Feeling guilty for some reason **updated**

[Zahara]

I'm not tolerating anything. I went NC the day he ghosted me. I didnt call, text, please. I also blocked and removed him from whatsapp and all social media.

 

I agreed to speak to him about things not go back to him (he asked and I said i dont forgive him and we need to talk about things first). Im not sure if this is what you meant

 

OP, bottom line. The guy wasn't fully invested in you during the relationship and when he came back after the ending, he realized you had boundaries and he didn't want to have to work for it. He wanted you to just give in and accept him back. Too much drama, work and emotional investment for him. Your friend was the easier option.

[Nadine123]

because as you said, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that people would do the right thing to fix it and the way he was acting definitely convinced me.

 

He had to leave the country I'm in so we both decided to move back to his country. I know it might sound crazy, but in our cultures 6 months is actually really long. I know it might sound strange to many of you.

 

We need to talk about things first. - I'm unclear as to how this is no contact. I meant NC after he ghosted me where I didnt speak to him after that. that's all. Now Im starting to feel like this is my fault and I did this to myself by speaking to him again, where all I did was give someone I truly loved the benefit of the doubt.

[Satu]

Trying to figure other people's motivation for doing something, can often be a futile exercise, because often they don't why they did it.

 

"It just felt like a good idea at the time."

 

"I didn't really think about it. I just did it."

 

Sometimes that's all there is.

 

 

 

 

Take care.

[sooshi]

You loved him. You wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's understandable.

 

Now you know better when it comes to him.

 

Be gentle with yourself. Stop blaming yourself.

 

Sometimes people just aren't compatible; it's the fault of no one. We've all been through heartbreak. That's what brought us here.

 

You'll get through this.

[Zahara]

because as you said, I gave him the benefit of the doubt that people would do the right thing to fix it and the way he was acting definitely convinced me.

 

He had to leave the country I'm in so we both decided to move back to his country. I know it might sound crazy, but in our cultures 6 months is actually really long. I know it might sound strange to many of you.

 

We need to talk about things first. - I'm unclear as to how this is no contact. I meant NC after he ghosted me where I didnt speak to him after that. that's all. Now Im starting to feel like this is my fault and I did this to myself by speaking to him again, where all I did was give someone I truly loved the benefit of the doubt.

 

It doesn't sound strange because I understand but you cannot hold him responsible for you making the decision to uproot yourself for a man you didn't quite know. That was a risk you decided to take for yourself so for where you are today, it's something you need to take sole responsibility.

 

I don't understand why you keep saying it was all your fault? What was your fault other than a mistake you made by wanting to give him a chance because you thought you could give him the benefit of the doubt? And there is nothing wrong with that -- it's just that he chose to mishandle it.

Edited September 11, 2016 by Zahara

[Nadine123]

Just thought Id mention something here, even though it is really trivial.

 

Yesterday my ex's best friend added me on snapchat. She has had my number for months now but has never done that. I didnt add her back as part of my NC and not knowing what the hell they're all doing. Why in the world would she add me now?

 

I find that really strange, my best friends would never add him anywhere. Do you think I should block her so she doesnt know anything about me or is that taking it a bit too far?

[DarrenB]

Seems quite obvious he's attempting to check up on you without him actually being the one to straight up do it.

 

Common for people to get their friends to do this... not sure why. Definitely do not initiate in any contact with this bestfriend of his, of course unless you're considering re-conciliation down the line. Also take note that any information you do give out may be interpreted differently by his friend and explained by him/her in an entirely different context.

 

So, unless you consider taking him back or any of that mallarkey, don't. You don't need it, and you certainly don't need other people getting involved either.

[Nadine123]

Hi Darren, first thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my posts. It means a lot to me.

 

I know, because if she wanted to add me she would have added me ages ago and WhatsApp would seem too obvious so that's how she chose to do it. No, there will be no reconciliation. I love him more than anything but I know I will get over this and be a stronger version of myself. I just found it strange how his best friend who is like a sister would care to add me or know what Im doing after all the lies he said about me to all his friends.

 

My question is do you think I should block her on snapchat? It is a bit too much but I dont want to sit there thinking about every single thing I post. I want them all to be out of my life.

