For Tony

[Toni]

Hi

 

It is Jane - I changed my name so my ex partner wouldnt suspect. If you recall I posted about the breakup of the r/ship - the house issue etc.

 

Now he has returned from 10 days with his mother (usually he cannot cope with more than 3-4 hours as she is overbearing.

 

Now instead of ignoring me completely he has made tentative friendly approaches of which I ave responded in my usual manner = friendly. Last night he accidently (hmmmm) stroked my leg when he was (we were both present) intervening with the pets. He also made hand contact when we had to exchange something by hand.

 

I observed him at least 5 times just staring at me when he was I am assuming unaware of my noticing - a womans peripheral vision is far wider than a mans. Once it was through a window for minutes just staring - when I turned around from finishing what I was doing his body language changed back to 'aloof' stand.

 

He knocked on my door tonight and offered me a cup of tea which he hasnt done in 3 months.

 

I have lost weight in 3 months and am looking more like my usual pretty self 7 kilo's so I do look quite good in my clothes.

 

A male perspective is much needed here.

 

He also has not mentioned the house issue for 3 weeks.

 

Do tell.

 

Thanks Tony

 

Toni aka you know who (lol)

[Tony T]

Weight is a major issue, although a lot of people disagree. You are now far more attractive to him. When a woman trims down, she just looks a whole lot better to a man. Some men...many men...a hell of a lot of men are turned off to overweight. So are women for that matter. Most women do not like overweight men.

 

So, if his behavior toward you has changed you can absolutely bet every dime in your bank account that it's because of your weight loss. It makes a whole lot of difference in the way all of us look.

 

And don't be upset if that's the reason. Physical attraction is important. And I'll also tell you straight and you may only hear it from me...but when a man marries a woman and she gains a lot of weight, she better do it after they're all tied up in common assets because if she gains early on in the marriage, it'll be OVER in most cases.

 

If you think you can stay nice and trim for a good while...for your own good health as well as the relationship...you might just give it another try.

[JustAGirl]

whoa Tony... do guys really care THAT much about looks?

 

I know men love with their eyes & all ... but it's like #1 eh?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "but it's like #1 eh?"

 

I can't tell you the exact percentage but the greater number of men would rather be with the ugliest woman in the world who is FIT AND TRIM, or reasonably so, than with the most beautiful lady who is FAT.

 

Fat is just ugly to most men. A man will even be reserved in having a friendship with an obese woman if he has a choice. And I know most women would prefer a trim, but less than average looking, man over an obese one.

 

An immediate consideration often is the eventuality of sex in a relationship and most people would prefer to search for a trim person than a flabby one.

 

I'm not speaking for myself here. These are facts based on research I have read in Psychology Today Magazine and various newsletters.

 

A person's state of fitness is can be reflective of a lot of things, including just how much they think of themselves, their health, their metabolic system, or their state of mental health.

 

Even fat people are not attracted to fat people but often have relationships with them because that's all they can find. If any obese person is honest with you, they will tell you they are far more attracted to a person who is reasonably fit.

 

So to answer your question, it is a truth for the majority of men AND women. Fit and trim or ever those with a slightly below average physique will win out any day over someone who is overweight.

 

There is also tremendous discrimination against obese people in the workplace. Obese people are more at risk for work-related accidents and absenses. They also aren't as pleasant to look at and will not be considered for certain jobs that require important public contact. (This is not true in all cases).

 

In America, obesity has reached epidemic proportions...and so has bad relationships. Oddly, in the last few years the percentage of obese adults in the U.S. has exceeded the rate of divorce...which is about 50 percent. Yep, more than 50 percent of the American population is overweight AND divorced. Of course, those who are divorced became so for many reasons...but I'm sure having a fat partner was in there somewhere.

 

Americans spend BILLIONS of dollars per year on diets but unfortunately most of them don't work. For those who are successful in the short term, 90 percent regain the weight and more. Weight must be lost in the mind first. And it requires a whole new mindset and outlook on living.

[Tony T]

I just talked to six male friends of mine and asked them the questions: "How to you feel about women who are overweight? Could you be interested in dating a woman who was 20 pounds or more overweight?

 

The answers varied as follows:

 

"I could definitely be good friends with an girl who is overweight but I wouldn't date her."

 

"I'm not that superficial. Looks aren't important. I'd go out with her but I don't think I'd go to bed with her."

 

"I go for personality as well as looks but I don't think I could take a relationship too far with someone who was a lot overweight."

 

"It would just depend on the girl and the circumstances and just how overweight and in what places."

 

"As far as being friends, it wouldn't matter about the weight...but romance would be another story. I'd just have to see I suppose."

 

"No, I don't like women who are chunky. I just can't help it. It's just not my thing."

