She continues to confuse me

[Scared2loveagain]

This past weekend we went away for 3 days and 2 nights. She held my hand, she sought me out if I walked away from her, she let me kiss her back up and down. The day after I spoke to her about this weekend and she said she did a lot of things she shouldn't have but when I asked if she regretted it she stayed quiet.

 

Then during further conversation she said she still doesn't know where she stands and that her biggest fear is if that she lets me go for good that she will not find another person who will do everything that I did for her.

She also said that she can't be in a relationship strictly out of comfort, that she needs love and she just doesn't feel the same with me anymore that the buzz of being in love is gone.

 

I don't know what she is telling me. If she let me go for good I could move on and cope and try to heal because I loved her for 5 years and was even engaged to her, now I can't move on because I am sitting here hoping that she will come back. I don't want to seek a new relationship just yet because of this as well and because I loved her too much and don't want my heart broken again.

 

What do I do, What do you guys think?

[phenix]

How old are you guys? Seems likes she is wondering whether or not the grass is greener on the other side. No amount of arguing or debating will make her change her mind. The only option is to let her go and wait for her to come back. Clearly, you did something that turned her off. Act like a man, let her go, go full NC and let her come to you. That is only is you wish to take her back. Let just say that this wouldn't make a charming love story to tell.

[Satu]

Then during further conversation *she said she still doesn't know where she stands and that her biggest fear is if that she lets me go for good that she will not find another person who will do everything that I did for her.

She also said that she can't be in a relationship strictly out of comfort, that she needs love and she just doesn't feel the same with me anymore that the buzz of being in love is gone.

 

I don't know what she is telling me. If she let me go for good I could move on and cope and try to heal because I loved her for 5 years and was even engaged to her, *now I can't move on because I am sitting here hoping that she will come back. I don't want to seek a new relationship just yet because of this as well and because I loved her too much and don't want my heart broken again.

 

What do I do, What do you guys think?

 

You should stop waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

 

Thats exactly what you should do.

 

*She's remaining connected to you, because she might not find, "Someone to do everything for her."

 

Have you no self respect?

 

Don't waste your life like this.

 

 

Take care.

[kgcolonel]

I agree with Phenix.....wouldn't you want a girl that you could trust would be with you simply because she craved you? Instead this girl is being completely honest with you if you only listen, "couldn't find someone else who DOES everything you DO for her". That's not commitment, it's what's in it for her....

 

She's not remorseful enough and open enough to communicate this back to you....you deserve someone that will have regret if she messes up and will work to make it right....please stop pursuing her and pull out of the R....let her mature and find what the world is like without you. You should find someone who cherishes you for who you are, not what you do for them.

[Scared2loveagain]

How old are you guys? Seems likes she is wondering whether or not the grass is greener on the other side. No amount of arguing or debating will make her change her mind. The only option is to let her go and wait for her to come back. Clearly, you did something that turned her off. Act like a man, let her go, go full NC and let her come to you. That is only is you wish to take her back. Let just say that this wouldn't make a charming love story to tell.

 

She is 27 and I am 29

[DKT3]

She is telling you she is looking for, but most likely has already found someone else, but she is unclear or doubts it will work out. She is giving you enough for you to hang in there as a backup plan.

[Satu]

The relationship is over, but neither of you can let go, because you're not confident you can have a tolerable life without the other.

 

Trust life.

 

Trust yourself.

 

Trust the future.

 

Sometimes a little faith is required...

 

 

Take care.

[privategal]

Once you lose that love for your boyfriend there isn't much to fight for. I'd respect her more if she gave you a clean breakup and closure and went no contact.

She's using you to get over you. For your self esteem and self respect, YOU be the one to initiate NC and mean it.

You don't want a front seat to her slowly moving on and pulling away.you are already friend zoned, and I bet she let you pay for everything.

She isn't worth it, you got demoted and still get to hang around and do everything for her?

Right she sure doesn't love you because when you love and respect someone you don't use them and string them along.

You let them go cleanly.

You need to heal and slowly start dating again. Only when your ready. Being alone can be fun if you let it.

Be free, go to guys nights, save money, work out, do WHATEVER you want other than being your exes bitch!

 

You get one life, let her go and start healing, it's better for you to end this. She's selfish.

Edited September 7, 2016 by privategal

[BC1980]

I don't know what she is telling me.

 

You do know what she is telling you, but you don't want to face it. She told you she is keeping you around on the off chance she won't find someone else. She is keeping you around for companionship and comfort because it's hard to move on cold turkey after 5 years. She is slowly pulling away until she meets someone else. Once she meets someone else, she will drop you so fast. I can guarantee that.

 

You don't need her to cut you off to move on. You can do that on your own. She does not want to be with you and has made that clear.

[loveiswar101]

 

You don't need her to cut you off to move on. You can do that on your own. She does not want to be with you and has made that clear.

 

Been there done that !!!

 

Doesn't work !!!

 

Move on, find someone new who does know what they want. Don't waste another minute her you will only be heart broken.

 

I've just gone through the exact same and know what, once I stopped chasing and texting and calling I heard nothing.

 

The SILENCE proved what my worth to her was and made me finally understand I needed to grow up, move one and go back to being me !!!

 

Her loss !!!

Edited September 10, 2016 by loveiswar101

[Luckyroulette]

Well, my advice isn't going to be much help since I'm going through something similar. However, I was seeing progress up until I let my emotions get the best of me. If you're going to go through this, I can promise you it's going to be risky, and you're going to go trough hell first.

 

My BF and I were together for 5 years, have been broken up for 2 months, and started hanging out again 2 weeks ago, but got into a huge fight last night. Currently my situation is very intimidating. But you can expect this experience if you let your emotions get the best of you, as I did.

 

I've ordered all sorts of programs to help my through this, and this is our second break up. So, with that being said, I have successfully gotten him back in the past. However, my issues still remain, but this time around are more manageable.

 

I think if you really love someone, sometimes you can't help but stick around no matter the differences or issues. I like to believe some of the best couples went through hell and back. It will always come down to progress made though, in order to keep the bond. So I guess it depends on what kind of person you are, how you feel about the connection you have with her, what you're willing to sacrifice, and if you have the emotional maturity to press forward without expectations. If you can master this, it benefits you no matter the outcome of you and her.

 

I have learned through this one program I purchased, that pressing to discuss feelings too soon is not a skill. And it will backfire. AND, welp, I'm walking proof of that backfiring right now. The one possible solution is strategy and living in the moment. You have to create great moments without attachment. You have to accept the worse possible outcome but not focuss on it. You have to inspire love again, get her to feel emotionally safe.

 

It's a very challenging dance with a possible bleak outcome.

 

This go around, I have the strength to at least go on dates with other men as I continue to try to mend things with my ex. I have to continue healthy habits if I'm going to even have a chance this time around, because this time, I really need to grow. Fast.

 

So, I bought an ebook but this website offers a lot of free advice. I was going to purchase her coaching, BUT MY GOD IT'S EXPENSIVE!!!! I use another program, but it teaches the exact opposite of this site, and I prefer this method. This helped me during the first breakup, but I'm leaning on it more than ever this go around. I also have a spiritual advisor, and practice keeping myself in the moment. Here's the site [Ask Love Doctor Yangki Akiteng] | |Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng |Toronto Love Doctor

 

Good luck.