wife is browsing personals and confusing the heck out of me

[bm_1201]

So recently my wife and I have been going through a bit of a rough spot. A while back I posted this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t50559/ about some other things that were bothering me. We did discuss things a little bit and all was better for a while, I did not mention seeing the journal.

 

About a month ago, she started back to seeing a therapist and was subsequently put on two different anti-depressants. There is some family history of mental problems, depression, etc and we both that it was a good thing to do. Her mood did seem to improve for about two weeks but the last two weeks have been pretty miserable. There is a lot more fighting, the issue of having kids or not is becoming more of a problem, she wants to changes jobs (which I support) etc.

 

The other day though, I was on using the computer after her and found that she had browsing various personals sites, google-ing for old boyfriends, and searching for jobs (and apartments) back in the area she is originally from. This reminds of the journal thing I mentioned in the previous thread in that I'm not going out looking for these things but she seems to leave these little pieces of "information" where I will definitely see them. What the heck is going on here? I just want to love her and support her through her depression, job change, whatever. Is it time for both of us to move on? We're both still pretty young (married ~3.5 yrs) with no kids, just a dog and a mortgage. I don't know if marriage counseling is the right thing to do - I don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me and I don't see counseling changing that, maybe I'm wrong. If she doesn't love me and thinks I'm an @sshole or something, just tell me. All I've ever asked for from her is to tell me the truth, not to play the high drama games that her family seems to enjoy.

 

Anyone have any insight for me? Thanks in advance.

[guest]

sounds like the equivalent of leaving out a diary. She is tellling you that something is wrong, but she doesn't know exactly what it is or how to communicate it to you.

 

With her history of depression etc. I think counseling would benefit both of you. Its not easy for someone suffering from clinical depression to communicate their feelings when they don't understand them themselves.

[RecordProducer]

YThis is one of the cases where you should talk to her about everything that bothers you until things become clear to both of you.

If you think that she left the traces only for you to see them then play her game and ask her what she meant by googling those things. Maybe she simply forgot the erase them from the history.

Do you love your wife? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?

I don't want to be negative, but would liek to point out that she is going through a very difficult time right now and just maybe you haven't been much supportive. Perhaps you could explain to her that you love her (if you do) and want to help her but she must let you help her by NOT sabotaging your effort. I don't know much about depression and as much as I might feel sorry for her, I also feel sory for you to put up with all that. Try to be totally cheerful with her and surpirse her with some nice thing. I am sure she will appreciate that.

[Sal Paradise]

I say discuss it with her and if this crap doesn't change leave her.

[bm_1201]

Well, last Monday, we had the big, ugly conversation/arguement that had been long overdue. I just asked her to be honest with me and in turn I came clean and told her about seeing the diary, etc. It was very emotional and very difficult but needed to be done. She came clean about some other things I had suspected and we are going to try marriage counseling. I do love my wife but if she's not totally in to the relationship and willing to be honest all the time I don't think it will work (I felt very hypocritical asking for that and no telling her about the diary). We do seem to be going in opposite directions at the moment but maybe we can get back on track.

 

One thing that concerns me right now is that she said she'll never be the active, outdoors person that I desire. I understand and appreciate having some time away from one another on occasion but I also want a partner in all that I do whether it be travel, relax, or do the yard work. Maybe I'm being unrealistic.

 

Thanks for everyone's comments, I know they helped.