagined. I finally quit asking questions, if it was even worse I did not want to know.

 

On the mind movies, yes, I had them. They made me sick. It truly grossed me out. Early on I can even remember having sex and a mind movie popping up causing me to barely function. Once the images are painted in your mind, they never go away. Yes, they become less and do not consume you. But, yes to this day they still pop up from time to time. I have enough details to have a pretty detailed porn and it is far from a turn on.

 

Some of the books I have read say not to give explicit sex details. In a way, I do not want to put my head in the sand and pretend it did not happen, but, not knowing all the details may have made it easier to get over it. But, that is what happened and now you know the dirty details of what all went on, a pretty sickening movie.

[Lobe]

There was an entire thread about how much to tell and the most common response was: let your spouse ask, disclose with honesty and don't go into morbid detail unless your spouse demands it after being given the opportunity to assess how deep they want to dig. "We had sexual contact at the gym" might be enough and "i gave oral and then he took me from behind" might be too much. It's ok to caution him if he wants more detail but do NOT say you don't want to tell him because it will only hurt him more. It's ok to say you're uncomfortable because you're embarrassed about what you did, but do not lie or trickle truth. In our case, the more resistant WH was to sharing the harder I pushed because I was so egging sick of the lies lies lies. It was more important for me to see him him be honest and stand in his shame than it was for me to limit the mind movies. Let him guide you.

[Mrs. John Adams]

I caution very often...to allow the betrayed to lead the questioning.

 

You see...We laid side by side in bed in our dark bedroom. I could not see his face...so I could not judge his reactions to my revelations. I was nervous...and i kept talking...and he is quiet by nature....so he laid there quietly suffering while i told every single detail.

 

Thirty three years later...I can still hear myself....telling him things that i should have kept to myself unless he asked.

 

33 years ago...we did not have access to forums like this one...to provide us with valuable information as to what to do and what to say...

 

All I knew to do was to be honest....but I was too honest...too talkative...and he pays the price for that even all these years later.

 

WS....only tell him what he asks....only give him the details he asks for....and be very careful how you word those revelations.

 

Earlier you stated that your husband lashed out at you....

It does not happen often anymore...but there are still times when his words slash across my heart...it hurts...but i know i deserve it....and it is only his pain talking.

 

None of us wants to be ugly...reading my husbands post...reminds me of the ugly person i was. You never get over that...neither one of you

 

oh you go through day to day...and life is good....and then a reminder happens....a trigger

 

a tv show...a car commercial....a post on loveshack

[Mr Blunt]

Originally Posted by Ws2016

Here's a question for you. Did you ask for every detail? If so did it hurt or help? I asked him if he wanted all the details and if it would hurt or help him and he said he wanted all the details. So I told him. I squirmed, I couldn't barely look at him but I told him. Well now he has movies constantly playing in his head. Picturing the whole thing unfold and repeating what I told him over and over. Is this him trying to process it? At what point do the "mins movies" stop? Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

 

 

 

 

By Blunt

I did not ask for any details and she did not offer. I asked the most important question and I got the answer; yes she F him. That was enough for me as I made up my mind what I was going to do and that was to concentrate on me and my children.

 

I never brought it up and I never called her any names. I was no longer going to take the responsibility of “fixing her” or trying to encourage her. She used that accusation of “You are so controlling” in the past and it was a very weak azz excuse and FALSE. I sure was not controlling when it came to stopping her from betraying me and the children. I decided that she will not have to worry about my so called controlling anymore as she was now on her own.

 

 

Did my not asking for details help of hurt?

 

In my opinion no details helped me tremendously in the long term. No mind movies that never go away and the triggers stopped after several years!

 

 

 

 

 

Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

 

For me, I am convinced that it would have done more damage and those sickening mind movies would never go away is my guess. My hat is off to John Adams, he and his wife have a wonderful marriage even though it took many years and a lot of hard work by BOTH Mr. JA and Mrs. JA.

John, Mrs. JA and I have been internet pals for several years (they are the reason that I am at LS) and they have the best long term R that I have read on several Infidelity forums. I think that it is very wise to listen to Mr and Mrs JA as they have over 30 YEARS of R. I know that others can also be of real help but I am just impressed with the ones that have been tested for decades and are a success!