[DarrenB]

Hi Darren, first thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my posts. It means a lot to me.

 

I know, because if she wanted to add me she would have added me ages ago and WhatsApp would seem too obvious so that's how she chose to do it. No, there will be no reconciliation. I love him more than anything but I know I will get over this and be a stronger version of myself. I just found it strange how his best friend who is like a sister would care to add me or know what Im doing after all the lies he said about me to all his friends.

 

My question is do you think I should block her on snapchat? It is a bit too much but I dont want to sit there thinking about every single thing I post. I want them all to be out of my life.

 

Hey, no worries!

 

It is a little strange... in-fact quite strange, but it happens so commonly haha. If anything involves other people (especially other than him) and social media/networking is involved, I would just ignore her/him or anyone associated with him. If you get the urge to talk to her or anyone, that's when I would start blocking people.

 

On the other hand, If you genuinely want them all out, then do so. They can take it on a personal level if they choose to, but it's your choice at the end of the day. Do what's right for you.

 

Keep strong!

Edited September 12, 2016 by DarrenB

[aloneinaz]

You're head is in the right spot in accepting it's over and you KNOW you need to move forward.

 

Yes, block him, his friends, family on all social media. When my last ex and I ended, I purged all of those folks from social media. They were NOT in my life anymore and had no right to know what I was up to.

[Nadine123]

thank you, but what do you think this means> isnt it a bit strange. Im just curious

[Nadine123]

Im not sure whats going on with me the past 2-3 days but after doing so well, Im back to square 1. Cant eat, sleep properly, missing my gym classes (I signed up after the break up), dying to check his page (I didnt). Sucks that im still in this position after 3 whole months.

 

All I want is to text him and understand why he did what he did.

[Nadine123]

Im not sure whats going on with me the past 2-3 days but after doing so well, Im back to square 1. Cant eat, sleep properly, missing my gym classes (I signed up after the break up), dying to check his page (I didnt). Sucks that im still in this position after 3 whole months.

 

All I want is to text him and understand why he did what he did. For anyone who was participating in my older threats, I was the one ghosted by ex.

[Toodaloo]

He ghosted because he didn't want you and was too pussy to say the words to your face. It is that simple. He was a spineless wonder who actually didn't even care enough to say it to you.

 

Get your ass up and get down to your gym classes. Get your ass up and force yourself to keep going. This is what gumption is about. Its about getting up when you really do not want to and facing the world head on and screaming is that all you got? Then going out and grabbing life by the balls and making it.

 

Just get tough with yourself and keep marching forward.

[Frozensushi]

Im not sure whats going on with me the past 2-3 days but after doing so well, Im back to square 1. Cant eat, sleep properly, missing my gym classes (I signed up after the break up), dying to check his page (I didnt). Sucks that im still in this position after 3 whole months.

 

I'm roughly in the same spot. Was doing well, then BAM, feeling like crap. I'm just at 2 months NC. In my case, I'm mourning more or less a death. After I came here to LS, I learned that my Ex and I will never be able to coexist and that the woman I fell in love with wasn't real. :\

 

There is someone out there who will make us feel the way they did. You may not believe it, I may not believe it, but so many that have come here before us in the same spot we're in now eventually did find love again. There is hope.

 

I know what you are going through. Wanting to see what they are up too, what they are doing. It's awful. Just stay strong, one day at a time.

[Nadine123]

I think the part that is killing me the most is just the curiosity. As in why would he call me the day before begging to fix things and then pull this. It's this that I wish I had an answer too. Also, his best friend adding me anywhere and checking up on me out of nowhere (I blocked her too after that), which kind of gave me hope that he cares.

 

when he ghosted me I didnt contact him. I just blocked him everywhere on social media. That was 2 days after we were supposed to meet up. Im just wondering if he was planning to eventually but me blocking him ruined everything. I know its crazy to think like this because if he wanted to fix things he would be running to. I dno, so many questions.

 

thank you all for the replies and sorry if im being annoying. I just moved to a new city a coupe of months ago and I have no friends here.

[Nadine123]

Im just wondering if texting him and asking him to meet up would be a good idea? and then I tell myself that atleast I did chase after him and kept my pride when I didnt contact him too.