 

Hope this gave you some better insight. Guys would probably be more honest with a man asking than with a woman asking these kinds of questions.

[JustAGirl]

Thanks Tony =)

 

That's a great reminder that i haven't been to the gym in a over a week

 

It's so funny... but it's so true... men love with their eyes, women love with their ears ...

[Miss Mojo]

...the greater number of men would rather be with the ugliest woman in the world who is FIT AND TRIM, or reasonably so, than with the most beautiful lady who is FAT.

 

what?????? me no understand here.....where is the logic in this, guys?

 

a butt ugly girl who is fit and trim, will ALWAYS BE BUTT UGLY. but......

 

a beautiful, overweight girl, MAY NOT ALWAYS BE OVERWEIGHT.

 

why in God's name would you want the butt ugly one, assuming that looks are of utmost importance in finding a mate? that just makes NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sense to me whatever.

 

????????????????????????????

 

just for the record, i have a girlfriend who is a bit on the hefty side - she does not have a particularly "good figure". her boyfriend is very nice looking, and he thinks she is HOT. he does not want her to lose weight, he loves her body as it is.

[Tony T]

There are many exceptions but, as a rule, both men and women PREFER partners who are in reasonably good shape.

 

Because of the thousands of exceptions and variations, I see no reason to move forward with a debate. The only hope that fat and ugly men have is that eventually they will meet someone who will care about them...and they usually do. However, I would hate to have to disect those relationships for their internal dynamics. For instance, there are men who are extremely insecure and prefer an overweight woman who is less likely to leave him or be pursued by someone else.

 

Yes, fat people can lose weight but they seldom do for any period of time. More than 90 percent gain the weight back...and more.

 

You would guess the thing to do would be to lose weight and find a partner during that "thin" window. But when the weight comes back, there is trouble. Love is very state specific, unfortunately, and when most people fall in love they want the things they fell in love with to remain reasonably intact, including appearance, personality, etc.

[Toni]

What a response

 

I lost weight yes but I was hardly overweight to begin with - 68 kilos now 62 - I was still slimmish at 68.

 

Mine has been a change of attitude and a decision to get my old personality back. I am attractive to people and this is reinforced on a daily basis. Someone said it was cos I have Venus and Mercury in my First Astro House. I say it is my family as we are all popular.

 

I suppose I do look better in my skimpier clobber - nah I look excellent in my skinny clothes.

 

What a laugh imagine a loss of few kilos having such power. But as you say Tony it does and I agree entirely. In my case I would say it is my personality and attitude change. My sunny disposition has returned after many morbid months.

 

Ummm it may also be the competition too as I have met 3 men who are wanting to see me and date me. I have declined their offer cos my ex is my first true love and I am a faithful creature, despite all the crap that has happened - if you don't have the gross times - how can you appreciate the good?

 

Mmmm one of my new friends is very desirable but I will give my ex another week or so. I am still going to see this guy but as a chum only.

 

Goodnight!

 

YOU ASK: "but it's like #1 eh?"

 

I can't tell you the exact percentage but the greater number of men would rather be with the ugliest woman in the world who is FIT AND TRIM, or reasonably so, than with the most beautiful lady who is FAT. Fat is just ugly to most men. A man will even be reserved in having a friendship with an obese woman if he has a choice. And I know most women would prefer a trim, but less than average looking, man over an obese one. An immediate consideration often is the eventuality of sex in a relationship and most people would prefer to search for a trim person than a flabby one. I'm not speaking for myself here. These are facts based on research I have read in Psychology Today Magazine and various newsletters. A person's state of fitness is can be reflective of a lot of things, including just how much they think of themselves, their health, their metabolic system, or their state of mental health. Even fat people are not attracted to fat people but often have relationships with them because that's all they can find. If any obese person is honest with you, they will tell you they are far more attracted to a person who is reasonably fit. So to answer your question, it is a truth for the majority of men AND women. Fit and trim or ever those with a slightly below average physique will win out any day over someone who is overweight.

 

There is also tremendous discrimination against obese people in the workplace. Obese people are more at risk for work-related accidents and absenses. They also aren't as pleasant to look at and will not be considered for certain jobs that require important public contact. (This is not true in all cases). In America, obesity has reached epidemic proportions...and so has bad relationships. Oddly, in the last few years the percentage of obese adults in the U.S. has exceeded the rate of divorce...which is about 50 percent. Yep, more than 50 percent of the American population is overweight AND divorced. Of course, those who are divorced became so for many reasons...but I'm sure having a fat partner was in there somewhere. Americans spend BILLIONS of dollars per year on diets but unfortunately most of them don't work. For those who are successful in the short term, 90 percent regain the weight and more. Weight must be lost in the mind first. And it requires a whole new mindset and outlook on living.