 

Ws2016, based upon what you have written, if your husband decides to R, gets the right help, and gives it 100%, I am willing to bet my paycheck that you will have a successful R. You seem very honest, very brave, serious, and have admitted that you are a rookie in this marathon of R.

 

I am not going to make light of what you did but if my wife did what you did I would have probably healed faster. There have been some things in our relationship that will never be the same and my admiration of my wife is not 100%. I have not healed in every area 100% but I now have a good marriage and life almost all of the time. It took me over 4 years to make a lot of progress (made some progress every year) but have been having a very satisfactory marriage and family life for over 20 years. I am now very close to my retirement years and these last eight years have been one the best eight years of my life. Even though our passion for each other is not excellent it is very good at times. I know this, that if my wife hurts I come running to do everything that I can to comfort her. I take all kinds of action to help her and she never says that I am controlling!

[Cephalopod]

Here's a question for you. Did you ask for every detail? If so did it hurt or help? I asked him if he wanted all the details and if it would hurt or help him and he said he wanted all the details. So I told him. I squirmed, I couldn't barely look at him but I told him. Well now he has movies constantly playing in his head. Picturing the whole thing unfold and repeating what I told him over and over. Is this him trying to process it? At what point do the "mins movies" stop? Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

 

He's processing it. It is the way the human brain copes with trauma. You look at the same thing 5,000 ways until the brain is satisfied.

 

I was having nightmares and mind movies about all the debauchery I thought my exWW was engaging in for several years after we split up.

[elaine567]

Here's a question for you. Did you ask for every detail? If so did it hurt or help? I asked him if he wanted all the details and if it would hurt or help him and he said he wanted all the details. So I told him. I squirmed, I couldn't barely look at him but I told him. Well now he has movies constantly playing in his head. Picturing the whole thing unfold and repeating what I told him over and over. Is this him trying to process it? At what point do the "mins movies" stop? Is this going to help him really or is reliving it doing more damage?

 

As it is now 2 months since the event he may be still processing, but actual PTSD does need to be considered if he seems stuck and is not getting any better.

 

Following a traumatic event such as infidelity, almost everyone experiences at least some of the symptoms of PTSD. It’s very common to have bad dreams, feel fearful or numb, and find it difficult to stop thinking constantly about what happened. However, for most people, these symptoms are short-lived. They may last for several days or even weeks, but they gradually lift.

If you have PTSD however, the symptoms may not decrease. You may not feel a little better each day, and in fact, you may start to feel worse. But PTSD doesn’t always develop in the hours or days following a traumatic event, although this is most common. For some people, the symptoms of PTSD take weeks, months, or even years to develop.

Infidelity and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - Affaircare

[Mrs. John Adams]

I have no doubt he is suffering from ptsd....to some degree.

 

My husband went to the doctor...at my urging...because he could not sleep after my confession. She put him on antidepressants. He only took them for a few months...but it was enough to take the edge off so he could rest.

 

It is certainly an option that should be considered if he is really having a difficult time....but I will repeat...two months is nothing....you have YEARS of coping and healing ahead of you

[Ws2016]

I have no doubt he is suffering from ptsd....to some degree.

 

My husband went to the doctor...at my urging...because he could not sleep after my confession. She put him on antidepressants. He only took them for a few months...but it was enough to take the edge off so he could rest.

 

It is certainly an option that should be considered if he is really having a difficult time....but I will repeat...two months is nothing....you have YEARS of coping and healing ahead of you

 

I suggested meds. He said no way. He's stubborn.

[Mrs. John Adams]

He knows what he needs...if he said no...don't bring it up again.

[Ws2016]

He knows what he needs...if he said no...don't bring it up again.

 

Okay I won't

[Cephalopod]

Once he completely processes the mind movies then he should be okay. But it will take a long, long time. Your job is to just be there and be available to talk. You say the sex you had with OM was a quickie, and we have no doubt about that, but your husband doesn't believe a word you say right now. Nor should he really, until you earn his trust back.

 

In his mind you were having full on, screaming orgasm sex with the OM. Consistency is the only method you can use to combat that image in his head.

[Wade Lamare]

..............

 

oh you go through day to day...and life is good....and then a reminder happens....a trigger

 

a tv show...a car commercial....a post on loveshack

 

^ Yes!

 

Ws2016, the OM is going to be ever present in your lives for the foreseeable future.