[Toodaloo]

I just moved to a new city a coupe of months ago and I have no friends here.

 

This is the bit that needs "fixing".

 

You need to get a social life!

 

Go to dance lessons, go to art classes, go learn kung fu... Go and join a club or group and learn/ do something new. Go volunteer, go and try something new.

 

Go and meet new people.

 

I joined a dance class earlier this year and am loving it. We go to the pub we go to the cinema, we go and do other things and not just meet up each Thursday night for lessons!

 

You probably want to contact him because you are craving a connection with someone... Go get friends to do that with...! It takes time but build up those relationships and invest yourself in where you live now. You don't need a bloke to do that! You just need to get involved.

[Nadine123]

Thank you for getting back to me.

 

Im just wondering if you have any thoughts about this sudden switch that happened overnight and whether he thinks about me at all. Did I do the right thing by blocking him.

 

also, im proud of myself for sticking to NC. as much as Im dying to, i wont be checking.

[Frozensushi]

I think the part that is killing me the most is just the curiosity. As in why would he call me the day before begging to fix things and then pull this.

 

Who knows? Only he knows. Do you really want to know the answers to your questions that you'll just obsess over for the next few months? You deserve respect and consistency, we all do. Uncertainty is just part of life. We'll never have all the answers. Just close the door of the past behind you.

 

You want closure, I understand. Closure can be painful, though. Do you really want to know the real reason why he ended it with you? I got closure and it was a hard punch in the gut.

 

My Ex needed "Space" after an argument. About a month in she contacted me, telling me she missed me very much and wanted to spend the next day with me. I got to her place the following day, she opened the door and smiled. Within 3 minutes her whole demeanor began to change. Over the course of 4 hours, she grew more cold and distant. At the end, she said "This was a big mistake", a week later she ended it through a F'ing text. She gave me some BS reason. I asked if there was someone else. "No!". A few weeks later I hear from a mutual friend she's got a new dude. Yay for me, I got closure!

 

Take it from me, you are far better off just letting go. It's time to move on. I know you're lonely in a new city. Get to that gym, makes some new friends!

[Nadine123]

but why would texting him for a meet up be a bad idea? After all, I didnt contact him too. Or should I atleast keep my pride.

[fromheart]

but why would texting him for a meet up be a bad idea? After all, I didnt contact him too. Or should I atleast keep my pride.

 

 

Every moment you spend in NC is building yourself up and letting go. Its the quickest way to heal but the most painful.

 

You think you're back to square 1 right now, but you're not. You've actually been building yourself up, the pain you're going through is only natural and will pass.

 

But if you do contact him, you genuinely will be back to square 1. So stay strong.

[Nadine123]

but what if he wants to work things out and cant contact me because he is blocked everywhere?

[Zahara]

but why would texting him for a meet up be a bad idea? After all, I didnt contact him too. Or should I atleast keep my pride.

 

This guy treated you like crap. Please stop trying to get validation from him. You're defining your worth based on his treatment of you. The sooner you accept that you're too valuable to even care why a douchebag would treat you that way, the sooner you move on. The problem with you us that you're tying what he did to you as something that's lacking in you. He never was truly invested in you during the relationship so I'm not sure why ghosting on you after the ending is confusing you. I think you just want to make contact because you need to connect with him and your junkie brain is scrounging for excuses.

 

Asking him to meet will only show him how affected and weak you are -- he'll probably snicker at your inability to let him go even after treating you like crap. Plus, what a huge ego boost.

 

Stop seeking closure. Closure is you accepting and BELIEVING that you deserve better.

Edited October 24, 2016 by Zahara

[Toodaloo]

but what if he wants to work things out and cant contact me because he is blocked everywhere?

 

He doesn't. He only wants to keep you on a string. He wants your validation that he is still wanted. He also probably wants to keep you on ice for a shag in case nothing better comes along...

 

Yes. It really is that simple.

 

You are not going to rekindle and become the Disney love affair of the century and live happily ever after if you keep letting him back and letting him treat you as more disposable than dog poop on his shoe...

 

Keep your pride and keep your dignity.