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Feeling guilty for some reason **updated**

Nadine123

By Nadine123,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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stillafool

stillafool

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Yes he's a jerk. Aren't you glad you don't have to deal with his nonsense anymore? It may be that he wasn't trying to dump you but just didn't care enough to get back to you. Now he's on vacation. Forget him, you deserve much better and now you're free to get it.

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Nadine123

Nadine123

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honestly, do you think I have some of my pride because i didnt get back to him either or he is sitting there right now thinking he won.

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marky00

marky00

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you did all you could. you didn't reply.

 

 

the harsh reality as a dumpee is this.

 

 

You can't win (at least not right now) but you can stay neutral (zero).

 

 

Silly behaviour like responding to bread crumbs puts you in the negative.

 

 

I'd say right now he is thinking about other things. Especially since you haven't been feeding his ego with replies.

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stillafool

stillafool

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honestly, do you think I have some of my pride because i didnt get back to him either or he is sitting there right now thinking he won.

 

Sweetie he isn't thinking anything. He's on vacation having fun. Forget him and what he's thinking. You won because you haven't contacted him. Yes you have your pride.

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aloneinaz

aloneinaz

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Sweetie he isn't thinking anything. He's on vacation having fun. Forget him and what he's thinking. You won because you haven't contacted him. Yes you have your pride.

 

This^^

 

The bottom line is this. You two were not compatible and broke up. At the end of the day, who cares who pulled the final plug on it. You didn't get along and it ended. Look at all this BS and drama you're going through over a POTENTIAL reconciliation?!?!

 

This is why most of the veterans of this site ALWAYS say when a R/S ends, it needs to stay that way. Reconciliations don't work for exactly what you and him are going through. The TRUST in the other is never the same.. EVER.. People hold grudges over hurt feelings, especially whoever got dumped.

 

Seriously, stop doing all these mental gymnastics about this failed R/S. It didn't work. It's over, dead, finished..finito! Focus on getting over by NC, blocking him everywhere. In no time, you'll be feeling better and will want to get back out there to meet your next new love.

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Nadine123

Nadine123

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so you also agree that I did the right thing by not contacting him an blocking him to move on and atleast keep my pride. I think it would have been ten times worse if i called him angry that he didnt call etc.

 

I really need to know this so i can move on.

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marky00

marky00

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yes the angry call would have been a terrible idea. you get short-term relief but later on your will feel way worse.

 

 

You have done great.

 

 

Stay quiet. Give him NOTHING !!!!!!

 

 

If you can move on that fast, kudos to you. I don't think I will ever fully move on , that's just the harsh reality. You don't have to rush the process. Just know that you have done every perfect move so far. You have your dignity, self-respect and pride.

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Nadine123

Nadine123

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thank you for getting back to me marky.

 

do you think he was expecting me to call an beg? should i be happy that i saw his true colors early? i mean after if someone goes to these lengths to hurt someone they arent really good people.

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marky00

marky00

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yes, id say he was expecting you to call. His plan only partially executed because you didn't get sucked in.

 

 

When you think about it actually, your still the dumper :) because you haven't had a breakup talk. So yes, don't call. If you called, he would have either not answered or broken up with you over the phone.

 

 

It was a trap and you didn't fall for it.

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marky00

marky00

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he is selfish, its all about him.

 

 

if he was already into another girl, he should have been pleased you broke up with him.

 

 

Give it a few days. you won't feel so bad then. I have been going through these emotions since early 2015. I know how it all works, I have been through the ringer.

 

 

Take a break and when you feel angry, post it here. I know it hurts. Take it easy...

 

 

Being ghosted is a horrible feeling.... its the absolute worst form of dumping... but in the long-run it doesn't really matter how it went down. Just keep posting here when u get an urge to do something silly.

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stillafool

stillafool

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Really Nadine, how many ways can we tell you that you did the right thing. We don't know what he's thinking and neither do you. You acted properly, left your pride in tact, and that's really all you need to know to move on with your head held high.

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stillafool

stillafool

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t

 

do you think he was expecting me to call an beg? maybe, but he probably wouldn't have answered you back.

 

should i be happy that i saw his true colors early? What do you think?

 

i mean after if someone goes to these lengths to hurt someone they arent really good people. Ya think so?

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stillafool

stillafool

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Get involved in other things. Join a group, pick up a hobby, go out with friends, take a course, get a second job. Just stay busy.

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Nadine123

Nadine123

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@stillafool I dont know why you are getting frustrated with me. After all when you're hurt, you want to hear things over again and understand.

 

anyways thank you all for your advice, have a great evening

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marky00

marky00

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no because you guys agreed to talk or meet or w/e and then he never showed up.

 

 

Ghosting is when someone doesn't respond to your messages and just disappears.

 

 

Technically no1 has been ghosted here since no1 actually sent a message saying "hey, what happened?"

 

 

But sometimes you need to read between the lines. He has ghosted you.

 

 

Yes, you have ghosted back or are attempting to do so but what choice do you have, he is a ghost :)

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stillafool

stillafool

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@stillafool I dont know why you are getting frustrated with me. After all when you're hurt, you want to hear things over again and understand.

 

anyways thank you all for your advice, have a great evening

 

I'm not frustrated with you. I just don't know how we can convince you that you did the right thing. What is it you still don't understand?

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Zahara

Zahara

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what i dont understand is how i walked away with my pride when is the one who ghosted and ignored me? thats all

 

You need to reframe your thought process. You're focusing on the wrong thing.

 

Instead of going through all this angst about who "won", open your mind and focus on the strength that you exhibited by exiting a relationship that was bad for you, the self-awareness to identify a relationship that was against your boundaries. Most people stay in bad situations because of fear.

 

Focus on those strengths and be proud of yourself rather than harping on "pride" which is actually your ego that's taken a hit. Who "won" has no place in this because at the end of the day, regardless of who did what -- you dodged a bullet. Take comfort in that.

 

You made a mistake and gave this guy the benefit of the doubt, thinking that people have enough integrity to do the right thing which was no fault on your part. That's all it is.

 

At the end of the day, he's still the jerk he is and you're on to brighter and better. So, who won?

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Nadine123

Nadine123

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Hi again everyone. you're probably all familiar with my story (broke up with this ex, he pleads to come back, then completely ghosted me)

 

I have been doing excellent steps when it comes to getting over it but for some reason today I am not angry with him ghosting me anymore. I have suddenly started thinking of all the things I could have done for him to act this way and beginning to blame myself.

 

Is this normal?

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