 

He is going to be there at breakfast, at lunch and when you sit down to dinner. He'll be there when you take the kids to school, he'll be there when you all go on a family outing, he'll be there in your most intimate moments.

 

His attendance will lessen over time but he'll likely pop up at odd occasions for quite some years to come.

 

As far as mind movies go, one tip I've read of, I can't personally attest to its efficacy although I'm told some find it successful, is to imagine the OM's head being replaced by a clowns head. The ridiculousness of the imagery eventually reduces the severity of the mind movies.

[AlwaysGrowing]

OP,

 

To get a glimpse into your BH world, you are going to have to put self aside and view life from his lens.

 

Here was a man...doing what many men feel it is to a man....being the breadwinner, providing shelter, food, clothes...etc, for his wife and children. You were under his protection. You were under his shield. It was from that vantage point that you betrayed him. A vantage point where he was the most vulnerable.

 

You broke his legs from under him, to expect him to paint your toenails (work on the marriage) is an unrealistic expectation at this point. He is trying to right his own ship (sense of self, man,etc).

 

It seems from what you have written that his work schedule was your main issue.

 

Is it fair of the spouse not responsible for providing the financial resources to the family to accuse the one that is...of not caring? What other ways could you have found to address the issue? Did you offer ways to take part of the financial burden off of him? Or was it only....you don't spend enough time at home?

 

Name calling, venting....It hurts so much right now because of how you view yourself thru his lens. It can certainly feel abusive....to be called out, to have the darkest part of oneself laid bare for all to see...most importantly..to....ourselves. Accepting...that yes....to this person...I was exactly that..is a hard truth to accept. However, with that acceptance...we can make adjustments to self, shore up those areas of self that led us to betray ourselves/spouse/family. When we make those changes...we no longer associate those words with the self of today. Often, a FWS can see wayward thought processes/potential/boundary issues a mile out...that is how attune they become...about themselves and others. I haven't met a FWS that successfully R or who worked through why they chose an affair, that doesn't like the new self so much more than their previous version of self.

 

You have a lot going for you...keep challenging your thought processes/beliefs.

[Mrs. John Adams]

^ Yes!

 

Ws2016, the OM is going to be ever present in your lives for the foreseeable future.

 

He is going to be there at breakfast, at lunch and when you sit down to dinner. He'll be there when you take the kids to school, he'll be there when you all go on a family outing, he'll be there in your most intimate moments.

 

His attendance will lessen over time but he'll likely pop up at odd occasions for quite some years to come.

 

As far as mind movies go, one tip I've read of, I can't personally attest to its efficacy although I'm told some find it successful, is to imagine the OM's head being replaced by a clowns head. The ridiculousness of the imagery eventually reduces the severity of the mind movies.

 

since I walked away from my affair...the om has never been in my life. He certainly has never been at breakfast , lunch and dinner...or when i took the kids to school or in my most intimate moments with my husband....EVER.

 

I can only speak for myself.....John may feel differently. I am of the mindset...that the om took from me something I can NEVER get back...I'll be DAMNED if i let him take anything else away from me.

 

I walked away...and I have never looked back. I don't look him up...I don't talk about him....I don't think about him...I don't care.

 

I know there are those who grieve for their affair partners....but I think in most of those cases it was a long term affair.

 

My affair lasted for one encounter....just like the op. There was no attachment...no grieving for him....

 

The grief i have had all these years is for the innocence that i took away from my marriage. My husband was the only man I had ever dated.....the only man I had ever been with. In one afternoon...I ruined that...and I can NEVER get it back.

[understand50]

WS2016,

 

I think what everyone is try to relate, is that the fact you had the affair will live with your husband, much more then with you. You will dismiss it, blot it from your mind, and this is necessary and healthy for your own well being. Your husband will find this much more difficult, if not impossible. Knowing this is so, you need to work on, when he is suffering, to soothe him. This is real intense right now, but should get better with time, but will never really go away.

 

Also, know, that what you did will come back to add its weight when other things go wrong. It is a bad thing that stays with the "marriage" How you deal with this will be a measure of how your marriage is, going forward, from the time you told him what you did to when one of you pass, or you both divorce. Good times can be had in the future, and he can be sincerely glad he stayed with you, but there will always be this flaw. Prepare yourself for it, know how to handle it.

 

I sincerely love my wife and I am glad I married her, but I will always remember the hurt and pain, along with the love. The love out weights, the pain and hurt, but it would have been much better if she had not done what she did.

 

As always I wish you luck.....

[Wade Lamare]

since I walked away from my affair...the om has never been in my life. He certainly has never been at breakfast , lunch and dinner...or when i took the kids to school or in my most intimate moments with my husband....EVER.

 

I can only speak for myself.....John may feel differently. I am of the mindset...that the om took from me something I can NEVER get back...I'll be DAMNED if i let him take anything else away from me.

 

I walked away...and I have never looked back. I don't look him up...I don't talk about him....I don't think about him...I don't care.

 

I know there are those who grieve for their affair partners....but I think in most of those cases it was a long term affair.

 

My affair lasted for one encounter....just like the op. There was no attachment...no grieving for him....

 

The grief i have had all these years is for the innocence that i took away from my marriage. My husband was the only man I had ever dated.....the only man I had ever been with. In one afternoon...I ruined that...and I can NEVER get it back.

 

Yes, I worded my point badly, apologies.

 

You yourself said earlier in this thread.

 

"Earlier you stated that your husband lashed out at you....

It does not happen often anymore...but there are still times when his words slash across my heart...it hurts...but i know i deserve it....and it is only his pain talking..........

 

.......... "So please know that my heart breaks for you...because you are reeling with so many emotions.....but in all this emotion you feel....you cannot fathom what you have done to your husband....I know...because I have watched the face of my husband for 33 years...I have seen the pain in his eyes when he triggers...I have heard the anger in his voice...I watch his shoulders slump under the weight of what i have done to him"..........

 

That is what I mean, you're watching a movie, your hubby triggers and bang! The OM is sat there with you.

 

As I say, I probably worded it badly.

[Ws2016]

since I walked away from my affair...the om has never been in my life. He certainly has never been at breakfast , lunch and dinner...or when i took the kids to school or in my most intimate moments with my husband....EVER.

 

I can only speak for myself.....John may feel differently. I am of the mindset...that the om took from me something I can NEVER get back...I'll be DAMNED if i let him take anything else away from me.

 

I walked away...and I have never looked back. I don't look him up...I don't talk about him....I don't think about him...I don't care.

 

I know there are those who grieve for their affair partners....but I think in most of those cases it was a long term affair.

 

My affair lasted for one encounter....just like the op. There was no attachment...no grieving for him....

 

The grief i have had all these years is for the innocence that i took away from my marriage. My husband was the only man I had ever dated.....the only man I had ever been with. In one afternoon...I ruined that...and I can NEVER get it back.

Yes this is how I feel as well. H asked me if I had any feeling left for him. That was a very easy and sincere NO! It was very short lived and when I think about him I only think how this man ruined my life! Yes, I know it takes two. I am at fault just as much as him but I inly have feelings of being annoyed with him. I am just as annoyed with myself of course but yeah, never EVER do I want to see him, hear his voice and I sure do not have any withdrawal symptoms.

Edited September 10, 2016 by Ws2016

[Mrs. John Adams]

Yes, I worded my point badly, apologies.

 

You yourself said earlier in this thread.

 

"Earlier you stated that your husband lashed out at you....

It does not happen often anymore...but there are still times when his words slash across my heart...it hurts...but i know i deserve it....and it is only his pain talking..........

 

.......... "So please know that my heart breaks for you...because you are reeling with so many emotions.....but in all this emotion you feel....you cannot fathom what you have done to your husband....I know...because I have watched the face of my husband for 33 years...I have seen the pain in his eyes when he triggers...I have heard the anger in his voice...I watch his shoulders slump under the weight of what i have done to him"..........

 

That is what I mean, you're watching a movie, your hubby triggers and bang! The OM is sat there with you.

 

As I say, I probably worded it badly.

 

Tiggers happen....yes for both of us

 

but Triggers do not equal OM

 

Tiggers make me think of feelings....loss...sadness....but not of a person.

 

Do you see what i am saying?

[aliveagain]

You have never answered my question from an earlier posting, did you have sex with O/M in your home? If you answered and I missed it I apologize but where and when you did the deed can make a huge difference. It takes a long time for the loving, best mother, greatest lasagna maker on the planet to override the bi*ch who cheated on me with some looser. The relationship will fail unless you can make him feel safe. How bad do you want the relationship?